I want you to feel really great as a parent. I want you to get out of mom guilt and instead feel a deep sense of calm. This calm leads to confidence, compassion for your kids, clarity on what you should do, and so many other good things.What I've noticed, though, is that when moms first come to me, they often feel really embarrassed that they are not already calm. This mom feels ashamed that she yelled at her kid or emotionally checked out or was a little bit too physical. She thinks she should know better or that something is wrong with her. Listen to learn:Why it’s hard for you to feel calm (and it’s totally normal!)How getting calm is like learning to drive a carWhat to do after you lose it on your kidWhy shame is not the way to change your behaviorIf you can relate to that embarrassed mom, I want to tell you that there's nothing wrong with you. Today, I’ll help you learn how to feel more calm and less guilt.---------------------------------When You Don’t Feel CalmYou're human. You have a human nervous system and stress response. And raising children is stressful. Especially in the first 11 or 12 years, parenting is relentless. The waves keep coming and coming, and it feels like you never get a break.Sometimes, you might be able to catch yourself before you totally lose it on your kid. This is a great time for a Pause Break. When you notice that you’re starting to take your feelings out on your child, just stop. Like you’re slamming on the brakes. It’s going to feel weird and sudden. You can say, “You know what? I love you, but I don't want to yell at you. So I'm gonna go wash my hands.” Then, go and reset. Other times, we don’t even realize that we are overwhelmed or frustrated until we find ourselves yelling and losing our sh!t. We act our feelings out on our kid. And then later, we feel really bad about it.The truth is that, eventually, you always regulate yourself (or else you’d still be yelling hours later). Your brain comes back online, and you stop. The goal is to stop earlier and come back to calm more intentionally.  How To Get Out of Mom GuiltI see a lot of moms go into self-criticism with thoughts like, “I'm hopeless. I'm not like other moms. I'm not good enough. I'm not cut out for this.”We have this subconscious thought that if we’re mean enough to ourselves about how we acted, we can shame ourselves into behaving better. But shame doesn’t motivate. Shame creates pain, which just continues the cycle. That’s why we don’t do it for our kids, and I don’t want you to do it to yourself, either. As a woman, and especially as a mom, it is so easy to be so mean to yourself. But all that ends up happening is that you feel really hurt, sad and discouraged, and then you take those feelings into the next encounter with your child.When things escalate and you find yourself yelling before you pause, you don’t need to judge yourself for it. Instead, offer yourself the same compassion you offer to others. Just like we teach our kids, your feelings are okay. You might just need new strategies to handle your emotions.  What To Do When You Lose Your CoolSelf-compassion is so important after you lose it on your kid. It's time to step back and give yourself a bunch of love. You always have permission to pause. Literally just stop parenting for a moment, and go take care of yourself.Compassion is the way to move towards better behavior. It's a deep understanding of what was happening for you and a validation of that emotion. You can use the Connection Tool on yourself the same way you would use it with your child.Narrate the situation for yourself. Give words to what was so hard.