How to Manage Troublesome Thoughts and Feelings: Name It, Share It, Replace It

By Mattie Slattery

Unfortunately, many people tend to opt for the scenic route when it comes to their peace of mind and well-being. If you take this direction, you will spend most of your precious time stuck in some stage of your life, trying to deal with emotional and spiritual pain of one kind or another.

Sadly, during these times, some people will lose their minds and others will even lose their lives. However, this will only happen if you allow your mind to trick you into thinking that it is in charge. Some people are so deceived, they allow their mind to take full control and run completely wild. They live their lives out of a head full of troublesome thoughts and a heart full of hurt feelings.

This need not be you. If you are willing to accept that "you" are in charge of your own feelings, attitudes, thoughts and emotions (FATE), then you will thrive using the approach set out in these pages. This will bring changes and challenges into your life, that's for sure but that's what life is all about: changing and adapting as you grow and develop.

Remember, it is not the strongest or fittest people who survive and prosper but those who are willing to adapt to the changes and challenges of life. You have the power to control your FATE but it will control you if you let it. This is a simple fact of life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: The Manuscript Publisher
• Release date: Mar 24, 2022
• ISBN: 9781005947118

Book preview

Publisher’s Note

This book is not intended as an alternative to seeking therapy or professional help for a suspected or diagnosed mental health condition.

Dedication

To all who long for peace of mind and happiness: family, loved ones, friends and fellow travellers on the spiritual path…

Feeling, Attitude, Thought, Emotion

Name it…

Share it…

Replace it…

Table of Contents

Publisher’s Note

Dedication

Foreword

Introduction

Chapter One: The General Idea

Chapter Two: Quick Guide to Getting Started

Chapter Three: Mastery

Chapter Four: Measuring and Monitoring

Chapter Five: What Now?

Chapter Six: Emotional Stocktaking

Chapter Seven: Helpful Ideas and Tips

Chapter Eight: Step One – a bit deeper

Chapter Nine: Step Two – a bit deeper

Chapter Ten: Step Three – a bit deeper

Chapter Eleven: More About Affirmations

Chapter Twelve: Progress and Expectations

Chapter Thirteen: Do’s and Don’ts

Chapter Fourteen: Time Out and Mindfulness

Chapter Fifteen: Addictions and Troubled Thinking

Chapter Sixteen: Stages of Progress

Chapter Seventeen: Denial

Chapter Eighteen: Anger

Chapter Nineteen: Despair

Chapter Twenty: The X Faculty

Chapter Twenty-One: Spirituality

Chapter Twenty-Two: Concluding Thoughts

Inspiring Books

About the Author

Foreword

I first learned about ‘name it, share it, replace it’ as an approach to managing thoughts and feelings when speaking with the author about how to deal with a fear of flying. This book is for anyone who would like ideas about how to cope with worries or difficult feelings. It is divided into two main sections. The first describes a series of techniques that can promote happiness, peace of mind and well-being. The second explains how these techniques can be further enhanced, by exploring and considering our human faculties that go beyond the capabilities of the mind and body – our capacity to know.

The contents of this book could not be timelier and more relevant to the world that we live in today. At the time of writing, in January 2021, we are living with the threat posed by the COVID-19 global pandemic. As a result, collectively we are facing new challenges to all aspects of our lives; modifying our behaviour and human connection in ways that could not have been imagined a year ago. This book provides guidance and the rationale for a practice which, if adopted regularly, has the potential to facilitate coping with past, present and future challenges, as well as adversity, with clear and simple steps.

The author presents the reader with more than techniques for managing thoughts and emotions. In addition, the reader is encouraged to consider information that is aimed at empowering the individual towards a new way of life in terms of self-management of one’s thoughts, emotions and how to interpret and work through difficult experiences.

On a journey towards greater well-being, happiness and peace of mind, the reader is invited to become more curious about their own mind, with three practical steps that relate to how to manage and regulate troublesome thoughts and emotions, when they arrive in-the-moment. The author has used these techniques extensively in his work as a personal development practitioner over 30 years, where he has worked with individuals and groups from all walks of life and observed many positive transformations.

The final section of the book moves on to present a new way of thinking about what a human is capable of. As humans, we will all experience troublesome thoughts and feelings, at least from time to time. The author describes the importance of tuning into the wisdom of our soul as a way to support and maintain our well-being, which goes beyond the initial practices outlined in the earlier chapters of the book.

Dr Sarah Jane Besser, Psychologist

Introduction

Happiness, peace of mind and an ever-deepening sense of calm and well-being are the hallmarks of those who have mastered the ability to manage their own thoughts and feelings.

It is reasonable to say that these characteristics are at the heart of what most human beings desire for themselves and their loved ones. If you would like these characteristics and qualities to be the hallmark of your life, then this book is for you.

In these pages, you will be introduced to a number of simple ideas and suggestions in the form of steps, stages and more. If you follow these suggestions, you will be taking your first steps to having happiness and peace of mind in your life permanently.

How and Why

In this approach to well-being, each of the suggestions takes only minutes to learn and seconds to apply. However, understanding how and why they work will take a little bit of time and perseverance. This involves acquiring knowledge and developing wisdom.

To achieve this goal you will be introduced to ways of cultivating these characteristics. This will allow a growing sense of well-being to become the mainstay of your life.

Once you start applying the suggestions, the benefits will be immediate and permanent, if you stick with it. It may take a little time for you to become aware of some of the benefits: it is sometimes the case that others become aware of the changes in your life before you become aware of them yourself.

Benefits

The level of benefit and results you achieve depend only on how much you want a better quality of life. Your happiness, peace of mind and well-being will be in direct proportion to your desire for and your willingness to change. In other words, the results you achieve will be exactly as you want them to be.

Best Wishes

Mattie Slattery

Jan 2021

Chapter One

The General Idea

This is a straightforward, no-frills approach towards a greater feeling of well-being, happiness and peace of mind. It is one approach of many. For the purpose of this book well-being, happiness and peace of mind are all about knowing that you are safe and secure in your life. It is that feeling of comfort and security you get when you are at peace with yourself and the world around you. It is being aware that all is well, even when things appear to be going against you. It is a feeling of peace and contentment that is with you at all times and under all conditions. You will begin to feel some of these benefits the moment you start to practise the first exercise sincerely. If you are open-minded and patient with yourself, you will be amazed at your progress right from the start.

Is it Possible?

Is this kind of well-being and happiness possible? Not alone is it possible but it is very simple to achieve. The approach presented here will give you the tools you need to move towards these higher levels of peace, happiness and well-being. However, you will need to have at least a basic knowledge of how and why these tools work. This is the minimum you will require to allow peace of mind, happiness and greater well-being to become permanent in your life. It is very simple to achieve this level of well-being and if you are willing to follow this approach, you will not be disappointed.

Simplify!

Human beings have been searching for a path to real happiness and peace of mind ever since mankind began to think, talk and feel. This search has brought volumes of research and books into being on this subject. Unfortunately, one of the unintended consequences of all this research and study is the over complication of what is actually a very simple process. So simple in fact that it is almost always overlooked by researchers and experts alike.

Humanity appears to have arrived at a point in time where it is almost impossible to find a simple approach to real happiness that actually works. So, one of the first things to take on board, as you explore this approach to well-being is that the steps you take will always remain simple. This will allow them to become woven into the fabric of your life through practice, without too much inconvenience to you.

To get the full benefit of what you are actually doing you will still need some basic information and understanding of what you are doing and why. In this book, essential information and suggestions are provided. These essentials are condensed into simple steps and exercises throughout for practical application. Your understanding will come from the practice of the suggestions and the ensuing discussions. This is the minimum you will need if you want to awaken your spirit and ensure your peace of mind and happiness.

Three Steps

When the idea of finding and developing an approach to peace of mind and happiness first surfaced, it was obvious that it needed to be both simple and effective. It was also clear that peace of mind and happiness were unachievable unless feelings, attitudes, thoughts and emotions could be managed. After exploring a number of therapies and self-help groups, all who provide great support in the field of mental health and, many years involved in personal development and adult education, the following steps were adapted and developed. There were three steps in the original approach.

The original steps:

Acknowledge it

Share it

Kick it

These have evolved over the years to become:

Name it

Share it

Replace it

Don’t Take My Word

These steps are not the whole approach but they are at the core of how it works. Also, this approach has been used very effectively over the years, since its inception but, don’t take my word for it. Try them out for yourself. If you decide to do so, you will need to try them out over a reasonable period of time: for example, six months to a year. Otherwise, all that will happen is you will get a short break from your troublesome thoughts and feelings then, they will come back again.

Once you start applying the steps and the other suggestions in this approach, you will need to continue doing so if you want to continue having freedom from troublesome thoughts and feelings permanently. The good news is that these steps and the other suggestions are simple and non-invasive. This means they will not interfere with your life to any great extent, except to allow happiness and peace of mind to become part of your being.

Learn in Minutes, Lasts a Lifetime

The three steps – name it, share it, replace it – are very simple to learn and easy to use. This is important because, as they are the core of the whole approach, they need to actually work and be simple enough to fit into your life. They can be committed to memory in minutes but will continue working for the rest of your life. To work them, all you have to do is practise them until you are using them spontaneously. They can be applied in seconds anywhere, anytime no matter what your work or profession. It is important to keep in mind that the steps are central to this approach and therefore essential to transforming your life.

Shared Experience and Action

Quotations from other authors have been avoided as much as possible to avoid turning this book into an academic exercise although, there are some references to other authors. Mostly, what is actually happening throughout these discussions is a sharing of experiences. Remember this! It is in the sharing of your experience that gives this approach to well-being its real power. It has to be experienced to get the full benefit. If you want happiness and peace of mind in your life, it is not enough to read about it and collect information or store knowledge. You must apply what you know to experience the benefits.

Practical Guide to Progress

The book is essentially a guide to quickly developing happiness and peace of mind. It has been designed for practical use. The Quick Guide will take you through the three core steps and get you started immediately on your journey. This is followed, later on, by essential, more in-depth discussions on the steps, how they function and what you will experience when you practise them. Remember the information and suggestions here are the minimum you will need to enjoy a contented peaceful life.

Progress is Unlimited

There is a lot of information in these pages but it is all condensed in the exercises so that you can start practising immediately. It is unlikely that you will take it all in the first time you read through therefore, you will probably need to refer to this book often especially in the early stages of your progress. As you set out on this part of your journey in life, be patient with yourself. Remember, your progress is unlimited and although you can awaken to the benefits of this new way of living instantly, the awakening is also unlimited. This means that you cannot make a parcel of your progress or arrive at some level and remain there. While you are using this approach, you will always be on the path of never-ending progress and advancement.

Never-Ending Progress

Keep in mind that nothing is perfect in the material world. Everything is in a state of perpetual development, changing, moving and advancing towards perfection. This means that nothing is motionless and as you know, it is difficult to stand still on something that keeps moving. Therefore you may fall a few times during your journey. The difference is now you know that falling is part of your progress. Once you realise and accept that it is okay to fall you will find it easier to get up and try again.

So remember, since there is nothing perfect in the material world, you will always be in a continuous state of progress and development. This will involve falling down and getting up and trying again maybe many times. This is why you will need a reference point such as this book to help you get up after a fall. This will allow you to continue your never-ending journey of progress in peace and contentment.

You

This book is written with you in mind. As you read through, you may notice that the word you is mentioned often. That is because this book is about you. It is all about your happiness, well-being and peace of mind. It does not matter what other people think. It is you who has the experience of your life and it is you who must navigate your way forward. On this journey, you will not be alone. You will meet many more on the road to peace of mind and happiness once you make a start.

Steps Stages and More

Once you have begun your journey using this approach to life, you will take a number of steps that will, in turn, take you through different stages. The steps will show you how to manage your thoughts and feelings as you make your way through the different stages of your life. Some of these stages will be discussed and explained so that you are aware of what is happening as you grow through them. If you stick with it, you will discover how to have happiness and peace of mind flowing into your life continuously.

2021

As the world came to the end of one decade with the passing of 2020 and began another, unhappiness, loneliness, anxiety, depression, active addictions, self-harm and suicide are among many other unpleasant human conditions in need of urgent attention. The arrival of the COVID-19 pandemic has made the overall condition of the world appear very bleak for many. As difficult as this situation is, it will pass because ultimately, every sickness can be healed and every question can be answered.

Therefore, although these are very trying times, they will end and no doubt, they will be replaced by other challenges for humanity. However, there will also be many opportunities and possibilities. On a personal level, these times can be used as an opportunity to restart your own life and turn your world into a place of peace and contentment, for you and your loved ones. The suggestions in this book offer a chance to begin this process but, it can only start with you. If you pursue this possibility, it will, first of all, improve your life then, make its way through your family and eventually, out into the wider community.

Caution! Warning!

This approach should not be used in place of other remedies that you may be using, except on the advice of your doctor. As mentioned at the beginning of this book:

This book is not intended as an alternative to seeking therapy or professional help for a suspected or diagnosed mental health condition.

The motto of this approach is as well as… never, instead of…

The exercises in this approach to managing your thoughts and feelings will compliment any other form of therapeutic remedy you may be using at the moment. It is always good practice to seek out suitably qualified therapists and physicians who are willing to work in collaboration with you in all matters relating to your physical, mental and spiritual health. This approach has its foundation in the fundamentals of basic human fellowship and respect for all and in particular, respect for yourself.

Book Layout

There is quite a bit of information in these pages but it is laid out so that the material you need is easily accessible. However, if you happen to be stressed out or dealing with troublesome thoughts and feelings the last thing you will want to do is wade through endless pages of text. This book is written with this in mind and is designed to be a practical guide for those who seek peace of mind and contentment.

Therefore although there are twenty-two chapters in this book, they are made up of a number of short sections, subsections and paragraphs most of these have headings. This will make it easier to find and work through the material you need most at any particular time. The index of terms and topics at the back will give you a detailed snapshot of the content and also assist you in finding what you are looking for quickly.

Getting Started

You will not have to go through everything in these pages before you begin to feel the benefits of this approach to well-being but you will have to use the quick guide. You will find the quick guide in the next chapter to help get you started immediately. The moment that you begin to practise the exercises, you will be rewarded. However for the benefits to be permanent, you will need to continue practising and working your way through the rest of the material.

If you are not a reader as such, don’t worry, as mentioned in the previous section, this book is written with you in mind. It is put together in chunks of information for easy access to what you need to know. In other words, short, easy-to-read paragraphs with as little jargon as possible.

You do not have to read through the entire book all at once. If you do, that’s okay. Just remember, when you begin to practise the exercises, you must first go to the Quick Guide and learn how to practise the three core steps. Everyone will have their own idea on how they approach their own learning. Do what works best for you.

New Way of Life

You are about to set off on a journey into a new way of life, some of which may be familiar to you but some of it will not. Therefore it will be necessary to refer to this book often at least until you have memorised the practices. You also need to be aware that as you begin to feel better you will find yourself going back and forth between the old and the new way of living for a while. This is not unusual but it is why you will need to practise often, especially in the early stages. Once you keep practising, your new way of life will become established quickly.

Obviously, you will not be able to read through this book in seconds but, this does not take away from the fact that you can practise the steps and other exercises in seconds. All the exercises can be memorised in minutes and applied in seconds. Even the longer meditations can be practised in under thirty seconds and lengthened later if you wish.

The best way to go about this approach to well-being is to start slow and steady. Practise for a few seconds often, during the day. In this way, you will make steady progress.

You are now about to enter a wonderful new way of living in peace and happiness. You will not be alone on this journey. According to the law of attraction, when you begin, you will start to recognise and attract others who are also seeking a path to greater well-being.

Chapter Two

Quick Guide to Getting Started

In this chapter, you will discover how to apply the three core steps of this approach so that you can get started on your journey immediately. First, you will discover how to apply the steps to fear then, you will be able to go on and apply them to any other thoughts and feelings you may want to let go of.

The steps can be memorised in minutes and applied in seconds. This will make it possible for you to use them anytime and in any place. In this chapter you will also be introduced to the idea of using helplines to practise sharing which is the engine of the steps. In later chapters, the steps will be discussed in greater detail but for now, all you need to know is how to apply them.

The Three Steps

Name it

Share it

Replace it

How they Work

The simplest and best way to show how the steps work is by way of example. In this example, you will discover how to deal with fear but to do this, you will first need to know what fear actually is. For the purpose of this book, fear is defined simply as a troublesome feeling you get when you think or believe something bad is happening or is going to happen. Fear can be divided into two kinds: rational fear and irrational fear.

Rational Fear

Rational fear is the fear that helps to protect you and is essential for your survival. For example, fear of crocodiles. In this case, your rational fear will help you stay safe and far away from crocodiles. The steps will also help you manage this kind of fear.

Irrational Fear

Irrational fear is a form of fear that can make your life completely miserable if it is not dealt with. For example, fear of the dark. The three steps are used in exactly the same way for both types of fear.

Dealing with Fear

In this example, you will be dealing with an irrational fear of the dark. To manage this fear, you must first name it, then share it and finally, replace it as follows:

Name it (to self): I am afraid of the dark. I now let go of this fear.

Share it (self and other): I am afraid of the dark. I now let go of this fear.

Replace