Getting and Being Married

By Adauzo Ijeoma Ubah

Adauzo Ijeoma Ubah has obtained her first and second degree in Psychology and is training to be a counselling psychologist and psychotherapist. She is a motivational speaker and is an author of other Christian inspirational books.She is proudly and happily married to Charles Azuka Ubah.

This book is written out of the inspiration and direction of God. The main objective is to let people who are single and engaged understand the meaning of Christian marriage, Gods purpose for it, and to get them well prepared for it.

For the married, it gives them better understanding of marriage. The book is aimed at saving unstable marriages and letting them accept the gift of marriage bearing in mind that the odds of marriage are part of the cross we bear as followers of Christ.

The book is enriched with inspiring prayers and Bible verses to fortify the reader.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Feb 3, 2012
• ISBN: 9781467882262

Adauzo Ijeoma Ubah

Adauzo Ijeoma Ubah is a British born Nigerian. Her birthday is on the 9th of June. She obtained her B.Sc. (Hons) and M.Sc. (Hons) in Psychology and is currently training to obtain her doctorate in psychotherapeutic counselling psychology. She is a member of the British Psychologists Society. She have worked as a medical social welfare officer for over two years in Nigeria. She is a motivational speaker which is mainly based on marriage, family life, and general well-being. She has flare for listening to people's problem and giving them solution to it which is why she is pursuing her docotorate in counselling. Her interests and hobbies are writing, reading, watching television, music, singing, and travelling. She has been to some parts of the world in Europe, Africa, and Asia. She enjoys travelling to new places to learn more about the people and their life style. She writes books not because she knows it all but because she likes to share her knowledge with people. She have come to realise that in writing, you get to learn more and of course she loves learning new things on daily basis. Her books are not stream lined to any particular subject, they are cover different areas. Her books usual reflect on Psychology and Christianity. She is a stong beliver in the teachings of Christ. She is married to her best friend, Charles Azuka Ubah whose encouragement has led to the publishing of some of her write-ups. She is currently living in London where she is studying. Adauzo Ijeoma Ubah is a British born Nigerian. Her birthday is on the 9th of June. She obtained her B.Sc. (Hons) and M.Sc. (Hons) in Psychology and is currently training to obtain her doctorate in psychotherapeutic counselling psychology. She is a member of the British Psychologists Society. She have worked as a medical social welfare officer for over two years in Nigeria. She is a motivational speaker which is mainly based on marriage, family life, and general well-being. She has flare for listening to people's problem and giving them solution to it which is why she is pursuing her docotorate in counselling. Her interests and hobbies are writing, reading, watching television, music, singing, and travelling. She has been to some parts of the world in Europe, Africa, and Asia. She enjoys travelling to new places to learn more about the people and their life style. She writes books not because she knows it all but because she likes to share her knowledge with people. She have come to realise that in writing, you get to learn more and of course she loves learning new things on daily basis. Her books are not stream lined to any particular subject, they are cover different areas. Her books usual reflect on Psychology and Christianity. She is a stong beliver in the teachings of Christ. She is married to her best friend, Charles Azuka Ubah whose encouragement has led to the publishing of some of her write-ups. She is currently living in London where she is studying.

Book preview

Contents

Dedication:

Introduction.

Part One:

Getting Married

CHAPTER ONE:

Making a Choice.

CHAPTER TWO:

Reasons for Marriage.

CHAPTER THREE:

Readiness for Marriage.

CHAPTER FOUR:

Courtship.

CHAPTER FIVE:

At the Altar.

CHAPTER SIX:

After the Wedding.

Part Two:

Being Married

CHAPTER ONE:

Understanding Marriage.

CHAPTER TWO:

Dissolution of Marriage.

CHAPTER THREE:

Responsibility in Marriage.

CHAPTER FOUR:

Lasting Marriage.

CHAPTER FIVE:

Prayers.

CHAPTER SIX:

Conclusion.

References.

About the Author.

Dedication:

This book is solely dedicated with love to my king, my lord, and my all; you are more than just a husband. I adore you and will forever do.

Acknowledgments.

My sincere gratitude goes to:

The Holy Trinity, God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit for the inspiration and direction to do this work and for giving me the strength to typeset the work alone. Thank you Lord for all that I am and have is from you.

My dearly beloved husband for his unconditional love, financial and moral support, immense contribution, and encouragement.

Our beloved parents Engr Uzo. & Mrs. Chinyelu Josephine. Ogwueleka, and Late Chief James C. Ubah & Late Mrs Magdalene N. Ubah; whom we learnt so much from through their marriage. My dear mother, confidant, and role model, I thank you for being the best mother ever and for all you taught me about marriage. My darling father, who imbibed the reading and writing culture in me.

My beloved brothers, Nnadozie and Arize; and my beloved sisters, Ifeoma and Chinyelu for their incessant love and encouragement.

My dear brothers and sisters-in-law and their families for their support and encouragement.

Rev.Fr. Andrew-Maria Chioma Ibegbulem O.S.A who kept on motivating me from inception to the termination of this book. I am also grateful for his aid in data collection, contributions on catholic teachings on marriage and for painstakingly reviewing the work despite his tight schedule.

I am grateful to Bar. Amara Okoye Okaro for her contributions in the legal aspect of marriage.

I also thank all the people that gave their contributions, suggestions, and comments and made this book as sound as it is.

I will not be sincere to myself if I don’t acknowledge the organisers of Trinity Broadcasting Network (TBN), whose programme kept me spiritually accompanied those nights I was striving to put one and one together. The programme has touched my life in so many ways. I owe some of the write up to the things I learnt from their Holy Spirit filled programmes.

I earnestly appreciate all of you. May God in his infinite mercy keep showering you with his blessings. Amen.

Introduction.

When wedding bell rings, it’s full of joy, excitement, merriment, with friends, family, and well-wishers delighted and obliged to celebrate with the couple. The issue is this; do they know what they are going into? How prepared are they? Do they know what they want from each other? Do they know the actual meaning of marriage? Do they know the reasons why they should get married? Do they know the meaning of the vows they take at the altar? Are they going to keep those vows they made to each other? How long do they intend the marriage will last? And too many other questions that need to be asked and answered.

Some people have gone into marriage without knowing what is expected of them. A good number of people prepare for the wedding and not the marriage itself. The thing in vogue is to have an astonishing, porch, red carpet wedding no matter what it takes. People go into bankruptcy and unending debt just to have the talk of the town wedding. The question is this, does a dust raising wedding make for a good marriage? The problem some couple have in their marriage is that they give their wedding more preparation than they do to the marriage proper.

This book is divided into two parts. The first part which is about getting married handles the above mentioned questions. It gives the single and engaged clue to what they should do during courtship. It also gets them prepared for the union. It drills them to take the union as an everlasting union and not a garbage in, garbage out relationship. The ideal marriage mentioned in this book is Christian marriage. The Part One also lets one know the reasons God wants us to go into marriage. It also helps one on how to make a choice of a life partner. Courtship is explicitly discussed in this part of the book. Inasmuch as some people preach against courtship, I strongly believe that a well-rooted courtship is a strong foundation to a happy and lasting marriage. How can one be in a union like marriage to a total stranger? Courtship is necessary in order for someone to know if the person he/she wants to get married to is actually the person he/she would want to spend the rest of his/her life with. Human beings are full of facade behaviour and that is why the study of human behaviour is the toughest research one can make. This part also takes the vow we make at the altar before God and man, one at a time and lucidly explains the meaning of each of them. This book has answers to so many unanswered questions.

The Part Two of this book which is about being married goes into the marriage proper. It explains what being married really is. It delves into the responsibility of a man and a woman as a husband, wife, and parents. It gives details of the things couples does knowingly or unknowingly that mares or makes a marriage. It explains Christian marriage and God condemnation of divorce and adultery.

At the end of Part Two, suggested prayers are given to help the reader in his/her way of life. The prayer is also for a better relationship with one another. The book explains that marriage brings two imperfect people to be joined as one perfect body through the perfect love of God. Perfection is God and God is perfection. It is only through God that we can have a perfect-like marriage because no marriage is perfect because the people involved are not perfect.

Mary was a young lady who was overly excited about her getting married. She was bragging about it everywhere. She became friendlier than she used to be just to have more people to announce the good news to. In fact, she was conceited as if she had reached her self-actualization. Then a woman called her to order. The woman told her that if she knew what she was about to get into and how tasking it was; she would not be too excited about it. Mary was shocked not just because of what the woman said but because of the person that said it. The woman’s marriage was seen as the happiest one around, and to people around she had nothing to complain about marriage.

Marriage is not bad but it has both negative and the positive aspect of it. It could come in two forms at the different times so one has to be ready to face it. It blows hot and cold; it tastes bitter and sweet; it smells good and bad; it gives hurt and peace; it could make you cry, it could make you laugh. It’s not just a bed of roses, even roses have thorns. Marriage is what you make out of it. If you plan it rough, it comes out rough; if you plan it smooth, it comes out smooth. As you make your bed, so you will lie on it. We should always have at the back of our mind that no matter how we plan it, it can never be wonderful except by the grace of God. We should plan with God.

Part One:

Getting Married

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CHAPTER ONE:

Making a Choice.

If you ask young girls the quality they would like their dream husband to possess, a good number of them will say; he must be wealthy, handsome, tall, cute, dark/light skinned, willing to spend without complaining, ambitious, romantic, educated, and a whole lot of things. Some will even mention the profession they want their dream man to be of. When you ask the young men the same question, most of them will say that they would like their dream wife to be tall/average in height, dark/light skinned, intelligent, reserved, extremely beautiful, attractive, have a bold carriage, slim/fat, have long hair, etc. And like the ladies they may mention a particular profession. It is good to have an eye for good things. All these qualities are superb and there is nothing wrong in them but if you have a partner that has all the above mentioned qualities without being God-fearing, then he/she has nothing.

The intrinsic quality of a human being is more important than the extrinsic quality. In choosing a life partner, some people make the mistake of going for the person’s status and end up living with the character. Why is it that most people don’t mention such things as God-fearing, virtuous person, humble, someone who can give me a peace of mind firstly when they are asked the quality they want their life partner to possess? It is not as if most people don’t have these qualities as their choice but they prefer to mention the overt behaviour immediately and not the covert ones. It is important that in choice of marriage, one looks at that which is inside and not that which is outside.

In whatever choice one is making, always have it at the back of your mind that you cannot have all the qualities completely packaged for you in one person. If you get someone that has 50% of what you want, your own 50% will complete it to 100%. In searching for Mr. /Miss right, don’t be too particular about a perfect person because you are not perfect yourself.

In one Nigerian movie titled late marriage, a lady from a very wealthy home and who also had the best in education had problem settling down. A career woman, pretty, intelligent, had a house and a car of her own. In fact everything good was at her feet. She graduated at quiet a young age and got a job instantly. She had a lot of suitors from all walks of life but to her none of them measured up to her. It’s either the person was too tall, stingy, uneducated, pompous; there must be something odd about the suitor. People around kept on warning against her attitude towards suitors but she wouldn’t listen. She kept on refusing people’s hand in marriage until it was too late and there was no suitor any more. She grew old and needed a husband badly and there was none at the corner. She got stressed up, frustrated and finally depressed. She was forced to break up a home and enter as a second wife. She succeeded quite alright but had a tough time with the man’s children who refused to let her rest.

Lessons:

Her first problem is that she thought age was very much on her side, forgetting that once you are a graduate, you are no longer a child no matter your age. Time flies and waits for no one. Make the best use of your time.

Her other problem was that she was treating her suitors with contempt. It is very wrong for a woman to look down on her suitor because you may be driving away your blessing. A suitor deserves some respect because it is only someone who has regard for you that can ask your hand in marriage. No, is not the best instant answer to a suitor. You as a woman have to take your time and make sure he is not the man suitable for you before you say no. If he is not wealthy today, who knows what he will be tomorrow?

If you find all you want in a man/woman, and it is just one thing very important to you that is missing out in him/her, what do you do?

Anne an undergraduate pharmacy student vowed to marry a university graduate but unfortunately for her, all her suitors were not graduates. During one of her school vacations, she went on vacation. One day her aunt sent her to buy a bag of sachet water in a nearby drugstore. She went to the store, bought the bag of water and on carrying it, it slipped out of her hand and the whole water poured out. The seller rushed out and gave her another bag of water without asking her to pay extra money for the new bag of sachet water or shouting at her. From that day on, they became acquainted. Anne started to enjoy buying things from him. She became more attracted to him because she discovered that he was very knowledgeable about drugs. Anne being a pharmacy student got more interested in their relationship because they both had a common interest in drugs.

Peter and Anne’s relationship grew stronger by the day without them knowing it. Anne discovered that he had almost everything she wanted in a dream man except that he is not a university graduate. After the holidays, she went back to school but they kept on communicating through letters. On her birthday, Peter paid her a surprise visit at school. She was very excited about the visit and to her greatest surprise, he proposed to her. Anne kept on opening and closing her mouth without giving any reply. Peter helped her out by telling her that the answer must not come immediately.

Her main problem started since then. She was in dilemma because at that time she was having her first educated suitor that does not have much of what she wants but for education. She was so disturbed that she started emaciating. Worries is deadly, always fight it whenever it comes. She went into prayers and came out with an idea. She visited Peter and talked things out with him. She encouraged him to get his o-level completed and he finally got admission to study pharmacy. Today, they are happily married and have one of the biggest pharmaceutical stores in town.

Lessons:

You can make someone what you want him/her to be. All it takes is time.

Don’t be too hard on a particular quality if you see a good percentage of what you want in a dream man/woman.

Try to give someone a chance to change, though it is not easy to change someone. In making a choice, always follow your heart. To change someone is not an easy task. If you cannot live with his/her particular behaviour, then the choice is yours. It’s either you look over it and live with it or you leave the person because you cannot live with it. Some are liable to change while some are not.

Where is the best place to meet a life partner?

There is no particular place for meeting a life partner. The place does not matter, what matters is the two of you accepting to marry each other. Some met their partner in the bus, on the