Discovering and Loving the One Chosen for You: Part 2: A Relationship Divine, #2

By Bill Koerner

Are you tired of failed relationships? Do you know how to save yourself from potential disasters or mediocre relationships?
Dr. Bill Koerner had enough with hearing about and experiencing relationships and marriages that had failed, including his own, so he did something about it. As it was revealed to him through his newfound relationship with Christ along with the Biblical principles of scripture, he gave thanks by writing about his experiences and spiritual growth, and created a reference guide for seekers of successful relationships.
Dr. Koerner is a practicing Licensed Specialist in School Psychology, holds a Masters degree in Applied Psychology and a Ph.D. in Educational Psychology. He currently resides and works in the Dallas/Ft Worth area and is the proud father of an 8 year old daughter. Another book written by Dr. Koerner, released at the same time as this text is entitled A Relationship Divine: Parenting Edition, which follows a similar template to the original A Relationship Divine, and delves into relationships as they relate to parents and children.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Bill Koerner
• Release date: Dec 28, 2022
• ISBN: 9798215961834

Book preview

A RELATIONSHIP DIVINE

discovering and loving the one chosen for you

This text was created because I have seen so many relationships falter, whether because of poor communication, infidelity, personality differences, stagnation or the like. I wanted to try and produce an instrument for individuals or couples who need guidance in the areas of selecting who God has in mind for them, and the path for their relationships.

There is a plan set up especially for you.

This book is set up so that you can better utilize Scripture, and follow the plan that was created for you before you were born. A plan to help you live out your life with the one that God has chosen for you. 

This book is for singles, couples in relationships, as well as those who are married. Any one of you can acquire spiritual and practical information for your relationships. Use this information often because God works in unique ways to provide you with guidance in your life, just when you may need it most and when you least expect it.

This text is written so that you are not bogged down with information. Each topic is brief, but do not let its brevity fool you. The information you need is there with very little fluff. There may be places in this text that might seem strongly worded. My intention here is not to offend you, but to convict you to be honest with yourself and hold yourself and your mate accountable for your actions.

People are constantly bombarded with guilty feelings for the things that they do to themselves and others. So often these things could have been avoided. Sin is part of our nature. God knows that. What He requires of you is to learn from those mistakes by seeking forgiveness, asking for guidance and wisdom in the future, and applying your new God given resolution the next time you are placed in that situation. You relieve your guilt and glorify Him by seeking and applying His guidance, comfort, and leadership to your problems. If you feel guilty about something, it may be the Holy Spirit working in you.

Many times guilt is self-inflicted. We feel guilt when we do things we know are wrong so it fits that guilt arrives when we are not following His guidance. We can also feel guilt when we make decisions without Him and things don’t work out the way we intend. Part of this book resides in the fact that if we have God to lead our life instead of us, we will have peace in our choices. It is part of His checks and balances for us; it helps us stay on His path. The real challenge comes from how we deal with our guilt. Do we learn or do we fall again and again?

This book represents a journey into those things that are imperative to your search and discovery of a potential mate or improving the relationship you have so that you may live out a relationship directed and blessed by your Creator.

If the Lord is not yet your guide, I encourage you invite Him along as you take this journey. I promise you will not be disappointed. The information you will find in this text is useful, practical, and purposeful. It is not because I am a great writer, but because I listened to my heart which is filled with a love for God. He also loves you, and wants you to experience the joy of knowing Him and applying His precepts for making the best choices you can make in your life and your relationships—His choices.

How A Relationship Divine is Organized

The first section of this book speaks of Knowledge, Wisdom, and Obedience; without them, your foundation is weak. These are fundamental to your life, as well as your relationships.

The second section is entitled Communication; this ability to apply the skills that He has provided for you is an essential part of how you deal with your relationships, and how effective you will be at resolving issues.

In the third section we discuss God’s part in your relationships. He created you, He is always with you, and He patiently and hopefully waits for you to seek His guidance. He wants to teach you how to be a living, shining example of what relationships should be. He wants you to be a light for those who are led to begin their own relationships.

Section four talks about Relationship Imperatives and illustrates those things that He requires of you to demonstrate in your relationship. These are the things that allow you to show Him and your mate that you are doing what is righteous.

Section five deals with Relationship Killers. It describes those things that cause relationships in your life to falter. They do not come from God. Discussed in this section are why these things are wrong, and what you can do to make them right.

Section six reveals the Potential Relationship Indicators, those things that act as important signs as to whether you pursue or run from a potential relationship. There are Red, Yellow, and Green flags that you can process in order to prevent disasters and pursue potential in those you meet.

Section seven investigates those questions you have to ask and what you need to know about your potential mate and your relationship. Answers to these burning questions can be the difference between heartache and bliss.

Section eight, the Honey Do’s and Honey Don’ts, looks at those things you should always do, and those things you should never do in your relationship.

Section nine contains items of significant importance that do not fall into a specific category. Read them as topics to reflect on through the day, and answer the questions as you did earlier in the text. It also deals with marriage and a few of the most prevalent topics that can make-up or break-up your marriage, followed by some topics that deal with you as a couple in a relationship.

Section ten, Marriage, talks about some of the basics which allow this ultimate relationship to flourish and honor the one who gave it to you.  Among some of the topics discussed are the roles of men and women in marriage, infidelity, divorce, and sexual relations.

How to Read A Relationship Divine

This book is set up so that you can take the time to reflect on the topic for the day and begin to apply it to you as a person, and subsequently to your present or future relationship. I have set up a specific way for you to utilize each lesson to its maximum potential by emphasizing scripture, gathering information related to what scripture is telling you, and directing you back to scripture before you ask yourself a few questions for application.

Complete the topic reading and if applicable answer the questions given to you. Challenge yourself to answer them honestly. Focus on what you are reading. The information is compacted into a small amount of space, but can have significant meaning in your life so please do not take it lightly. 

Read and come back to the topic scripture. Why so much emphasis on scripture? Simple, God is perfect and so are His words for you. I can’t think of a better resource than the perfect word of your Creator to show you how to live your life. Read the questions for the topic. Even if you think that the day’s topic doesn’t really apply to you, it probably does in some way or it will at some future time.

Be honest with yourself. You are wasting your time if you are holding everyone accountable—except yourself. No matter how close you think you are to the Lord, you can always get closer.

Reflect on the information you have read throughout the day, and/or talk about it with others. Having others reading with you to hold you accountable and motivated is where you can get some incredible work done. This partner can be used to give you strength and conviction in knowing how to create and maintain a Christ-like relationship.

I strongly suggest reading this book with that person with whom you are entering into a relationship, the person you have been dating for considerable time or your spouse. Together you may be heading off many issues or problems. Even after you have already read this book, there are always areas where you can grow. Just as going back to scripture can help you, coming back to this scripturally driven book continues your progression in building and maintaining relationships. Fledgling relationships, as well as thriving ones, bring about new challenges so this book can always be useful as a guide for working on relationships.

I spent considerable time praying, writing, editing, deleting, and rewriting areas of this text to attempt to give you the best possible understanding of who He wants you to be in your relationships. I prayed for the words and guidance, and He did what He always said He would which is to bless those who do His work. I think that this text can be an invaluable resource for any type of relationship.

This is not the type of book you read once and discard. It can be a consistent reference to His word and your relationships. Use it consistently because you can always become better. Don’t allow complacency to become part of your relationship.

In many areas of text, there is a small prayer relevant to each day’s topic.  Read it and use it to ask Him for the understanding to apply each topic in its necessary form so that it may be an effective tool in your relationship. Prayer is such a beautiful and meaningful way for you to communicate and build your relationship with God. Ask Him for the means to function as He always intended, and He will lovingly teach you and guide you.

It is my sincere hope that you can use this book to bring yourself and your mate into a stronger more enduring relationship with God and one another. Because of this you will subsequently be in a relationship for others to emulate in the name of the One who gave it to you.

My Testimony

My journey to meet the Lord began several years ago. When I was a young boy I was saved, but then never really moved ahead from there in my walk with Christ. I did what millions do; I did things the way I thought they needed to be done by myself and without the Lord as my guide. Instead of getting advice from those in-the-know about relationships, the opposite held true. I was getting it from those who had their own versions of how things worked. I was in the mind-set that if it made sense and it sounded good, then go with it.  Unbeknownst to me, I was leading myself into a trap. Although I felt as though I was living a normal life, I was truly fooling myself. 

I found myself in many relationships. My first long-term relationship occurred when I was about fifteen. It really didn’t seem like it accounted for much, but it initiated my path of living without the Lord as my guide in relationships. For the next twenty years of my life I found myself in many short-lived pairings with women who I thought were the one.

Fortunately though, the Lord was always there, even when I chose not to use Him. I say this because all the times I became angry that another relationship fell into the abyss, He was there to pick me up, help me to stand again, and waited patiently for me to use His guidance.

Also fortunate for me was the fact that I had already asked the Lord to live in my life as a youngster, so I know in retrospect that He was guiding me and giving me the opportunity to find Him. Those who are not so fortunate will continuously live their lives on their own terms, not realizing that we can’t do it without Him.

We will fail without His guidance in our lives. 

My life-altering decision did not happen overnight. It actually took several years to complete my transformation. That is not to say that your change will take as long as mine did, that is up to you! I was exceedingly stubborn, even with countless failed relationships staring me in the face. I did not recognize what was right in front of me. After my last dismal failure (a blessing in disguise), I was very angry and frustrated. I was not looking forward to the perceived drudgery of initiating another potential failure. I remained single for four years, hanging out in the wrong places and trying to incidentally meet that special someone. 

It wasn’t my lack of functional relationships that fueled my anger and frustration; that was just another problem for me to choose to be angry about. In the span of approximately three months, I lost my nephew to a car accident, and my mother to cancer. To make things even more challenging, I was the victim of a lay-off. To put all of this in perspective, at this point I was truly struggling with my life. 

I was at wit’s bitter end, and the devil was loving it! As I look back at this time, I did not realize it but I was beginning the transformation. I began attending church in Grapevine, Texas, albeit not necessarily for the right reasons—to meet women, but hey, that did get me there. From that point, I became involved in singles’ ministries, and would go to church every couple of weeks or so with a friend. I even met some women who I thought because they were at church would have to be nice, right? Wrong! In hind-sight, I realize that He simply was not ready yet for me to meet someone. 

After a few failed attempts at initiating relationships, I looked elsewhere for nourishment—I actually began to consistently go to the services. I also began reading the Bible, and I started a journal. My life began to change significantly. The ride was bumpy at times. I sometimes fell off the wagon and turned away from the church, but something was pulling me. I began to have a need and a desire to learn more about Him. I felt a sense of urgency that I had never felt before, a yearning to know more and to grow more. After all of this, I began to understand what I really needed to do.

In order for me to get right with my relationships, as well as everything else in my life, I had to first get right with the Lord.

Once that revelation hit