Marital Bliss

By Davison Kanokanga

THIS BOOK IS FOR ANYONE AND EVERYONE. IT COVERS SUCH AREAS AS LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS, THIEVES OF MARITAL JOY, HARD HEARTS IN MARRIAGE, MARITAL BLISS, JOB DESCRIPTION IN THE HOME, EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION AND BEDROOM ETIQUETTE.

THIS IS AN INFORMATIVE, EDUCATIVE AND INSPIRING PIECE OF WORK. IF YOU ARE STILL SINGLE, THIS BOOK WILL HELP YOU BECOME A GOOD CANDIDATE FOR MARRIAGE. IN ADDITION TO BEING A GOOD CANDIDATE FOR MARRIAGE, YOU WILL ALSO KNOW WHAT CHARACTERS YOU SHOULD NEVER CONSIDER FOR MARRIAGE.

IF YOU ARE ALREADY MARRIED, THIS BOOK WILL BREATH LIFE INTO YOUR MARRIAGE. IT WILL INSPIRE YOU TO HAVE AN EXCITING, BLISSFUL AND FULFILLING MARRIAGE. YOU SIMPLY CANNOT AFFORD TO IGNORE THIS BOOK. BUY YOURSELF A COPY NOW!!!

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Apr 23, 2008
• ISBN: 9781467019859

Davison Kanokanga

Davison Kanokanga is a senior lawyer who practices law in Harare, Zimbabwe. He is the author of several books on love, marriage and relationships. He is also a radio and television personality, a marriage counselor, a preacher and a conference speaker. Davison and his wife Gwendoline are the founders of The Marriage Centre which offers pre-marriage and marriage counseling services as well as the senior pastors of Impact Christian Centre, a bible based church in Zimbabwe.

Book preview

© 2009 Davison Kanokanga. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 9/17/2009

ISBN: 978-1-4343-7009-9 (sc)

Printed in the United States of America

Bloomington, Indiana

Acknowledgments

This book is dedicated to my God given wife, Gwendoline, who has over the years faithfully served me and prayed for me. She has been good to me both in private and in public. Her support and encouragement to me is invaluable. I can only say that she is an excellent wife and mother whose value is not only far above the lobola that I paid when I married her but far above rubies.

Contents

Chapter 1 Long Distance Relationships

Chapter 2 Thieves of Marital Joy

Chapter 3 Hard Hearts in Marriage

Chapter 4 Marital Bliss: What Is It?

Chapter 5 Job Description in the Home

Chapter 6 Effective Communication

Chapter 7 Bedroom Etiquette

Glossary

Chapter 1

Long Distance Relationships

LOVE KNOWS NO DISTANCE. Distance alone has never stopped, cannot stop and will never stop people from different countries, regions and even continents from becoming lovers. Some people in Africa for instance, are in love with people as far away as Europe, Latin America or Asia. With the world fast becoming a global village by virtue of such technological advances as aeroplanes and the internet, long distance relationships are now much more common than they were many years ago. Since the year 2000, Zimbabwe has witnessed an unprecedented increase in the number of long distance relationships. This development makes it necessary for us to take time to examine these relationships with a view to understanding the underlying causes, the pros and cons of such relationships as well as the way forward.

Whilst most of the experiences used in this discussion are drawn from Zimbabwe, the lessons and principles arising therefrom apply across the board. In other words, they apply to any long distance relationship regardless of the nationality of the people involved in that relationship.

How Do These Relationships Come About?

There are different explanations for these relationships. Some of them are hilarious whilst others are quite sad. The hilarious ones include but are not limited to instances where one flights an advertisement in a widely distributed magazine, newspaper or on the internet along the following lines,

I am a single, lonely but sexy 23 year old lady wishing to settle down with a mature man of sober habits. The prospective candidate must be aged between 30 years and 40 years. He must be tall, handsome, outgoing, fun loving and have a great sense of humour

Touched by this lady’s description of herself, some man in some country somewhere, positively responds to the advertisement and that way, a long distance relationship begins. Some long distance relationships are initiated and facilitated by Dating Clubs whose business is to make money by getting potential lovers connected. Other long distance relationships start off with the persons involved relating to each other as pen- pals. With the passage of time, the relationship deepens with the two winding up as long distance lovers.

Long distance relationships are not confined to umarried people only. Some married people have become long distance lovers too. In some cases this is by choice whilst in others, the couple may have been forced by circumstances to live apart. Where for instance, it is necessary for one spouse to pursue further studies abroad or where the one spouse is required by their employer to work outside the country for some time, the couple may agree to live apart for the duration of the studies or employment contract as the case may be. The socio-economic and political circumstances prevailing in one’s country may at times force a couple to live apart and become long distance lovers. Many Zimbabweans in the Diaspora can testily to this. Whilst some of them are political refugees, a good many of them are economic refugees who left the country in search of greener pastures. For some couples, the strategy was that one spouse would leave first in order to spy the land as it were and if they found it habitable and full of economic promise, then the other spouse would follow later. In some cases, this strategy worked whilst in others, it did not work. One notorious reason for the failure of this strategy is the repeated denial of visas to the remaining spouses by the relevant authorities. Without visas, it simply became impossible for the remaining spouses to join their spouses in the Diaspora. Those in the Diaspora must remain there for sometime for fear of persecution if they were to return or they must remain there simply in search of the much sought after foreign currency whilst those back home are unable to join their spouses because they cannot obtain visas. At the end of the day, the couples are forced to live apart.

That way, they become long distance lovers.

Long Distance Courtship - The Challenges

There is a multiplicity of seminars, workshops, summits and conferences that take place in different parts of the world. People of different colours, sexes, and races travel to these gatherings. They travel from different countries, regions and continents. It is at such gatherings that some friendships are established.

For example, a lady from Zimbabwe attending a conference in Canada may become friends with a man from England attending the same conference. When these two return to their respective countries, their friendship may easily turn to courtship leading in some cases to marriage across cultures, races and across countries. Whilst such marriages are not in themselves wrong, it is the challenges associated with long distance courtship that I seek to highlight so that they who choose to conduct such courtships may do so advisedly. Such challenges are not confined to long distance courtship between people from different countries, regions or continents. They also extend to long distance courtships between people from the same country living in different countries. You may for instance, have a Zimbabwean living in England courting another Zimbabwean living in Zimbabwe. Such long distance courtships have their own challenges.

Everyone has a history. History can neither be washed away nor wished away. It is part of us. You cannot separate a person from his or her history. Anyone who gets married brings his or her history into the marriage. This is so regardless of whether the history is good or bad. To that extent, marriage can properly be described as a fusion of two histories, namely the husband’s history and the wife’s history.

You should never ever ignore your fiancee’s personal and family background. Whilst an honest person may not have problems in discussing his or her background, a person who has little regard for the truth may deliberately misrepresent facts. This can be achieved through exaggeration, non-disclosure or an outright twisting of facts, all of which will of course be aimed at ensuring that the courtship is a success.

Whilst long distance on its own does not cause one to lie, the fact of the matter is that where there is a long distance courtship, lies and deceptive behavior are much more difficult to identify and expose. Friends and relatives who are normally very useful in providing information concerning one’s personal and family background, may by virtue of the long distance, not find it easy to do so. Thus, the gathering of accurate information concerning one’s fiancee can be quite a challenge in long distance courtships.

It is suicidal to marry without having regard to the character of the person one will be marrying. There are some fundamental character traits that a potential spouse must have. For instance, he or she should be patient, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, kind, gentle, selfless, faithful, honest, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not quarrelsome and not a lover of money. In order to know one’s character, physical