My Picker Is Broken

By Rose Graham

After joining the dating world in January 2022 and experiencing several bad dates, Rose Graham decided to take another risk-write a book about them. My Picker Is Broken is filled with both dramatic and comical stories of Rose's foray into online dating, where readers have a front-row seat into her emotional ups and downs from

• Language: English
• Publisher: Palmetto Publishing
• Release date: Oct 20, 2022
• ISBN: 9798822901377

Rose Graham

Rose Graham is the mother of three grown children and has three furkids. She has a bachelor's degree in educational studies from Grand Canyon University in Phoenix, Arizona. When not teaching, Rose loves walking her dogs, riding her bike, working in her yard, traveling, listening to music, and hanging out with her bestie. A native of Washington State, Rose now resides in Arizona.

Book preview

Introduction

O

K, so after many different contacts made over the last six months, it occurred to me that I should write a book. So here I am, writing this book about this new phase of dating in 2022 and my experiences with it. In the eighties and nineties, you usually dated by meeting someone at your school or a friend of a friend from another school or by just cruising out and about. Now, of course, with technology, dating has moved to the online realm. It is all new: hundreds of faces passing by, swiping left or right (swiper no swipey is no longer the case; now it is swipe right for love—or should I say, for fake, lying, and conniving men—or swipe left to dislike).

In 1990 I met my first husband upon seeing him through the drive-through window at Burger King while I was inside ordering. I made the first move, as always; maybe that is where the problem lies. Maybe I should be chased rather than be the chaser. Then in 1996 I met my second husband, through a family member who worked with him. Again, I made the first move rather than letting the guy chase me. I guess that is just the strong, independent woman in me, the woman who likes to be assertive.

So often, before computers, digital media, and technological advances, you saw the person you were dating, or someone you knew did. They were most likely known by someone you knew. There were less likely to be shenanigans—and you were less likely to be catfished, ghosted, or scammed. The person wasn’t sitting behind a computer screen where they could hide all their idiosyncrasies. They could still cheat, lie, or stalk you, but there was less likely to be a record of it. They were also less likely to get away with it, which is funny because now people can shoot videos at every moment of every day and catch the person in the act of doing things that cause relationship havoc. Dating was more personal and personable; people talked face to face or on the phone.

However, the old way of dating and the new way of dating are not all that different. Back in the day, people could put up a front to make themselves look good, just as a person today can pretend to be someone else. Both my ex-husbands put up some sort of front and did not show their true selves until later in the relationship. They hid behind a debonair man who seemed like they had their shit together when they didn’t. Both still lived at home when I met them. Red flag? Hell yes! That’s not to say living at home with one’s parents is a bad thing, and it is happening quite a bit more in 2022. Still, the idea of an adult gentleman with a good-paying job living at home sounds kind of odd. Of course, I was so smitten with them that I didn’t see the signs.

Flash forward to 2022, and I was single again. Did I think this was going to be my reality? Hell no. But it was. So, on January 1, 2022, the process of online dating began. This was daunting and an adventure. I never knew finding the man—my person—would include so many obstacles. I sat down at the computer and began my journey. The first thing you must do is figure out which app to use for dating. There are quite a few, and it can become quite intimidating looking at man after man, figuring out which ones are real and which are fake. I was reminded of that movie Ghosts of Girlfriends Past starring Matthew McConaughey, particularly the scene in which he is walking through the dressing room and sees an image of all the women he has been with. Every time I was swiping right or left, I thought about that scene. Don’t get me wrong: I wasn’t fucking all the people I saw like Matthew was; I was just trying to pick my favorites.

Many men say they aren’t looking for outside beauty but rather for a woman who is fun and has a great personality, but when it came down to matching, that proved to be a lie. Men, just like women, are looking at first impressions—namely, photos and what a person looks like. You certainly can’t tell much from a photo of a person. You can’t tell how they sound, smell, hold a conversation, communicate, and so on; to understand this, you need to talk to the person face-to-face. Also, you don’t know a person until you have been around them in happy times and sad times. Everyone is different, and you want to know whether the person is crazy or not. You need to know if they have sociopathic tendencies—if they are controlling, jealous, critical, and negative. You also want to know whether they have a personality or are a dry dud. None of these things can be discovered via the internet.

So I started with Facebook Dating and uploaded some photographs (by the way, many guys do not want filtered photos—they want to see your real face). Also, with photographs, you should use recent pics, not a picture from 2011, when you looked great and were ten years younger and maybe fifty-plus pounds lighter. Spell-check is another great tool to use on your profile. Don’t put a profile up with misspelled words because if you do, a scholarly woman or man will most likely overlook you. Use some sort of word-processing application to write out your profile, then copy and paste it to the dating app. This will avoid your being passed up by someone who could have been a great match for you. Facebook seemed the way to go since I was on it every day. Little did I know the issues Facebook Dating would present, especially the scammers.

My profile was a pretty good one; it used recent photographs and laid out what I like and do not like. I did revise it a few times due to the experiences I had. I also uploaded at least one nonfiltered photo to my profile. I was honest and fun in my profile. I made sure it was enjoyable and appealing. I wanted to find a guy, so I tried to entice potential dates by telling them about some of my fun habits. I made sure to include that I had children, and I talked about my dogs. There’s nothing worse than someone who doesn’t like animals. My stock line for introducing myself to a guy was the line Joey from Friends used: Hello. I am Rose. How you doin’? I am not sure if the men got my little flirtatious pickup line, but I thought it was funny. Also, I love to use the filters from Snapchat because I feel they show my personality. Here is a sample of what I said on the dating sites about myself and what I was looking for:

I am looking for an AVAILABLE MAN! No scammers, hookups, cheaters, no open marriages, or liars. A woman has to kiss a few frogs before she finds her prince, so I know my time is soon. I am looking to find a man who treats me like the princess I am. I have two grown children and three furkids. I enjoy watching sports #gohawks. I am fun and like to have fun! I like sex, but I am looking for a connection and a relationship. I am passionate, loyal, and caring.

I felt the need to update my profile back in June because of all the dickheads I had encountered. I discovered guys would say they wanted an LTR (long-term relationship) but just wanted sex. They would also say they wanted to date, but they just wanted sex. All any guy wanted was sex; they didn’t want to get to know me or go out to dinner with me. Many guys would take me out