The Marriage Bed Is Pure: Sex, Honour And Fulfilment In Christian Marriages

By William Appiah and Dorothy Appiah

The myth and secrecy surrounding sex has been broken and it is a well-known fact that sex issues nowadays, are the most talked about. Information on sex is in abundance everywhere and therefore very easy to access. Though some Christians shy away from this fact and refuse to talk about sex issues when necessary, research proves that one of the r

• Language: English
• Publisher: The House Of Change
• Release date: Apr 28, 2017
• ISBN: 9781910894064

William Appiah

William & Rev. Mrs. Dorothy Appiah are Christian Counsellors and Life Breakthrough Coaches. William and Dorothy have been counselling individuals and couples for over a decade. They do face to face counselling as well as group counselling. They also provide their services to some clients via Skype, phone, and email. They also have special skills and interests in Personal development and Relationship Coaching and are also Foccus Inc, USA, trained in marriage preparation inventory. William is an Author, Publisher and a Public Speaker on Sustainable Marriages as well as Personal Development. He is also an Infopreneur, a Communications Specialist, and a Networking expert. He obtained his B.A (Hons) degree and MSc. in Environmental Policy from the University of Ghana, Legon and University of London, UK. He also has a Graduate Diploma in Communication Studies from the School of Communications, University of Ghana.

Book preview

Dedication

This book is dedicated to all Christian married couples.

So others may enjoy a happy, sustainable and fulfilled marriage

We are grateful to God Almighty who gave us the wisdom to complete this book. Glory be to His name.

Acknowledgement

A very big thank you goes to all those who provided information and assistance while we were writing this book. Special thanks to Rev. Moses Asare, General Overseer of Praise Harvest Community Church (PHCC), London, and his lovely wife, Pastor Nana Agyemang, for their spiritual support, advice and information.

Pastor Bernard Opoku-Preko and his lovely wife Lady Eunice of PHCC, London and Rev. Dr Solomon Brobbey who proved beyond doubt that a friend in need is a friend indeed. For being there for us and for their encouragement.

We are very grateful to Mrs Leslie Spurrell and Ms. Esther Adu, for their proof-reading, time and invaluable suggestions.

Stephen Agyei, our in-Law and his dear wife, Mary, our sister, for their support and encouragement.

Special thanks to Rev. Frederick William Koranteng Ayeh and his beautiful wife, Lady Mabel, First Lady of PHCC, Milton Keynes, for their support and prayers.

My brother and childhood friend, Kwesi Aboagye-Atta, and his dear wife, Patricia. For their words of encouragement, proof-reading and editing, their time and making us believe that it is possible to publish this book.

Our daughter Janet and husband Telly Afrik and the three boys, Jesse, Sean and William, for their understanding and support.

Last, but not least, the GAP Prayer Team of PHCC-MK for their constant prayers and support

WORDS OF WISDOM

My son, give attention to my words;

Incline your ear to my sayings.

Do not let them depart from your eyes;

Keep them in the midst of your heart;

For they are life to those who find them,

And health to all their flesh.

Keep your heart with all diligence,

For out of it spring the issues of life.

Proverbs 4:20-23 (NKJV)

Introduction

The myth and secrecy surrounding sex has been broken and it is a well-known fact that sex issues nowadays, are the most talked about. Information on sex is in abundance everywhere and therefore very easy to access. Though some Christians shy away from this fact and refuse to talk about sex issues when necessary, research proves that one of the reasons why there are many extra-marital affairs among Christians centres on the issue of sex.

This book, The Marriage Bed Is Pure, is written to inform and educate Christian couples about the purity of the bed. It provides the necessary tips to help couples enjoy good and healthy sexual relationship and to have a fulfilled sex life. The book also argues against the use of modern sex-aids and some of the pornographic styles that have been embraced by some Christians as the norm. The book also stresses the purity of the marital bed and talks about the reason why God is so protective of marital sex. In God’s eyes marriage is very precious, valuable and to be treasured and therefore he says, Let marriage be held in honour among all.

The book with the sub-title; Sex, Honour And Fulfilment In Marriage, also talks about the sexual act as well as the post-sex issues which are really important in marriage. We provide examples of statements and contributions which people have made during some of our marriage seminars in various places in the United Kingdom. In addition, we also used publications by well-known Christian writers to reiterate certain facts.

We explain pertinent sex issues during and after sex using some of the expert Christian writers. For example, on the subject of orgasm, we quoted the explanation offered by Gary Chapman to explain further our point of view. I wish I had known that mutual sexual satisfaction does not require simultaneous climax. Largely because of modern movies, many couples enter marriage with the idea that, every time we have intercourse, we will have simultaneous climax and it will be heaven for both of us. The fact is, seldom do couples experience simultaneous climax or orgasm. What is important is that each of you experience the pleasure of climax or orgasm. Such pleasure does not have to come simultaneously. In fact, many wives indicate that they much prefer to reach orgasm as a part of foreplay. When his stimulation of the clitoris gives her the pleasure of orgasm, she is now ready for him to complete the act of intercourse and experience the pleasure of climax. The unrealistic expectation of simultaneous climax has produced unnecessary anxiety for many couples."

The book also features the issues of performance, pornography and the use of sex toys in Christian marriages. Some Christian men believe that pornography will enhance their sex life, only to find out too late that they are addicted to it and find it difficult to demonstrate genuine love in their marriage. Some end up as sexual perverts. Others tend to find out that it actually distorts God’s gift of sex which should be shared in the marital relationship. It also exposes some men’s sexual insecurity in the marriage.

Other men also begin to compare the sexual performance of their spouse to the pornographic actors which often is unrealistic and debasing. It is akin to attacking the dignity of your wife. This is debasing.

Last, but not least, the best known secret for maintaining relationships in marriage is disclosed. This secret, if well mastered as explained in the book, will lead to a long lasting, sustainable marriage.

C H A P T E R  O N E

Planning is Relevant

Planning

Couples who enjoy sex over a long period of time do plan and prepare themselves very well each time before the act. However, there are also a large number of couples who throw all caution to the wind. The adage goes that when you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Thus, failure becomes more likely when there is lack of planning. This is exactly what happens in some marriages.

Evelyn, a 27 year old Sales Manager, said that her husband comes home in the evening after work, puts his laptop on his lap and sits in the arm chair in the living room and keeps working for a very long time. He listens to the news and changes the channels on the television before finally heading to bed. Sometimes, he works up to 2.00 am and comes to disturb me in bed when I am deeply asleep.

Natasha, a Social Carer, revealed that though she loves making love, the lack of preparation on the part of her husband, a 28 year old engineer, makes her feel unloved and undesired. James would continue working at home on his computer for about five hours when he finishes dinner. I am an early sleeper yet he would come to bed at midnight and demand sex. It makes me feel used since I do not enjoy it.

Thomas, 43, an industrial worker said that Jane, his wife, is too busy to have sex on week days. Even when they plan, their preparation does not go accordingly. He attributes it to the fact that she