Book of Love: Poems to Light Your Way Home

By Humaira Amy Adams

This collection of poems is the fruit of the authors surrender to life, to unconditional love. The words arose from the ashes of despair, offering themselves as a healing salve for the pain that can accompany enormous change.

Pure intentions fueled the pen, and the power of the words is transformative.

Allow yourself to awaken to the truth of who you are and to the joy that is you by dissolving into the message this book contains.

We are all divinely human and humanly divine. The poetry contained within these pages invites you to claim both aspects of yourself, to say YES to Aliveness and to shine your light to the world and beyond.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Oct 29, 2012
• ISBN: 9781477124789

Humaira Amy Adams

Amy Adams is a poet/writer who wishes to serve Humanity and the Cosmos through authentically expressing what it has come to mean to her to be Divinely Human. Her initial inspiration came from what she has come to call a “tried and true ‘Dark Night of the Soul’ experience“. Insights, poems and writings continue to pour through her to this day, and she will write as long as writing is what’s in front of her. In addition to writing, she enjoys many other things including dancing, singing, walking, reading, nature, conversations, playing… …Joy has become her guide, and it is her intention to allow this Joy to Be contagious, sharing It with everyone she meets through her unique gifts and, ultimately, through her Life lived. “Humaira” is a name that was gifted to her at the time her writings began. Amy has come to know Humaira as a very clear and wise aspect of herself, one who is not censored, but who simply lives naturally and from a place of Aliveness. When Amy aligns herself with her “Humaira energy”, a co-creative synergy seems to occur~which is magical, beyond even the words.

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Copyright © 2012 by Amy Adams.

ISBN:                 Softcover                          978-1-4771-2477-2

                           Ebook                               978-1-4771-2478-9

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

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Contents

Introduction

Prelude

Ready

~Into the Abyss~

Ashes

Pain

The Real Thing

What?

Release

~Death Gives Birth~

Forevermore

I Didn’t Want To Die

Which Do I Choose?

The Unwelcome Guest

I Shall Go Wherever You Lead Me

Don’t Mis-Take This

Saved

What This Is About

What If Death Were Beautiful?

The Contrast

The Cry of the Soul

Unraveled

How To Say Good-Bye

~The Sword of Truth~

Would You Like To Know?

Nothing Matters

What’s Up?

Bass Ackwards

Is This All There Is?

Do You Know Me?

Nothing Matters II

As If I Could Know

~Rise and Shine~

Unveiled

Pieces

The Dance

Why Not?

Success

Awaken

The Call

Come to Your Senses

Humility

Distance

Look in the Mirror

The Container

The Longing Won’t Let Me Go

The Brink

Holding the Light

The Piano

Now

An Easter Invitation

~Seeds of Doubt~

Sometimes

Held Back

Even Now

If I Could Just

One Small Choice

What Now?!!!

Confusion

~Solace~

The Journey Home: God’s Letter to Me

Tears and Raindrops

Be Gentle

Keeper of Souls

Let It All Go

No Joke

Turning Back to God

Soften

With You by My Side

Give It to Me

~Jesus Stops By~

Jesus’ Letter to the World

~Essence Revealed~

These Words Are Writing Me

Who Am I?

There Is No Leaving

Your True Nature

Starstruck

Unless, Until, Unleashed

Nothing You Say

There I Am

How Did I Get Here?

Be Heard

Unlimited

Layers

I Am That

~You Go, Girl!~

The Fulfilled Woman

Profession of Faith

Free

Tonight

How Does It Feel?

Let the Paint Splatter!

Popcorn

Woman

Have You Ever?

I Give Birth to My Self

Along for the Ride

Dance It!

Could I, Can I?

Don’t Think

And Now, I Dance

Hmmm… ???

Delicious

~Sacred Snippets~

Catapulted

Where Are You?

Can We Move On?

Yes, Yes, Yes!!!

The Compliment of All Compliments

Time

You Tempt Me So

The Infinite Game

The Only Thing Left To Do

~Love Affair with God~

Eternal Embrace

Taste Me

Love Song for God

The Love of My Life

Find Me

Fire

Juicy

The Ultimate Lover

New Life

~Playing in the World of Form~

Laugh Yourself to Life

Tag, You’re It

Play

Opposite Day

Live It Up

Life Is Not Meant To Be Hard

Curious

~Nature’s Bounty~

Be the Wave

Cradled

In Awe of Destruction

You Can’t Stop a River from Flowing

Waterfall

Snowed In

Water

The Realm of the Real

Beauty

One-hundred Purple Butterflies

The Mountain in Me

Nature’s Poem

~Love Manifested~

So Sweetly

Last Night

Moments

Letter to My Beloved

Pleasure

Naked

Sparks

My Beloved

Sweet Surrender

Once More

Here, Now

The Love Is There

No More Games

~Mothering with Big Love~

Two Words

Gratitude

Mother

Your True Name

A Million Kisses a Day

An Inner Revolution

~Prayers of Gratitude~

Not About You

Pleasantly Surprised

Always and Forever Blessed

Emptied

One More

Epilogue

Author’s Note

Afterword

About the Cover

Endnotes

Works Cited

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Dedication

~~~

To the One, the All,

may each of us and The All of Us

be supported by the poems in this book during these

ever-changing times

and

To Life,

from the depths of my Being,

thank You for making Yourself known to me…

I Am

Eternally Grateful.

Without poetry you cannot really live,

you can only exist.

Love is poetry.

~Osho~

abyss: n. the primal chaos before the creation

The Random House Dictionary

Introduction

Four years ago I said a prayer that changed the course of my life forever. In a desperate moment, when I was certain things could not get any worse, I fully surrendered my life and the lives of those nearest and dearest to me into the loving arms of God. My prayer went like this:

Dear God, I pray for the Highest Good for myself, my partner, our two beautiful children and our family as a whole. Amen.

That night, I went to sleep with a deep sense of peace, calm and trust. I was at a point where I did not know what to do, but I believed with all my heart that God had and held each of us. I felt relieved, safe, cradled in God’s hands.

Little did I know what that prayer would come to mean.

Within a week, my life began to fall apart. I was plunged into a void so deep that I was sure there was no way out.

Wait, God, I pleaded, this isn’t what I meant. Aren’t you supposed to make things better? Aren’t you supposed to make things right and good? My words seemed to fall into the void right along with me.

Who Am I? Why Am I Here? I used to love those kinds of questions. They had been so intellectually stimulating. However, this time was different. Those questions became scarier than anything because I did not have the answers.

The me I thought I was began to witness my own death. Everything with which I had identified—every role, every so-called achievement, every interest, literally everything—began to dissolve right before my eyes, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I came to suspect that we can die without dying—that what I was experiencing was the true death. To a few close friends, I began saying things like I don’t know how to live through my own death and "I feel like I am dying, and it’s as much beyond my control as it would be if I were."

In frantic moments, I even tried to take back the prayer. I resisted. I fought. I cried. I raged. I became numb. I bargained. I pretended… I did it all.

This lasted for a very long time. I went through the motions of life. It felt like God, the very Being to Whom I had reached out and Whose presence I had sensed so strongly, had just disappeared. There was nothing and nobody onto which I could grasp—no comfort, no solace. It was so much bigger than depression. I wasn’t the old me, but I wasn’t the new me either. I had a sense that there was a new me, something good on the other side of This, but at times I seriously wondered if and even hoped that the whole process would kill me first.

Goals, hopes and dreams meant nothing anymore. I wanted to burn every book I’d ever read, even and especially the so-called spiritual ones. I felt totally disconnected from my loved ones, from Life, from myself and from God.

I experienced being guided to leave everyone and everything, but where was I to go? Several telling dreams and many synchronicities validated and seemed to confirm what I experienced as guidance that was leading me away from my old life. The most painful part of all of this was the piece involving my children. Prior to the dark night, I felt close to them and loved being a mother. When the darkness fell upon me, my connection to my children seemed lost. It felt as if they had died.

There are many details related to what occurred for me during two years of total darkness. I know that sharing my experience will support others who are moving through this trying yet inescapable part of one’s spiritual journey. Additionally, I suspect that writing about what’s occurred will lend itself to further releasing, healing, reconciliation and closure within myself around what has been a challenging process, to say the least. A future autobiography, Dying to Live: One Woman’s Journey through the Darkness and into the Light, is where I’ll share more about what’s actually taken place. For now, though, I want to describe how this book of poetry came into existence.

A couple of years into the process, I began to surrender again. Prior to that point, for a long time, I had not been able to bring myself to do so as the outcome of the initial surrender had put me in a place of such fear that I felt paralyzed. Eventually, though, I saw that I absolutely had to turn back to God if I was to move forward with my life. In fact, it became clear to me that the whole point of the darkness was to bring me humbly to my knees with the Realization that God is Enough.

Slowly but surely, I started to sense God’s presence again. Insights pertaining to the nature of Life began to present themselves to me. There was immense relief and even a bit of hope and excitement around what was occurring and where it was leading. I felt Alive!

Whatever THIS was, I had to follow It. These glimpses of the Beauty that exists on the other side of death came as such a welcome reprieve. I soon came to see how the Dark Night of the Soul,¹ in having awoken me from my illusions, had paved the way for this newness. In the form of poetry, Creation began to actualize Itself through me, and I recognized the darkness as having been the catalyst for this inspired change of direction. The poems eased me into and through what was taking place to the point where it was unclear whether I was writing the words or the words were writing me. Nonetheless, I felt exhilarated, ignited and compelled to oblige these whisperings from my Soul and to take my rightful place in awakening The All of Us from our collective slumber. Furthermore, I knew that, in order to do so, I had to begin with myself. Suddenly, I was clear that this was exactly what I had come to do. I didn’t know what it looked like, but I was ready to take the leap. I had something to go on, and I was so grateful!

It became all that really mattered. It was… If I don’t do This, I will have lived my life unlived. That is, I will have gone through the motions of life, but I will not have lived at all. I internalized, metaphorically, what it meant to die so that I and others may Live.

While All is Always Well, there is, seemingly paradoxically, the piece of… What are you waiting for?

And the answer, for each and every one of us, is… The One you are waiting for is You.

It is time! Life is happening now! Which do I choose? Do I choose to live the life that’s expected of me, the life where there is safety and security, the life where there is no spontaneity and, simply put, the life that leads to a sign on the road that says Dead End, or… OR do I choose to take a leap of faith, to jump and trust that the net is there, to release all of the naysayers (including and especially the ones in my own mind) and to follow the sign that says One Way, the sign which leads me to my true Home?

I choose the latter.

Why?

Two and a half years of what felt like the absolute worst experience I could ever endure became my Biggest Blessing.

My journey into the Darkness delivered me to Who I Am—a Spiritual Being who is conscious and free, a Cosmic Beam of Light. In losing my self with a small s, I found my Self with a capital S, the Self who can never be lost or harmed in any way.

I am aware that what has occurred in my life isn’t meant for me alone. In fact, I have come to see that it’s not even about me: it is about getting out of my own way so that what wants to serve through me can do so.

This is what I have come to Be and Do, and everything else pales in comparison. For me, the Journey to the Soul is the only journey really worth taking. I am stepping into my Destiny.

Expressing The Joy That I Am, serving in the way I’ve been uniquely designed and called to serve, doing what’s mine to do—nothing more, nothing less—THIS is how I care to live my life from here on out.

Claiming our Divinity is the highest form of Humility. As each of us does so in our own lives, we invite others to do the same and, finally, once and for All, we create Heaven on Earth. That’s all we’ve ever really been trying to do.

It is time to make what I have experienced as the Choiceless Choice. As each of us awakens, The All of Us awakens, and we Rise.

If you sense, like I do, that you have a unique role to play during this time of unlimited potential and endless opportunity—if you sense that there is Something More for you, TO you—then I know you will be touched by what I have to share.

I believe we are at a Crucial Point in time. We would do well with some serious reflection as to where we are headed in our personal lives and the life of The Collective. Do we choose the Dead End or the One Way Road to Infinity?

These poems invite you to the One Way Road. What is more, they are reflective of my journey and how I have experienced and continue to experience this ongoing process. Parts of it were not pretty, and I did not hold back or censor when writing about those times. Because of that, some of the poems may seem a little harsh or even offensive. The intention is not to offend but to authentically depict how one might feel during the darkest of hours. I did not want to lie about or sugarcoat what it was like for me as I know I appreciate transparency when searching for validation and support. Death and Birth are messy. We cannot expect them to be tidy, neat, prim and proper while still allowing room for natural expression. As you read the poems in the section entitled The Sword of Truth, I invite you to hold in your mind the image of a woman in childbirth. Can we allow this process to be what it is for each of us?