BEYOND THE WEDDING BLISS: Understanding The Realities Of Marriage In The Early Years

By William Appiah and Dorothy Appiah

When newly married couple settle down after the wedding, they need some information and knowledge to sustain the marriage. While some couples are naïve about marriage, others are economical with the truth, telling only ‘edited highlights’ about what is happening in their marriage. Some learn the hard way, by trial and error and

• Language: English
• Publisher: The House Of Change
• Release date: Apr 30, 2017
• ISBN: 9781910894378

William Appiah

William & Rev. Mrs. Dorothy Appiah are Christian Counsellors and Life Breakthrough Coaches. William and Dorothy have been counselling individuals and couples for over a decade. They do face to face counselling as well as group counselling. They also provide their services to some clients via Skype, phone, and email. They also have special skills and interests in Personal development and Relationship Coaching and are also Foccus Inc, USA, trained in marriage preparation inventory. William is an Author, Publisher and a Public Speaker on Sustainable Marriages as well as Personal Development. He is also an Infopreneur, a Communications Specialist, and a Networking expert. He obtained his B.A (Hons) degree and MSc. in Environmental Policy from the University of Ghana, Legon and University of London, UK. He also has a Graduate Diploma in Communication Studies from the School of Communications, University of Ghana.

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Introduction

When we got married over twenty-five years ago, our friends and families celebrated the event with us. At the wedding reception, it was generally the women who offered advice on marriage, which centered on patience, satisfying each other spiritually and physically, as well as living and staying together, in peace. We were not given any specific guidance, however, on how exactly to secure this much-needed peace. Neither of us had been married before. Both of us were ignorant when it came to the marriage arena, and therefore we expected someone from the family, or among our friends, to tell us briefly, what to expect after the wedding night and for the following five years or so.

We relied on what we knew from books, interaction with friends and other family members and the preaching from our Pastors and other men of God, to sustain our marriage. What most surprised us was that, on speaking with individuals and couples we thought were enjoying their marriages, the information we received was very vague. While some were totally naïve and therefore did not have much to say, others were more interested in talking about how their parents endured their own marriages. Yet others were economical with the truth, telling only ‘edited highlights.’

Having learned the hard way, by trial and error, we were determined to put our experiences, knowledge and information together to help newly married couples, as well as those who have been married for the first critical three years, to sustain their marriages, by providing them with information and advice that will help equip them for a lifetime.

This book, the First Years of Marriage, provides the necessary information right from the wedding night, through the settling down period. It tackles some of the initial expected and unexpected problems, the roles of the husband and wife, including the importance of open communication, as well as highlighting the critical differences between men and women. This book also provides vital information about how to achieve peace at home whilst building a loving and sustainable relationship.

Our other purpose in writing this book was to use our God-given Christian Counselling ministry to equip married couples with the necessary ‘tools’ to stay married and sustain their marriages and to feel able to turn to counsellors if ever they find themselves in difficulty. So many people throw in the towel, admitting defeat after initial problems begin to rear their heads. We are also determined, therefore, to provide couples with information and create awareness about the need to use counsellors when they face problems, to avoid marital breakdowns. A better understanding of the Biblical principles on which a marriage should be built will help you during the early period of marriage and afterward.

This book is written as much for those who have recently married as for those who have been married for the last 10 years. It is also designed for those who are ready to learn more about what the Holy Bible says about marriage, as well as the experiences of life and wisdom. The Bible says, for lack of knowledge my people perish. Knowledge about God’s honourable institution will bring you the essential foundation, information, and advice necessary to the survival and happiness of your marriage.

WORDS OF WISDOM

By wisdom, a house is built, and through understanding, it is established. Through Knowledge, its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.

Proverbs 24; 3-4

C H A P T E R  O N E

After the Wedding Ceremony

It is a feeling beyond words. It is a feeling you cannot describe when you wake up in the morning after the wedding ceremony. You cast your mind back, beginning from the morning of the previous day. You will try to capture every precious moment; the small details of what actually took place. For the newly married woman, this wistful reflection may focus on her physical appearance – her hair, make-up, putting on her wedding dress and the excitement of the whole occasion - being led to the church, as well as the reception, and the cutting of the cake will be amongst her most important memories.

The man, meanwhile, might contemplate the general success of the previous day, including, specifically, the first wedding night. This may have been the very first time he has made love to his wife, having aspired to, and dwelled upon this moment for some time. Finally, he has reached his goal, to marry her and have her passionately in his arms.

But this is not the whole picture. The husband wakes up in the morning with a newfound sense of confidence and pride. Taking a wife means far more than simply winning a trophy; it establishes him as a real man; it confirms his masculinity. It is perhaps at this point that a man realises, for the first time, that he now has someone who is truly, the bone of my bone and the flesh of my flesh.

The woman also wakes up in the morning with a smile on her face. A new day has dawned for her, and she can justifiably believe that the whole world now belongs to her. She has a husband; a man who belongs exclusively to her. She has a home and looks forward to the care, warmth, and guidance of her husband.

We are very confident that couples hear only a small part of the sermon on their wedding day. Their minds are racing ahead to the evening, and the life, they will share together, and many of the preacher’s wise and kind words will be lost on them. Whilst aware of the crowd of family and friends - both at church and at the reception, there are too many people to recognise the faces as individuals. The day may pass as a blur of repeated thanks, nodding, smiling and handshaking, before the greater significance of the ceremony finally sinks in.

Quite possibly, you may wake up in the morning and ask yourself whether you are really and truly married. Well, the answer is ‘Yes!’ it is for real; you have tied the knot. Congratulations! You are now a married couple; man and wife. You have joined the millions of others who are married to the glory and honour of God.

The Mystery

To the newly married couple, there is something mysterious about marriage that seems inexplicable. Marriage is spiritual. You suddenly find yourself in a sacred time-honoured institution. There is an inner glow within. You look different. You feel different. You look and feel satisfied and fulfilled, confident and hopeful for the future. Nothing looks impossible to you! Yes, we can seems to be an appropriate statement, to sum up your certainty and optimism. The two of you are now set to conquer the world. In fact, the power of two is a powerful force. The scripture says Can two walk together except they agree? Amos 3:3. The power of agreement between a husband and wife is stronger. You can weather any storm with God’s help.

There is also a genuine feeling of security. Now I have the woman I love to myself, the man may say inwardly. He can now point to her, with pride, as his legally, and spiritually, wedded wife. For a man, this brings an overwhelming sense of satisfaction