Getting the Best out of Your Marriage: (Principles and Patterns)

By Samuel B. Addai

Getting the Best out of Your Marriage is a book for you whatever your marriage situation is. It introduces you to Gods purposes and His ideal plan of marriage and its conceptual significance. It also comprehensively deals with nearly every aspect of marital relationship such as roles and responsibilities, love, conflict management, finance, sex, divorce, and remarriage. Considerable references are made to the scriptures.
The book is targeted towards married couples and prospective couples. The book can also be used as helpful resource by pastors, church leaders, and Christian marriage counsellors.
This all-in-one book gives you the effective tool needed to help you experience a fulfilling, lasting, and a more satisfying marriage.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris UK
• Release date: Mar 9, 2011
• ISBN: 9781456884109

Book preview

Copyright © 2011 by Samuel B. Addai.

Library of Congress Control Number:       2011903692

ISBN:         Hardcover                               978-1-4568-8409-3

                   Softcover                                 978-1-4568-8408-6

                   Ebook                                      978-1-4568-8410-9

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version (NIV).

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

0-800-644-6988

www.xlibrispublishing.co.uk

[e-mail]

301633

Contents

Acknowledgement

Introduction

Chapter One Marriage: An Ordinance of God

• The biblical perspective of marriage

• Significance of the ‘pillar of leaving’

• Significance of the ‘pillar of uniting or cleaving’

• Significance of the ‘pillar of becoming one flesh’

• The stage and process of continuing discovery

• Covering each other

Chapter Two What Makes a Truly Great Husband

• Mnemonic for the role of the husband

Chapter Three What Makes a Truly Great Wife

• Christ’s submission experience—A perfect lesson to learn

• Mnemonic for the role of the wife

Chapter Four Making Your Love Evident

• Significance of physical love

• Significance of friendship love

• Significance of family love

Chapter Five The Power of Agape Love

• Objective analysis

• Keeping Jesus Christ at the centre

• A word for husbands

Chapter Six ‘Locusts’ That Drain the Family Purse

Chapter Seven Managing Your Finances

• Making a family budget

• Models for efficient financial management

• Some of the root causes of business failure today

Chapter Eight

Navigating the Rough Roads in Your Marriage

• Significance of sanguine temperament

• Significance of choleric temperament

• Significance of phlegmatic temperament

• Significance of melancholy temperament

• Beware of barriers to conflict resolution

• Guiding principles for marital conflict resolution

• Minimise the risk of conflict in your marital home

Chapter Nine Fencing Your Marriage

• Build a good relationship with your parents and in-laws

Chapter Ten

The Biblical Viewpoint on Sex

Chapter Eleven Overcoming Sexual Problems

• Inability to achieve an orgasm

• Dyspareunia

• Premature ejaculation

• Ejaculatory retardation or failure

• Impotence

Chapter Twelve Experiencing a Richer Sex Life

• Main areas of female sexual sensitivity

• Main areas of male sexual sensitivity

• Phase one: Foreplay

• Phase two: Sexual intercourse

• Phase three: Orgasmic experiences

• Phase four: The post-peak

Chapter Thirteen The Biblical Viewpoint on Divorce and Remarriage

• Moses’ assertion—Deuteronomy 24:1-4

• Jesus Christ’s assertion—Matthew 19:1-11

• Apostle Paul’s assertion—1 Corinthians 7:10-16

• The issue of unequal yoking

Chapter Fourteen The Reality Confronting the Church Today on Divorce

and Remarriage

Dedication

This book is dedicated to the Lord Jesus Christ, who, in sacrificing himself at the Cross of Calvary, demonstrated par excellence, a measure of love required to achieve a truly great marriage.

I also dedicate this book to my precious wife Judith and our children Nathan, Steven, and Lois. Judith, your outstanding qualities of patience, wisdom, humility, love, and true grit in determination to pursue the best for our marriage has been a great encouragement to the unfolding of this book. I love you, honey.

Acknowledgement

All gratitude is to the Lord God Almighty, first, for my own salvation; for guiding me all these years.

Second, for my own marriage in which I have found that the application of the principles outlined in the scriptures have enhanced the quality of my marriage when applied.

I would like to thank the Lord also for bringing me into relationships, which have become divine connections for the purpose of this project.

I express my appreciation to Pastor Edward Abu Maliki, London. Thank you for your encouragement and prayers and also your time spent, out of your busy schedule, to help in forming and editing material for this book. You have shown commitment to this project and indicated your conviction of the value of this book, not only to Christians, but also to the general readership.

To Dr Peter Mensah-Debrah, London: You have been a gem of a friend and a precious brother in the Lord Jesus Christ. Thank you for turning someone who is a complete novice in the understanding of the human body and its workings into someone who will eternally be in awe and wonder at the mystery of divine creation. Also your encouragement, prayers, and precious time spent in reviewing and tweaking some of the chapters are really appreciated.

To my beloved biological sister, Dr Joyce Danso-Appiah: Thank you for choosing to do Medicine. A privilege I was not willing to ignore was to take advantage of free consultation, which was an offer.

I must also acknowledge the contributions made by Rev. Moses Asare—senior pastor of PHCC, London; Rev. Peter Linnecar—senior pastor of Trinity Church, Brentwood, Essex; Rev. Sampson Dankyi—senior pastor of TBC, New Addington, Surrey. To each of you: Thanks so much for your encouragement, prayers, and time spent in proofreading the manuscript.

I will not forget to say a big thank you to Pastor Joe K. Anokye of ‘Happy Marriage Ministry’ for his prayers and outstanding encouragement in the publication of the manuscript.

To Ms Josephine Gyakye-Smith and Mrs Nana Frempomaa Amoako: Thank you both for your dedicated labour in the birthing of this vision. Your patience of typing and retyping of manuscripts over the period of the preparation has required considerable grace, which the Lord has endowed you with.

I also want to express my sincere gratitude to all those who have directly or indirectly contributed to this book.

My endless prayers for all of you above is that the good Lord will ensure that abundant blessings come your ways out of every person who is able to build a successful marriage as a consequence of reading and applying the principles and patterns discussed in this book.

To my dear wife, Judith: I find it difficult to imagine any other man to be more blessed than me to have a partner as you in the journey of life. Thank you for being a positive influence in my life. I wouldn’t have come this far to achieve this dream had it not been for your outstanding support. My relationship with you has taught me the value of pursuing integrity and divine wisdom. Surely, there is no great thing to seek to acquire in life than understanding and wisdom. As you often remind me, life is for learning and learning to live fruitfully. I have no doubt the future will surely bring along its challenges and tests to our marriage. One definite assurance I do have is that, divine grace will be there for us. The wise counsellor has proven Himself infallible in the past and will do so again in the future. May our marriage be a shining example of a marriage lived in accordance with the counsel of God, a marriage in which the Lord is at its heart. He is the God who is always faithful, always able to bring comfort alongside every increase (Ps. 71:21).

I say thank-you again Judith, for being loving, a best friend, and supportive partner in the exciting journey of married life.

God bless you.

Introduction

One of the greatest blessings God has given to mankind is home and family.

Marriage is an institution established by God and it is ideally the foundation of the home. It should be reverently remembered that God has established and sanctified marriage for the welfare and happiness of mankind.

Marriage is not man’s idea. It is God’s idea. It is a profound mystery of living as one flesh with another human being of the opposite sex (Eph. 5:31-32). It must therefore be valued and honoured by all under the sun.

It is to be undoubtedly stated that God’s original purpose of marriage is to form a covenant relationship between the man and the woman ‘for a lifetime’. This covenant relationship requires a considerable level of commitment and maturity on the part of both partners for its purpose to be realised.

Genesis 2:24 says, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.’

The fundamental aim is for the man and the woman to come together to establish their own independent and authority structure under God’s infallible authority where they will love and cherish each other, provide for and support each other, deal with each other truthfully and with transparency, be accommodative of each other’s weaknesses, encourage, and pray for each other, and bring forth offsprings.

The sacred bond of marriage is illustrated in the Bible as a contrast of the relationship between Jesus Christ and His church and therefore between a man and his wife. We cannot therefore have a fulfilling redemptive marriage without discovering and applying the principles God has set in His word.

Based on my own experience in supporting and counselling people in marriage, I have seen many conflict situations seemingly irreconcilable only for the solution and remedy to become very apparent when such couples are enabled to view that current situation in the light of scriptural guidelines. Therefore, this book has been written with that in mind that marriages everywhere would be conducted with the counsel and wisdom of God found in His word.

The book is targeted towards those individuals planning to enter into a marriage covenant, those who are already living in one happily and want it to keep growing, those who are struggling and dealing with minor or major marital problems, and those individuals who are victims of divorce and want to put behind and prevent the past mistakes, failures, and pain when they remarry. Considerable references are made to the scriptures.

The book can also be used as a helpful resource by pastors, church leaders, and Christian marriage counsellors.

The hope is that the reader will see that my fundamental aim is to draw the attention to the principle source of true understanding and wisdom—the Bible.

The book introduces you to God’s purposes and His ideal plan of marriage and its conceptual significance. Roles and responsibilities of husband and wife are extensively discussed. The book also discusses the various types of love and their unique significance in marriage; the efficient, transparent and practical ways couples can manage their finances amicably, and how couples can deal with their disagreements and conflicts and live together in peace and harmony in spite of their individual differences. The book shows ways couples can protect their bond of marriage against interfering agents—intruders. It comprehensively discusses God’s ideal purposes and principles of sex, some common male and female sexual difficulties, and some practical remedies to help married couples experience their true maximum sexual potential, and also hints to help them in their pre-sex preparation—both outside and inside the bedroom to help boost their responsiveness for sexual intercourse. It contains in-depth step-by-step approach to sexual intercourse to help married couples achieve mutual sexual pleasure. The book also reveals the confusion man has created in the church about the justifiability of divorce and remarriage. This confusion causes a lot of pastors and church leaders to go through emotional headaches when confronted with controversial relationship cases. On this note, the book has thoroughly discussed the guidelines the Bible offers on divorce and remarriage to help you handle difficult marital cases from God’s perspective.

This all-in-one book gives you the effective tool you need to help you experience a fulfilling, lasting, and more satisfying marriage.

I give honour and glory to God who by His Holy Spirit, has enabled me to share the wisdom contained in this book.

So welcome to ‘Getting the Best Out of Your Marriage’!

I hope this would be a helpful resource for you, whatever your marriage situation is.

God bless you.

Samuel Broach Addai

Essex, United Kingdom

2011

Email: [e-mail]

visit our website: www.api-marriage.com

Chapter One

Marriage: An Ordinance of God

Marriage and family life is a God-ordained institution. It is the bedrock of life and one of the major factors affecting the life of the married in terms of happiness or otherwise.

God’s creation was incomplete until He made a woman. He could have made her from the dust of the ground as he created man. He, in his perfect wisdom, however, chose to make her out of the man’s flesh and bones. By so doing, He mystically asserted His divine idea that, in marriage, man and woman enter into a covenant relationship where they become one flesh, in the image and likeness of God. No wonder after God had made Eve out of the ribs of Adam and brought her to him as his ‘suitable helper’, Adam declared, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh’ (Gen. 2:23). They were created perfect for each other. Eve was suitable because she shared with Adam the image and likeness of God as well as the same flesh and bones. This mystical union of the couple’s hearts permits them to relate to each other on every dimension of life for mutual benefits.

‘Two are better than one because they have a good return for work; if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken’ (Eccles. 4:9-12).

The Bible views marriage as an unbreakable union of two human beings for sharing—strictly one male and the other, female. God expects every couple in marriage to be willing to keep their commitment to each other at all times.

God’s original purpose of marriage is that, man