Detaching is a big buzzword in the recovery community. I hear a lot from the women in our secret Facebook group that detaching with love is almost impossible because it requires you to remove your emotions from the situation and from the outcome. So, let’s say your loved one starts making bad choices by having a few drinks. Your instant reaction is to get upset and to feel like you’ve been punched in the gut again because they lied. They said they were going to get better. They said they weren't drinking. Your detachment would mean you go through that immediate process, and then you auto correct yourself, and you say, “I’m not going to go in there and nag. I’m not going to point out that they know that I know. I am not going to yell or scream or have a temper tantrum. I’m not going to sulk. I’m just going to let that dysfunction happen, and I’m going to move on.” That’s ultimately what detachment is: it’s taking away your power from somebody else’s actions. It’s saying, “I’m going to choose to be responsible and accountable for how I feel in this moment regardless of what’s going on around me.” A lot of women in our community say, “Okay, Michelle, I get that, but then I can’t get back in touch with the love that I have for them because I’m removing all of my emotions to prevent getting hurt. So how can I let my guard down, be vulnerable, and trust them but detach at the same time?” It’s super hard, right? It’s a point of tension where you’re vulnerable and having a moment of real connection. You have a great weekend with the person you love, and you think everything’s going to be better. Then they come in, and they’re high, or you catch them in a lie about their addiction, and you’ve been sucker punched. You think, “I should have detached. If I were detached, I wouldn't have felt that pain.” I want you to know that these are normal feelings. What I’m going to teach you today is all about how to get to the point where you're not riding this roller coaster ride of vulnerability and detachment. I’m going to teach you how to respect yourself enough to honor your feelings regardless of what’s going on with your addict. And the way you do that is to get busy. Stop trying to invest in whether they are going to get sober or not. Lower your expectations for the one you love. So basically, you start off by saying, “I completely accept the fact that the person I am in love with might never get sober.” That is a very hard thing to do. And I’m not saying that’s going to happen overnight. But I want you to think about your next week, your next month, your next year, and then the next three years. I want you to imagine where you're going to live, how old your children will be (if you have children), and, if you’ll be working, what kind of job you will have. In all those milestones, I want you to imagine your partner is still sick. There’s no improvement. And this disease is progressive, so if they don’t get help today or tomorrow, you know it's going to be worse next week and the week after that. I’m not trying to crush your hope, but what I am saying is that if you go into your relationship with those expectations, it’s a pleasant surprise if they ever get sober. It’s a wonderful, miraculous thing that occurred. And if they don’t get sober, they remain struggling, and you choose to stay with them, this gives you the best chance of happiness. I know that sounds completely backwards, but it’s true because you’re no longer living in a state of disappointment. The reason why you feel like you're on this roller coaster ride is because there is some part of you that still hangs on to hope and believes they’re going to get sober tomorrow. So, if you let go of the promises of good behavior, and you let go of any kind of hope they’re going to get sober for good, that allows you to get off the roller coaster ride. It’s allowing you to say, “I fully accept that my loved one is struggling with a disease, and ultimately, I have no control over it. So if