Name It, Share It, Replace It!: A Pratical Guide for Managing Thoughts and Feelings USA Edition

By Mattie Slattery

This book provides guidance and the rationale for a practice which, if adopted regularly, has the potential to facilitate coping with past, present and future challenges, as well as adversity, with clear and simple steps. The author presents the reader with more than techniques for managing thoughts and emotions. In addition, the reader is encouraged to consider information that is aimed at empowering the individual towards a new way of life in terms of self-management of one’s thoughts, emotions and how to interpret and work through difficult experiences.
On a journey towards greater well-being, happiness and peace of mind, the reader is invited to become more curious about their own mind, with three practical steps that relate to how to manage and regulate troublesome thoughts and emotions, when they arrive in-the-moment. The author has used these techniques extensively in his work as a personal development practitioner over 30 years, where he has worked with individuals and groups from all walks of life and observed many positive transformations.
The final section of the book moves on to present a new way of thinking about what a human being is capable of. We will all experience troublesome thoughts and feelings, at least from time to time. The author describes the importance of tuning into the wisdom of our soul as a way to support and maintain our well-being, which goes beyond the initial practices outlined in the earlier chapters of the book.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Sep 24, 2023
• ISBN: 9798765228388

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Copyright © 2023 Mattie Slattery.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

Balboa Press

A Division of Hay House

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Bloomington, IN 47403

www.balboapress.com

844-682-1282

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 979-8-7652-2839-5 (sc)

ISBN: 979-8-7652-2840-1 (hc)

ISBN: 979-8-7652-2838-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2023916869

Balboa Press rev. date:   09/21/2023

PUBLISHER’S NOTE

This book is not intended as an alternative to

seeking therapy or professional help for a suspected

or diagnosed mental health condition.

DEDICATION

To all who long for peace of mind, and

happiness: family, loved ones, friends, and all

fellow travelers on the spiritual path…

FEELING, ATTITUDE, THOUGHT, EMOTION

Name it…

Share it…

Replace it…

Contents

Foreword

Introduction

Chapter 1     The General Idea

Chapter 2     Quick Guide to Getting Started

Chapter 3     Mastery

Chapter 4     Measuring and Monitoring

Chapter 5     What Now?

Chapter 6     Emotional Stocktaking

Chapter 7     Helpful Ideas and Tips

Chapter 8     Step One – a bit deeper

Chapter 9     Step Two – a bit deeper

Chapter 10   Step Three – a bit deeper

Chapter 11   More About Affirmations

Chapter 12   Progress and Expectations

Chapter 13   Do’s and Don’ts

Chapter 14   Time Out and Mindfulness

Chapter 15   Addictions and Troubled Thinking

Chapter 16   Stages of Progress

Chapter 17   Denial

Chapter 18   Anger

Chapter 19   Despair

Chapter 20   The X Faculty

Chapter 21   Spirituality

Chapter 22   Concluding Thoughts

Inspiring Books

Foreword

This book is for anyone who would like ideas about how to cope with worries or difficult thoughts and feelings. It is divided into two main sections. It considers a series of techniques promoting happiness, peace of mind and overall well-being. It describes how these techniques can be further enhanced by exploring and considering human faculties that go beyond the capabilities of the mind and body – our capacity to know.

The contents of this book could not be more relevant to the world we live in today. We are living with the threat of war and the aftereffects of a global pandemic; limiting freedom and social interactions around the world. As a result, collectively we are facing new challenges to all aspects of our lives; modifying our lifestyle and human connections in ways that could not have been imagined a few years ago.

This book provides guidance and the rationale for a practice which, if adopted regularly, has the potential to facilitate coping with past, present and future challenges, as well as adversity, with clear and simple steps. The author presents the reader with more than techniques for managing thoughts and emotions. In addition, the reader is encouraged to consider information that is aimed at empowering the individual towards a new way of life in terms of self-management of one’s thoughts, emotions and how to interpret and work through difficult experiences.

On a journey towards greater well-being, happiness and peace of mind, the reader is invited to become more curious about their own mind, with three practical steps that relate to how to manage and regulate troublesome thoughts and emotions, when they arrive in-the-moment. The author has used these techniques extensively in his work as a personal development practitioner over 30 years, where he has worked with individuals and groups from all walks of life and observed many positive transformations.

The final section of the book moves on to present a new way of thinking about what a human is capable of. As humans, we will all experience troublesome thoughts and feelings, at least from time to time. The author describes the importance of tuning into the wisdom of our soul as a way to support and maintain our well-being, which goes beyond the initial practices outlined in the earlier chapters of the book.

Dr Sarah Jane Williams, Psychologist

Introduction

Happiness, peace of mind, and an ever-deepening sense of calm and well-being are the hallmarks of those who have mastered the ability to manage their own thoughts and feelings. It is reasonable to say that these characteristics are at the heart of what most human beings desire for themselves, and their loved ones.

If you would like peace and contentment to be a permanent part of your life, then this is for you. In these pages, you will be introduced to a number of simple ideas and suggestions in the form of steps, stages, and more. If you follow these suggestions you will be practicing a way of living that will allow peace, and contentment to become your constant companions.

In this approach to well-being, the steps you have to take, and practically all the other suggestions can be learned in minutes and applied in seconds. However, understanding why they work may take a little bit longer. This means that although you will be able to work the steps and apply them immediately, it may take a little more time to really understand, and appreciate how and why they work. To acquire this level of understanding you will need to develop wisdom and compassion among other qualities. In the deeper discussions throughout this book, you will discover simple ways of cultivating these qualities effortlessly.

Once you start to apply the suggestions sincerely, and regularly you will start to experience the signs of peace and contentment immediately. If you continue to practice, these feelings will grow and take up a permanent place in your being. Some of the benefits and changes you experience will be obvious, but some will be more subtle. It is sometimes the case that others become aware of some of the changes in you before you become aware of them yourself.

The level of benefit you receive depends only on how much you want a better quality of life for yourself and your loved ones. This means that the well-being you experience will be in direct proportion to how much you are willing to do to achieve the level of benefit you want.

How do you know if this approach works? The short answer! You won’t know until you try it. I can tell you it works, but that will not be good enough. You must find out through your own experience. To do this you will need to apply the steps, and at least some of the other suggestions yourself over a realistic period of time.

Reading a few pages of this or any other how to book, and saying it doesn’t work will just keep you deprived, and stuck in some stage of your own development as a human being. You must investigate for yourself and then make a decision based upon what you know, not on what someone else tells you. First read the guidelines then apply what you read otherwise you will not, and cannot know if it works for you. Remember, if you disregard the effectiveness of any idea without doing a reasonable investigation, you will just be depriving yourself of what you may need to know.

Best Wishes!

CHAPTER ONE

The General Idea

THIS IS A straightforward, no-frills approach towards a greater feeling of well-being, happiness, and peace of mind. It is one approach of many. For the purpose of this book, well-being, happiness, and peace of mind are all about knowing that you are safe, and secure at all times in your life. It is that feeling of comfort, and security you get when you are at peace with yourself, and the world around you. It is being aware that all is well, even when things appear to be going against you. It is a feeling of peace, and contentment that is with you at all times, and under all conditions. You will begin to feel some of these benefits the moment you practice the first exercise sincerely. If you are open-minded, and patient you will be amazed at your progress right from the start.

Is It Possible?

Is this kind of well-being, and happiness possible? Not only is it possible, it is also very simple to achieve. The approach presented here will give you the tools you need to move towards higher levels of well-being quickly. As time goes by you will also need to have at least a fundamental knowledge of how, and why these tools work, but for now what you need to know is, not only is it possible to have a constant level of well-being in your life, it is also very simple to achieve. If you are willing to follow three basic steps along with a few other suggestions, you will not be disappointed.

Simplify!

Human beings have been searching for a path to real happiness, and peace of mind ever since they began to think, talk, and feel. This search has brought volumes of books, and research on this subject into being. Unfortunately, one of the unintended consequences of all this research, and study is to over complicate what is actually a very simple process. So simple in fact that it is almost always overlooked by researchers, and experts alike.

Humanity appears to have arrived at a point in time where it is almost impossible to find any approach to real happiness, and well-being that actually works. So, as you begin to explore this approach you are reminded again that it works! Next, all the exercises are simple to apply, and will continue to be as your development progresses. This will allow them to be woven into the fabric of your life without too much inconvenience to you.

After working your way through the first steps, and some of the other suggestions you will find that you are beginning to open a door into your inner world. Faculties you may not know you possess will start to awaken, and you will begin to see the world, and your life through a different lens.

To ensure your progress becomes permanent you will need to continue to develop an understanding of what you are doing, and why you are doing it. As time goes by your wisdom, and understanding will continue to develop as the natural application of the steps, and the other suggestions become established.

The Idea and the Three Steps

When the idea of finding, and developing an approach to peace of mind, and happiness first surfaced, it was obvious that it needed to be both simple, effective, and lasting. It was also clear that peace of mind, and happiness could not be achieved unless feelings, attitudes, thoughts, and emotions (FATE) could be managed. Therefore, this approach is designed, first as a practical guide for managing thoughts and feelings, troublesome or otherwise. Beyond this, if you want lasting peace of mind you must also practice at least some of the other suggestions. In this way you will begin to awaken your inner faculties and experience what is often referred to as a spiritual awakening. Note, this is a permanent condition!

After exploring a number of therapies, support groups, and organizations, all of whom provide great help, and support in the field of mental health, and many years involvement in personal development, and adult education, the following steps were adapted, and developed. There were three core steps in the original approach:

• acknowledge it

• share it

• kick it

Over time these steps evolved into:

• name it

• share it

• replace it

Do They Work?

Do these steps work? The short answer is yes, but the steps are not the whole approach. Nevertheless, they are at the core of how it all works. Along with the other suggestions, these steps have been used very effectively since their adaptation. However, don’t take my word for it, try them out for yourself. To get a true estimation of their value you will need to try them out over a reasonable period of time, let’s say, six months to a year, otherwise, you will not know if they work, and you will be unable to give a true assessment.

Once you start applying the steps, and the other suggestions you will need to continue doing so if you want to have lasting peace of mind. It is continued regular practice that allows the three steps, and the other suggestions to work so well. Remember, the practice of the steps, and the other suggestions will not interfere with your life. The only thing the practice will do is allow happiness, and peace of mind to become a permanent part of your being.

Learn in Minutes; Lasts a Lifetime

The three steps: name it, share it, replace it, are very easy to learn, and simple to use. They can be committed to memory in minutes, but will continue working for the rest of your life, if applied regularly. When you begin practicing you will quickly discover you can use them anytime anywhere, no matter what your work or profession. Keep in mind too, as the steps are central to this approach, it also means they are essential for your peace of mind, and happiness. To enjoy the full benefit of your efforts you will need to practice these steps until you are using them spontaneously.

Shared Experience and Action

Quotations from other authors have been avoided as much as possible to avoid turning this book into an academic exercise. Although there are some references to other writers, mostly what is happening throughout these discussions is a sharing of experiences. This is important because it is in the act of sharing your experiences around powerful human feelings such as love, and hate, that you will be able to let them go. The three steps are like a door into the world of the spirit, and the act of sharing your experience is the key to that door. This is because the action of sharing is the heart of fellowship!

Progress Is Ongoing

There is a lot of information in this book, and it is unlikely you will take it all in the first time you read it. Therefore, you will probably need to refer to it from time to time especially in the early stages of your progress. As you begin, be patient with yourself. Remember, your progress is unlimited, and although you can awaken to the benefits of this new way of life instantly, this awakening is not static. This means your progress is ongoing, and you will not arrive at some stage of your progress, and remain there. While you are using the tools in this approach you will be on a continuous path towards greater well-being, and the awakening of your spirit.

Continuous Progress and Falling

Nothing is perfect or complete in the material world. This means everything is changing, moving, and shifting within its own domain; moving towards or away from its own completion. This movement can sometimes make your material life feel very volatile especially during times of change. The upshot of this is, you may fall a few times as you move through the different stages of your development. When practicing this approach to well-being you will quickly get used to the idea that this falling is part of your progress. Therefore, keep in mind that nobody, or thing is perfect and because of this, everyone and everything in existence takes a tumble now and then.

With a little more reflection on this line of thought it can be seen that if nothing is perfect, or complete then everyone and everything in existence is in a constant state of transformation, and evolution. For human beings, this evolutionary transformation will involve falling down, getting up, and trying again, maybe many times. This is one of the reasons why you will need support during your evolution. This is true for everyone because human beings need other human beings. This book will provide you with some of the company, and support you will need as you set out on this part of your journey in life. Beyond this, as you evolve you will meet, and have the support and fellowship of others who are also on their way to peace of mind, and new awakenings.

You

This book is written with you in mind. As you read through, you may notice the word you is mentioned often. This is because this book is about you, for you. It is all about your happiness, well-being, and peace of mind. It does not matter what other people think. It is you who has the experience of your life, and it is you who must navigate your way through your life. However, you will not be alone in this venture once you make a start, as just mentioned, you will meet many more like you on the road to peace of mind.

A Way of Life

As you make your way through the first chapter of this book you may be thinking to yourself this is all too much. I don’t need all this stuff! First of all, keep in mind this is not just a book, it is actually a complete course in the management of feelings, attitudes, thoughts, and emotions (your FATE). Therefore, it is not just a few words or quotations strung together to make you feel good while you are reading them, and then leave you in the pits of depression when you discover it is just another illusion. No! This book is a practical guide: a course, a map, and a pathway to a new way of life.

If your overall well-being is not where you would like it to be; take this path, use this map. How you respond to the guidance you receive on your way may well depend on how much your thoughts and feelings have prevented you from living a life of peace, and contentment. For instance, a person who is drowning in a sea of emotional, and mental turmoil will probably be more willing to follow a few guidelines, and simple suggestions than someone who has never known what it is like to be lost, alone, terrified, isolated, suicidal, or completely beaten by life.

In other words, those who have experienced the turmoil, and pain of life will be more willing to take this path, than a person who has not experienced any such personal turmoil. In fact, those who do not have the awareness of at least some of these experiences will probably not get it.

This path will sometimes feel long; sometimes it won’t be long enough; sometimes it will be messy; at times you may even think you are going in circles; there will be long straight stretches; sometimes turns, and twists more suited to roller coasters. However, if you hang in there you will quickly begin to enjoy the journey and begin to feel, and appreciate the benefits of your efforts. So, remember this is not the hundred-yard dash; it is a way of life with lots of simple powerful exercises, and suggestions to help you make it all the way home. So, give it a decent try; it well be worth it!

Steps, Stages and More

Once you have begun using this approach, you will be taking steps that will in turn take you through different stages in your life. The steps will help you manage the thoughts, and feelings you will encounter as you make your way through the different stages. Some of these stages will be identified, and discussed later.

The End of One Decade

As the world came to the end of one decade with the passing of 2020, and the beginning of another, unhappiness, loneliness, anxiety, depression, active addictions, self-harm, suicide, and war are among the many unpleasant human conditions in need of urgent attention. The arrival of the COVID-19 pandemic at the beginning of the new decade made the overall condition of the world appear very bleak. However, as difficult as these conditions are, they will pass, and peace, health, well-being, and harmony will return.

The wisdom of the past will tell you there is a solution for every problem, and a cure for every illness. Sometimes you may have to search hard to find these solutions, but they are there. So, although these are very trying times, they will end, and no doubt they will be replaced by other challenges for humanity. This is just a fact of life, and therefore it is essential to keep in mind that it is in the overcoming of these challenges that new opportunities, and possibilities are born.

Reboot!

Times, and events over which you have no control can be used as an opportunity to reboot your own evolutionary transformation, and give you the opportunity to reaffirm, and service your inner peace, and contentment. This does not mean you will be free of the pains, aches, and challenges of everyday life, and the affects of global conditions. However, it does mean that when these challenges come along you will be well equipped to manage them, and therefore they will not be able to take your peace of mind, or interfere with your overall well-being.

Practicing the steps, and as much of this approach to well-being as possible will provide you with the mental, and spiritual equipment you need to reenergize, and reboot not only your own well-being, but also that of your loved ones. This will happen simply because when you start improving your own life, those around you will feel better immediately. This means the benefits of your well-being extends immediately to your family, your loved ones and friends, before eventually finding its way out into the wider community. This means that everyone benefits from your well-being!

Caution! Warning!

This approach should not be used in place of other remedies you may be using, except on the advice of your doctor:

"This book is not intended as an alternative to

seeking therapy or professional help for a suspected or

diagnosed mental or physical health condition."

The motto of this approach is as well as never, instead of. The exercises, and other suggestions for managing thoughts, and feelings will compliment, any other form of therapeutic remedy you may be using at the moment. It has its foundation in the fundamentals of basic human fellowship, and respect for all, in particular, respect for yourself. It is always good practice to seek out suitably qualified therapists, and physicians, who are willing to work in collaboration with you in all matters relating to your physical, mental, and spiritual health.

Book Layout

This book is a practical guide, and a complete course for managing thoughts, and feelings thereby developing, and sustaining happiness, and peace of mind along with awakening the spirit. It has been designed for practical use. Therefore, in the next chapter you are first presented with the Quick Guide; this will take you through the three core steps, and get you started immediately. By the time you have read through the whole chapter you will know how to practice the three steps. However, although you will feel the benefit of using these steps immediately, on their own they will not be enough to sustain your peace of mind permanently, or awaken your spirit.

As time goes by you will need to work your way through the rest of the material to ensure continued peace of mind, and happiness. To this end, the Quick Guide is followed by essential, and more in-depth discussions on: how to master the steps, measuring, and monitoring your progress, the steps; a bit deeper, affirmations, meditations, addictions, the stages of progress, other faculties, spirituality, concluding thoughts, and a suggested plan of action. The information, and suggestions here are among the essential tools you will need to enjoy a contented, peaceful life permanently; they can be gradually added to your way of life as time goes by, once you get started.

Many examples of the steps are presented throughout the book for your convenience. They are set out without the frills, and trills of normal language, that is, with just the core of what needs to be said. This is done so that what you need to say during sharing does not get lost in conversation. In addition, they are set out often throughout so that you do not have to be jumping between pages to figure out what you are doing. This means some examples will be repeated, some examples will just be similar; all will have subtle differences. In fact, each example will have a deeper meaning each time it is used. Therefore, if you want to get real results quickly it is very important to pay attention to what is written, and what is meant rather than looking for what may or may not be repeated. Either way, keep in mind, repetition is practice, and a principle of mastery; anything repeated word for word in a training guide is extremely important, and you should pay particular attention to it.

A Complete Training Course

Also bear in mind, this book is a complete training course, and since you may not have the luxury of a workshop or seminar you will need to be able to monitor and review your own progress. To this end the chapter on measuring, and monitoring along with the chapters discussing the steps on a deeper level, will review and explain how you can do this yourself.

As with any type of revision or review, this can be challenging, and may sometimes appear overly instructive, however, you are dealing with a very serious subject, and there are subtleties you will need to grasp in this approach if your goal of lasting peace of mind and contentment is to be achieved. Carefully reading through these chapters will help you grasp some of these subtleties. These chapters should not be overlooked!

So, although you will not need all this information when you start out on this part of your journey in life, you will absolutely need it to continue your progress later on. The chapters focusing on the deeper aspects of the steps, are in effect a review of certain very important often unseen, and understated elements of the steps.

Chunk by Chunk

As mentioned earlier there is quite a bit of information in these pages, and if you are trying to manage troublesome thoughts, and feelings the last thing you will want to do is wade through pages of text. Therefore, if you are not a reader as such, don’t worry, take your time, this book is written with you in mind. It is put together in chunks of information for easy access to what you need to know, when you need to know it. In other words, short, easy-to-read paragraphs with as little jargon as possible.

Also, since the book is a complete training course, it means, you will not be able to read through it in minutes, or seconds, but this does not take away from the fact that all the individual tools, and exercises can be memorized in minutes, and applied in seconds. Even the longer meditations, in Chapter 14, can be practiced in under thirty seconds, and lengthened as you wish.

So, although there are twenty-two chapters in this book, they are made up of a