So many of us are afraid of judgment or criticism from others.  We hold ourselves back from doing great things in our lives for fear of being judged.  judgment from friends, family, spouses, even complete strangers?  Why do we feel judged?  Most of the time it’s a story we make up in our heads based on our insecurities.  But what about when they actually say it? What do you do? In this podcast, we will address what judgment and criticism are, and what to do when you do feel you are being judged by others.   Play In A New Window Download     Show Summary: I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts the other day and the person being interviewed said her mom used to tell her when she felt she was being judged that “People don’t actually think about you as much as you think they do.”  Which is so true.  But…if you are feeling judged, this episode is for you.  So let’s get started. I have a lot of clients that feel judged by other people.  They feel judged by their spouse, they feel judged by their family, parents, and in-laws, they feel judged by their neighbors, they feel judged by people at church. They feel judged for a variety of reasons:  On their parenting On their appearance On their situation in life On their education On their possessions or lack of them On how they spend their time and for a variety of other things For example - I have many clients and friends who feel judged for being divorced, especially at church.  That there is a stigma around divorce and they constantly feel that judgment from others because of it. Can I tell you that I have never once felt that way.  How can so many say and feel that there is a stigma around divorce at church and they constantly feel judged for being divorced and yet I have never felt that way?  How can that be…. And what I want to offer to you today is that the reason you are feeling judged (because judged is a FEELING) is because of your thoughts and insecurities around that particular topic. I personally have never been insecure about being divorced.  Now - I have felt plenty insecure about a lot of other things, but being divorced isn’t one of them.  I have always been completely confident in my decision to divorce my first husband.  Does that mean that no one has ever judged me for it?  Probably not. But I didn’t FEEL judged because I wasn’t thinking thoughts that would create that feeling in me. So - the pattern that I see with myself and with my friends and clients is that we most often we feel judged for the things we are most insecure about.  When we are feeling judged or criticized it’s the voice in our head saying we aren’t enough, or there is something wrong with us. Judgment in our Model So let’s fill out our CTFAR model on this. C: Lady at church says something about “divorce” (which is kind of a vague circumstance, but we’ll go with it for example purposes) T: (Our thought can be a variety of things like “maybe she’s right”, or “something is wrong with me”) F: Judged A: We examine our life and what she is judging to make sure we measure up R: We judge ourselves What????? Isn’t that fascinating?  We feel judged and we end up judging ourselves.  Crazy right! ,Now remember, our circumstance is always neutral.  The lady in church is allowed to say and do anything she wants, but it’s our thoughts that give it meaning. What IF she was trying to criticize you?  What if?  Remember that is HER thoughts.  And she can think or say whatever she wants.  It really has nothing to do with you.  It has to do with her.   I always like to go to aplace of compassion for that person.  How sad for her that she chooses to think those kind of thoughts.  I’m sure it doesn’t feel good to think negative thoughts about people all the time.   Judgment from our spouse Now let’s take a look at being judged by our spouse.  Again, I believe that most of that feeling of judgment is because we are insecure about things.  Maybe our appearance or our parenting or how we keep house? Our spouse has