Good Mood, Good Life

By ABIJAH MANGA

Self-esteem is a person's perception of their worth and value. It also has to deal with people's sensations due to their sense of worthiness or unworthiness. People's choices and decisions are significantly influenced by their self-esteem. In other words, self-esteem motivates people by making it more or less probable that they will take care of

• Language: English
• Publisher: MIB Consulting LLC
• Release date: Aug 31, 2022
• ISBN: 9781088015391

Book preview

Introduction

T

here's a lot of discussion about self-love these days. It sounds nice, but what exactly does it mean? How do we love ourselves, and why is it important? Self-love entails accepting yourself, treating yourself with compassion and respect, and nurturing your growth and well-being. Self-love includes how you treat yourself and think and feel about yourself. So, when you think about self-love, consider what you would do for yourself, how you would communicate to yourself, and how you would feel about yourself that expresses love and concern.

When you love yourself, you have a good outlook on yourself. This does not imply that you are always pleased with yourself. That would be impossible! For example, I may be sad, furious, or dissatisfied with myself while loving myself. If this is unclear, consider how this works in other partnerships. I can love my son even when I am upset or unhappy with him. Even in the middle of my rage and disappointment, my love for him shapes how I interact with him. It enables me to forgive him, respect his feelings, address his needs, and make decisions that benefit his health. Self-love is extremely similar.¹

If you grew up without any role models for self-love or someone telling you how important it is to be kind to yourself, you might dispute its worth. Without self-love, you're more inclined to be self-critical and succumb to people-pleasing and perfectionism. You are more willing to tolerate others' abuse or mistreatment. You may disregard your wants and feelings if you do not value yourself. Furthermore, you may self-sabotage or make judgments, not in your best interests. Self-love is the foundation for being assertive, setting boundaries, creating good relationships with others, practicing self-care, pursuing our interests and objectives, and feeling proud.

Aside from whether self-love is truly important, another major impediment to self-love is the idea that it is narcissistic or selfish. When psychologists and therapists urge self-love, they are not referring to elevating oneself above others. Narcissists feel better than others and refuse to admit or accept responsibility for their shortcomings and failures. They also want further external affirmation and acknowledgment. Narcissists lack empathy for others as well.

On the other hand, self-love isn't about bragging about how wonderful you are. People who healthily love themselves recognize that they are flawed and make errors, but they accept and care for themselves despite their flaws. Self-love does not exclude you from caring about others; it just means that you may treat yourself with the same compassion that you do others.²³

It's natural to feel conflicted about self-love or making any change. However, loving yourself does not imply that you must modify every aspect of your life. Simply strive to treat yourself better than you did yesterday. First, I recommend that you think of one nice act you can do for yourself today. It might be a reassuring idea or deed. Next, write down what you want to accomplish and when you intend to do it. Writing it down promotes accountability and raises the likelihood of you following through. As you incorporate more loving ideas and deeds into your everyday life, some of your self-defeating beliefs and habits will fade away. Self-love will become second nature with practice.

Chapter 1

The Self-Love Formula

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oday, self-love is a buzzword thrown around casually: You need to love yourself more. How come you don't love yourself? This would not have happened to you if you had simply loved yourself. You can't love another person unless you first love yourself. These are just a handful of the self-love commandments we give or get to help us live more fulfilled lives. Self-love is essential for living successfully. It impacts who you choose as a partner, the image you display at work, and how you deal with challenges in your life. It is so vital to your well-being that I want you to understand how to incorporate more of it into your life.

What is Self-Love?

Is self-love something you can get via a beauty makeover or a new outfit? Can you increase your supply by reading something inspirational? Can a new relationship make you fall in love more deeply with yourself? All of these questions are answered in the negative. Self-love is more than just a wonderful sensation. A sense of self-esteem develops due to behaviors that promote our physical, psychological, and spiritual development. Self-love is dynamic; it develops due to behaviors that mature us. Having compassion for ourselves as human beings who are searching for meaning in our lives and acting in ways that foster self-love in ourselves allows us to accept our strengths and flaws more readily, reduces our need to rationalize our shortcomings, and allows us to be more focused on our life's purpose and values and expect to find fulfillment through our efforts.⁴

How To Cultivate Self-Love

Be mindful: People who love themselves are more aware of what they think, feel, and want. They are aware of who they are and act on this understanding rather than what others wish for them.

Act on what you require rather than what you desire: You love yourself when you can turn away from what feels wonderful and exciting and instead focus on what you need to keep strong, grounded, and going ahead in your life. By focusing on what you need, you may avoid the habitual behavior patterns that get you into problems, keep you locked in the past, and reduce your self-esteem.

Practice good self-care: When you take better care of your fundamental needs, you will love yourself more. People who value themselves nurture themselves regularly through healthy activities such as adequate eating, exercise, proper sleep, intimacy, and positive social relationships.⁵⁶

Set boundaries: When you establish limits or say no to job, love, or hobbies that deplete or injure you physically, emotionally, and spiritually, or express poorly who you are, you will love yourself more.

Protect yourself: Bring the appropriate individuals into your life. I adore the phrase frenemies, which I picked up from one of my younger customers. It perfectly depicts friends who enjoy your agony and loss rather than your happiness and achievement. My advice to you is to get rid of them! Then, you will have a greater love and regard for yourself.

Forgive yourself: We humans can be quite critical of ourselves. The disadvantage of accepting responsibility for our actions is that we punish ourselves excessively for errors in learning and improving. Before fully loving yourself, you must embrace your humanity (the truth that you are not perfect). When you make a mistake, try to be kinder to yourself. Remember that if you have learned and evolved from your errors, there are no failures, simply lessons learned.

Live intentionally: Regardless of the circumstances of your life, you will be able to accept better and value yourself if you live with a clear sense of direction and purpose. You don't have to know exactly what you want to accomplish. Every time you succeed in reaching your life goals, you will feel better about yourself because you made the right choices to get there in the first place. In addition, you will love yourself more if you see yourself achieving your goals.

You will properly learn to accept and love yourself more if you focus on just one or two of these self-loving behaviors. Consider how much you'll appreciate yourself once you've followed these seven steps to self-love. True, you can only love someone as much as you love yourself. If you practice all of the self-love behaviors I've described here, you will allow and encourage others to do the same. The more you love yourself, the more prepared you are for successful relationships. More importantly, you will begin to attract people and circumstances that promote your well-being.

If you're like most individuals, your answer varies according to the day. Even if your hair is messy, you may feel great and attractive. On the other hand, you focus on a pimple on your chin or the dark bags beneath your eyes on other days. It's normal and even good for your sentiments regarding self-acceptance to fluctuate. One of the most common myths about fiercely loving oneself is that you must adore every aspect of yourself every day. Nobody likes everyone all of the time, and the same goes for how you feel about yourself. True self-acceptance is being open about your feelings and who you are, flaws and all.⁷

Be compassionate by treating yourself with care, especially through difficult times (since you will need it the most). Be deliberate in your daily selections; our lives are the sum of the succession of choices we make. Finally, be honest about what you enjoy and dislike. What are your strong points and weak points? Only through such candor can you gain enough self-awareness to force change and growth.

We allow ourselves more freedom to grow into the person we want to be if we begin each day acknowledging that we are not perfect but good and enough. The fact that we carry a picture of the person we aspire to be is a testimonial to our character, ambitions, and trust in ourselves to become the same thing that motivates us. I am learning every day to let the distance between where I am and where I want to go to inspire me rather than fear me, Tracee Ellis Ross says. Next, challenge yourself to work on yourself nonstop. This approach will most likely look extremely different depending on who you ask. However, there are three things that everyone should strive to achieve.

Everything you do, from what you eat for breakfast to how you spend your leisure time, is or may be an investment in yourself. So, shower yourself with excellent and wholesome things that will positively impact your life.

You are skilled in one area. You're not simply good or even exceptional. There is something that you are extremely good at. Don't stop till you figure it out. You must know what it is for yourself, but keep in mind that the rest of the world is waiting for you to discover your talent. Working hard for tomorrow and the future is part of the challenge, as is synchronizing the activities we need to do now to become the person we want to be. But keep in mind that tomorrow is not assured. Nothing in life is. So, enjoy yourself along the way. Take pleasure in the process for what it is. It will not fight you until you fight it.

These three things are only possible if you are caring, insightful, and honest. There are difficult days, just as there are pleasant ones. Don't be scared to take a pause or weep if necessary. That is not a sign of weakness but rather a courageous decision to listen to yourself and respond as needed. It demonstrates that you are adaptable and can deal with anything life throws at you, good or bad. You will need both your physical and mental health to overcome anything in this life. Even if you are lovely, you will not always feel that way. You know that beauty comes from inside, so use such days to urge you ahead. Every day, actively display self-love and be your own best friend.⁸⁹

To put it into action, we must first understand what it means. There are many ways to cultivate self-love, but one of the most important is by engaging in activities that help us grow as individuals. To be self-loving, you must place a high value on your enjoyment and well-being. Being self-aware and self-reliant are two of the most important aspects of self-love. To be self-loving, you must refuse to accept anything less than you are capable of. Because we all practice self-care in different ways, self-love can imply different things to different individuals. An important part of your mental health is knowing what self-love is on your terms. Practicing self-love means appreciating yourself for who you are right now. Embracing your feelings and prioritizing your physical, emotional, and mental well-being are key components of this approach to living fully.

How And why to Practice Self Love

To summarize, it is clear that valuing oneself is an important factor in making wise decisions in one's daily activities. It is easier to make choices in your best interests when you place a high value on your self-worth. These things might include eating well, exercising, or having healthy relationships. Among the ways to cultivate self-love are:

Becoming more aware. People who love themselves are more aware of what they think, feel, and want.

Taking activities based on need rather than desire. By focusing on what you need, you may avoid the habitual behavior patterns that get you into problems, keep you locked in the past, and reduce your self-esteem.¹⁰

Taking care of oneself. When you take better care of your fundamental needs, you will love yourself more. People who value themselves nurture themselves regularly through healthy activities such as adequate eating, exercise, proper sleep, intimacy, and positive social relationships.

Making a place for good behaviors. Begin caring for yourself by reflecting on what you eat, exercise, and do with your time. Do things not to get it done or have to, but because you care about yourself.

To practice self-love, begin by treating yourself with the kindness, patience, gentleness, and compassion you would show to someone you care about.¹¹

Practice Self-Love and Be Good to Yourself

Loving oneself takes happiness and security to a whole new level. We seek affection openly because that is how we find