Betrayed: You CAN Find Healing and the Power to Move Forward When Others Let You Down

By Randy Valimont

Betrayal can be devastating. But it is possible to find healing from its effects and move forward with God’s perfect plan for our lives.

In a day and time when betrayal, both public and private, seems to be at the root of so much of the pain in the world--political scandals, divorce, infidelity, abuse, stock fraud and the list goes on--we ask ourselves, Is there a way to avoid it? What can we do as Christians to deal with it, learn from it and survive to fulfill the destiny God has called us to?

Betrayed uses the example of Jesus and His interaction with Judas to give us a spiritually sound example of how we can deal with the betrayal in our lives. With a focus that is inspirational and full of hope, Randy Valimont covers topics that include:

• 
  How to identify a betrayer in your life


• 
  What Satan hopes to accomplish through betrayal


• 
  Practical biblical solutions to dealing with betrayal


• 
  How to find healing and move on

• Language: English
• Publisher: Charisma House
• Release date: Jun 3, 2014
• ISBN: 9781621360353

Book preview

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BETRAYED by Randy Valimont

Published by Charisma House

Charisma Media/Charisma House Book Group

600 Rinehart Road

Lake Mary, Florida 32746

www.charismahouse.com

This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise—without prior written permission of the publisher, except as provided by United States of America copyright law.

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are from the New King James Version of the Bible. Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc., publishers. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked AMP are from the Amplified Bible. Old Testament copyright © 1965, 1987 by the Zondervan Corporation. The Amplified New Testament copyright © 1954, 1958, 1987 by the Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked CEV are from the Contemporary English Version, copyright © 1995 by the American Bible Society. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked ESV are from the Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the King James Version of the Bible.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

Scripture quotations marked THE MESSAGE are from The Message: The Bible in Contemporary English, copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Copyright © 2014 by Randy Valimont

All rights reserved

Cover design by Justin Evans

Design Director: Bill Johnson

Visit the author’s website at www.griffinfirst.org.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014936503

International Standard Book Number: 978-1-62136-034-6

E-book ISBN: 978-1-62136-035-3

While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers and Internet addresses at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors or for changes that occur after publication.

It has been said that if we see a turtle on a fence post, someone must have put him there. I dedicate this book to some of the many people who put this turtle on all the fence posts God has blessed me to stand on.

To my dear, lovely wife, Jelly, who has walked with me through numerous betrayals—you have helped me grow from an arrogant, insecure young man to (I hope) a more secure man, who isn’t nearly as arrogant. Your love, compassion, and strength have been a part of every message, every counseling session, every leadership seminar, and each book, especially this one.

To my children, Jordan, Danielle, and Alayna—you are literally the best daughters any father could ever have. You make me proud, and you make me pray. You laugh at me and with me. You encourage me and give me perspective that sometimes I don’t enjoy without your help. I love you dearly.

To my son-in-law, Chris—I am proud of the way you have overcome betrayals in your life with strength, dignity, and honor. I couldn’t love you any more or be any prouder if you were my own son.

And to my beautiful granddaughter, Jaeli—you are special beyond words and bring us all so much joy. Grow up, change the world, challenge the world, and take charge of the world.

Finally, to my pastor of forty years, Fred Richard, who leads Northwood Assembly in Charleston, South Carolina—your strength, courage, wisdom, faith, and godly example helped me stay the course and fight the fight when at times I wanted to run.

I thank you all for the shared visions, dreams, and goals.

CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

Introduction

1 The Genesis of Betrayal

2 The Ten Commandments: God’s Protection From Betrayal

3 Guard Your Heart

4 How to Identify a Betrayer

5 Characteristics of a Judas

6 A Personal Lesson in Betrayal

7 Healing the Wounds of Betrayal

8 Leading Through Betrayal

9 Satan’s Endgame

10 The Benefits of Betrayal

11 Don’t Look Back

Notes

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

IHAD THE PRIVILEGE of sitting on the board of Southeastern University when Dr. Mark Rutland was president. He made a statement during one board meeting that has stuck with me through the years: Whenever you see a turtle sitting on a fence post, you know that he didn’t get there by himself; he obviously had a lot of help.

I would not have had the ability to write this book without the generous help and support of my dear wife, Jelly. Together, we spent hours going over the manuscript, along with the fine folks at Charisma House.

I would be remiss if I didn’t thank all of those who were so generous to endorse the book. All of these are dear friends who have been a blessing to me in so many ways. I would also like to thank a group of men who have been so supportive of this effort. The official board of Griffin First Assembly allowed me the time to take on this project and were supportive throughout the process.

A special thanks goes to my assistant, Deborah Rabern. Life would not function without her support and help. This project added one more thing to her plate, and she never complained.

I would also like to thank my family and friends who were so clear in their support during the difficult days of the betrayals we faced. Their prayers and intercession on my behalf is why this book has made it into your hands.

Last but not least, I want to thank you for having the courage to purchase and read this book. I believe it will encourage you and help you finish the race well. I understand that we get nothing without the Holy Spirit and His help in our lives, and that goes double for me. He is the one who gives us strength and wisdom as we walk through betrayal.

Be blessed and remember, betrayal doesn’t define us; it only opens a door to the miraculous.

It is not an enemy who taunts me—I could bear

that. It is not my foes who so arrogantly insult me—I

could have hidden from them. Instead, it is you—

my equal, my companion and close friend.

—PSALM 55:12–13, NLT

INTRODUCTION

IN THE SIXTIES the United States went to war with Vietnam. Many of our young men were drafted to serve in this war, and almost 60,000 US soldiers gave their lives for our country. Because of the controversy surrounding whether America should have engaged in this conflict at all, many of the soldiers were denied a hero’s welcome upon returning home. They were spit on, mocked, and even called baby killers. There were no parades; there was ridicule. The veterans were ostracized, and many ended up homeless, disillusioned, and battling post-traumatic stress disorder without support. They checked out of Vietnam and then out of society in general, feeling betrayed by both the American public and the US government.

As if their lackluster homecoming were not enough, years later it was proved that while in Vietnam, US soldiers were exposed to a type of chemical warfare known as Agent Orange. Many died as a result. Recent research has even found possible links between Agent Orange and some cases of cancer, diabetes, and Parkinson’s disease in veterans, as well as certain birth defects in children of veterans.¹

Two of my dear friends who served in Vietnam have suffered the physical side effects of Agent Orange exposure, and both of their wives died of breast cancer. One of the men often has said that it took him a long time to return to the United States emotionally. He’d put his life on the line for the country he loved, but he felt betrayed at the reception he received upon his return home. He was shown no honor or appreciation for his service. The anger and resentment has subsided over time, but even now his eyes moisten with tears when he discusses the war with other vets. Betrayal hurts.

Sadly, betrayal is hardly a rare occurrence. In the seventies the American public was betrayed when it was proved that President Richard Nixon was involved in covering up a break-in at the Watergate offices of the Democratic National Committee. Betrayal rocked the church world the following decade when the moral and financial failures of several high-profile televangelists were exposed.

In the nineties Bill Clinton, former president of the United States, lied under oath to congressional leaders about having an affair with a former White House intern. Clinton’s affair with Monica Lewinsky not only cast a large shadow on the integrity of every politician, it also led to a reported increase in oral sex among high school students. One of the high school students in our church even told his parents that he did not understand why they were making such a big deal about his engaging in this activity. If President Bill Clinton did it, he wondered, why couldn’t he? This shows how the ripple effects of betrayal can affect families, churches, and even a nation.

Political candidates make promises they cannot and do not intend to keep. Students turn in assignments that they have plagiarized. Parents do their children’s homework. Business and civic leaders deliberately deceive their shareholders and constituents. We even see ministers lying about successes in their ministries: the size of the congregation, the health of their finances, and so on. There seems to be an idea that if you do not get caught in a lie, it is not really a lie.

Future employees invent work histories on their employment applications. One famous example was George O’Leary, the former football coach at Georgia Tech. After Notre Dame University hired him as their coach, they discovered he had been untruthful about his academic accomplishments.² What would have been his dream job became a nightmare when he was forced to resign because of his deception. Both the university and its alumni felt betrayed.

Betrayal often occurs in the area of finances as well. Bernie Madoff purported to be a great financier. He seemed to have great success and attracted a large, impressive client list. At one point in time his firm was responsible for handling up to 5 percent of the trading on the New York Stock Exchange. But in late 2008 Madoff’s sons reported him for securities fraud. Madoff admitted to the authorities that one branch of his business was actually an elaborate Ponzi scheme. He pled guilty to eleven felony counts of securities fraud, investment advisor fraud, money laundering, false statements, perjury, and false filings with the United States Securities and Exchange Commission. He admitted that he had lost $50 billion of investors’ money and was sentenced to one hundred fifty years in prison, a maximum sentence for his crimes.³

Lying and deception have become commonplace in our culture today. People do not seem to mind deceiving others when it benefits them, but no one likes to feel the sting of betrayal. Unfortunately you can’t have one without the other. Lying and deception are at the root of betrayal because deception breaks trust and betrayal is broken trust.

Benedict Arnold is well known for his act of treason during the Revolutionary War—so much so that his name has become synonymous with betrayal. But many people do not know that he was once a hero for the United States and a military genius. In fact, we probably would not have won the Revolutionary War without his military prowess.

Born in Connecticut, Benedict Arnold rose to the ranks of general in the Continental Army. He was successful in many of his battles and believed so strongly in the Continental cause that he funded some of its efforts with his own money. But history tells that other officers claimed credit for his successes, and Arnold was passed over for promotion many times. His lack of promotion caused Arnold to become angry and bitter. He began to make enemies and eventually was considered a divisive figure.

In 1775 he returned home after battle and found that his wife, Margaret, had died and left him to raise their children on his own. Perhaps this was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. After giving so much for his country, he received no recognition and then he lost his wife while he was away at war. In 1780 he colluded with the British to surrender the fort of West Point. Arnold’s plot was discovered and thwarted and, evading arrest for treason, he began to openly fight for the British army. After the war ended, he moved to London, where he died at the age of sixty. Arnold may have regretted his treasonous acts against his country, but his one act of betrayal became his legacy.⁴

Betrayal is not limited to historical figures, of course. Most people know how it feels to be betrayed socially, spiritually, or financially; in friendship, through a family member, in the workplace, in the church, and even through a spouse. The question to ask is not, Have you ever been betrayed? but, "How have you been betrayed?"

We live in a culture where betrayal is epidemic. Because betrayal comes in many different forms, it can inflict different kinds of hurt and pain. The depth of our emotional commitment to the person or situation will determine the depth of pain we will experience from a betrayal. Some betrayals may hurt only a little while others can be debilitating.

In many ways our culture is being shaped by betrayal. According to sociologists, every generation will leave an imprint on our culture. That imprint will affect future generations. The Greatest Generation (born between 1901 and 1924) gave our nation a hard work ethic and strong financial stewardship because they lived through the Great Depression and served in World War II. They taught us perseverance, sacrifice, honor, duty, and faith. The current generation is leaving an imprint of betrayal with its tolerance for deception.

Today betrayal seems to be at the forefront of every newspaper article, with report after report about child molestation, murder, divorce, infidelity, abuse, stock fraud, and so on. Because betrayal can inflict such deep wounds, it can leave us permanently scarred. If we don’t deal with betrayal in a healthy way, it can even derail our future. Satan would like nothing more than for you to let betrayal keep you from trusting others or from embracing the people God puts in your life. He would love to see you let bitterness destroy your life and relationships.

But there is hope. Not only is there life after betrayal, but also God is able to work the experience together for your good. In the pages of this book I will explain how to find healing from the effects of betrayal and move forward with God’s plan for your life. I will also explain how to identify a betrayer so you can possibly avoid future hurt. As we walk this journey together, using Jesus as our role model, it is my hope that the Lord will cause our weaknesses to become strengths, turn our sorrows to joy, and use the betrayals we experience to make us better—for one another, for ourselves, and most importantly, for the kingdom of God.

Chapter 1

THE GENESIS OF BETRAYAL

YOU TOO, BRUTUS?" Those are the famous words Julius Caesar spoke as he looked at the senators surrounding him with swords. He had begun to resist the assassination until he scanned the group and saw that his dear friend, Marcus Brutus, was among