Choosing Forgiveness

By Adam Phiri

How many times has someone done or said something that hurt you? Are you struggling to forgive and let go? Are you keeping a score card of past hurt? and just the mention of the offenders name drives you crazy? If you struggle to forgive, It is an indication that you still harbor resentment and carry the burden of bitterness, unprocessed anger and despite the desire to let go, you helplessly hang on to grudges with thoughts of revenge. If this describes you or someone you know.This book is a must read. Struggling to forgive is a battle we all fight. We are a generation that revels in keeping scores. It doesn't matter how old the hurt happened, people have sharp memories. This is a very loaded book which among other things, addresses the wounds of a talebearer-(gossip), if you have been a victim of rumors and gossip and your image has been tainted. How do you handle such wounds, how do you stop the gossip from chipping away at your reputation and how to heal the wound. Handling the anger that comes with being betrayed, maligned and rejected..Exposing the effects of gossip in marriage, church and community. This book is a much coveted resource which walks you through bitterness and resentment., it's dynamics and how to overcome it and let go of every habit and prison of bitterness. When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge — or embrace forgiveness and move forward.this book seeks to give you practical guide for rising from the grip of anger, bitterness, resentment and holding grudges. It deals with how a Couple can handle offences and hurt in marriage, causes of offences and how to forgive the unforgivable, It also shines a light of the cycle of hurt and how to truncate it. A must read is the chapter that speaks about church hurt and gossip, how to handle hurt members, how to minister from a place of hurt, how to handle members at the verge of leaving your church or workplace. It deals with handling slander and gossip against the Pastor or leader. A must read for all who aspire to live a life above the maladies of hurt and live a life of forgiveness, freedom and release. This is a must read book.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Adam Phiri
• Release date: Mar 27, 2018
• ISBN: 9781393818038

Book preview

Chapter 1

Introduction

Iwrote this book because of a passion to make a difference in the lives of many who are under the grip of hurt, bitterness, resentment and struggle to forgive.

The world is under attack, because of the widespread toil and devastation caused by unresolved hurt and unforgiveness.

Many families are being torn apart, organizations crumbling, communities destroyed, and churches splitting and dividing on account of unresolved offences, grudges, retaliation, anger, bitterness, resentment and lack of forgiveness.

I was shocked the other day when I heard of the statistics of divorce cases filed in just one year in a named country. It's like for every four new marriages, 3 end in divorce and the remaining one is in jeopardy. This is a crisis of alarming proportions and it is reflective of a society under crisis.

When I think of how our parents and grandparents

kept their marriages afloat for decades, I can only but wonder what has changed, However, on second thought, this could be because among other things , we have become one of the most intolerant and vindictive generations of all time. A society at war with itself, shifting  moral goalposts and  redefining values. What used to be considered taboo is now accepted as the norm.

We are so prone to offence, the slightest of provocation can bring a tsunami wave of upheavals, the trigger can be imagined or real. We have an ENTITLEMENT mentality, where our rights must never be violated, encroached or trespassed, but honestly, how possible is that, in an imperfect world.

One of the most contributing factors is that we live in a time of disposable relationships, where human connections have unfortunately become part of our disposable culture:

Like diapers, we toss marriages, engagements, friendships, business partnerships and even children. This happens with the least of regret or remorse.

We see this happening daily , where if hurt, and can't forgive, the preferred solution is to simply throw the relationship into the junkyard and move on to another one. This unfortunately means getting into a new human connection with my hurt unforgiveness and unresolved issues ,

it's everyone's guess what the outcome of the new relationship will be. Its only a matter of time before the deep hurt comes to the fore and messes up yet another relationship.

Unfortunately, this has become a trend and lifestyle, a norm which society permits. With all this pride and self centeredness, it seems as if forgiveness is outdated and obsolete, yet it is the cement that keeps relationships together.

Having said all that, the questions that need answers are; ... How many times has someone done or said something that hurt you? Are you struggling to forgive and let go? Are you keeping a score card of past hurt? and just the mention of the offenders name drives you crazy? 

If you struggle to forgive, It is an indication that you still harbor resentment and carry the burden of bitterness, unprocessed anger and despite the desire to let go, you helplessly hang on to grudges with thoughts of revenge.

If this describes you or someone you know.This book is a must read.

Struggling to forgive is a battle we all fight. We are a  generation that revels in keeping scores. It doesn't matter how old the hurt happened, people have sharp memories. Remembering even the most minute of details of hurt.The struggle is real and not imagined.

Many Christians have sought healing for a long time without success. In some churches these people have been prayed for, over and over but still find it hard to let go of the hurt.

All that remains is a back log of unresolved hurt, anger, bitterness and resentment. This book brings new insight on how to win the battle over  unresolved hurt.

I do not know your story or what you are going through, but I do know this one fact: You have been hurt. We all have.

Offences will always come, that's guaranteed.

In this enlightening and life-changing book Choosing Forgiveness: Letting Go of past and current hurts, I seek to bring new insights and shine a light on how offences come, and the struggle to deal with the pain.

Reflecting how the offender can release the offender from all claim of blame.

This is a very loaded book which among other things, addresses the wounds of a talebearer-(gossip), if you have been a victim of rumors and gossip and your image has been tainted.

How do you handle such wounds, how do you stop the gossip from chipping away at your reputation and how to heal the wound. Handling the anger that comes with being betrayed, maligned and rejected..

Proverbs 11:13 AMP

He who goes about as a gossip reveals secrets, But he who is trustworthy and faithful keeps a matter hidden.

It's a practical guide to help you handle the hurt that comes from  slander, from church , work , marital gossip, and in the market place. lt gives you fresh insight on how to deal with the pain of having been a subject of back biting and back stabbing.

Proverbs 17:9 AMP

He who covers and forgives an offense seeks love, But he who repeats or gossips about a matter separates intimate friends.

Scripture says " a talebearer sows discord among brethren and separates the best of friends.

This book addressees the one who gossips, the receiver of gossip, and the object of gossip. How to release and forgive the manipulator and gossip.

It goes on to address the anger within, which can distort your reality and cause you to act vindictively.

There is nothing more devastating than holding on to anger. Temper, more than any other emotion, has the power to destroy your relationship with others and God . Cain was told to master his anger, or sin lay at the door. He failed and the end result was him killing his brother.

This book provides practical steps on how to handle anger and temper, which if unresolved can lead to regrettable consequences.

The poison of bitterness and resentment comes from unprocessed anger and many are held captive and enslaved, this book exposes the root of bitterness and it's fruit and how to uproot it.

The timeless questions of why many of us find it so difficult to forgive, why we should forgive, how to forgive, and why we sometimes find it difficult to forgive is explained.

The book shows and points out the toxic, negative side effects of being bitter and the emotional havoc it can bring in your life.

It also shows the spiritual benefits of forgiving and letting go.

Forgiveness is not always easy, especially when we have been hurt to the core, but it is critical to having a healthy relationship with God.

Matthew 6:14-15 AMP

For if you forgive others their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins], your heavenly Father will also forgive you. [15] But if you do not forgive others [nurturing your hurt and anger with the result that it interferes with your relationship with God], then your Father will not forgive your trespasses.

We live in an angry world full of angry people, a society of people so susceptible to hurt, bitterness and resentment.

Many people wear masks to hide their anger, bitterness and resentment because they have tried to let go and forgive but each time just when they think the pain is gone and they have released, suddenly at the sight of the offender, anger and bitterness rears its ugly head again.so they rather hide under the cover of a mask.

This book is about helping you overcome hurt and how to handle offences in a positive way instead of holding onto lack of forgiveness.

There are times when we don’t feel like forgiving right after being hurt, but how can we move forward in our own lives, particularly as Christians, if we are unwilling to forgive. The fact remains , you need to forgive, allow the process of healing so that you can be all that God intended.

Chapter 2

Unmasking The Trap Of Offence And Hurt

Then He said to the disciples, "It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come!

Luke 17:1 NKJV

"Hurt people hurt people".

If there is one common life experience we all share regardless of our status, race, creed or faith, it is our susceptibility to hurt. It is an indispensable part of the human experience.

As we navigate our way in this journey of life we build relationships, human connections which are essential to our  existence...they help us attain our God given destiny and our identities are molded as we interact with others.

As wonderful as these relationships are; they can also be a source of insurmountable offence and hurt, leaving you with serious choices to make , either you forgive or sulk and trigger a series of destructive consequences which can literally truncate your destiny.

It doesn't matter how spiritual, intelligent or friendly you are, if you interact with people you will not only get hurt but you will also hurt others. That's unavoidable.

Jesus said offences will come, it is most certain that YOU WILL BE OFFENDED. YOU CANNOT AVOID OFFENCES no matter how much you try.

There is no where you can go and no relationship you will enter into where you will be.offence free.

It is an indisputable fact that PEOPLE WILL OFFEND YOU IN WORD OR IN DEED, YOU WILL ALSO OFFEND PEOPLE .The book of James 3:2 says in many things we also stumble. offend

My quick definition of unresolved offense is when we allow past hurts and pains to become an entrapment that prevent us from experiencing God's freedom of forgiveness and release.

Proverbs says an offended man is harder to win than a fortified city,  his contentions are like the bars of iron.

Proverbs 18:19 AMP

A brother offended is harder to win over than a fortified city, And contentions [separating families] are like the bars of a castle.

Life is a spiritual journey...we have an enemy of our soul...one of the things the enemy will try to do is steal, kill, destroy (John 10:10)...tries to trap us...often through unresolved offense and hurt.

Notwithstanding all of us have also hurt someone at one time or another, yet we have also experienced pain at the hands of another...either real or perceived mis-treatment that got us upset and angry.

The reason is simple; we live in a broken and imperfect world full of injustice, prejudice and unfairness, no one is perfect, we are all flawed. Some offences are done intentionally while others happen unintentionally.

When you are hurt and decide to react out of your pain even from events that happened long ago you potentially create more pain.  It is a vicious cycle of deception—one which can grow rapidly, thus creating MORE hurting people. Remember hurt