The Faith of the Pastor's Wife: Surviving in Ministry yet Remaining in Love with God and His People

By Judith S. Hylton

The pastor's wife is not just a role to play; she has a vital relationship with Jesus Christ. This book not only tells the journey of one pastor's wife, but it also provides many practical examples of how to thrive as a woman of God. Author Judith Hylton openly shares her joys and challenges, to encourage other women. Topics like loss, change, marriage, prayer, parenting, and spiritual disciplines are all discussed in order to sustain the faith of the pastor's wife.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Sep 5, 2012
• ISBN: 9781449760328

Judith S. Hylton

Judith Hylton is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in the state of Illinois and a National Board-Certified Counselor (NBCC). She has a master’s degree in education (MEd) from Kent State University and a master’s in counseling with emphasis in Marriage and Family Therapy from Geneva College in Pennsylvania. She has extensive experience working with families, couples, individuals, adolescents, and children. She is also a retreat and workshop speaker. She has been a pastor's wife for twenty-eight years and works alongside her husband, Rev. Dr. Ray Hylton. She has three children, Judene, Ray, and Joel.

Book preview

THE FAITH OF THE

PASTOR’S WIFE

Surviving in ministry yet remaining

in love with God and His people

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Judith S. Hylton

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Copyright © 2012 Judith S. Hylton

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 Biblica. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-4497-6033-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-6034-2 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-6032-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012912921

WestBow Press rev. date: 09/28/2012

CONTENTS

Dedication

Foreword

Acknowledgements

Introduction: Childhood dreams

Childhood dreams

Part One: Call

Purpose of the book

Challenges of pastoral vocation

Fulfillment of a dream

Trials strengthen not weaken

Marriage and moving to America

Part Two: Spiritual Walk

Prayer and intimacy with God

Make time to pray

Listen to his voice

Trusting God for daily bread

Doubts and fears

Part Three: Identity

Discovering your identity

Know and use your spiritual gifts

Adaptation

Know who you are in Christ

Part Four: Transitions

Death and loss

Direction

Faithful friends

Leaving a church, or the church asks you to leave

Part Five: Self-care

The importance of self-care

Nurturing your marriage

Second pair of eyes

The character of the pastor’s wife

Cherish the Word

Faith sustaining practices

Conclusion: Finishing well

Endnotes

Bibliography

Dedication

This book is dedicated to three women of faith who touched my life:

my mother Zelpha, mother-in-law Joycelyn, and Aunt Vads

Foreword

When I was a child, I spent many a Saturday afternoons watching ABC’s Wild World of Sports. I was so familiar with the show that I knew what to say when Jim McKay’s resonant voice said those famous lines, The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. In that short introduction the viewer saw an athlete celebrating in victory and in the next frame a skier falling, tumbling haphazardly over the edge of a ski jump. I always wondered what happened to the guy who failed to make the jump. Being a pastor in today’s world is a lot like Wild World of Sports. The experiences are both exhilarating and at times debilitating. But what about the pastor’s wife? How is the pastor’s family affected during seasons of highs and lows in ministry?

Eugene Peterson’s book, The Pastor: A Memoir, explains that for his wife Jan,

A pastor’s wife was not just being married to a pastor; it was far more vocational than that, a way of life. It meant participation in an intricate web of hospitality, living at the intersection of human need and God’s grace, inhabiting a community where men and women who didn’t fit were welcomed, where neglected children were noticed, where the stories of Jesus were told, and people who had no stories found that they did have stories, stories that were part of the Jesus story. Being a pastor’s wife would place her strategically yet unobtrusively at a heavily trafficked intersection between heaven and earth.¹

This is why I am thrilled to commend Judith’s first book, Faith of the Pastor’s Wife. After almost three decades of serving in ministry with me, encouraging me during some very dark days, and helping our children navigate the shifting terrain of pastoral ministry, she has finally captured not only her story, but the stories that many pastors’ wives could easily tell. This book is not a lament, or an elegy about her pain and suffering. Faith of the Pastor’s Wife celebrates faith, love for God, love for God’s people and the irrepressible delight found through serving the local church. Faith of the Pastor’s Wife is an honest retelling of how Judith Hylton has come this far by faith.

Who should read this book? Every pastor and their spouse should read this book for encouragement and the seasoned wisdom of someone who has lived in that heavily trafficked intersection between heaven and earth. Those entering the ministry for the first time will find principles for handling change, identity, spiritual disciplines that fortify the heart and mind toward God, and setting healthy priorities for a balanced life. Even if you are not a pastor or spouse of a pastor, members of congregations should pick up and read so as to understand your pastor and family and how best to pray for them and support them.

Congratulations on telling your story in such a winsome and accessible fashion so that millions of pastors’ wives and clergy families everywhere can read this book and realize that they are not alone. May the Lord richly bless pastors and their spouses. I cannot imagine surviving in ministry without you by my side.

With gratitude and love, your husband Ray

Acknowledgements

30593.jpg To my loving husband Ray, my best friend from age 14. You never stopped loving and supporting me in whatever venture I wanted to take on. Your life has been a testimony of unwavering faithfulness to the Lord, your family and God’s people.

30601.jpg To my children Raymond Jr., Judene and Joel: you have loved and supported your Dad and me through the ups and downs of being preacher’s kids. Despite our many changes, you are still in love with God’s church!

30605.jpg To my sister Marie, sisters in law Pamela, Joy and sisters in the Lord, Donna, Karen and Grace; strong women of faith who loved me and greatly influenced my life.

30609.jpg To all pastors’ wives who shared their stories with me over the years and supported their husbands during the joys and sorrows yet never gave up.

30613.jpg To church members in Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania and now Evanston, IL: Thanks for helping us raise and support our children and for offering them unconditional love.

30617.jpg To my friends Cathy, Lynn, Barb, Carol, Lonnie and Trisha: you encouraged me when I first shared my dream of writing a book about pastors’ wives.

30621.jpg To my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ who loved me and gave himself for me. His love and grace sustains me throughout these many years of ministry with my husband.

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Childhood dreams

Nobody wants to live a life that amounts to nothing. There has to be more to life than just eat, sleep, work, play, retire and then die. Ever since I was a little girl, I possessed this burning, inner desire to make my life count for something meaningful. I didn’t know what that thing was but the desire, like a birth mark, never left me.

During my late teen years I became a Christian and my vision of living a meaningful life focused around a desire to share my life and my gifts with others and to share my testimony of Christ’s love