A Well-Rounded Love Affair: More Than Between the Sheets

By Danny Whitfield and Rhoda Whitfield

In America, there is one divorce every thirteen seconds. Thats 6,646 divorces per day and 46,523 divorces per week. Why is the divorce rate so high? Are people getting married too soon and not getting to really know each other first, or are couples throwing in the towel on their marriage without truly trying? When God ordained the marriage of a man and a woman, He never said it would be easy, because it involves the union of two imperfect people, blending together with their own imperfections. Marriage is not a fairy tale, with a happily ever after ending. However, it is a union that requires two people working together daily at becoming one and developing the ability to recognize the attacks of the enemy. In A Well-Rounded Love Affair, you will learn how to focus on specific areas to help your relationship blossom. Some of the important areas are:

Covering your marriage with prayer
Learning to forgive
Realizing selfish love cant thrive
You and your spouse working together to become one

Through your reading, you will further see that it will take more than intimacy to hold your marriage together.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jan 6, 2014
• ISBN: 9781490820910

Danny Whitfield

Danny and Rhoda Whitfield both earned their bachelor’s degrees in education from Florida A&M University, where they met and became college sweethearts. Through their thirty-three years of marriage they have experienced many bumps and bruises but they stayed on the course of their marital journey. They share their story with couples in counseling sessions and marital workshops that they facilitate. They presently reside in Tallahassee, Florida.

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Copyright © 2014 Danny & Rhoda Whitfield.

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Scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™ All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-4908-2092-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-2093-4 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-2091-0 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013923333

WestBow Press rev. date: 01/03/2014

Contents

Foreword

Preface

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Chapter 1 The Character of God

Chapter 2 Cover Your Marriage with Prayer

Chapter 3 Be the Man in Your Marriage That God Wants You to Be

Chapter 4 The Importance of Friendship in Your Marriage

Chapter 5 Daring to Love

Chapter 6 True Love Is Patient

Chapter 7 Our Joy Comes From the Lord

Chapter 8 Learning to Forgive

Chapter 9 A Matter of the Heart

Chapter 10 Selfish Love Can’t Thrive

Chapter 11 Take a Thankful Break

Chapter 12 Thoughtfulness versus Thoughtlessness

Chapter 13 So Who Wants to Be with the Rude Character?

Chapter 14 Love Is Not Irritable; People Are, But Why?

Chapter 15 Third Party Visitors Don’t Make Good Company (Watch the Advice You Choose to Take)

Chapter 16 Married Life with Single Friends

Chapter 17 Becoming One

Chapter 18 Being Transparent with Your Spouse

Epilogue

The Afterword

Dedication

This book is dedicated in loving memory to my sister Abigail Denise McGhee Ferguson. She was a loving wife, mother, daughter, and sister. Throughout my life, she paved many roads for me; she was a great role model after whom I have patterned my life. For many of our childhood years, it was just the two of us, depended upon one another. As the older sister, she was charged with caring for me, but those times watching and following her precipitated my appreciating her as the person she was and the woman she became.

As a child, I was her little shadow. As I grew up, I admired my sister even more. I was proud of her accomplishments; how she raised her children, maintained her profession, and sustained as the loving wife to my brother-in-law. She was all about her family whether it was immediate or extended. We could depend on her support at all times. It was nothing for her to drive from West Palm Beach to Tallahassee to see about her family.

Though she has left those of us that loved her, she has left us with many memories that will last forever. Although my sister has departed from earth to heaven, she continues to model life, even in her transition as her life remains the example for me to follow. Thus, it is with an overjoyed heart that we dedicate, with gratitude, this book to my sister, Abbie. She fulfilled her vows to her husband, family and friends, but more importantly, she fulfilled her ultimate vow set before her by God. She was married until death…….and until death did she part from us all.

Foreword

The location for the wedding ceremony – the menu for the reception – the song for the couple’s first dance – and, of course, the honeymoon! There is no doubt that these are all important decisions for a couple to make. However, so many couples spend more time planning their weddings than planning to ensure the lifetime of their marriages. More thought is given to those moments before saying I do than to the moments that will serve to preserve the sacred bond of marriage.

Marriage is a sacred and powerful unity that is truly a gift from God. The Bible references marriage (or a derivation of the word) over thirty times. God gives us a clear blueprint of the relationship between husband and wife. Yet, we sometimes do not heed the Word of God to guide us in this subject area.

Today’s generation tends to refer to research when speaking about all subject matters including marriage. The internet lends itself to accessing a myriad of information in an instant that allows the gathering of information to synthesize for research purposes. With that being said, it is important to note what research reports about marriage. Researchers are finding that marriage has a much greater impact in our lives than many have assumed. This is especially true in the area of adult health and well-being. Sociologist Linda Waite and researcher Maggie Gallagher explain, The evidence from four decades of research is surprisingly clear: a good marriage is both men and women’s best bet for living a long and healthy life. Men and women who are in their first marriages, on average, enjoy significantly higher levels of physical and mental health than those who are either single, divorced, or living together. The research on this is very strong. We are reminded to always look to the Word of God for a clear blueprint of what we should do in all situations and matters, including marriage.

As you read and reflect on the words in this powerful book, know that they were inspired by God. Read the book together and take the time to discuss each chapter. Use its content as a tool to marital wisdom and a way to demonstrate your commitment to our heavenly Father and to each other.

Enjoy the journey……together.

Michelle Gayle, Ph.D.

Waite, L. and Gallagher, M. (2000) The case for marriage: Why married people are happier, healthier or better off financially. New York: Doubleday

Preface

As we reflect back over our childhood, we can remember a few things. But, the best memory of all is the example that our parents set for us. They taught us how to develop a healthy foundation in a marriage. Our father was a hard working Christian man, and a role model. Our mother was hard working as well, strong minded, and a great partner. Together, they built something that we can now look back on and use as an example for our own life and family. We could not be more proud of everything that they have become, and how they have honored their vows for all of these years. Even today, you can still see their love shining bright like a diamond.

If we had to pick a Scripture to describe our parent’s relationship, we would take you straight to Corinthians 13. It speaks of love and its characteristics. Our parents applied all of these traits to their union, kept God first, and were able to build something so beautiful. We are blessed to have them, and pray that their words can be an inspiration to someone’s life other than ours. We pray that God continues to bless them with many more years to come.

~The Whitfield’s Children~

Danielle and Jarred

Acknowledgements

•   We extend special thanks to Dr. Michelle Gayle for the insight in taking our daily marital nuggets and writing a book. We also would like to thank her for blessing us in the writing of the foreword for this book.

•   We thank Minister Faye Herring for her constant encouragement and support in fulfilling this charge from God on our lives and for the afterword.

•   To Pastor Stanley Walker, Sr. for the continued word from God he has imparted into our lives over the past twenty years.

•   Further, we want to recognize some of our very close and praying friends, including Sis. Willette Wilkerson, Deacon Angus Thomas, Rev. Gerald McGill and Pastor Darrick McGhee for their contributions in the success of the book.

•   We thank the numerous recipients and readers of our daily marital nuggets over the past year.

•   We thank Damacus Speights for proving to us through the publishing of his book that publishing a book was obtainable.

•   To our mother Helen Williams who demonstrated her love for us, through the countless hours of proofing and editing.

•   A special thank you goes to our children Danielle, Jarred and our daughter-in-law Tanika for their love and support.

•   We also thank Grandma and Papa and little joys Destiny, Jhaylin, Al, Danari and Ja’Riyah. You all are at the center of our hearts.

•   To the best church family on this side of heaven, thank you for your love over the many years while at Tabernacle Missionary Baptist Church, Tallahassee, Florida.

Focus Scriptures

Ephesians 6:12(KJV)

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood,

but against principalities, against powers,

against the rulers of the darkness of this world,

against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Matthew 18:18(KJV)

Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven:

and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

Genesis 2:24(KJV)

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall

cleave unto his wife: and they shall become one flesh.

Bible Versions used throughout the book

King James Version (KJV)

New King James Version (NKJV)

New International Version (NIV)

Introduction

When couples pledge their lives to one another, they never know the outcome of their marriage. Will their personalities blend? Will their love grow? Will they spiritually grow together or apart? Will their marriage last? Realizing that, saying I do before God does not solidify your marriage to last forever. Marriage requires you to work together daily, praying and keeping God in the forefront. Some may say that, as long as you have two of the three, you can have a successful marriage. A combination of the three may make a marriage, but for your marriage to be what God expects it to be will require you to incorporate all three. From the foundation of creation, God developed and provided a plan for married couples to follow. If man and woman would acquiesce to God’s plan instead of the world’s plan, we would find ourselves in more loving relationships that are able to persevere through the storms of life that come against every marital relationship.

As you read this book, it is our hope that we will be able to demonstrate how working together, praying together, praying for each other, and keeping God in the forefront of your marriage is fundamental to a loving and happy relationship. When my husband and I got married thirty-three years ago, we didn’t have a clue as to what it took to make a good marriage. Sad to say, neither