Part of being an emotional adult is taking responsibility for our own emotions.  Even in our marriage.  It is not our partners responsibility for making us feel loved, secure, and happy.  We have to do that for ourselves.  Listen in to find out how… Play In A New Window Download       Show Notes So today we are going to talk about how to quit blaming others for how you feel.  So in the world of life coaching we call this emotional childhood vs. emotional adulthood.   As children, most of us were taught that we can make others feel a certain way.  We’ve probably inadvertently taught that to our children as well “Don’t do that or Mommy will be sad”   “We need to share so that Sally’s feelings won’t be hurt” “You need to invite Johnny to your party so that he doesn’t feel left out” So all of these little things taught us (and we in turn teach our children) that we  have control over how someone else feels by what we say or how we act. So if we have power over someone else’s emotions, people can have power over ours as well, right? We believed that whatever is happening in our lives in the cause of our pain rather than being aware of the thoughts that we are thinking that are creating these emotions in us.  But if you remember in our model (which I teach in Episode 17) our thoughts come from our circumstances, and that is what gives us our emotions. But, as children we were not taught this or taught how to understand our own emotions or how to deal with them.  So even as adults we react to our emotions, act out, or avoid emotions, rather that taking full responsibility for them and choosing thoughts that will create the emotions we want to experience. Essentially as adults we are still functioning as emotional children. This is what we call Emotional Childhood. So much of what we have learned in this life is how to avoid pain.  We use things to “buffer” away our feelings - food, shopping, pornography, sex, netflix, social media, exercise, work, etc.   The only way to achieve emotional maturity or Emotional Adulthood is through self-responsibility.  So what does that mean?  What does Emotional Adulthood entail? We take control of our own thoughts and don’t blame other people for our emotions or the results we are getting in our life. Take responsibility for our own pain and also for our own joy Not expect others to make us happy Not expecting others to make us feel secure. Appreciating that we are the only ones who can hurt our feelings, and that we can do that with our own thoughts. And we need to do this at all times! No wonder it feels like such hard work to begin thinking about our own thinking and realize that we can actually choose how went to feel, no matter what other people do or say. This is awesome news, because this means we have power over our own lives.  When we blame someone else for how we are feeling, we are handing our power over to another person.  Handing over that power makes us dependent on that person for how we feel…a dependent is otherwise known as a child.  But when we understand that we are in charge of how we feel because of our thoughts, we get to take all that power back. So let me give you an example -  I have a client who has quite a temper.  When he gets stressed out at work, he likes to blame everyone else for his frustration and anger.  He does NOT like to take responsibility for it.  It’s always someone else’s fault that he is angry.  This is so disempowering!  He’s handing over control of his emotions to someone else.  But really, his emotions are coming from his thoughts about what is happening at work.  And if he would take responsibility for those thoughts, realize that he gets to control his thoughts and therefore how he feels about what is happening, then he gets all of his power back.  Now, he may still choose to be angry about the situation, but understanding that the anger is coming from his thoughts and not blaming the other pe