We all know that we SHOULD forgive, but sometimes we don't know how.  When it's something big and the pain is too great, how do we move past it and forgive?   Show Summary   Today I would like to talk to you about forgiveness. And not just that you SHOULD forgive, but how you actually do that.   Forgiveness is key to having a happy marriage.  Our spouses are far from perfect, and as their spouse we get a front row seat too all of their bad habits and behaviors.  Things that we may once have found endearing can grate on our nerves if we let it.  But lets remember…we LOVE them.  We do.  So we can forgive them of those little annoying daily things that happen over and over and over and over….   But what about when its a big thing?  How do we forgive when trust has been broken.  When promises are made and broken time and time again.  When we have been betrayed.     This is what is hard.  Right?   When someone does something that you're feeling hurt by, it can be painful, but it is nothing more than a thought or belief and a feeling that you carry around.  You may feel anger, frustration, resentment, fear, and maybe even hatred because of this belief that they’ve done something wrong and to hurt you.   So, rather than blaming your spouse for how you are feeling, take responsibility for your feelings.  And its ok to feel hurt… but realize that it is choice based on your beliefs about their actions.  And rather than hold on to that pain and hurt, you can choose to think better thoughts about yourself and them about the situation.  and THAT is the key to forgive them.   When we forgive others, its not for their benefit, its for ours.  We lift a burden off ourselves we forgive.  When we change our beliefs about what their behavior means for us, then we can forgive them and let that burden go.  Now it may make them feel better when we forgive them.  But we can forgive someone without them ever knowing that they’ve wronged us or ever asking to forgive them.  But them feeling better is about their thoughts about the situation, not us actually forgiving them.     Forgiveness can take work.  But if we desire to forgive and work for it, it is possible.   So let’s bring up a scenario -    So what if your spouse is unfaithful to you. The pain comes from beliefs such as:   He shouldn’t have done that He doesn’t love me He wouldn’t have done this if I were a better wife What if he leaves me and starts a new better life with her?   We BELIEVE those thoughts...   And with those beliefs you have feelings such as    pain anger resentment frustration fear   When you have those feelings, how are you showing up in your marriage?  Your probably showing up in one of two ways   You are pulling away Or you are attacking   Neither is great.  And when you do this, your relationship will probably deteriorate further which reinforces your beliefs….   When we act out of anger, fear, and resentment we are never acting as our best self.  Our best self comes when we act from love.   But if you can work to slowly change those beliefs to   I’m not ok with what he did, but I still love him and we will get through this OR I’m not ok with what he did, I still love him, but I’m not going to choose to stay OR What he did was choices he made because of something inside of him, it has nothing to with me.  I am enough.   Doesn’t that feel better.  With thoughts like that it will be much easier to forgive him, because you are coming from a place of love.  Forgiveness brings strength and peace.  It softens our heart and opens a pathway to healing and to rebuilding trust.   Just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean you condone the behavior.  It also doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences for that behavior.  And, it doesn’t mean you have to stay with them.  But  it feels much better to make those decisions in peace and love (love for your spouse and love for yourself) than out of anger and resentment?   I was married to