Today’s episode is a collaboration with my friend, Jennifer Delliquadri, and her podcast Raising Happy Teens. We’re diving into the concept of social engineering in parenting and the urge we often feel to shield our kids from discomfort and keep them on the “right” path.My guest, Jennifer Delliquadri, is a life coach for teenagers and their parents. With over 14 years of experience working as a classroom teacher, Jennifer is an expert at connecting with teens. She’s also a certified yoga instructor with years of experience teaching meditation and mindfulness to all ages. When she’s not coaching, you’ll find her volunteering at a local dog shelter, spending time outdoors, and hanging out with her husband and two teenage daughters.Join us as we talk about what social engineering is, what it looks like in parenting, why it’s a problem and how to put more trust in yourself and your child. We’ll challenge the idea that discomfort is bad and look at how it actually provides our kids with valuable experiences and opportunities for growth. What Is Social Engineering in Parenting?You may not have heard the term social engineering before, but I bet you’ve seen it (in other families or in your own). Social engineering is purposely orchestrating your child's environment for maximum popularity and success and minimum disappointment.Social engineering seeks to create a situation where a kid is never put in the position to be hurt or disappointed. The parent tries to inoculate them from social harm. It’s kinda like putting bowling alley bumpers on your kid’s life so that they stay in the lane that you want for them and don’t fall into the gutter.It creeps into academics, athletics, other extracurriculars and even kids’ social lives. And it can cause a lot of problems for kids, even though that’s exactly what parents are trying to avoid. Where Does Social Engineering Come From?There are few common sources of this desire to control and engineer a child’s life, and most are based in fear. Guilt, insecurity and societal pressure often come into play, as well. The parents that Jennifer and I see in our coaching practices are often so afraid. They fear that their kids will be uncomfortable, they won’t be in the right social groups or have all the advantages other kids may have. They fear their kids will fall behind and not have access to opportunities. And they fear that others will judge their parenting. It’s likely that you’ve experienced some (or all) of these fears, too. Between school, sports and other enrichment activities, kids these days are so busy. Parents see what other families are doing and think it’s normal, or even expected. Moms, especially, think they’re not doing enough for their kids. They think they could (and should) be doing more. We also want our kids to be successful and happy. So when we see them disappointed, it feels bad to us. If you felt left out or like you didn’t belong when you were younger, you might want to protect your kid from feeling that same hurt and insecurity. Or maybe you want to give your kids things you didn’t have -experiences or opportunities that you felt you missed out on in your own childhood or adolescence. Basically, we feel like it’s our responsibility to make sure our kids are okay. And this pressure leads to overparenting. Why Social Engineering Is HarmfulThere’s an energy in mom culture right now, an undercurrent of anxiety and scarcity. From an early age, we’re already worried about our kids going to the right school, getting good grades and getting into college.  From working with teens, we’ve seen that even when the path is paved, it doesn’t guarantee that a kid gets into their dream school. The path a parent paves for them might not be their path at all. Often, social...