Pressing Reset: When Life Forces You to Start Over Again

By Hames Jr. Charley

Many people live frustrated and dysfunctional lives because no one took the time to prepare them for the change that was bound to happen. Pressing Reset is not just designed to help you cope with change. This book gives you the tools to identify the change and to help you successfully reset and start over again.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Spirit Driven
• Release date: Jan 1, 2015
• ISBN: 9781495137129

Book preview

PRAISE FOR

PRESSING RESET

I applaud Dr. Hames for writing such a relevant and timely book. Pressing Reset is possible in all our lives and relevant throughout our lives. Thanks for such an encouraging lesson in life.

— Bernard J. Tyson, chairman and CEO,

Kaiser Foundation Hospitals and Health Plan, Inc., Oakland, CA

Dr. Charley Hames, Jr. came into Oakland, CA, loving mercy, doing justly, and walking collegially with the ecumenical family of Christian leadership. I have seen him weather the storm of a beginning pastorate and mold the Beebe Memorial Cathedral community into a national pulpit where the most respected voices of the gospel proclaim hope and high inspiration to a historically oppressed people. I believe you would do yourself well by reading this book and purchasing a copy for those you care about.

— Rev. Dr. J. Alfred Smith, Sr., senior pastor emeritus,

Allen Temple Baptist Church, Oakland, CA

Life is made up of a series of complexities and opportunities to explore new avenues by pressing reset. We are indebted to Charley Hames, Jr. for his intellectual honesty and transparency as he instructs us to start over again.

— Rev. Dr. Ralph Douglas West, senior pastor,

The Church Without Walls, Houston, TX

Rev. Dr. Charley Hames, Jr. is one of the most progressive ministry minds in the U.S. His messages transcend race, gender, class, and spiritual background. In the text contained in his book, I’m sure all who experience it will be blessed. The churched and unchurched, the spiritual freshman and the spiritual scholar will reap the wisdom contained in this writing.

— Wright L. Lassiter, III, President,

Henry Ford HealthSystem, Detroit, MI

In Pressing Reset, my friend, Dr. Hames, shares his personal testimonies in order to shed light that we are all the same…we all experience moments of darkness when we feel alone. Dr. Hames reminds us that we can turn our power back on when we accept that God is working in that darkness to allow us a moment to reset and become more connected to our purpose than before the darkness. This is a great read if you want to grow closer in your relationship with God!

— Terri J. Vaughn, actress and producer

Copyright © 2015 by Rev. Dr. Charley Hames, Jr.

All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated,

are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®.

Copyright© 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc.

Any internet addresses (websites, blogs, etc.) printed in this book

are offered as a resource. They are not intended in any way

to be or imply an endorsement by Charley Hames, Jr.,

nor does Charley Hames, Jr. vouch for the content of these

sites and numbers for the life of this book.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,

stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any

means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any

other—except in the case of brief quotations in printed reviews,

without the prior permission of the author and publisher.

Spirit Driven Publishing ™

JP Designs Art, cover design

David Moratto, interior design

DeShong Perry-Smitherman, copy editor

First Edition

Printed in the United States of America

This title is also available as an eBook.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014920621

ISBN: 978-0-578-15537-1

I dedicate Pressing Reset to my deceased parents,

Leona Elizabeth and Charley Sr.,

who shaped me into the person I am today.

I miss you so much and wish you could

be here for this moment.

To my three

— Charles Jonathon, Elijah Immanuel, and Jael Deon

I pray that this work will make you proud

and encourage you to strive for excellence.

I love you with all of my heart, and you continue

to be my motivation to make an impact in this world.

To my Michelle

for being beyond supportive to me in the loss of my father

and lovingly nurturing me back to the place of writing again.

To the Beebe Memorial Cathedral family

who allowed me to grow with you as your leader and servant.

To my true friends

who challenged me, motivated me, prayed for me,

and believed in me along the journey.

CONTENTS

FOREWORD by Rev. Dr. Frederick D. Haynes, III

PREFACE by Rev. Dr. Charley Hames, Jr.

INTRODUCTION It Happens to All of Us

1EVERYTHING CHANGES: MANAGING THE SHIFTS

2I AIN’T GOT NOTHING TO LOSE!

3FINDING THE CONFIDENCE TO BREAK OUT OF SAFE MODE

4TURNING THE POWER BACK ON

5RECOVERY MODE

6RESET REDEFINED: COPING WITH GRIEF AND LOSS

7FINISHING YOUR ASSIGNMENT: THE PURPOSE OF RESET

810 THINGS I LEARNED WHILE PRESSING RESET

GLOSSARY OF RESET TERMS

FOREWORD

THIS BOOK IS right on time! It’s encouraging and empowering to be on the receiving end of exactly what you need, just in the nick of time. This happens when your vehicle is low on gas and a gas station appears! Who hasn’t discovered their phone battery was just about to die and then their eyes excitedly discovered a power outlet? Due to the recent Great Recession so many people were thrown into the darkness of uncertainty. Many lost so much, if not everything. Homes were forced into foreclosure, families were broken, jobs were lost and lives were turned upside down. The African-American community, in particular, suffered from an economic slashing in half of its wealth. How do you get it back together when everything has fallen apart? Dr. Charley Hames has written this book for such a time as this! What appeared to be a dead end can become a detour to new life. If your life has shut down in the darkness of defeat and discouragement, this wonderful book will show you how to press reset.

I find it both timely and poetic that the first book written by Dr. Charley Hames is entitled Pressing Reset: When Life Forces You to Start Over Again. I have had the privilege of preaching for Dr. Hames at the historic Beebe Memorial Cathedral CME Church in Oakland, California for many years. He was appointed to a church with a rich history but her best days appeared to be in the distant past. The black community in the city of Oakland, like the rest of the beautiful Bay Area, was trying to withstand the rushing tide of gentrification that was resulting in the dislocation of families and the subtle but hostile economic takeover of traditional African-American communities. Many black churches in the Bay Area are in a sad state of declining membership, in part, due to the urban removal of church members who had worshipped and served faithfully in their churches, but have been forced to move and priced out of what had been their home and neighborhood. It is said, on the black church grapevine, that the church community in the Bay Area is where preachers and their ministries go to die. Evidently, no one told Dr. Hames. Beebe is one of the fastest growing churches on the West Coast. Whenever I know that someone is moving to the Bay Area before they ask for a church reference I tell them to check out Beebe and Dr. Charley Hames!

Beebe Memorial Cathedral has been reset. Under the progressive and prophetic leadership of Dr. Hames the church has experienced revival and has become the headquarters for social activism and community rebuilding. He has opened the doors of Beebe to host activists and notables from the Rev. Al Sharpton to Angela Davis. Millennials and young adults have come to claim Beebe as a church home where the pastor preaches in their language — a place where sermons inspire, challenge and change lives. I know this because my youngest sister made her way back to attending church by going to Beebe.

The spiritual revival experienced by Beebe is reflected in the beautiful renovations that have taken place necessitated by how Dr. Hames has spurred the church’s growth. Those familiar with organizational growth and leadership will surely appreciate that behind the expansion and success of this church was a dark period of conflict and challenge that could only have been orchestrated by leadership wise enough to press reset. Dr. Hames is the wise leader who knows how to lead a church through darkness into the glittering light of a new day.

As a pastor and man of faith, Dr. Charley Hames has not been exempt from the darkness of personal and family heartbreak. He did not write this book from a mountain peak disconnected from valley realities. I honestly wondered if his ministry would survive his marriage ending in divorce. Churches are often filled with members who put ministers on a pedestal and then use the ministers as target practice for their pious judgments and vicious attacks. I’ve known pastors whose marriages broke down only to have their anguish amplified by unforgiving members who, in their minds, disqualified the pastor from his or her spiritual post of leadership. Of course, I’m not excusing bad behavior that has often brought scandals to what should have been places of sanctuary; but good hearted women and men who faithfully serve churches are often wounded by the very people they have stood by through divorce, death, disease, disappointment and the myriad of problems that beset the human condition.

Dr. Hames, as a public servant, with a high profile, negotiated and navigated the private darkness of divorce while ministering to his children, church and community. Somehow he found, as he brilliantly writes that we can find the light in darkness. From the vantage point of being a friend and colleague I appreciate and admire the wisdom he shares from his lessons learned in the school of hard knocks. He insightfully illustrates that sometimes, like a computer, we go through seasons of darkness in order to be reset. Charley Hames, Jr. has been reset. Charley Hames, Jr. shares with great judgment and sensitivity how to start all over from wherever you may be.

Charley Hames, Jr. is energized with expectation as he is on a mission to reset lives and communities. He is a committed preacher of the gospel as well as a politically active and socially conscious minister. My friend is determined to reset disadvantaged communities and make the world a better place. His message motivates and makes a difference.

I especially was blessed and inspired by chapter four: Turning the Power Back On. He does a masterful job of illustrating how we can be positioned for new possibilities purposed by God. He will make use of your imagination as a reader, as you see him sharing his experiences with computers and smartphones and then gleaning lessons for living renewed, reinvigorated and reset. Read this book ready to highlight insights and illustrations that you will rehearse, replay and relay to others. If you are ready to be turned back on, this chapter and book is a must read for you. If you are ready to not simply feel better, but do better this book will provide you with inspiration that will lift you and practical instructions that will guide you.

The great 18th century Danish Christian philosopher Søren Kierkegaard, declared, Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forward. Hames has looked in the rearview mirror and received insights and understanding that will empower the reader to live forward.

PREFACE

SO MANY PEOPLE feel they have no alternative but to stay in an unsatisfactory condition that they may be experiencing in their lives. A few people learn how to cope with it, while others try to run from it. Yet many don’t attempt to become free of the viruses that have infected that internal computer running in the background, directing how life is experienced day to day. Many people have not learned how to launch an antivirus program — instead, they try to function with the existing system as is and they develop workarounds to manage the dysfunction. They press through their situations without hope that things can be different. Some people live more than half their lives never realizing their purpose or benefiting from the promises God has made for them.

My motivation for writing Pressing Reset came from a knowingness that life can be free — that you can live beyond misery and mayhem if you learn to press reset. The purpose of this book is to remind you that it doesn’t