Cuckold: A Married Mans (Persons) Guide to Infidelity

By Roger Thompson

This book is for those who are not yet married and for those who are married and have contemplated an affair. Marriage used to be the reward we sought after graduation. Now, unless we choose carefully, it is more than likely to be a punishment. No matter how carefully one chooses his affairee, the outcome is more often punishment than reward. Whatever way you choose, go slowly. Keep in mind that being single is not so bad and is becoming more popular. That initial fondness or statement of love is no guarantee of long term survival. Being happy and single is a lot easier than being locked into a miserable relationship.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Feb 7, 2013
• ISBN: 9781479739356

Book preview

Prologue

Question: if you are having sex with one woman and one more woman walks into the bedroom, what do you have? Answer: Divorce proceedings.

Due to circumstances beyond my control I write this from a man’s point of view. This does not mean I am overlooking women’s roll in infidelity, as Alfred Kinsey found out, only 26% of females had extramarital sex while 50% of males cheated. Now this could have changed since his report as women have nearly caught up to men in most other ways, why not in having affairs?

There are probably no other subjects other than war, violence and porn that have so dominated literature throughout the history of mankind. The Homeric epic poem The Iliad Is probably one of the oldest written works in western literature. In this poem, Helen, the wife of the Achaean Menelaus, is abducted by the Trojan Paris to whom she had previously been espoused and is spirited away to his homeland of Troy. She more than likely went willingly as Paris was a real stud, but since Helen was actually still married, we are looking at a very early recorded case of adultery. So Menelaus, Agamemnon and all the other Achaeans get pissed and are in no way going to let Paris get away with kidnapping the king’s wife. No matter what the cost they are going to seek revenge and return Helen to Menelaus. The cost was even greater than they anticipated. They gathered all their forces, set sail and lay siege to Troy for the next ten years in an effort to bring Helen home. Many Gods on both sides were involved in the battle, unlike today where only one God remains and no one can agree as to whose side he’s on. If we were to draw a parallel today it would be our reaction to go to war over the trade center disaster. What a coincidence, also 10 years and counting. It’s like we have our own little Trojan war.

We know that sex is on everyone’s mind when we look at which subjects get the most hits on Google. Number one by a country mile is PORN; next in order comes the weather, Justin Bieber and finally GOD.

Fiction, non-fiction, Drama; makes no difference, the works of literature through history are full of adultery. Even the Bible, our western guide for morality, is loaded with stories of infidelity. It is mentioned in the Ten Commandments, all four gospels and in ten other books of the Bible. Abraham and Jacob were both written about in the bible as being unfaithful. It turns out they suffered from the same urges and lust as we do. This dilemma has been going on for thousands of years and chances are good that it will never cease. That desire for one who is married to be with a person other than their spouse is a problem history has accepted and the modern world has learned to live with, unless you are the injured spouse. Religions all teach us that marriage is the ultimate building block for civilization. Aristotle taught that faith and reason were compatible, so why is it that we ignore both when it comes to marriage? Why over several thousand years does it seem that nothing has changed? Or has it changed? Growing up in the 1940’s and 50’s, neither my parents nor any of their friends had found it necessary to obtain a divorce. All my friends in grade school thru high school lived with both parents. Yet by 1980 75% of children were living in a single parent home. What happened? Well, for one thing, we have continually made divorce easier to obtain. In 1969 California passed the no fault divorce law so that any reason suddenly became good enough grounds for divorce and all that remained was to divide up the loot and the kids. Of course that opened up another can of worms as the playboy bunnies began to look on the rich old CEO’s as fair game and an easy road to wealth, a quickie marriage and a quicker divorce. So even though infidelity has remained fairly consistent through the ages the path to divorce has become quick and easy, that is, as long as you are not a Muslim.

A man who chooses to have sex with another man’s wife has been called a Cuckold. The name is coined from the European Cuckoo bird that dumps their eggs and the full responsibility for raising the ensuing young into the nests of other species. The cuckoo’s eggs are programmed to hatch first for females have the unique ability to holdback fully developed eggs for up to 24 hours. This gives the cuckoo chick a head start in size so they are able to dispose of the competition by tossing them from the nest.

Let’s Define Our Terms

So, two women are talking while at the market. One says, Did you hear that Russ Baker is having an affair. The other women said, Really? Who’s the caterer?

To us, infidelity is when a man or a woman has an affair with someone other than his mate and keeps it a secret usually by a series of lies. One of the partners has thus become sexually dishonest. The word infidelity comes from the word infidel, which means someone who has betrayed or been unfaithful to their religion. This word is in common use now as we fight in Muslim countries who view all westerners as infidels. It can also simply mean someone who lacks faith. Over time it has assumed a new meaning; one who is not faithful to their spouse or one who has lost faith in their marriage. Today the word means a person who has been sexually disloyal to their spouse and is used interchangeably with terms like adultery, affair, being unfaithful or cheating. At least 50% or more of marriages end because of sexual dishonesty. If you happen to be a religious sort or live in a country that has laws governing extramarital activities, it will more likely be called adultery.

No religion condones infidelity and all religions look on marriage as the union between one man and one woman and seriously object to legalizing gay relationships in the private sector or in the military. There is no country or religion that holds adulterers in high esteem, but we no longer put them in the stocks or sew a big A on their shirt. The western world has somewhat adjusted to the fact that the pressures caused by an overcrowded advanced society has made marriage a brittle and fragile institution.

A divorce has not always been easy to obtain. It was not too many years ago that one had to prove adultery before a divorce would be granted. This created an interesting atmosphere and some pretty good movies as the offended party resorted to ingenious means short of murder to obtain proof of a partner’s infidelity. Well, most divorces end without murder, but every now and then when a partner’s frustration level gets out of control, murder may be chosen as a last resort and a way to escape marriage and of course keep all the loot. In the movie A perfect Murder, Michael Douglas finds his wife, Gwyneth Paltrow, is having an affair with a bohemian painter and so plots her death. Naturally, things do not go as planned, which usually is the case, so it is best not to use murder as a way out of your relationship or you will lose a lot more than just one half of your loot. That is unless you are King Henry the VIII who married three Catherine’s and had two of them killed. Wealth and power seemed to have advantages then just as it does now.

In more modern times, Betty married Dan Broderick in1969, both were staunch Catholics. Dan became a prominent malpractice attorney near San Diego, CA. Their declining marriage got worse when Dan started an affair with his new assistant, Linda Kolkena. In the divorce that followed, Betty felt she had been cheated in the settlement due to Dan’s influence as an attorney. (I can believe that!) Betty continually harassed Dan and Linda by phone and once drove her car through their front door. In desperation she purchased a gun, stole a key to Dan’s home from her daughter Kim’s purse, entered the home and shot them both dead as they slept. It’s plain to see that it is not enough to believe in God’s protection, for if you cheat you had better also have a good rear view mirror.

Pamela Smart was a smart college grad living in Derry, New Hampshire in 1990. She found work in a local high school where she met one of the students, 15 year old Billy Flynn, and they had a brief affair. Pamela states she came home from work one day and found the apartment ransacked and her husband dead on the floor. Billy and three of his friends confessed, but testified it was all Pamela’s idea, which she continues to deny after 20 years in jail. It shows that it is best not to pick a teen for your affair as they talk too much and can be really flaky. But, Pamela will be forever famous, for her trial was the first fully televised case in U.S. History. That almost makes the affair worthwhile. What I would really like to know is where these hot teachers were when I was in high school?

The Catholics and a few other Christian religions try to control couples extracurricular sexual desires by the threat of excommunication. They have come to the realization that if they persisted in kicking adulterous people out of the church they would lose a large number of paying members along with many priests. It is a dilemma that literature has confronted through the centuries by writing a flood of literature and plays to make sure we all now can understand the problem. Or do we?

Muslim dominated countries in the Middle East and southwest Asia do not view infidelity as leniently as do western countries. When living as a Muslim where marriage is under God’s law, one would have to think seriously before having an affair, as the penalty could be death by various means including stoning. Of course these penalties mostly apply to females since men make the laws they can have a number of concubines and several wives and continue to lead a life of immunity from God’s law. If you’re a man and have a roving eye and an itch in your pants it is best to avoid these countries, or if visiting, keep your eyes straight ahead and never smile at a crocodile. In case it escaped your notice, most laws in the U.S. as in Islamic countries are enacted by men.

Today, with the strides we have made toward equality of the sexes, men and women routinely face off against each other every day in the workplace. A far cry from yesteryears prior to World War II when men went to work with other men and women stayed home with the kids. Both sexes now face a candy jar of opposites every day of the week. Odds are good that they will meet someone who is a little younger, a little sexier, a little slimmer and a little funnier than the one they will return home to that night.

So, why do people who pay their taxes without coercion, stop at traffic lights, refuse to talk on their cell phone when driving, (forget that one) love their kids and brush after meals more than willing to risk it all for an affair? It’s complicated.

How Complicated?

A man is sitting at the bar throwing down drinks when his friend comes in and sees him. Lou, says the shocked friend What are you doing? I’ve never known you to be a drinker. What’s going on? Lou downs another drink and replies, My wife just ran off with my best friend. But, Lou, says the other man, I’m your best friend. Lou turns, looks at his friend with bloodshot eyes and says, Not anymore.

So it may start with an innocent flirtation at the water cooler with that cute office girl you’ve been ogling or the young doctor finds he is getting a little horny when his nurse works in close and he feels that warm young body rubbing up against his. Maybe it leads to a few lunches together when they accidently find they are dining at the same time. Their body language gives a green light and eventually leads to that kiss and a little grab ass in the back room and soon we are having a clandestine meeting in some out of the way bar. You are now half way to that slightly sleazy motel on what used to be the original main highway through town before they put in the freeway. Every town has one. In my home town it was Aurora Avenue in the north and highway 99 in the south and it still is. No questions, use any old name, pay in cash and stay an hour or all night depending on your stamina and the location of your spouse.

The sex is new and exciting and at first it’s hard to get enough so you start to lie to create a little extra time here and there so as to be with your new sweetie. Maybe at first you just get home a little late, but then it’s a late patient or client, office meeting or more continuing education of sorts. You name it, someone’s used it. The excuses are endless and if you happen to be an accomplished liar, you may go on for years without being detected. It’s only human nature to become relaxed, a little careless, over confident and sure that your affair is beyond detection. You have always known that you are much smarter and cleverer than your best friend whose adulterous affair was detected last year and has since led to a costly divorce. Pay special attention to the word COSTLY as it will appear several time later in this book.

It is those small unexpected events that lead to the demise of an affair. A slip of the tongue or using the wrong name when calling to your wife is enough to cause an alert; best to call everyone honey. Not enough cash in the wallet so you put the lunch or motel on the old credit card and leave a paper trail. There’s that little out of the way café that no one you know ever goes to, except as it turns out, your wife’s best friend. You are so clever, you think to yourself that the day I get caught will be when; wait, was that a pig that just flew by? Johnny Carson married Joan, then Joanne and finally Joanna. I married Jane and then partnered up with Jeanne and have never been able to say the correct name twice in a row. I can only imagine what Johnny Carson went through.

I found early on as a teenager that one of my strong points was that I was very compatible with girls. I never seemed to be able to settle on a single girl for very long and often found myself doing a balancing act with two or three girls at the same time. In high school I went to many dances sponsored by various schools PTA’s and was at least smart enough to make sure the girls I dated were not from the same school. I found it easy to lie to girls, but did not do it to be malicious. Many times I was positive I had found my true love and would then have a hard time thinking of anyone or anything else, especially school work. I felt as though I had to be with that girl constantly, but as I look back, I was probably more in love with the romance of the moment and the excitement of someone new. I was beginning to feel that all relationships inevitably descend from that perfect beginning to indifference and disappointment. Or, maybe I was attracted to opposites whose allure was temporary and cannot be maintained.

Webster says romance is, a fictional and wonderful tale; exciting, but not quite sane. I feel that described my feelings better than love, for most times I would go very steady and be very true for a short period, but then somehow, somewhere I always seemed to meet this new and more perfect girl. Love? I don’t think so if we are to believe the psychoanalyst Lawrence Kubie who said, Love is an obsessional state driven by anger. Maybe, but I never remember using anger as a way to get ahead with a girl.

Dostoevsky said in Notes from the Underground, man is sometimes extraordinarily passionately in love with suffering. Falling in love may have little to do with loving and more to do with romance, which is just another form of suffering. Love becomes an obsession as the world and reality fade away. As romantics we fall in love with love and suddenly find we are willing to give up everything for the romantic object. Goethe said this about romance, If I love you, what business is it of yours?

My first major romance that would ultimately morph into a marriage was when I was away from home in my third year of college. I had been in various Colleges for a little over four years and was maybe 21 years old. This was prior to the age of women’s lib. In later years women, believe it or not, would want sex as much as men. Also, this college was small and had been founded by a Church and attracted a student body that was faith based and more than likely to practice abstinence till marriage. I am sure there was sex going on behind my back, for religious children learn to be sneaky at an early age in order to secretly keep up with their maturing bodily demands. For me it was still a time of sexual ignorance, due to parents that did not care to discuss where babies came from coupled with inadequate sex education in school. I had had a few dalliances but lacked self control and so was poorly prepared for adult relationships, but that didn’t deter me from wanting to learn, after all, that is the purpose of a college education i.e., find a mate and get married. Men, with the genitals on the outside start their sexual experiences a little earlier than do women and learn to use imagination, their hands and any other convenient object to arouse and pleasure themselves. Eventually girls catch up, but it takes them longer to find the right spot. When men and women finally do get together they will have spent much time pleasuring themselves, but neither really has much knowledge about pleasuring the other.

When I met Tony I had no idea that his friendship would drastically change my life. I liken us humans to the steel sphere in a pinball machine. The ball bounces off the bumpers every which way and occasionally we gain a bit of control and get to re-direct it with a flipper. Life is like that, a series of unplanned happenings punctuated occasionally by a planned event and then we get hit with another flipper. Tony and I had entered the university the same year and pledged the same fraternity. After having to wear a gunny sack for underwear and being beaten and humiliated over the course of what they called hell week, we became quite close. Why we bonded would always remain a question. While I was a little rough and unpolished, favoring athletics and sports, Tony had no interest in sports, liked to dress well and had a great interest in reading; one might say he was not overly masculine. It brings to mind the saying that opposites attract as we seemed to complement each other. His father, an optometrist with an office on the mezzanine of a down town jewelry store, had been pressuring Tony to attend an optometry school and prepare to take over his practice. To make that happen, Tony would be forced to go away to some small specialty college alone. To make it worse, or better depending on your point of view, Tony’s strong suit was that he was extremely handsome and socially oriented. He loved to be around girls and they loved to be with him. The fraternity-sorority system at a large university was Tony’s forte; he would never turn down a party or a chance to drink beer at Dunns in the late afternoons just north of the city line. This was a great fraternity hangout for the under age where we could have a cool one and even dance without having our false ID checked too closely. No way could Tony see himself alone and isolated at a remote