The Things That Matter

By Jeffah Iman Kauchape

As time goes by many struggle with relationship issues they wish could be addressed. From how to foster a healthy relationship, how to draw closer to your partner, how to handle issues in the relationship and even how to move on after the end of a relationship. This book aims to guide you as you navigate the terrain of a new relationship so as to ensure a healthy union. It mainly focuses on the prerequisites to a healthy and long term relationship. It touches on the preliminary steps and actions to take when embracing a new relationship, offering invaluable insights for compatibility and fanning the flame of love. It is for those seeking to establish a healthy relationship where love is the motto. The nuggets of invaluable information herein is bound to offer a moral compass to anyone seeking a rewarding relationship. From reminders, admonitions and even insights, this is a must read not only for first time lovers but also those seeking to rekindle their union. Love is duty and loving your partner well is your duty, this book seeks to help you in that endeavor.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Solomon Macheddar
• Release date: Aug 1, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223557876

Book preview

PRELUDE

––––––––

Rush not into a new relationship. This is the first lesson you need to keep in mind. Especially if you are from a recently ended relationship. Take time to cool off first, otherwise you will not be dating out of genuine volition rather simply out of need. A need to be accepted. A need for companionship. A fondness for company, having been used to having someone by your side. A need to rekindle fond memories and re-establish your former status quo of having someone significant in your life. We call that a rebound: short sighted love. Loving for the sake of filling a gap and void left by a former significant other. Loving out of the desire for a sense of belonging but not for a healthy long term emotional connection. You will not be loving the individual for whom they are rather out of a warped perception of trying to revive your past. To be more precise, rushing to fill a void left by a familiar with an unfamiliar yet expecting to feel the same connection, affection, fulfilment and satisfaction. It will be a one sided union wherein you view the new partner from the lens of your preferences and choices based on your just ended relationship bias rather than the uniqueness of the new individual. You will with time find self trying to conform them to your patterns and traditions: wanting to mould a past version of your ex in them, minus your former dislikes about the past partner.

The first sign that you are doing this is that you will often find self irritated by your new partner’s minor shortcomings and flaws. You will find self often comparing them to your past and getting angry at any negative similarities. Your threshold and tolerance towards these flaws will be minimal and will regularly be vexing you silently. It will be like a silent killer in that you desire them to change without you having to bring up the fact that it is a distaste from a past partner. A biased preference. You will find self blind to their other positive qualities since you are hang up on their glaring shortcomings, as these remind you of what you walked away from.

Remember, you need to give the heart time to heal from a recently ended relationship for it to see the new opportunities available in others. Failure to which the heart will still be clouded with past prejudices and still have a past possessed mentality and approach to relationships, even newly established.

A recently broken heart is a blind heart, and cannot see far into a new relationship or gauge it wholesomely without prejudice or bias. As the saying goes ‘if all you have in your hand is a hammer, everything looks like a nail to you’, see? Heal first to gain clarity of vision. Relationships change people. We never leave the same way we entered them. Never.

Hence first focus on self, and the healing process. Give self sufficient time to heal. Reconnecting with self. Explore self. Knowing self. Learning what you are made of, and what you currently constitute of. Remember, when you were in the now ended relationship there are qualities you adopted, inculcated, honed and even let go of. You are not the same individual. A lot has changed. Both good and bad. Both psychological, emotionally and even physically! There are things you compromised on for the sake of cohesion and there are things that changed your view, mindset and even approach to life and daily living. Your partner rubbed off on you,