He Left; But I Lived: Overcoming Heartbreak, Divorce and Depression

By Tishley Janeene

The betrayal of infidelity is life-shattering. When the man you love, who you have invested years of your life and energy into, cheats on you— only anguish can follow. This devastation is the death of love, dreams, and plans. Many women never recover from the crippling effects. However, there is hope. There is healing. You can be happy and whole again.

"He Left; But I Lived" chronicles the story of Tishley Janeene's personal journey through the pain and grief of betrayal, depression, and divorce. This book will guide you through each stage of healing from relational trauma and lead you to the place of being fulfilled as a healed, happy, whole woman.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Oct 1, 2021
• ISBN: 9781098339876

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© Tishley Janeene 2020

ISBN: 978-1-09833-986-9

eBook ISBN: 978-1-09833-987-6

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

SURVIVE: to remain alive or in existence; live on (Merriam Webster)

TRIUMPH: a victory or conquest; a notable success (Merriam Webster)

To survive is to simply continue to exist after an experience but to triumph is to overcome it and WIN!

Tishley Janeene

I wrote this book once and completed it. On the day I was doing my final edit on the finished draft, there was a mysterious glitch on my computer that caused the entire book to vanish from my flash drive and my hard drive. God had instructed me to WRITE THE BOOK, and now it was gone. I tried to recover it, but it was not possible.

I WANTED TO GIVE UP. I cried and cried and cried to those closest to me. I went into a depression over it. I grieved as if I had lost my child because it was my baby.

I took both the flash drive and computer to every repair shop in town to try to restore it. I became a computer geek trying to Google my way upon a recovery. NOTHING WORKED. A person at one repair shop told me, I have never seen this happen. It is extremely rare for anything to disappear from both drives.

At that point I knew it was something bigger than just a technological glitch. At first, I blamed the devil: He just did not want this book to happen. But as I was praying one day, God spoke to me and said, It wasn’t the devil, it was me.

I thought, Lord, WHAT?!?! What do you mean because You told me to do this?

He said, I had to interrupt you because the story wasn’t finished.

And that is when I knew I had to start over. I did not want to, but everyone in my life who knew me well encouraged me not to quit. Every time I would sit down to write, I would get so angry that I had to start completely over until I could not even press one key on my keyboard. Day after day I tried to start writing again but I could not. I would complain and vent about how angry I was, and everyone would tell me, YOU HAVE TO STILL DO IT!

Then one day, someone dear to me stopped me in the middle of my vent session and said, I can’t baby you anymore because either you want to do this, or you don’t. He continued, You being angry about it is not getting you ahead, so you can stay here and wallow in it or you can start writing and move forward; it’s up to you.

In that moment, something came alive in me. The next day, I sat at my computer with those words still ringing in my mind and I prayed. I started writing that day more than I had written in months. Over a year later, here I am. The journey to HERE has had highs and lows, ups and downs; but every moment had a purpose, and it has all been worth it.

Throughout this book, you will see sections entitled Listen, because whenever I speak publicly during counseling sessions or motivational speeches to women, I get to a place where I really want to stress a point to the audience, and I start by saying Listen, which means pay close attention to this part. These sections in the book are where I pause from telling my story to sharing the personal lessons that I learned through each phase of my experience. I share these experiences in hopes that it will encourage, uplift, and inspire each reader in some way.

This is my story of going from tears to triumph and some of the lessons that I learned along the way that made me the strong, confident, and secure woman that I am today. The purpose of sharing my journey is not to relive the pain or the negative emotions of the experiences, but it is a celebration of victory that was earned through blood, sweat, and tears.

I called my ex-husband a short while into the process of writing this book to talk to him. While we had made amends and were cordial at the time that I started writing, we had not had a conversation regarding all that had happened between us, for the sake of closure and clarity. The day that I called him, we talked, and in that conversation, we mutually extended apologies for our wrongdoings and gave real closure to that season of our lives.

We have both moved on and are better people today because of that experience. I certainly would have never become who I was created to be had we not gone through that difficult time. It all had aPURPOSE.

I write these words today not to humiliate or expose others; because when you are really healed, your story is about YOU and your victory only. I wrote this book to chronicle HOW I SURVIVED and to shed light on the blessings that can come through choosing to be honest, to heal, and by choosing God. I hope that this book inspires women all over the world and helps them to move from a mindset of just surviving to thriving.

Contents

DEDICATION

FOREWORD

INTRODUCTION

Chapter 1 - The Beginning: The Foundation of Being Me

Chapter 2 – Discovering God; Discovering ME

Chapter 3 – The Man I Met While Looking for God

Chapter 4 – Be Careful What You Ask For: The Engagement

Chapter 5 – I’m Getting Married: Unrealistic Dreams and False Expectations

Chapter 6 – Is This All There Is? WHERE IS MY DREAM MARRIAGE?

Chapter 7 – LET THE GAMES BEGIN! Cheaters Never Win.

Chapter 8 – YOUR HUSBAND IS?

Chapter 9 – The Aftermath: Dealing with DEPRESSION

Chapter 10 - Coming Up for Air

Chapter 11 – Finally Recovering Me

Chapter 12 – Know When To Hold Them, Know When To Fold Them.

Chapter 13 – FORGIVENESS: The Key To Life.

Chapter 14 – Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Chapter 15 – Divorced......... Now What?

Chapter 16 – Dating and Waiting, Without Wasting Time

Chapter 17 – A New Love and Broken Pieces

Chapter 18- In Conclusion......

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to my wonderful parents, Pastor W. Ben, and Peggy Harris, who have been the most supportive, loving, and nurturing people I have known all my life. Everything that I am is because of who you are and all the values that you both instilled in me. I pray that as you look at me and my life that it is a great reflection of how amazing the two of you are and of your sacrifice, your labor, and your love. I love you both beyond words, beyond time, and beyond space.

To my brother, Jeremie Jake Harris, we have been the ONLY two peas in the pod since day one. You are so much more than a big brother; you have always been my protector, an awesome friend, and a great support to your baby sister. I love you forever.

To my Original 8 Spiritual Daughters who stood with me and by me through it all. You all gave me more reasons to keep living than you will ever know. I love you all.

To all my mentees and daughters around the world; whatever you believe is great in me, for you to follow and admire, my desire is that you all go beyond that; to do more and be even greater!

To every Spiritual Leader, Spiritual Sister, Mentor, Co-worker, and Friend who supported and pushed me through any part of my journey with prayer, encouragement, prophetic insight, and even force, (LOL) I love and appreciate each of you for pushing me into purpose.

To a very dear friend who made major financial investments into this project. You believed in me when I did not believe in myself. You pushed me and every time I waivered, you were a constant source of strength. Love and thanks, forever.

To all my loyal and consistent followers, thank you for the genuine love and support.

FOREWORD

WOW!  He Left, But I Lived is a depiction of life experiences familiar to couples who appeared to have the perfect life. I am proud of Tishley Williams allowing God to use her to be transparent in the journey from being a victim to living in victory.

This book tells of how God’s amazing love can result in grace and forgiveness being given despite the circumstances according to Colossians 3:13: "Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive".

He Left, But I Lived shares examples of Corinthians 12:9: My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Each reader will be able to learn how God is always in control and aware of every embarrassing detail of your life.

Deliverance, Despair, Disappointment, Freedom, Heartbreak, Joy, Peace, and Restoration are themes explored in this book. Each theme provides the background of Tishley Williams learning about her calling and purpose as she learned how to Trust in the Lord with all her heart and lean not to her own understanding, according to Proverbs 3:5 and encourages each reader to do the same.

Beverly Cole-Bennett, Ph.D.

INTRODUCTION

Divorce is trauma. It feels like death. It enacts the exact same process of grief as death. It leaves you feeling shattered and exposed, yet invisible at the same time. There are not many things, aside from a natural death, which compare to the pain and devastation of divorce. I experienced this pain several years ago. I thought that I would never survive it. I thought that if nothing else, the depression would kill me. The heartbreak literally hurt in my soul like a physical pain in my body. I did not know how I would ever recover, but I did, only by God’s grace; and this is the story of how I made it.

Monday, December 29, 2008. It was approximately 3:00 a.m. I had been asleep but was awakened by the phone’s ring. It was the call that no woman, especially a wife, ever wants to get. A female voice spoke clearly on the other end and asked me Do you know where your husband is?

I said, No, but I am sure you do. I knew who she was, and I knew that this day would come. Before I could even sit up in my bed to focus or respond, she began telling me where he was: that he was with another woman and how he had been lying to both of us. I could hear her, but only minutes into the conversation, I zoned completely out. I was there, I was conscious, I was awake but completely detached from that moment.

I could hear her talking, but my mind was replaying photographic snapshots of scenarios and occasions: good times- times when my intuition gave me red flags and I ignored them. I remembered times when I trusted and honored this man’s words which now proved to be lies. I thought of all the times when I had sacrificed, submitted, and given the utmost respect to him as my husband.

As she told me of the times she had been with him, his daily schedule, and how they had been in a full relationship for over a year, I was paralyzed by this reality. I felt so much anger raging in me that my hands were shaking holding my phone. This was the point of no return. I could not turn back. I could not press rewind. I could not erase this call from history, and I really had no clue just how much that one phone call would change my life forever. It seemed like the days of my life had started going in slow motion at that moment. My husband had cheated on me with not only one, but with multiple women. This was only the beginning of an exceptionally long journey- full of pain, growth, and purpose.

Chapter 1 -

The Beginning: The Foundation of Being Me

I grew up in a traditional two-parent, Christian home. Both of my parents were born and raised in the small city in Michigan that I was also raised in. As kids, both their families knew each other well. In junior high school, they played together as kids and began dating in high school. They attended separate schools, but it was such a close-knit community where everyone knew everyone, so they were still able to interact with each other quite a bit. They dated exclusively all four years of high school and even attended each other’s separate school proms.

They both graduated high school and went on to separate colleges, still dating each other. After a year or so of college, they both returned home to look for work. My dad always tells the story of how he knew then that my mother was the one, because she was not an easy catch. He says that he did not want to lose her, so he made his move, and they got married at ages 19 and 20 in a small ceremony held at their pastor’s home, surrounded by their closest family and friends. My big brother came on the scene first, and I arrived six years later. Our little family of four was complete. My parents started creating the framework for our lives.

They both had deep roots in the church as children. They were raised in the time when children did not have the option to choose whether they wanted to attend church or not. My mother was raised by two wonderful, loving parents, who were also amazing grandparents. I have countless memories of amazing times spent with them, spoiling all their grandchildren. They were so lively and fun. Their presence brought sheer joy to my life. My grandmother Beatrice taught mom all the essentials of being a great wife and mother. My dad was also raised in a two-parent home but his mother, Hattie, passed away when he was only 16, so I never had a chance to meet her, but I have heard the stories he tells that make her seem like a strong, yet loving, and nurturing woman.

My dad’s father was present in his life, especially as he got older. During my dad’s younger years, Grandad enjoyed living an active life, doing the things he loved to do, so he was not an extremely nurturing father to my dad, but he loved his family dearly. He too was an exceptionally good grandfather to all his grandchildren.

My dad’s godparents, Jim Poppa Jim and Clover, Momma Clover Williams, took my dad in and under their wings as their own child when he was just a boy. They provided much of the stability, love, and guidance that he received after his mother’s passing.

My parent’s pastor, the honorable, late, Reverend A.T. Rev and his wife, Helen Nanny Williams also played a very intricate part in both my parents’ lives when they were in their formative years. They became spiritual mentors to my mom and dad. Rev taught my dad so much about spiritual things as well as about being an integral man of God, a husband, father, and leader.

I remember many days of my father getting a phone call from one of them and rushing out the door to go to their house to see what they needed. He loved and respected them immensely. They lived just one block up from where we lived at that time. My dad would go and spend hours with them, learning and gleaning from their wisdom. He would be studying and listening to music with Nanny who was over all the music at their church and was known for bringing the hottest new songs from choirs in bigger cities for their church choir to learn and sing. My dad was one of the best choir directors anywhere. He is still known locally to this day for his spectacular choir directing skills.

Some of my fondest childhood memories are of my dad and I in the living room with the music playing so loud that sometimes things on the walls and tables would be rattling (LOL). We loved music in our house. My dad had covered one whole wall of our living room with mirrors. He would play his gospel albums and start directing to the music in the mirror as if he were in front of a full choir. He would be moving to the music, and I would just sit on the couch watching him enjoy himself, feeling so safe and protected just in the warmth of his presence. Then he would take my hands, stand me up, and put both of my feet on top of his feet, moving my hands with his to the music, as if we were both directing. We would do this together for what seemed like hours sometimes (but I am sure it was only one or two songs…LOL). He loved it and so did I. My parents gave my brother and me the gift of music and so many other incredible multi-cultural experiences, but most importantly, they gave us God.

My dad served in many church leadership capacities from Teacher, to Deacon, to Finance Officer, to Sunday School Superintendent, along with my mother serving and singing like an angel right by his side. After several leadership transitions, my father became the pastor of that very same church where they currently serve to this day.

I have watched them sacrifice so much of themselves and give up their time and energy for God’s work and His people. They still do today. I have watched them be mishandled and mistreated, overlooked, and underestimated many times without any obvious retaliation. I saw them love and honor God’s people, no matter how they were treated at times. This is a great example of what serving God really looks like. They are so committed to their faith.

My parents exemplified Christian principles in our home daily. God was the standard of their lives and our household. They were not perfect, and every day was not easy, but they did not let us, as their children, see how tough times really were (and I am sure there were some extremely hard times). They loved my brother and me enough to protect us from their adult struggles and by not burdening us with grown-up issues, to the best of their ability. In my opinion, a huge part of parental love and responsibility is protecting children from adult situations.

My childhood was amazing. My parents were very present and active in our lives, in our school activities, in our education, and in the development of our spiritual beliefs and morals. Although we did not have as much as some people had, I did not know until years later that we were probably classified as a very low-income family because our home was filled with so much laughter and love. It felt like we were rich and in fact, we were! Rich in LOVE. They made the best of the little that we had. My dad fixed up the tiny little house we were renting, and often tells the story of how our landlord would deduct all the repairs that he had to make on the house from the rent each month. Dad patched things up and made old make-shift things look brand NEW! LOL. And whenever possible he bought it new! He worked hard to give us nice things. The house was small but to me it felt like a mansion.

My parents both worked full-time to provide all that we needed and a lot of what we wanted. My brother and I shared a tiny room with a bunk bed and one six-drawer dresser that we split evenly. My mother wanted us to be culturally well-rounded, so we both had swim lessons every summer to keep us busy. She put me in tap dance and ballet classes, and my brother took piano lessons weekly, which led to us having a huge piano in our tiny bedroom so that my brother could practice between the lessons. The piano soon became a toy for our company to play with and a place to store the clothes that we did not want to fold and put away, lol. With a dresser, a bunk bed and the piano, nothing else could fit into that room except our tiny little bodies, but we loved every second of it.

All our family on both my mother’s and father’s sides would all come over together for birthdays, holidays, or just because. Everyone would pack into that little house like sardines, and nobody cared about how tight the space was because there was so much love. We enjoyed so much family time, love, and laughter in that house and in general. This type of family experience taught me to value connections with PEOPLE more than material things.

When I was nine years old, my parents purchased our first home. My brother and I were so excited to have our own rooms. My daddy always made me feel like a princess. He painted two of my walls pink and the other two walls purple, just as I requested, to match my purple carpet. He took me to a furniture store called Al Perri where many low-income and middle-class people could get furniture on credit and make monthly payments. He let me go into the store to pick out any bed that I wanted, and of course, this beautiful wood canopy bed caught my eye because I wanted a princess bed. I immediately fell in love with it and my daddy bought it!

Mom took me to another store to pick out bedding, and I picked a pastel checkerboard-patterned, canopy comforter set. I do not know if they could comfortably afford to do all of that at that time, but they did it because they loved us. They wanted us to know how it felt to work hard and have nice things. For me, it was not just about being spoiled, as some people said that we were, but it taught me good work ethic and that hard work pays off. It also taught me the importance of learning how to take care of the blessings that you receive.

There are so many wonderful, funny stories and