Principles of Christian Marriage and Family Life

By Akinbowale Isaac Adewumi

With the trend of divorce in Christendom, it has become worrisome that some believers are fast changing the ancient landmark of God. However, we have also seen miracles work out in troubled marriages that appeared to be absolutely beyond repair. Over time, many couples have bounced back from a vast range of seemly irreversible problems such as unresolved conflicts, extra marital affairs, lack of intimacy, excessive quarrels, insufficient and ineffective communication, inadequate quality of time spent together due to busy schedules, suffocating partners, children issues, trial separation and many more complex and difficult situations.

Don't ever give up on your marriage, no matter what! There is a peaceful alternative to separation or divorce. As a matter of fact, you could begin to experience a joyous solution sooner than you think. With absolute trust in God, following biblical principles and spiritual counselling coupled with prayer; virtually, anyone can have the marriage of their dreams. By God's grace and through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, the author instructs through this compendium on Principles of Christian Marriage and Family Life about how to resolve your matrimonial problems and have a marital life of heaven on earth. However, you may need to tactically lay aside the previous theories, philosophies and ideas
you have and apply the principles set out in this testament to achieve sustainable marital bliss beyond your wildest dreams.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Dec 3, 2019
• ISBN: 9781796075700

Book preview

Copyright © 2019 by Akinbowale Isaac Adewumi.

ISBN:       Softcover       978-1-7960-7571-7

                 eBook           978-1-7960-7570-0

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the Holy Bible, King James Version (Authorized Version). First published in 1611. Quoted from the KJV Classic Reference Bible, Copyright © 1983 by The Zondervan Corporation.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 12/02/2019

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DEDICATION

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"Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done"

(Luke 22:42)

To the brides of Christ;

awaiting His second coming.

CONTENTS

Dedication

Preface

Chapter 1—Just Before Stepping Into Marriage

When God Is Not Involved

Maturity Before Marriage

Areas Of Maturity

Chapter 2—Immorality Before Marriage

Causes Of Premarital Immorality

Consequences Of Moral Defilement

Cure For Immorality

Chapter 3—Dating In Christianity – A Biblical Point Of View

A Biblical Christian View On Love And Dating Methods

Partnering With God For Best Results

Remain A True Christian

Chapter 4—Procedures To Knowing God’s Will In Marriage

Procedures Of Divine Guidance

Spiritual Preparation For Partner Selection

Scriptural Pattern Of Partner Selection

Needful Ingredients In God’s Leading

Chapter 5—Christian Courtship And What Follows

Christian Engagement And Newly-Weds

Aspirations, Differences And Harmoni-Zation

Power Of Communication

Helpful Rules Of Effective Communi-Cation

Care Of The Tongue In The Family

Family Finance And Goal Setting

Prerequisites To Harmonization And Goal Setting

Building The Home Together With God

Chapter 6—Biblical Principles Of A Successful Marriage

Unconditional Love

Godly Submission

Forgiveness

Prayer

Leave And Cleave

Faithfulness To The Marital Vow

Sex In Marriage

Chapter 7—An Ideal Christian Family

Bedrocks Of An Ideal Christian Family

The Word Of God

A Cerebral Husband

A Virtuous Wife

Responsible Husband And Wife As Parents

Godly Children

Regular Family Devotion

Collective Obedience To God’s Word

Chapter 8—Pillars And Caterpillars Of A Godly Family

Five Pillars Of A Godly Family

Family Caterpillars

Causes Of Infidelity

Consequences Of Infidelity In Marriage

Prescriptions For Resolving Marital Crises

Chapter 9—Ungodly Sex And Marriage

Lust

Masturbation

Incest

Fornication

Adultery

Homosexuality

Effeminacy

Bestiality

Chapter 10—Biblical View Of Divorce And Remarriage

The Scourge Of Divorce

The Menace Of Divorce And Remarriage

Saving For The Cause Of Fornication

What Therefore God Has Joined Together

Chapter 11—Managing Problems From In-Laws And Dependants

Dangerous Effects Of In-Law Problems

Remedies For In-Law Problems

Binding The Strongman Of The Family

Identifying And Crushing The Works Of The Devil

Prayer Strategies

Chapter 12—Principles Of Christian Parenting

Benefits Of Godly Parenting

Chapter 13—Efficacious Models Of Child Parenting

Modelling

Model Characters

Chapter 14—Failed Parenting In The Society

Causes Of Failed Parenting

Controls For Failure

Misguided Adolescents In The World

Panacea For Failed Parenting

Chapter 15—Fulfilling God’s Purpose At Lonely Times

Types Of Loneliness

Making The Most Of Loneliness

Divine Models Of Ministering To The Lonely

Courage For Single Parents

Challenges Of Widowhood

The Fulfilled Widow Or Widower

Ways To Discover Some Fulfilment

Counsel For Ageing Parents

Quotable Quotes On Marriage And Family Life

References

PREFACE

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M ARRIAGE IS A DIVINE institution ordained by God to fulfil a divine purpose. God instituted and sanctioned it as Bible declared, Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge (Hebrews 13:4). Before the institution of marriage, God made necessary preparation in order for the man to enjoy the best. It was God who said that it’s not good for the man to live alone, so, He created a woman and brought her to Adam in the Garden of Eden to be his helpmate. Today, in various parts of the world, many people get into this sacred institution unprepared and this has brought confusion into many lives, societies and the entire globe at large.

Ironically, many of the young people wishing to get into marriage do not even know the meaning, purpose and necessary preparations for the marriage. Marriage is the cleaving together of a man and a woman in harmony with God’s plan for their lives, having obtained their parents’ consent, thus becoming one interdependent being all the remaining days of their lives. Since preparation prevents poor performance, it is very important to prepare well for such a lifelong experience if the relationship is to be enjoyed. The marriage ordinance is God’s institution that should be executed in God’s own way. The conjugal union at the Eden before the Fall remains the abiding model for all believers to emulate. The scourge of divorces across the world can never alter the standard that God ordained. God’s unalterable injunction for marriage remains one husband, one wife; no divorce, no remarriage.

A true child of God should seek God’s face to guide him or her for the right choice so that he won’t opt for divorce in spite of problems but rather have the confidence to cry unto God for solutions. God’s grace should enable us to work on our marriages and forgive all offences. …With God all things are possible (Mark 10:27) and Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them (Psalms119:165). Marriage is God’s will for all children of God; hence, the Holy Scripture is given to us to regulate every step in our journey of life in fulfilling God’s perfect will for our lives.

Therefore, the Word of God is the Heavenly constitution given to govern our Christian journey on earth. It is important for us to live by God’s holy Word in conduct and character to bring about God’s perfect will for us. But he answered and said, it is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God (Matthew 4:4). The Pillar of cloud and fire (symbol of Holy Spirit and God’s Word) was a token of God’s presence to lead and guide the Israelites throughout their journey from Egypt to the Promised Land.

Obedience to divine instruction is significant in enjoying and sustaining the continual presence of God. His presence provides comfort to us in spite of troubles and tribulations in this world (John 16:33). His presence brings the fulness of joy and lasting pleasure for our marriage and family life not only here on earth but for ever (Psalms 16:11). It gives us rest, peace and tranquility of mind and also provides sure guidance and direction in the path of righteousness. As God guided the Israelites through the pillar of cloud and fire, so also He is leading His Children today in every area by the Holy Spirit.

The Holy Spirit is our Companion, Comforter, Revealer of Truth and Guide on our pilgrimage to Heaven as God our Father has promised that He will not leave us without direction. For this God is our God for ever and ever: he will be our guide even unto death (Psalms 48:14). Therefore, children of God should depend on God for His leading and guidance in every area of their lives whether in the choice of a marriage partner, career, business investment or whatever endeavour. God has promised to guide us if we leave the choice to Him. Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory (Psalms 73:24).

God is keenly interested in guiding and leading his children today in their journey from earth to Heaven. He knows that we are limited in knowledge. He knows that, as human beings, the knowledge of things to come can only come to us by the revelation of His Spirit. He knows … that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps (Jeremiah 10:23). The Lord knows that there are many dangers and pitfalls on our journey of life and we have the tendency to fall; hence, He is willing to be our guide through life. The Psalmist says, Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path (Psalms 119:105). Thus, the Holy Spirit leads, guides, comforts, teaches and counsels every child of God even in marriage and family life.

Marriage can make or mar your Christian life because it is the most solemn, sacred and serious union. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed (Genesis 2:22-25).

As a born-again Christian, your marriage on earth will determine where you will spend your eternity (either in eternal life or hell fire) because it is a picture of the union of Christ and His Church. As a result, God, the Author of marriage, must be involved in deciding for you, to guide you spiritually in making the right choice. Note that it is not every born-again brother or sister that is ideal for you. God is the perfect match Maker. He is not an author of confusion, but a God of orderliness. When the choice has been made, you can now go into the steps involved in preparing for the wedding into a blissful marriage and family life. Never take a decision without involving a Spirit-filled minister of God with all humility, patience and holiness; despise not the spiritual counselling and guidance.

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Chapter 1

JUST BEFORE STEPPING INTO MARRIAGE

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For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish. … But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction

(Luke 14:28-30; 1 Corinthians 7:32-35).

T IME IS DESCRIBED AS a limited period between two events for the completion of an action, while opportunity is a favourable moment or occasion for doing something. Single Christians should, therefore, regard the period of singleness as a favourable time of getting adequately prepared and equipped for a God-glorifying future. It’s not a period of mourning, self-pity and worrying but a period of opportunity or privilege to prayerfully plan, design and strategize for a promising and blessed future.

The time of waiting is a time of walking intimately with God for the purpose of fulfilling His total will for our lives. God says, For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end (Jeremiah 29:11).

Getting prepared for the future is broader in meaning and application than getting prepared for marriage. God’s will for your life covers every area of life - spiritual, marital, ministerial, social and secular. Failure in one area of life can hinder complete success in other areas of life. The period of waiting can be burdensome or otherwise depending on your attitude. It is never the length of time one has to wait nor the age of the seeker that is the problem, as some think. The problem is always that of the attitude of the seeker.

Someone with a wrong attitude will see the period of waiting as too long. This can lead to taking wrong decisions. A wrong attitude manifests in selfish management, impatience, wrath and carnality. The consequence of wrong attitude leads to grievous sins and compromise. Wrong attitude has made many people to derail and go into immorality or unscriptural marriages.

They usually end up making shipwreck of their lives and Christian faith. A right attitude, on the other hand, triumphs during the period of waiting and eventually testifies to the faithfulness of God. One with a right attitude knows assuredly that all things work together for good to them that love God. They then wait for God to lead them to the right partner at God’s own time.

Singles with wrong attitude usually live in frustration, focusing on nothing else than marriage. While single, you can live a totally fulfilling life when your life is filled with Jesus Christ. "Therefore, seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you (Matthew 6:33). Thus, God that knows the details of His full programme for your life and His future plan for you will present you with a golden opportunity and an appointed time to identify the areas of spiritual and physical needs in your life. He will create in you a deep sense of self-insufficiency and absolute dependence on God to touch and transform your total personality for your ultimate fulfilment of His total will for your life.

Single believers should therefore see the period of waiting as a time to cultivate lasting relationship with the Lord, develop spiritual virtues and grow in the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). There’s need to develop a matured life of faith, prayer, discipline, temperance and self-denial; for accomplishment of God’s plan for your family and ministry as a servant of God. Therefore, remember that:

1. Human effort alone cannot make the dreamer achieve his dreams. The Master Architect and Engineer of a blessed home is Jesus. Except the Lord builds your home, your output will not be worth your input.

2. Physical achievement, great wealth, comfortable furniture and bulky bank accounts are no guarantees for a blessed home? A blessed home is one whose source of peace, joy and fulfilment is Jesus. Hence, the importance of the fruit of the Spirit in the new home to be.

3. The best partner to tell your fears, hurts, worries, confusions, frustrations, hurdles, weaknesses, tears and needs and who will listen to you patiently, attentively and with keen interest, is your spouse.

4. The bliss of a blessed home is your making. The umbrella which shields you from all sorts of atmospheric conditions and the intensity of whatever falls on it will be determined by how much strength it has. The storms, winds, thunders and rains that fall on your umbrella (home) will be weighed by the strength of the umbrella. You need to make Jesus the umbrella of your home.

5. A blessed home is one whose goals, aims, objectives, aspirations, desires and dreams are structured, planned and harmonized in the family’s single programme. Its realization will be in quick succession.

Having a happy home is not about the following:

a. Giving in to everything your partner wants and demands.

b. Begging or pleading for mere chances.

c. Forcing your partner to understand where he or she went wrong.

If you are in Christ Jesus today, then you are not alone. The Architect of marriage is on your side and with Him, all things are possible. Victory is sure for you in Jesus’ name!

With the trend of divorce in Christendom, it has become worrisome that some believers are fast changing the ancient landmark of God. Nevertheless, we have also seen miracles work out in troubled marriages that appeared to be absolutely beyond repair. Over time, many couples have bounced back from a vast range of seemly irreversible problems such as unresolved conflicts, extra marital affairs, lack of intimacy, excessive quarrels, insufficient and ineffective communication, inadequate quality of time spent together due to busy schedules, suffocating partners, children issues, trial separation and many more complex and difficult situations.

Don’t ever give up on your marriage, no matter what! There is a peaceful alternative to separation or divorce. In fact, you could begin to experience a joyous solution sooner than you think. With absolute trust in God, following biblical principles and spiritual counselling coupled with prayer; virtually, anyone can have the marriage of their dreams. By God’s grace and through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, you will be instructed on how to resolve your matrimonial problems and have a marital life of heaven on earth. However, you need to tactically lay aside the previous theories, philosophies and ideas you may have and apply the principles set out here to achieve sustainable marital bliss beyond your wildest dreams.

WHEN GOD IS NOT INVOLVED

Go to now, ye that say, today or tomorrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and get gain: Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor, thatappeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away. For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that. But now ye rejoice in your boastings: all such rejoicing is evil (James 4:13-16).

The language above reveals that God is not in the thoughts and plans so many people, especially in the household of faith. Today or tomorrow, we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and get gain: (James 4:13). James draws this picture of a religious man who plans his business or life without God. Many of the recipients of the Epistle of James were Jews who were also great traders and business people. They sought and moved into cities to seize business and trading opportunities. Some of them were so immersed in their business pursuits that they forget God and go on living and planning as if God does not exist - this is practical atheism! We remember God only one day in the week but carry on all our activities throughout the rest of the week without any reference to God or remembrance of Him.

How can we plan our future when we do not know what shall be on the morrow? Boast not of self of tomorrow, for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth (Proverbs 27:1). In General, true Christians commit themselves, their future and all their plans into the hand