My Eternal Heart

By AuthorHouse

This bookthese collective writings of my mindmy heartand my soul
Are my thoughtsmy emotionsmy turmoilsand my very life in chaosmy very existence in poetic tragedy
So if you so chooseread and do indulgeread and learnread and be merry with life, for we can be the diamond amongst the coal
We can be the outcaststhe everlasting thornsthe faces that stand out in the crowdwe can be the irregularity
Thus I openly and willingly give you my everlasting emotions, my internal turmoil; my eternal heart
To takecherishread and experience something different in your lifeI give you this to begin the dominos falling
The chain reaction of opening your eyesopening your soulseeing and feeling the truth behind every wordbehind every connection you can make with my lifemy experiencesmy amazing works of art
But I merely give this away because I want to see all of your lives startI want to see the world changeI want it allno more stalling!

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Sep 12, 2018
• ISBN: 9781546239338

Book preview

© 2018 Joseph N. Fullerton II. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 09/11/2018

ISBN: 978-1-5462-3934-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5462-3932-1 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5462-3933-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018905050

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

In loving memory of Maria De Los Angeles Navarro Carrera and Clair Elizabeth Campbell.

Thank you to all of my loving friends who gave me their undying support with my poetry, and the strength to continue writing through all of my struggles in this life…all of my hardships.

Thank you everyone…Thank you all for everything.

Table of Contents

Twin Lives of Selflessness

Starlit Dream

Raging Fire

I Can See

Lonely Feelings

Terrible Flame

Burning Desire

Fading Light

Blood Red Raven

The Truth

My Nocturnal Visit

My Dove

Reoccurrence

My Fallen Angel

Alone in the Black

Wasted Tears

Crossroads of Worlds

Chaos without a Light

My Mark

Broken Shadow

Haunted

Trapped

Laid to Rest

The Broken Hearted

My Black Day

Cold Reality

Divine

Forever

This Perfect Beautiful Night

My Eternal Dream

My Moonlit Dream

Frozen in Time

The Last Night

My Scarlet Night

Eternal Silence

Hopeful

My Rose

My Eternal Heart

My Eternal Hope

My Bleeding Rose

My Crimson Legacy

Reborn

My Lost Angel

My One True Desire

I Love You

My Undying Love

My Broken Heart and Soul

My Cure

I’ll Be There

Let It Rain

Faithful

Beautiful Day

My Asylum

My Helpless Rage

We Can Only

Hand In Hand

Forever More

My White Rose

Painful Betrayal

Silver Moon

Buried Past

Moonless Night

My Overdose

Seeking Freedom

Vicious Trend

Dreaming of my Beautiful Moon

Scars

The Man in the Mirror

My Mask

Father

Just out of Reach

Words Left Unspoken

Wanting

Broken Inside

My Love Dreams

I Don’t Care

My Everything

Seductive Kiss

Never Too Late

One Last Kiss

The Missing

Cold Night of May

My Falling Tears

My Tribute

Come One! Come All!

I’m Broken

My Little Devil

A Beautiful Pair

How I Love You

My Lenore

To My…

Our Story

How You Make Me Feel

Hurting

Far Away Dreaming

My Struggles

Waiting for I Do

Long Live the Raven

I Love You Anyway

Next to You

Once Upon a Time

These Eyes

Letter to My Love

Through These Eyes

The Question

My Grave

A Cold October

Unforgotten…Unforgiven

My Poison…My Disease

Better than Dreams

Set On You

Lonely Crow

Bonnie and Clyde

My Puppeteer

Condemned and Forsaken

I’m Fake

In the Cold of a Dark Winter’s Night

I Sing my Life Away

Two Odd Souls

Lovebirds

Half Passed Midnight

Regret

Black Rose

You’re My Everything

I’m Not Giving up on You

Never Say Never

The Shattering of an Emerald

Sooner or Later

Of Lust and Passion

Sweet Cinnamon

Fearing Death

The Shadow of You

My Living Clock

Ashes to Ashes

To Wonder

Mankind

Looking Beyond

The Death of a Man

My Hero

Lost Without You

Through the Darkest Hour of Our Past

This Captivating Violin

Truth, Reality, and Unification

Remembrance

What Is Humane

What Comes Next

Tomorrow Is Today

What is a Man to Do

The Raven and the Canary

Coming Death

A Life Blissfully Undefined

My Everlasting Emotions…My Internal Turmoil; My Eternal Heart

Half-Blood

Petrifying Terror

Where is the Divine?

Looking Forward

This Broken Relic

Sanity…What is Sanity

A Broken Word

Haunting Memories

?

A Familiar Place

The Blackening

Walking a Fine Line

Another Faceless Life

My Darkness

Resistance

Lord

The Raven of my Disparity

The Angel of My Horrors

The Moon of my Sorrows

Unforgotten

Four and a Half Years

The Only Ones in White

To Robin…

No More

Redefining Beauty

What am I?

Unquenchable Rage

J.N.F.

Blood or Not

Nothing But Another Bad Memory

Porphyric Hemophilia

Broken Rhythm

Life on Trial

Losing Sight

Get Over It

My Duality

Tainted

Tainted Violin

Worthy

Cage Sweet Cage

Unconditionally

Never Too Late for You and Me

Damaged

The Void You Left

Betrayed

Fight For Me

Forgiveness

The Edge

Back Again…

Twin Lives of Selflessness

By: Joseph N Fullerton II

10/1/06

This life we share,

These lives that I dare to compare.

They are so brutal…they are so cold,

But non-the-less…they are the same.

They both stride on helplessly and alone,

Pushing through this world and these so-called lives that we share.

Treading with heavy guilt’s, heavy sorrows, and unbearable pains,

Forcing themselves to stride on with nothing but pure determination.

They stride on with unflinching selflessness for those around them,

Helping with whatever problems may come to those they care about.

But these problems…they begin to drive them to their limits,

Yet they continue to stride on, pushing further and further, as if testing something.

Trying to carry all those burdens of their loved ones,

They stride on through this world, alone, doing the best they can to prove something.

But then, these two lives meet…and everything changes,

All the burdens that weighed them down, all the guilt’s that tested their limits, all the pains that tested their strength, and all the sorrows that played on their minds…everything…just vanishes.

Releasing them at last from the chains that bound them and slowed them down for so long,

And for the first time in their lives…they are free.

Free from everything.

And as happy as can be.

Starlit Dream

By: Joseph N Fullerton II

9/30/06

The Beauty of this starlight,

The darkness of this lonely night.

This peace that I’ve found here…it is so bold,

Yet the solitude that it leaves me with…is ever so cold.

The wondrous beauty of this starry night,

Under these heavens, coveted by the light.

Such a beautiful sight to behold,

Even if it be…ever so cold.

A night like this, in memory, will last an eternity,

But this night itself…comes once entirely.

This night, so surreal, it seems like a dream,

But the solitude this night leaves me…it could make one scream.

This night brings such pain and such joy,

This night so wondrous…that not even I wish to destroy.

The love this night brings is overwhelming,

But the love this night steals is quite alarming.

This night flows like a never-ending stream,

But never the less…this night is but a dream.

Raging Fire

By: Joseph N Fullerton II

10/1/06

And now I’m free, yet with bitter peace,

I’m left alone…and my love won’t cease.

Now with my shattered sanity,

I dwell and I drown in this pool of misery.

I waltz and I sway with a drunken stagger,

Yet deep inside…I hold a bloody dagger.

Now my heart aches, and now my heart bleeds,

Yet my love still lives, like a poisonous seed.

Now time has become irrelevant to my soul,

Though it pays the ultimate toll.

I linger…and I wait…in the darkness of my mind,

Abandoned here with a love…so blind.

Yet I’m still here…waiting for what I desire,

The unobtainable…Raging fire.

I Can See

By: Joseph N Fullerton II

10/2/06

You say that I am so blind…and yet I can see.

I can see what others cannot,

My vision begins to blur, yet your blood continues to rot.

Your soul is so tainted…so stained,

Stained by blood…my blood and my pain.

Your smile is so deceitful…so uncaring,

And your so-called love is so sick…so daring.

This dreaded knife in my back…digging in steeper,

And your blood stained hands…driving it deeper,

My withering heart…is so cold…so dead,

And your gleeful soul…is so happy…so free from dread.

My soul is so full of strength…so full of wisdom now, like an ancient tree,

You say that I am so blind…and yet I can see.

Lonely Feelings

By: Joseph N Fullerton II

10/4/06

I am free…I can see,

I can see the light…but will you walk with me?

I plead to you on my knees,

I thank you for saving me…but will you walk with me?

Will you stay by my side?

Will you guide me on and follow me to the morning tide?

Will you walk with me toward the morning sun?

Will you stay until the midnight moon has gone to dawn?

I hope you’ll stay…I hope you’ll listen.

Listen to my plea…listen to my voice so stricken.

I just don’t want you to leave.

Please don’t go, I need you to believe.

To believe that this is true…that this is real.

That my heart and soul are real, and that they aren’t yours to steal.

Yet you don’t care…you don’t believe

You just steal my heart and soul and leave.

You run away and leave me here for dead.

Back here on the ground, bleeding and dying, this is what I’ve always dread.

Terrible Flame

By: Joseph N Fullerton II

10/5/06

Everything is black…there is no light,

Am I blind? Have they taken my sight?

Where am I? Have I been lost?

Will anyone find me…am I worth the cost?

Does anybody even care?

I can faintly see…yet I only see eyes that stare.

Why don’t they help me!? Can’t they see!?

Why do they sit and stare? What is wrong with me?

Am I alive or am I dead?

Where am I? Is this the house that I’ve always dread?

I remember now…this place…I set it a flame,

This place I burned…I burned in my blood and name.

This place I burned…I burned with my terrible flame.

Burning Desire

By: Joseph N Fullerton II

10/6/06

I lie here burning…engulfed by flames,

I am forgotten…abandoned without a name.

No one knows…no one cares,

They all walk past…yet continue to stare.

They all sit back helplessly and hopelessly,

Gazing at the beauty of the flames so heartlessly.

They gaze on, in a trance,

Watching me burn for eternity, not even giving me a chance.

I lie here burning…decaying and rotting,

I lie here burning…guilty and crawling.

Crawling from what should be my grave,

Slowly fading out of existence …forever losing what I crave.

Now everything I once knew and loved is gone,

Accept you…you’re still safe…you alone will live on.

Though everyone else just sits and stares,

You’re the only one held back…the only one who truly cares.

After everything I’ve destroyed, everything I’ve burned,

You still care…at least I saved you, the only one concerned.

I stand here now…still burning…yet the pain is gone,

Here without you…looking up trying to find you…and guide you on.

Fading Light

By: Joseph N Fullerton II

10/10/06

Thy’ light escapes thee’,

And burns…burns into thy’ soul,

Flowing deeper into thy’ heart and thy’ mind,

This endless burning light shines on,

Into thee’ an uncontrollable emotion,

That burns…burns compassion into thy’ life,

And carries the image that thy’ heart so longs for,

And strides for, hoping to be noticed in some way,

Yet nothing changes, this emotion remains unnoticed and unseen,

Thy’ heart bleeds and burns…burns with unbearable pain held with-in,

Thy’ heart and thy’ mind…thy’ light escapes thee’.

Blood Red Raven

By: Joseph N Fullerton II

10/3/06

I lay here in the cold…bleeding upon the ground,

The harvest moon set high above me…blood and water glistening around,

The dense fog of October setting heavy upon me like thick smoke,

Air thinning from the cold…my breathing subsiding as I begin to choke,

I lie here bleeding…yet I continue cravin’,

Cravin’ for that one…that one blood red raven.

That blood red raven that left me here in this broken condition,

Decaying and dying…slowly suffocating from this addiction,

This addiction left to me…that I am so cravin’,

This addiction given to me by that one…that one blood red raven.

That blood red raven that swooped down in the night,

Cut me up and tore me apart…left me for dead and flew out of sight,

Yet it left me with this addiction that I am so cravin’,

This addiction of that one…that one blood red raven.

This addiction I’ve been left with and I remain missin,

This addiction of that one…that one blood red raven,

This lust I have for that raven…this need for what I’m cravin’,

Just for that one…that one terrible killing…blood red raven.

The Truth

By: Joseph N Fullerton II

10/4/06

This love, though it be so divine, it is not mine,

Not mine to hold, not mine to keep, this love has gone away from this shrine.

This love be one that has drifted away,

It flies away and flees in the distance from my sight as I pray.

That love is gone and cannot be replaced…cannot repair,

These scars I hold deep upon my heart are mine with my own despair.

No one can help me…no can save me now,

I have to save myself and fight for my life…I need to find my light somehow.

Until I can see the truth behind all of this, the truth of my life,

The truth behind all these knives and the truth of my strife.

Until I can find the truth and the answer…my solemn prize,

Until I can tell what is truth, and what is lies.

Was the fighting really worth all of this?

Was it all worth losing that which I now miss?

Was it worth the loss all because of a kiss?

Was it really worth all of this?

What is the truth? What is lies?

What have I done? And have I created my own demise?

My Nocturnal Visit

By: Joseph N Fullerton II

11/10/08

A cold black wind screams in the night outside my window,

An icy chill burns down my spine when I see a bleak shadow.

The shadow creeps closer to my bedside and shifts into the light,

My pale killer leans and looms overhead in this dreaded night.

She slithers up next to me and brushes against my cheek,

Her cold flesh chills me to the bone yet now her touch I seek.

She embraces me and pulls me tight,

She sinks into me in one fowl swoop and gives me this nocturnal bite.

I shudder in silence as my neck begins to spill,

She drinks my legacy away in this night of her thrill.

She grasps me…holds me…and takes me in this dark night,

Yet she gives me immortality at the cost of my life.

Her pale soft perfect skin in this bleak dark night,

She is now forever my nocturnal visitor who gave me this bite.

The soul taker of my warm life, but provider of my cold immortality first,

My nocturnal visitor in the night…who has given me this eternal thirst.

My Dove

By: Joseph N Fullerton II

11/15/07

I was once lost and abandoned in the darkness,

But now I’ve been found and saved by the light.

The light of my dove…my dove that found me,

I’m no longer lost and alone…I am loved by that dove that I see.

I’ve found hope…I’ve found love,

I’ve found happiness with her…my delicate dove.

I cherish her and love her with all of my heart,

And she loves me…she gives me hope and a new start.

I’ve cast off the darkness in my heart where I used to dwell,

I’ve removed the knives that were embedded in my back so well.

Now my dove heals my wounds and I forget that which I once knew,

I’ve moved on to a new…no longer shall I desire that which I knew.

I cast off the curse that has plagued me and that love,

I take back my heart and soul to give unto my dove.

She is everything I could ever want and dream of to love,

She is my delicate…sweet…gorgeous dove.

Reoccurrence

By: Joseph N Fullerton II

2/5/08

My heart has stopped once again,

This old pain has come back to haunt me to no end.

As blood runs down my fingertips and drips upon the floor,

I wonder who cares that I’m on the verge of deaths door.

My heart has been ripped out and ripped apart,

The blood stained floor and this blood stained dove have played their part.

Once again my life has fallen…shattered and torn,

Everything’s so dead to me…am I really losing what I so adorn.

The darkness returns and swallows me with no hesitation,

I’m starting to believe this is my home; do I really belong in this lonely destination?

All this suffering…all this madness,

I’m going crazy and can’t do anything about this sadness.

My lonely heart beat…longing for love,

My lonely feelings…derived and attached to that dove.

Everything’s been a waste, all that love all that happiness,

It’s all gone…wasted, taken from me by that dove and left me with this sickness.

It wasn’t enough…I failed…I couldn’t make that dove happy enough,

I failed that dove and I failed that love, it wasn’t enough, now this pain is so rough.

Rough to bear, rough to take, but I failed…I failed that dove for heaven’s sake,

No dreams shall bring me back to that dove; no pain shall exceed that love oh for heaven’s sake.

I have failed.

My Fallen Angel

By: Joseph N Fullerton II

4/20/08

Everything is clear and bright…everything is so white,

I am blind but not by the darkness…yet by the light,

The light of this fallen angel that descends from the heavens tonight,

Her hand outstretched towards me…trying to be my light,

She falls down to me trying to save me from the darkness in my mind,

Her glimmering light resonating from her essence so divine,

Her radiating warmth gives me strength and a second chance,

Her caring soul gives me new life…I’m reborn with our every dance,

This brilliant gleaming fallen angel descending upon me so bright,

I am reborn with new hope…hope to be saved by her light,

This fallen angel descends to me with her shining light,

…Me…the blackest soul of a lost angel…a soul as dark as a moonless night,

She descends to me…her hand outstretched toward me,

My hand outstretched toward her in return with a plea,

A plea to be saved and rescued from the darkness where I am so lost,

She falls to me…willing to save me no matter what the cost,

Her light in my darkness, like the brilliant moon,

Her silver shine in the black…her midnight melodies a beautiful tune,

My brilliant moon that I shall forever follow and trust,

She alone will guide me on