Most Stupid

By Theophil Mueller

Laughter and Healing

Laughter is the best medicine. It is medically proven that happy people live longer.
Laughter takes away all stress.
Laughter activates most muscles of the body keeping them exercised. Keeping all these muscles active is best for proper blood circulation.
A good blood circulation is essential for good health.

We may as well say I laughed myself healthy!
Who does not want to be healthy?
Who does not want to laugh?

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Nov 12, 2014
• ISBN: 9781496995971

Theophil Mueller

The author is an electrical engineer for the past thirty years. He wrote the book We Are Born to be Happy, which was sold out for charity. Another book, You Are the WINNER, is now in the global market under ISBN 0-595-23154-3. Proceeds are also going toward charity. Proceeds from this book will benefit charity works as well. He writes, composes, and plays songs with most meaningful lyrics. Also included in this book are five songs.

Book preview

AuthorHouse™ UK

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403 USA

www.authorhouse.co.uk

Phone: [phone]

© 2014 Theophil Mueller. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 11/10/2014

ISBN: 978-1-4969-9596-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4969-9597-1 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

1. Family Jokes

2. Uncle Doctor

3. Children

4. Teacher’s Surprise

5. Holy Laughs

6. Stupid Twisted Language

7. Stupid Dumb Rhymes

8. A Mix of Mad Jokes and Rhymes

Introduction

As prescribed by medical science, a hearty laugh is what it needs to keep you sound.

This edition was specially elaborated for being an ENTERTAINER creating an atmosphere of real fun at a family party.

The jokes which are many of them rhymes as well, serve for best entertainment especially if stressed correctly on the words written in bold letters which are highlighting the rhymes.

Open this book for a test and soon you’ll find out that you are reading the best!

In here you read the "belly button shaking story" and should your pants be dropping, I am sorry.

A Brilliant Joke makes easy talk. It is additional spice of life, especially when you have trouble with your wife!

Don’t worry my writing is so simple that from the lot of laughing you all get dimples!

Each rhyme will give you a new kick, I’m sure to this book you will stick and learn so many tricks!

Don’t miss out by being prude on all the nice things that are rude but watch out not ending up all nude, you might get screwed!

When I crack a joke, watch out your brains might start to smoke! Even if the joke is lean your head might start to steam!

Beware! – Very solid are the jokes if you are not really healthy, you might suffer a stroke!

However always remember: "A Joke a day safes your brains from decay!"

Beware if you are using a denture, don’t venture, this stuff here makes you shake that could cause your denture to break.

This book is not simply scribbled, it contains mad rhymes so queer and ribald and apart from lyrics its content is bloody satiric!

Women enjoy a double shake when they happily laugh haw-haw, if they wear no bra!

A good laugh a day keeps the doctor away, especially when you have a bad breath. But if you read from this book he will stay, to listen what you have to say!

I hope that you dear reader will have lots of fun when reading from this book either on your own or be it during gatherings.

Let me help you to be at ease even if stung by nasty bees!

Remember, when your head is in pain because you are laughing like insane you have to cool down and let somebody else be the clown.

Be the Entertainer!!!

Notice:

Dear reader, in order to present most successful while reading from this book, you have to stress on the bold written words. In this manner you highlight the rhymes increasing the quality of the jokes!

*

Infection!

He has an infection as bad as can be there is too much of erection especially when he wants to pee! The infection is to blame that his twig is never lame, but as long as it sustains no woman ever complains!

*

1. Family Jokes

Husband and wife create new life! Some do not agree explaining that they feel rather free if they use it only to pee.

1. Farting singer!

My wife is singing dear oh dear, so that I cannot hear when from her rear the pressure eases which nobody pleases! My wife is smart because I cannot hear her fart, and when she starts to sing, I suspect her being troubled by a sting that strikes me like a dart making me run to escape from her fart!

*

2. Shaken by dumbness!

The lamp has to be changed! He climbs on a bucket, knowing off ground he will feel sound for the bulb-changing round! As he is small it takes its toll and when he finally reached the bulb to be removed, his hand was shaking and the bulb was breaking. Since it was still under power he felt like under a boiling shower. His eyes started blinking while he was thinking; how come, I am above ground I should be sound! His wife was heartbroken on seeing that the bulb was broken. She yelled: "Come down you clown, your bucket is made out of metal, what you do could be lethal, and I would have to settle the bills for the pills, but you might still be ill and I even had to pay your funeral bill! Dear wife, you are not bothered for my life, you are not heart-broken but bloody outspoken! If you want me to be done come, take off my ring and have fun. When she touched his ring finger she got stun like shot from a gun! The bucket fell and the old man is now well!

*

3. Yelling wife!

The wife is reprimanding her husband! If you cannot control your drinking, it is too late when your eyes start blinking. Remember a boozer is a great looser and if on drinking you have a loose mind, be careful you might lose your mind. If you don’t know counting, at least learn by feeling which one should be the last, it is the one that makes your head feel just like after a blast!

*

4. True love!

My wife is never mean she even loves me after I have eaten beans, and will the fumes then billow, she will not fume but press her pillow, gently hinting, that somewhere something is terribly stinking. I assume that this is the fume of my bridegroom but just because of a fart I shall not depart!

*

5. A Wonderful Wife!

My wife is simply the best she hardly takes a rest, she is cleaning the house so complete as if there was to compete. And if you talk about food she will be in a good mood, oh my spouse is happy in the house. Cooking the best dish remembering that I don’t like fish, and she used to sing: "My hubby is not a fishy one therefore cooking for him is fun. She is my super doctor and never mean and she feeds me my daily vitamins. Wine and beer is in the house oh what a lovely spouse, and is my voice not clear, she serves me wine or beer, oh what a dear a lovely dear.

(See this text in the song attached at the end of the book)

*

6. Funny husband!

The husband tells his wife: "A daily joke prevents you from getting a stroke. The wife agrees and repeats: Yes dear hubby your daily strokes prevent you from cracking jokes!" Oh mother you like to misinterpret the father! Sorry if I was sarcastic but you know your jokes are often too bombastic. Remember when you cracked the worst, and I laughed until my pants all burst. You were hissing like a snake, you made me laugh without a break! I cannot remember about my hissing but you couldn’t hold it, you were pissing.

*

7. A stupid woman!

The husband wanted to surprise his wife and bought two plane tickets to Paris for a match of cricket. When he presented her the ticket she went on picket! I don’t want to fly it’s no more like those days! They reported that even the best airliner lost 50% of their passengers!

*

8. Naughty children!

When are children grown up? When they no longer ask where they come from and keep it a secret where they are going to.

*

9. Diving is so nice!

His wife is sitting at the pool side dreaming while he is enjoying diving. After a while her husband surfaces and asks his wife: Dear, are you not happy about my diving skills? She replies: What’s great about it if you always come up again!

*

10. A couple went on a shopping spree!

As roads were very packed it happened that they lost each other. The man was now standing and looking in all directions. An observant policeman asked him what he was looking for. The man answered: I lost my wife! The officer informed him kindly that a funeral articles shop is opposite on floor seven, nearer to heaven.

*

11. Lazy mother doesn’t bother!

Lazy mama still lying in bed and screaming aloud is little Ted! Mama knows, little Ted is not yet fed and therefore screaming in his bed! Once more she tries to turn hoping that he stops to yearn but she has no choice, too loud is the noise. She thinks a mother’s life is hard since often from the sleep she is barred! Now Ted is crying like a clown and on his bum it’s penetrating brown! Due to his hopping his pampers are dropping and something smelly is spread all over his belly. The smell is alarming, oh dear Ted this is not charming!

*

12. Mother tongue!

Why do we call it Mother tongue? Because the father is only tolerated to stay but has anyway never any say?

*

13. Surprised husband!

The husband read paper as usual when his wife told him that the kitchen door needed to be repaired. He lowered his paper for a while glanced and said: Am I a carpenter? The next day there was the same occurrence, when she asked him that a tile in the floor needed to be repaired. He only uttered: Am I a mason? The other day he suddenly noticed that the door and the floor were repaired and he asked his wife how she fixed it. Wify was short and said: The Swiss guy next door did it all. Oh, how much did he charge? He asked me to give him a good meal or else sleep with him. The husband happy with the good work said: I am sure you cooked a very good meal. The wife glanced at him uttering: Am I a cook?"

*

14. House cleaning!

Today is house cleaning wife is warning her husband! Go to the garden and pull the weed or I shall pull you and make you scream indeed! The husband full of courage was thinking about his marriage, realizing that their wedlock seemed to be in a deadlock! Thinking of the nightmare, he pulls and pulls until all is bare. She yells like out of mind, you stupid fellow are you blind! Dear wife the garden is now bare; this is to show how much you care and proof that you have no flair! She shouts, beating is the magic cure, and hubby groans about all he has to endure. The day has past, the anger has subsided but their minds are still divided! She still looks aghast when hubby tries to explain about the garden blast!

*

15. Spanking wife!

When my wife is cranky, beware she can resort to spanking! When I’m late for bed half through the night she will fret and even threat to spoil my thread! When I ask for clarification she will yell: "You stupid nut, if your threading is spoilt your bloody screw will be coiled!"

*

16. In Bombay your moral might decay!

Bombay is a place to stay if you are looking for a hot play! After a joyful church organ tune, you will be immune if you chose Bombay for your honeymoon! The place is good for a test; so many people want to see who is best! Go single and mingle just for a day, but beware of moral decay. In the evening when you go to rest check which one is the best, evaluate the test! If she complains of headache and he is drunk, he must be the winner after all she doesn’t want!

*

17. Clumsy Guy!

A couple was lying at the beach both so pale as if they had been bleached! She was groovy but he was rather goofy! She asked him not to be shy but to apply sun cream on her thigh. He pressed the tube and the cream shot in a beam which made her scream: "You are mean!" Goofy you are not kind I never ask you to grind, are you out of mind or simply playing blind, there is sand on your hand! When are you learning that the sun is burning and therefore my skin is yearning to be protected! Goofy really has no flair and the cream is now everywhere even in her hair! The wind blows now the sandy dust, making it stick all over her bust! Goofy gets up shouting hey: "You look good, covered in dirt at least nobody will dare to flirt!"

*

18. Dirty minded Grandpa!

Grandmother said with a smile, something should be done I want to have fun. Grandfather full of suspense dropped his pants. But Granny made it now clear, – don’t think I’m going to wash clothes my dear. Let’s go walking, believe me I’m not joking. Grandpa pulled up his pants, thinking he missed a chance, since instead of a tender stroking they only went for walking!

*

19. Vital Grandpa!

Granny ordered Grandpa no longer to eat in Hyatt but instead to go on a diet! He refused shouting that he is abused; he’d rather go on a riot! Granny warned obsessed that with the health it may not be messed! Believe me, if you eat butter with the spoon you will grow fat like a balloon! Grandpa smiles and says okay, if I eat butter with the knife will you then be a good wife? Dear hubby your life to me is of much concern, if you died I would awfully yearn. Oh granny this is nice to hear therefore let me have another beer. Hey - you pulled my ear; you are not a dear you don’t want me to cheer. This is how I suffer, you pretend to love me but instead you are a bluffer.

*

20. Bluffing Grandpa!

The grandfather had to go for a prostate operation at the age of eighty, which made him stay for 4