BATTLES ON THE MARRIAGE BED: Discover How To Resolve Marital Sex Conflicts Amicably Without A Third Party

By William Appiah and Dorothy Appiah

Battles on the marriage bed though a practice shrouded in secrecy due to the nature of the issues, have a very serious effect on marriages. They sometimes start with misunderstandings and disagreements about issues and then explodes into anger on the bed if and when not resolved. Instead of the bed being a place of rest, restful sleep and gettin

• Language: English
• Publisher: The House Of Change
• Release date: Apr 30, 2017
• ISBN: 9781910894347

William Appiah

William & Rev. Mrs. Dorothy Appiah are Christian Counsellors and Life Breakthrough Coaches. William and Dorothy have been counselling individuals and couples for over a decade. They do face to face counselling as well as group counselling. They also provide their services to some clients via Skype, phone, and email. They also have special skills and interests in Personal development and Relationship Coaching and are also Foccus Inc, USA, trained in marriage preparation inventory. William is an Author, Publisher and a Public Speaker on Sustainable Marriages as well as Personal Development. He is also an Infopreneur, a Communications Specialist, and a Networking expert. He obtained his B.A (Hons) degree and MSc. in Environmental Policy from the University of Ghana, Legon and University of London, UK. He also has a Graduate Diploma in Communication Studies from the School of Communications, University of Ghana.

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Dedication

This book is dedicated to all Christian couples.

So others may enjoy a happy, sustainable and fulfilled marriage.

We are grateful to God Almighty who gave us the wisdom to complete this book. Glory be to His name.

Acknowledgement

A very big thank you goes to all those who provided information and assistance while we were writing this book. Special thanks to Rev. Moses Asare, General Overseer of Praise Harvest Community Church (PHCC), London, and his lovely wife, Pastor Nana Agyemang, for their spiritual support, advice, and information.

Special thanks to Rev. Frederick William Koranteng Ayeh and his beautiful wife, Lady Mabel, First Lady of PHCC, Milton Keynes, for their support and prayers.

Pastor Bernard Opoku-Preko and his lovely wife Lady Eunice of PHCC, London and Forster Afum Nartey and his stunning wife, Laura, who proved themselves as friends. For being there for us and for their encouragement.

Stephen Agyei, our in-Law and his dear wife, Mary, our sister, for their support and encouragement.

My brother and childhood friend, Kwesi Aboagye-Atta, and his dear wife, Patricia. For their words of encouragement, proof-reading and editing, their time and making us believe that it is possible to publish this book.

Last, but not least, the GAP Prayer Team of PHCC-MK for their constant prayers and support

WORDS OF WISDOM

My son, give attention to my words;

Incline your ear to my sayings.

Do not let them depart from your eyes;

Keep them in the midst of your heart;

For they are life to those who find them,

And health to all their flesh.

Keep your heart with all diligence,

For out of it spring the issues of life.

Proverbs 4:20-23 (NKJV)

INTRODUCTION

Battles on the marriage bed though a practice shrouded in secrecy due to the nature of the issues, has a very serious effect on marriages. They sometimes start with misunderstanding about issues, disagreements and then it explodes into anger on the bed when and if not resolved. Instead of the bed being a place of rest, restful sleep and getting intimate with your spouse, it rather becomes a place to settle issues and or scores.

This book is written to inform and educate couples about the relevance of settling conflicts in the marriage and the need to do so without a peace keeping force. We always jokingly state that the United Nations is overburdened with various urgent and serious problems in the world and have fewer resources to divert some into settling marriage issues with their peace keeping force.

Couples will do well to settle marital conflicts by themselves. Some families genuinely may want to settle their differences out of the bed. This book, Battles On The Marriage Bed, is for those who recognize the existence of the problems and challenges which end up in the marriage bed and are prepared to work to resolve the issue. Most couples would experience such battles which sometimes begin with the silent treatment from their partners as an outcome of their dissatisfaction with an issue. This can be due to several factors including infidelity, health, stress and psychological factors.

Issues about marital sex are so personal and intimate that it is very difficult to get people to open up and discuss them. For those of us who coach, counsel and organise events on marriage as well as do public speaking, these are some of the issues that come out during question time. People get excited when you raise issues about sex at any event, as they have the opportunity to either contribute or listen to advice, guidance, and information.

This book with the sub-title; How To Resolve Marital Sex Conflicts Peacefully, will equip you with valuable information as well as supporting Biblical quotations, passages, and techniques to help you resolve the marital sex problems. You are also offered on a silver platter how to do it information and the necessary guidance to resolve the battles on your marriage bed.

C H A P T E R  O N E

THE BATTLE FRONT

Most couples marry without the slightest idea about how to resolve conflicts in marriage. Unfortunately, resolving conflicts and achieving an amicable end is a permanent feature in the marriage. Therefore, the earlier you as a couple learns the art of resolving marital issues, the better it wold be for the peace and sustenance of the marriage.

In the beginning, the marital problems are resolved amicably. Whatever issues caused the altercation between the spouses are resolved without many problems.

The battle begins when an unresolved problem ends up on the bed and the husband attempt to hold the wife, and she refuses or vice versa. In some cultures, the women do not have much freedom that most Western women have i.e. where they can charge the husband for marital rape. As controversial as this may be to some spouses, the laws favour and protects the women. Thus the issue of when persuasion fails, force is applied as the saying goes, does not work on the marital bed.

The couple or one of them often show their anger or displeasure by turning their face to the opposite side of the bed. Their stiff or hard posture on the bed tells the whole story: while the man is thinking, thou shall not touch me, for the woman it is as simple as, you can’t touch this. It is a no-go area.

One interesting thing is that, in some cultures, some of the women dress in a manner that it would be impossible for the husband to have access to their body. For example, some wear tights, trousers and jeans shorts under their nightie, thus making all the efforts of their men to have access to their bodies impossible. This normally happens when the wives are angry, or the issue under contention has not been resolved. Every married man knows that when the wife is not fully satisfied or convinced about an issue under contention, or how it was settled, would be given the silent treatment.

Silent treatment

The silent treatment and or the use of sex as a weapon has been there for a long time. Our mothers and fathers have played this card since time immemorial. The women among others do so for their security and safety and to get issues resolved. In some instances, the wife would leave the room and move to another room where that option is available.

Frederick and Joyce had an argument over what Joyce thinks borders on infidelity. Frederick was disturbed and did not know what to do. He met us at the train station on our way to Scotland, UK, for a programme. Joyce intentionally left our bedroom, to sleep with the children for about two weeks, because she does not believe that my relationship with my secretary at the office is just a platonic one, Frederick said.

It is a normal practice when you work in a small or a big company, that some of the people in your team may become your friends, both male and female. Sometimes they ask for certain favours which you may not think of them as an issue. But that is where when you