Summary of Shirley P. Glass & Jean Coppock Staeheli's Not "Just Friends"

By IRB Media

Please note: This is a companion version & not the original book.

Book Preview: #1 Emotional infidelity is a growing problem in marriages. It occurs when a partner crosses the emotional boundary of intimacy with a friend, and the partner’s partner is not present for the consequences.

#2 When you’re about to cross the line that separates the richness of friendship from the dangers of something much more intense and destructive, the most obvious red flag is that feeling of attraction that warns you to pull back.

#3 The factors that allow some people to resist the temptation of attraction are vulnerability, commitment, and values. You have to meet someone who attracts you when you have the opportunity and the inclination to pursue it.

#4 It is not uncommon for a concerned partner to be the first to notice that someone else is trying to slip through the marital wall. Irrational jealousy is not the same as rational jealousy, and normal interactions between spouses seem to be strategic moves in the game of seduction.

• Language: English
• Publisher: IRB Media
• Release date: Feb 22, 2022
• ISBN: 9781669351092

IRB Media

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Insights on Shirley P. Glass & Jean Coppock Staeheli's Not Just Friends

Contents

Insights from Chapter 1

Insights from Chapter 2

Insights from Chapter 3

Insights from Chapter 4

Insights from Chapter 1

#1

Emotional infidelity is a growing problem in marriages. It occurs when a partner crosses the emotional boundary of intimacy with a friend, and the partner’s partner is not present for the consequences.

#2

When you’re about to cross the line that separates the richness of friendship from the dangers of something much more intense and destructive, the most obvious red flag is that feeling of attraction that warns you to pull back.

#3

The factors that allow some people to resist the temptation of attraction are vulnerability, commitment, and values. You have to meet someone who attracts you when you have the opportunity and the inclination to pursue it.

#4

It is not uncommon for a concerned partner to be the first to notice that someone else is trying to slip through the marital wall. Irrational jealousy is not the same as rational jealousy, and normal interactions between spouses seem to be strategic moves in the game of seduction.

#5

Jealousy is a normal response to valid suspicions. When a not normally jealous spouse starts getting suspicious, the jealousy is likely based on a threat that is real.

#6

The conditions of Ralph and Rachel’s lives led Ralph to slowly drift into an affair. He wasn’t even aware that he was violating his own principles, except perhaps toward the very end.

#7

As a married couple, Rachel and Ralph were surrounded by a protective wall and looked out onto the outside world through the same window. They had no real secrets from each other. They openly shared their enthusiasms about their friendships with other people because they knew they had nothing to hide.

#8

When Ralph and Lara began to feel attraction for each other, they began to act on it. They began to share more of themselves with each other than with their spouses, and their conversations began to deteriorate.

#9

The boundaries between friendship and romance can be difficult to distinguish, especially in extramarital triangles. Asking yourself about the placement of walls and windows can help you determine when an outside relationship has moved beyond friendship into an extramarital relationship.

#10

The principle that interest creates opportunity is illustrated by the fact that men are more likely to be interested in having extramarital affairs than women. Women, on the other hand, do not understand why a happily married person would want sex with anyone but their spouse.

#11

The most dangerous place for a relationship is at work. The Cup of Coffee Syndrome is when two people who are married to others begin to meet for coffee breaks. They look forward to the chance to relax and talk. Soon, they can’t live without their coffee breaks.

#12

Extramarital relationships are most common among people who have a lot of freedom in their careers. People who are homebound, such as housewives with young children, don’t have much personal freedom during the day.

#13

People who get involved with their coworkers don’t set out to turn their friendships into romances. They are so excited about the unconditional support and acceptance they receive from their colleagues that they don’t notice how their relationship is changing.

#14

Emotional affairs happen between coworkers, but romance between social friends and neighbors is also common. When you see a man and a woman out in public together, you can't be sure if they are just friends or not.

#15

A threat to the marriage is any person who can be an attractive alternative to the marriage partner. Single people on the prowl or married people who openly complain about their current relationship are the most dangerous.

#16

When we share our hidden feelings about another person with our spouse, the intensity and fascination of that secret are greatly diminished. We let reality into fantasy. When Linda opened a window with her husband, she was able to close an old one with her former boyfriend.

#17

Emotional affairs can develop with anyone, whether you’ve ever met them or not. They can develop on the Internet without ever seeing or touching the person you’re involved with.

#18

E-lovers are people who fall in love with each other through their online interactions. They choose a convenient time to post or respond, and they never have to deal with the boredom and irritation of in-person relationships.

#19

There are many similarities between in-person affairs and Internet affairs. They both start innocently enough, and most people never consider the implications of what they are doing. They don’t realize that they can use the same precautions that protect committed relationships from in-person affairs to protect them from Internet affairs.

#20

If you get a yes answer to any of questions 1,