In this episode, I’m talking about two of your favorite topics - meltdowns (or what I call Big Feeling Cycles) and siblings. In more than 10 years as a parenting coach, these come up again and again as things that are the hardest for moms. They are the core issues that lead moms to yell, then feel guilty and wind up stuck in a cycle of guilt, resentment, overwhelm and confusion. We want to get out of that cycle and make real improvements in the way our kids behave, manage their emotions and take personal responsibility for their actions. Think of the episode as some basic tools for managing meltdowns and sibling fights that you can come back when things feel tough and you need a little reminder. Big Feeling CyclesYou might call this a meltdown or a temper tantrum. I like to think of it as a big feeling cycle. And I especially like to call it a cycle because this reminds us that it will end.It all starts in a moment when your child feels completely overwhelmed. And that overwhelm, whether it’s physical, mental or emotional, shows up in an extreme way like screaming, hitting, throwing, running away, etc. They happen when your child doesn't know how to express their feelings in ways that work.Your role as a parent is to become the observer. When you can see your child’s behavior from a different perspective and understand that it is pain or discomfort that they don’t know how to deal with, you will feel less panicked and it will be easier for you to help them through it.When you soften your heart, your child will sense that softening and feel more calm.So, how do we do that? By using the Connection Tool.Narrate what you are seeing (one simple sentence - just the facts)Name the emotion that might be driving the behavior (I wonder if you’re feeling…)Validate their feelings (That makes sense)What are we going to do next? (This where you can address the behavior and make a plan or set a limit with your kid)First, we let our kids feel heard and seen. Then, we help them express their big feelings in ways that work. This tool can only work when you are calm, but the cool thing is that thinking through the steps will help to calm you down, too. Sibling ConflictIf you have more than one child, I’m sure you’ve experienced times where multiple kids are in a big feeling cycle. Or one kid is having big feelings and another is trying to show how much better they are in that moment. Sometimes you are also having big feelings yourself. It’s a lot to handle.The most important thing for you to do in this situation is to get calm. Take a pause break.Stop - stop talking, stop interacting, stop doing anything for a secondDelay your reaction - don’t talk to anybody or take any actionReset - soothe yourself and calm your nervous systemThere are a few different reasons that siblings fight. They might be having big feelings about something (that may or may not have anything to do with their sibling). They might be competing over something like space, possessions or attention. They might just be bored and looking for some quick entertainment (so fun, right?).I often encourage parents to start by letting the sibling conflict go a little bit longer and see if they can solve the problem themselves. Then, if you do need to step in, your role is to guide them through the conflict. You are not the judge, and it is not your job to solve their problems for them. Your focus is not on the back story and all the details. It's on the future - you are looking for the path forward.You can use a combination of the connection tool and limit setting to help the figure out what is next.There will be sibling conflict in your home. There will be moments when your kids don't listen. And I...