The key to true, long-lasting behavior change is actually to stop focusing on behaviors.  Stop trying to change them.  Stop the charts.  Stop the behavior modification.  Stop the rewards. Stop the punishments.Read that again.  How does that feel?  Like a relief?  Like terror??Both?Staying focused on behaviors, rewards, consequences, charts, stickers….it’s all just so exhausting.  It’s exhausting because it doesn’t really work and because it’s pulling us out of integrity with what’s true.  I think all of us have a place inside of us- maybe realllllly buried under a culture of behaviorism- that knows we are really missing the mark when we focus on behaviors.But, if we stop focusing on behaviors- what do we do instead???  Behavioral techniques offer a bit of safety to the enforcer.  They are such clear guidelines, and we like that!!If we shift our focus on tracking the energy and arousal that underlies the behaviors, we still get to have the safety and structure that a more behavioral approach offered, while also the relief of finally focusing on the real problem.This episode introduces the concept of tracking arousal instead of behavior.Read the original blog article and download the arousal tracking PDFs: https://robyngobbel.com/focus-on-arousal-not-behaviors-part-1/Watch the original Facebook Live: https://robyngobbel.com/course/facebooklives/New to parenting through the lens of the relational neurosciences?  Watch my free, 45-minute introductory video series! https://robyngobbel.com/course/regulationconnectionfeltsafety/*****Not sure where to start?  With 100 episodes, it's hard to know what episodes to listen to first!The START HERE private podcast takes the guess-work out.  I curated the 10 episodes I think you should listen to first. Because it's a special private podcast, It's only available by invitation- so head over to RobynGobbel.com/StartHere to get yours.  You'll then be able to listen in whatever podcast player you use! *******The Club is a virtual community for the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors and the professionals who support them.    https://robyngobbel.com/theclubApplications for the 2023 cohort of Being With ~ a year-long immersive and holistic program for parenting professionals ~ are now open!  https://robyngobbel.com/beingwith