Before You Divorce: Read This

By Matthew N. O. Sadiku and Janet O. Sadiku

This is a must-read before you consider divorcing your partner. The book can help you create a happy, lasting, and successful marriage and prevent divorce. Marriage is not a fairytale and divorce is not always the best solution. Every marriage goes through hard times and yours is not an exception. Divorce is common but it can be prevented or avoided. As William Shatner rightly said, “Divorce is probably as painful as death.” It comes as no surprise that God hates divorce.

It does not matter where you are, what you have been through, or the current situation of your marriage, there is hope. When a person is considering divorce, they typically want to know if one really can prevent divorce. Yes, you can prevent the divorce. There is still time to save your marriage. This book will help you know what to do to prevent divorce. Let God, not culture or selfishness, have the final say in your marriage.

Matthew N. O. Sadiku is a professor emeritus at Prairie View A & M University, Prairie View, Texas. He is the author of over 970 professional articles and over 95 books including Secrets of Successful Marriages, Enemies of Your Marriage, and commentaries on all the books of the New Testament Bible. His books are used worldwide, and some of them have been translated into Korean, Chinese, Italian, French, Portuguese, and Spanish.

Janet O. Sadiku studied nursing science from 1975 to 1980 at the University of Ife, now known as Obafemi Awolowo University, Nigeria. She has worked as a nurse, educator, and church minister in Nigeria, the United Kingdom, and Canada. She is presently retired with her husband in West Palm Beach, Florida.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: May 17, 2022
• ISBN: 9781665557764

Matthew N. O. Sadiku

Matthew N. O. Sadiku is a professor emeritus at Prairie View A & M University, Prairie View, Texas. He is a Life fellow of IEEE. He is the author of over 1,000 professional articles and over 100 books including “Elements of Electromagnetics” (Oxford University Press, 7th ed., 2018), “Fundamentals of Electric Circuits” (McGraw-Hill, 7 ed.,2021, with C. Alexander), “Computational Electromagnetics with MATLAB” (CRC Press, 4th ed., 2019), and “Emerging Internet-based Technologies” (CRC Press, 2019). In addition to the engineering books, he has written Christian books including “Secrets of Successful Marriages,” “How to Discover God’s Will for Your Life,” and commentaries on all the books of the New Testament Bible. Some of his books have been translated into French, Korean, Chinese, Italian, Portuguese, and Spanish. He can be reached via email at [e-mail]

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© 2022 Matthew N. O. Sadiku & Janet O. Sadiku. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or

transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Unless otherwise stated, New International Version (NIV) of the Bible

is used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the King James Version of the Bible.

Scripture quotations marked NKJV are from the New King James Version.

Scripture quotations marked TLB are from The Living Bible.

Scripture quotations marked CSB are from the Christian Standard Bible.

Scripture quotations marked ESV are from the English Standard Version.

Scripture quotations marked WEB are from the World English Bible.

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ISBN: 978-1-6655-5775-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6655-5774-0 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6655-5776-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022907720

Published by AuthorHouse 05/16/2022

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CONTENTS

PREFACE

1     INTRODUCTION

2     APPLYING THE KINGDOM PRINCIPLES IN YOUR MARRIAGE

3     FUNDAMENTALS OF HAPPY MARRIAGES

4     ENEMIES OF YOUR MARRIAGE

5     CAUSES OF MARITAL PROBLEMS AND THEIR SOLUTIONS – PART 1

6     CAUSES OF MARITAL PROBLEMS AND THEIR SOLUTIONS– PART 2

7     CONSEQUENCES OF DIVORCE

8     DIVORCE PREVENTION STRATEGIES

9     NEED FOR FORGIVENESS

10   CONCLUSIONS

SELECTED BIBLIOGRAPHY

Dedicate

d to:

Ademi Aderiye Ademoroti

OTHER BOOKS BY THE AUTHORS

Secrets of Successful Marriages

How to Discover God’s Will for Your Life

Wisdom: Your Key to Success

Choosing the Best: Living for What Really Matters

Enemies of Your Marriage

My Life and Work

Radical Christian Living: By Kingdom’s Principles

Over One Hundred Loving the Word Bible Studies

Living a Life Pleasing to God

God is with You: Enjoy His Presence

All Things Are Committed to Jesus

Matthew 1-15: A Pentecostal Commentary

Matthew 16-28: A Pentecostal Commentary

Mark: A Pentecostal Commentary

Luke 1-11: A Pentecostal Commentary

Luke 12-24: A Pentecostal Commentary

John 1-11: A Pentecostal Commentary

John 12-21: A Pentecostal Commentary

Acts 1-12: A Pentecostal Commentary

Acts 13-28: A Pentecostal Commentary

Romans: A Pentecostal Commentary

1 Corinthians: A Pentecostal Commentary

2 Corinthians: A Pentecostal Commentary

Ephesians: A Pentecostal Commentary

Galatians: A Pentecostal Commentary

Philippians and Titus: A Pentecostal Commentary

Colossians and Philemon: A Pentecostal Commentary

1 & 2 Thessalonians: A Pentecostal Commentary

1 & 2 Timothy: A Pentecostal Commentary

1 & 2 Peter: A Pentecostal Commentary

Hebrews: A Pentecostal Commentary

James and Jude: A Pentecostal Commentary

1-3 John: A Pentecostal Commentary

Revelation: A Pentecostal Commentary

ABBREVIATIONS

PREFACE

Marriage has changed over the years as the society around it has. The divorce rate in America affects about half of all marriages. Men and women with little excuse decide to disrupt their family life. This clearly shows that building a successful, long-lasting marriage is an uphill task.

Healthy, happy marriages are critical to our society in view of the associated physical, emotional, and financial benefits for families. Government spending to treat the effects of broken families is skyrocketing. Divorce remains an everyday reality. Statistics show that more women than men are initiating the divorce process. Divorce is on the rise around the globe. Marriage is not fairytale, and divorce is not always the best solution. Every marriage undergoes hard times, and yours is not an exception. Divorce is common, but it can be prevented or avoided. The pain and trauma of divorce are often worse than the difficulties you are currently facing in your marriage. As William Shatner rightly said, Divorce is probably as painful as death. It comes as no surprise that God hates divorce.

It does not matter where you are, what you have been through, or the current situation of your marriage, there is hope. God designed marriage to include you, your spouse, and Him. It is God’s desire to preserve for Himself a community of believers. If you feel that your marriage is failing apart and at a dead end, look hard and think twice before contemplating divorce. Divorce can be one of the most traumatic events in your life, arguably second only to the death of a loved one. Divorce among God’s people destroys that community by weakening it, and desecrating God’s intention. Without God, the Designer of marriage, you are lost in your quest for marital happiness.

When a person is considering divorce, they typically want to know if they can prevent the divorce. The answer is yes: there is still time to save your marriage. We have devoted much of our life to helping marriages thrive and saving marriages that are on the verge of collapse. We strongly believe in the value and sanctity of marriage. We have spent many years working with couples who are in crisis and on the edge of divorce. We strongly recommend that divorce should be included in premarital counseling so that couple will know about divorce in advance and how to prevent it.

Nobody gets married with the intention of getting divorced. There are forces - external and internal - working against the success of the marriage. These negative forces will truncate the life of your marriage if care is not taken. They may cause you to not enjoy the marriage, and may eventually lead to divorce. A marriage is successful if the couple can live together, happily, until they die.

Hundreds of books, articles, and blogs have been written to address marital problems and divorce prevention. If you are courageous enough to pick up this book, you have taken the first step toward solving your marital problems and making your marriage work. This book encourages happy marriages and discourages divorce. It tells you what makes marriages happy, satisfying, and successful. It also discusses things you should avoid so that your marriage does not fall apart. It helps you identify problem areas of your marriage and how you can solve them. It addresses the futility and senselessness of choosing divorce. It also gives you some tools on how to prevent divorce. If you apply these tools and address your marital problems as suggested, you will enjoy your marriage again and be happy. Before You Divorce, Read This, is based on never-changing biblical principles.

People are trained to become medical doctors, nurses, engineers, lawyers, accountants, etc. In the same way, we should become experts in what works in marriages. We must also become experts on what does not work in marriages. When we become experts in marriages, we greatly enjoy our marriage and our home becomes a foretaste of heaven on earth.

This is a must read before you consider divorcing your partner. According to God’s plan, marriage is to be enjoyed, not endured. Your marriage will thrive and succeed if you do things God’s way. Do not try to reinvent the wheel; learn from other people’s experience by reading this book you are holding in your hand.

I would like to express my profound appreciation to Ann Sadiku and Kehinde Sadiku for helping in little ways. I am indebted to Chinyere Nwachukwu and Philip Arabome for editing the book. Special thanks go to Kemi Carter, Timothy Opeewe, Funmi Olukoya, Dr. Emmanuel Dada, and Dr. David Momoh for reviewing the manuscript and providing useful comments.

CHAPTER 1

INTRODUCTION

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.

And what does the Lord require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

(Micah 6:8)

Marriage is essentially the legal union of a man and a woman as husband and wife. It is a natural, cherished bond that comes from the natural desire of the opposite sex to each other, and with the specific terms and conditions. The Bible clearly declares that marriage is between a man and a woman. The hierarchy in a marriage is to place God first, the husband second as head of the household, and the wife subservient to the husband. The wife is regarded as an equal helpmate and partner with her husband.

To stay happily married is getting harder and harder these days. All marriages face problems, such as selfishness, lack of affection, adultery, irresponsibility, worldliness, materialism, etc. These common problems can be avoided, fixed or resolved using many tips offered in this book. They are regarded as enemies of your marriage. These problems do not happen overnight; they creep up on your marriage gradually. If you identify them in your marriage, you should be able to do something about them before it is late. Couples can work together in solving the problems and saving their marriage.

Exit through divorce is increasing. Divorce is no longer regarded as an extreme remedy for an exceptional mistake. It often starts as emotional or psychological divorce and then ends as legal divorce. As divorce becomes more widespread, it has received a considerable amount of attention from psychologists, sociologists, social workers, religious bodies, and government agencies. Most couples divorce without knowing that their marriage problems can be solved. If you can address or avoid them, you will enjoy your marriage and be happy. In short, your marriage will never experience divorce.

Great marriages do not happen by coincidence, nor are they made overnight. They are the result of a consistent investment of time, affection, forgiveness, and commitment between a husband and a wife. Act more like a teammate in your marriage and less like an adversary. As Scripture says, Those who live by their own rules, not God’s, can expect nothing but trouble (Job 15:19, The Message). Be realistic and do not live on the world’s terms. Commit to playing cooperatively versus competitively. Become a team player in your marriage. Unity is the goal of Christian marriage. Never allow the pressures of our society to have any negative influence on your beliefs or practices. Our lifestyle must conform to that of Jesus, who we are supposed to be imitating.

A healthy marriage results when two people work together to make their marriage work and are determined to tackle the problems that threaten it. As a married couple, do not let your domestic responsibilities prevent you from meeting each other’s most important emotional needs. A marriage thrives when both the husband and wife are responsible. Stop blaming others like Adam and Eve did in Genesis. So take responsibility for your own actions. Understand your spouse’s basic needs and be willing to do your best to meet them. Show love in words and deeds. Husbands, when your wife is truly loved as Christ expects you, when she knows that she means more to you than anything or anyone else, she will fully surrender.

The first and best thing you can do to restore or strengthen your marriage is to PRAY. Pray to God about your personal and marital problems. We also need to grow spiritually and be conformed to the image of our Lord Jesus Christ. Spiritual growth will result in victorious living. We have at our disposal Jesus Christ as our greatest ally and the Holy Spirit as our greatest helper. As we avail ourselves of the resources that God has provided, we will enjoy a victorious marriage and our victory over the enemy is guaranteed. Your marriage can be both successful and happy if you can do what it takes, as recommended in this book.

WHY YOU SHOULD NOT DIVORCE

The best thing that can happen to you is being blessed by a good husband or wife. If you perceive your partner is turning bad, you must have treated them badly. If things are not working as you expected and your marriage is really fragile and unhappy now, divorce is not the answer. What is at stake when a marriage ends up in divorce? A lot -- the glory of God, broken husband, broken wife, broken children, many losses, bad testimony, etc. There are many reasons you should not consider divorce as a way out of your marital problems. We provide ten reasons here.

1.God Hates Divorce: Since God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), a child of God should also hate divorce. You are a member of the kingdom of God. You should obey the rules of the kingdom to make God happy, walk within the circle of His blessing, and allow Him to bless you and your marriage. Your spouse may have turned from being a lover to an enemy. Jesus asks us to pray for our enemy (Matthew 5:43-45). You can choose/decide to love your spouse (now your enemy) and avoid divorce. Make no attempt to split apart what God has joined together (Matthew 19:6),

2. Divorce Does not Glorify God: Divorce stains the name of God. It does not glorify God in any way. Divorce is the work of the devil whose mission is to kill, steal, and destroy your marriage (John 10:10). God is glorified when you have abundant life and live like His children. The children of God should live by kingdom’s principles which are based on righteousness, joy, and peace in the Holy Spirit (Romans 15:17). When you divorce your spouse, God is ashamed of you.

3. Divorce Breaks Your Vow: Divorce breaks the marriage covenant you made before God and other witnesses during your wedding. At your wedding, you promised to stay married forever. That was for richer or poorer (through the financial difficulties), in sickness and in health (when illness invades your marriage), for better or worse (through all the problems and successes). God does not take it lightly when you break your vow. God is faithful. He is