Marriage: A Blessing and a Boot Camp

By Jennifer Edwards

"Marriage: A Blessing and a Boot Camp" by Dr. Jennifer J. Edwards is a timeless book for wives and wives-in-preparation. This book of marriage speaks to the independent woman who wants to be married or the woman who is newlywed. The message can also serve as a refresher for the seasoned wife.

This book is for any woman who built a solid life of her own before meeting the love of her life. It's for the woman who was forced to be self-sufficient out of the need to survive. Then, love comes along.

How does your husband fit in? Better yet, how do you fit into this new way of living? It’s time to talk all about the transition – from the independent life to partnership as a wife. Cheers to becoming a lifelong bride.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Oct 12, 2015
• ISBN: 9781329616301

Book preview

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To You

Dear wives and wives-in-preparation,

In the age of 140 characters or less, I applaud you for seeking expansive written words to speak into your life. I have always been an avid reader and writer, and am thankful to be able to share my gift with you. Of course, there is more than one way to seek the Word, but all of its truths remain the same. Whether you’re reading it via a book, app, website or through one of the other opportunities technology offers, it’s meaning and translation is identical across the board. My hopes are that Marriage: A Blessing and a Boot Camp (Marriage BB) will serve as a reference for when seeking the victories and challenges you will encounter as a wife.

Marriage BB is a great read for when you gather with other women, especially in women’s ministries and/or book clubs. Or, if you’re chatting with a girlfriend and offering advice, you can zoom straight to necessary inserts and use it as a point of reference. This is not just for newlyweds, but also for all women that will, and have already gone through the transition of single woman to wife. The idea is to join together on this journey of being the Christian woman and wife you and I were called to be.

Around two million marriages are consummated in the United States per year¹. Which means there are nearly two million women that can use Marriage BB to help them along their newfound title and role.

This book represents the collective experience of honorable women entering into this sisterhood I like to call The Wives Club. Which is a group of women entering into marriage. It captures the amazing growth we undergo internally along our journey as well as so much more. I hope through this read you are inspired to redefine your strength as a woman and discover it as a wife. We have the reserves, and now we can cater our talents and personality to channel the energy in an appropriate way.

This book is real talk on real issues. I author this book not because I know better than you, but because I can admit there have been skid marks at my own front door from when I was desperately and foolishly trying to run away from the gift of marriage. This is the unwritten book resting on the hearts of many women; those trying to figure this wife thing out and others that have some secrets and tips to share.

This ministry through book represents an aggregate collection of what many women think or want to know, but never say. There is truth in transparency. We’re in this together.

Marriage BB shares experiences and options for you to consider as you wade through your wife evolution. We help others by sharing our own challenges. So, I expect you as the savvy readers you are to put in some work and find your own best solutions for your life, and share.

It's for the rest of us who wondered even once after we said I do that maybe I'm not meant to be married. Which is not as a slight against our husband, but as a true testament to our own weakness and doubt about ourselves.

Marriage BB is about building a solid foundation as a woman and a wife. Then being open and admitting that we did not have all of the tools before entering the role.

I give you permission today to have flaws and be imperfect. Do you accept? There is such freedom in releasing this pressure. Do any of my accounts ring even remotely true for your life? Pull up a chair and join the conversation. Refer to the book often. It's a timeless book and perfect gift.

Marriage BB offers advice for the woman and wife on a marital level, but also stemming from a Christian focused root. I recommend reading the book through at least once as a conversation, then again as a Bible study utilizing the verses.

So take this time to dig into some topics of joy, pride, fear, and even those we are often too ashamed to discuss.

You’re not alone. The moment you realize this is the moment you will have peace to enjoy the ride. If you take away nothing else, remember that anywhere you see a gap in life represents your call to fill it, not complain and run away. I hope this book will inspire you, enlighten you, and lovingly challenge you. Be transformed by the renewing of your mind!

Boot camp blessings,

Dr. Jennifer J. Edwards

From Me

I write this book because we all face much of the same surprises, twists and turns throughout this dynamic transition. While being indulged cover-to-cover, keep in mind that I am not a marriage expert, but I am an expert of conveying experiences vividly to make them relative to all.

During this time in our lives it is important to know that you are not alone and there are others facing the same hiccups, and unfortunate moments of guilt that you will experience. When unfavorable things happen it is great to have a pool of ideas to choose from to assist with brainstorming, or how to simply press play on your marriage and start a new day.

I fear that even on my best days I fall short. The desire to get it right keeps me waking up the next day to try again. It is in that truthful space that you can build yourself into the woman the Lord desires.

We are all fearfully and wonderfully made.

Being a self-sustaining single woman is truly a testament about survival. But what happens when the Lord sends us the man who will provide for and protect us? The man that will fill the place of where we’ve had to for so long.

As a wife and researcher, I couldn’t be more delighted to start this conversation. I actually wrote this book to minister to my own heart, and I published it praying that it would speak to yours.

I make a conscious effort to refer to the Lord and our Holy Trinity as I try to be a better wife and Christian woman. At the end of the day, I strive for a Christ-centered marriage in a world that constantly reinforces contradicting values and messages.

So that you better understand the perspective of this book, I’d like to share with you a bit about who I am. I am an honest, loving child of God trying the best I can. Probably much like yourself. My parents divorced when I was an infant. My mother worked hard to raise me on her own, and did a fabulous job if I may say so myself (wink, wink). She worked endless hours to provide and ensure that I was an involved, fit and well-rounded teen. She was so good at being a single mom that I never noticed her feat was a big deal until I was an adult.

My father died from leukemia when I was seven. I always understood that the death of my father left me with a gap in my life; what I might be missing in my experiences or my character. Having a father present in our lives provides a tangible standard for how we should be treated by men as well as how we as women should relate to men. But, I was old enough to know his energy and love, and for that I am thankful. For the little time I knew him, he was awesome and his spirit lives on. He was the dad who threw me in the pool so I'd learn to swim. He brushed my teeth, took me to the movies, cut my sandwiches and combed my hair for a date night with him. He always made sure I was running right by his side at church. He left me a goodbye card that I have to this day. He gave me faith for the future. I'm blessed to have known him!

As I grew up – as in, immediately after I got married – I realized that I had a skewed view of what it meant to be a wife. Growing up, I’d never observed marital relationships in my home, which was the gap that I missed. It took time to realize that I can’t be both mom and dad, or husband and wife in a marriage. I’m a renaissance woman; I can do it all, right? No.

I never saw how a wife might treat her husband, and how she can and should fully love and trust him. As a result, I had no idea how to treat my own husband. To put it bluntly, I didn’t know how to interact fully with a man as it relates to marriage and the Word. I had no clue of what gives him energy from day to day, or how my careless actions could affect him.

Fortunately, observing married great-grandparents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, helped me piece together the puzzle enough to stay afloat. But talk about a work in progress!

I was a self-sustaining renaissance woman living America’s dream of success for quite some time. I earned my doctorate, purchased an East Coast condo and had served in management. All of this before my husband was even presented into my life by the Lord.

I spent and saved money however I wanted to. As well as every other single thing exactly how I wanted to, without dictation and outside opinions. Everything I decided from the church I attended to the food I cooked was of my choosing. I lived life the way I thought it should be lived.

My friends and I was the exact portrait of every type of independent women: lawyers, writers, researchers, and doctors. The best part was that we were not man bashers either. Which some self-proficient women get labeled as, and so often can become. We truly loved our lives and the Lord. I believe this is the point at which the Lord will send along our mate. When we have joy and are full with Him, no one can fill that void. But someone can share it with us.

During my time living independently, I had endured numerous obstacles at neck-breaking speed. I learned that the Lord lives as my first provider and comforter. We overcome our obstacles with Him. We owe our successes to Him.

I was peaceful, satisfied, and not actively looking for a man upon my arrival. But shortly after a recent move to Dallas, I met my husband. I married the love of my life after dating for about a year and being engaged for 11 days.

Being married to my husband is an honor. He gave me his family name, and I accepted it. We are now joined as one.

I happily changed my last name. The Mrs. title is priceless. I love being titled Dr.; it gives me the credibility to do what the Lord has put me here to