The Reality of a Married Life

By Segun Adesesan

This book is not written to convince you to leave or stay with your spouse. The aim is to let you know that the person you are dealing with is not the main focus, but you’re adjusting or struggling with the consequences of your decision.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Publiseer Publishing
• Release date: Nov 30, 2017

Book preview

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Author, Sunday school teacher, and medical laboratory scientist, Segun Adesesan was born in Ibadan in 1973. He grew up in rural Awe and later graduated with degrees from Ambrose Alli University, Ekpoma and University of Lagos. He has penchant for human development and medical diagnosis. He is happily married to Bose with two boys, Toluwani and Temiloluwa.

He is the author of three previous books, True Communication with God, When Bad Things Happen To Righteous People, and One Step At A Time.

FOREWORD

God instituted the marriage institution. He designed it with clear purposes in mind. He designed it to be great and glorious. The devil has been after the marriage institution since the beginning. Thanks to God that he (the devil) has been failing and will continue to fail.

Inspiring strategies that will help in neutralizing his wiles or schemes are detailed in this book. The avenues that might be exploited by the devil in destroying marriages are identified with appropriate solutions. It brings biblical points of view to managing the home: with special focus on spouses. The whole idea of the book is the determination to begin to allow that love of God that has been shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost (Romans 5:5) to reign in our marital life (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) as it (God’s kind of love) covers a multitude of sins (1Peter 4:8).

Grace and peace will be multiplied unto you as you read this book (2Peter 1:2). There is no doubt about that. God bless you!

Pastor Segun Awode

DEDICATION

For Bose

INTRODUCTION

It is highly precarious to pass a quick judgement whenever there is conflict in marriage. This is due to a number of reasons; one of which could be the unwillingness of one of the couple or both of them to admit wrongdoing. The husband wouldn’t want to own up that he slapped his wife before she replied with negative words. The same thing goes for women. Most people when reporting conflicts in relationships don’t want to take responsibility for any wrongdoing. One of the reasons for misunderstanding among couples is an abuse of strength. A man endowed with strength to protect his wife raises his hands against her to show his displeasure, while a woman that is supposed to praise and encourage her husband rains abusive language on him. The essence of marriage is to ensure that the strengths (and weaknesses) of couples are complimentary and in harmony to achieve a set goal for their home. Nature is so perfect that most couples got attracted to what was fundamentally lacking in them. It has also been noted among couples that if two introverted individuals get married, one of them will later pick up the opposite nature. It is fascinating to see some couples ‘lookalike’ after they have been together for years. (I think it would be a good study to find out about what is responsible for this seemingly resemblance.) It may shock you to know that while some people are contemplating packing their bags to back out of their matrimony and begin a fresh journey of marriage, some are confessing that they will marry their spouses again, if given another chance.

This book is not written to convince you to leave or stay with your spouse. The aim is to let you know that the person you are dealing with is not the main focus; but you’re adjusting or struggling with the consequences of your decision. Before I started writing this book, I asked my wife a question to know if she’s enjoying our marriage and to be sure I am going to write what will help others who are married. You are not giving me any problem, she warmly responded.

Bose and I are married now with two boys. We lost our third son after eight months of struggle with a congenital disorder. We have had the best of time together when we didn’t have much materially. The few months at the beginning our marriage was very smooth. Our disagreement started when we had our first son. We still disagree nearly every day but there has never been a time we result to physical assault.

I said this to let you realise that there is no perfect marriage but you can decide to build one. All marriages are in the process of becoming perfect. Sometimes we wrongly believe that teachers and preachers about relationship and marriage are perfect. It is not always true! Maturity in marriage is achieved through years of experiences and knowledge acquired.

If you want to know how good a man is at home, simply stay beside his wife when he’s teaching. You will hear many funny responses if the woman is outspoken. The same thing goes for a married man in his wife’s class.

The focus of this book is to let you know that you did not marry a wrong person.  We all, by nature, married our opposite but through knowledge and understanding we become blended. All human beings carry the so called, the good and the bad. One of my convictions in life is that every human being is both bad and good. We all have the cocktail of the two. Yoruba elders in Africa say, Acquaintances gives insight into a character; somebody at a distance is highly respected. Our closeness in marriage is what gives us insight about ‘the good and the bad’ in each individual.

One basic method of getting what you are looking for is to determine to give it first and men are to take the lead in this area. If you want a good response from your spouse, try and be nice to him or her first. Though, there are few exceptions but if your spouse is always repaying you back with evil, you may have to sit down and cast back your mind to evaluate what informed your choice before you took the final decision.

Marriage is a journey to full understanding of relationship. It stresses and expands the views of those who are able to learn and open to correction.

You will succeed in your marriage.

Segun Adesesan

CHAPTER 1: WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF REALITY

The Mystery Of Marriage

Marriage is a life-long journey of mixed feelings and experience; to conclude that it is rough and demanding is not an overstatement. The result of any successful one we have heard of or seen at the moment is a spiritually and an emotionally balanced woman with children that can personally handle their future. Perhaps the man is not necessarily needed to be mentioned because the result is absolutely dependent on him.

My reason for saying this is based on the story of creation according to the Bible. Man was created while the woman was made from him. So man had a direct access to the Creator and he was anointed from the beginning to navigate the affair of marriage.  If, then, some people disagree that women and children success is not a reflection of any man in marriage, they can imagine a ‘successful’ pastor, doctor, engineer, lawyer and many others without an emotionally balanced wife. The fact about any of the list above is that, if they are doing well as a professional but failed in marriage, the world around them will still label them as a failure because genuine success entails the fulfilment of the Spirit, Soul and Body without hurting the feelings of those around us.

Does it mean that men are victims? Or they are doomed? No! I don’t think so. It was God’s decision and He created them to attain that level effortlessly. Therefore, all men should have an understanding that they are in marriage to sacrifice. Ephesians 5:25 is a big shocker for all men: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, Christ, in demonstrating His love for the Church, died for her. This is sacrificial love; it requires that men in marriage should be ready to ‘die’ in marriage. This is not a physical death but death to self and all that’s related to it such as self-absorption, self-centeredness, self-aggrandizement, self-interest and other forms of selfish behaviour. Sacrifice is what it takes to produce a better woman.

Unfortunately, marriage as an institution appears controversial to some of us because we had some suggestive pictures of relationships from