Things You Don't Know About Your Man

By Evita de Gor

Writing this book I wanted you, ladies, to find out a little more about your husbands, about their ways of thinking (totally strange to us), about their priorities, about their concerns and anxieties. Most of you will probably agree with my observations and smile and nod in agreement.
And one last warning: If you have a loving husband and you are totally sure of him, if he doesnt care that you go to bed in a flannel nightgown with socks on, rollers on your head and such a thick layer of cream on your face that you look like you have come from a different planet, put away this book for later and dont read it. Why should you? Be happy and wait. If you are an independent woman, dont read it either. It will only make you mad, and you will straightaway write a letter to reproach me. But if you are an average woman, like me, with lots of different doubts - like why men become unfaithful I recommend that you read it.

Happy reading!

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Jan 29, 2009
• ISBN: 9781434339591

Book preview

Things You Don’t Know About Your Man

SKU-000237433_Text.pdf

Evita de Gor

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AuthorHouse™

1663 Liberty Drive, Suite 200

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.authorhouse.com

Phone: [phone]

© 2009 Evita de Gor. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 2/13/2009

ISBN: 978-1-4343-3959-1 (ebk)

ISBN: 978-1-4343-3958-4 (sc)

Printed in the United States of America

Bloomington, Indiana

Contents

Part One

From The Author

The Most Common Types Of Men

Men Are The Weaker Sex

Workers And Dreamers

Men’s Expectations

Men’s Fears

Men’s Sexual Inclinations

Men’ Sexual Fantasies

Part Two

Why Do Men Cheat On Us?

Men’s Love Affairs

Why Sex Means So Much To Men

A Portrait Of A Cheater

A Man Away From Home (A ‘Grass Widower’)

Girls On The Market

Being With A Much Younger Partner

Younger Women,

Older Men

Younger Men,

Older Women

Men Who Leave Their Wives For Another… MAN

Part Three

When We Find Out

What You Should NOT Do

Is Infidelity A Good Enough Reason To

Get A Divorce?

Part Four

How To Keep A Man

By Your Side

Feed The Beast

Don’t Be Materialistic

Forbidden Subjects

Sexual Limits

Don’t Dominate!

The End

SKU-000237433_Text.pdf

Part One

From The Author

Many of us get married without any idea about married life. A girl in love - who has just married her boyfriend - is usually innocent, delicate, honest and naïve. She has only daydreams in her head about an ideal marriage and life. She is impressed that she is married; she even likes the word ‘husband’ and uses it as often as possible. She is enchanted with her new husband - this wonderful man who shows only his good sides.

A few months down the track, this young married woman comes back to reality and realises that the institution of marriage is not as perfect as she once thought. For the next few months, each partner begins to show their differences of character; they fight about little, unimportant things, they begin to have run-ins. They usually don’t have enough money, they meet with problems they didn’t have before. Their beautiful marriage starts to fail… I don’t know about you, but there were a few times when I was first married that I was ready to move out or go back to Mum. I bet only a few young brides have never felt that way and some feel it at least once or twice…

The equality of rights between the sexes works only in theory, it doesn’t work in practice. In any partnership there has to be one leader. For women who are too independent it is very difficult to find a partner, sometimes almost impossible. Or if they do happen to find a man who doesn’t want to dominate them, the marriage doesn’t last.

So does anyone ever really tell us how married life will be? Are we ever really prepared for marriage or relationships, or are we just reacting spontaneously because we just think we want to live together forever? We think we know a lot about relationships because we read about lovemaking and practice that a lot. These days most women know - at least in theory - how to reach an orgasm. We know how not to fall pregnant (although it doesn’t work all the time). We learn to say what we want and we think we don’t want anything else.

But what about the psychology behind the age-old institution of marriage? Most of us think we don’t need to know this – we are in love, for us it will be different - it will be easy! We’ll play it by ear and that will work. Our mother’s advice looks old-fashioned and doesn’t fit our situation. Of course my husband will be faithful, we think. He says he loves me, I trust him, he trusts me… etc. How could I ever suspect him of anything? My husband will be loving, caring, and always a gentleman.

Unfortunately Mother is right - a woman should be a bit of a hypocrite for her own good, and for the sake of her husband. But Mum, you have such strange views – they’re from the 19th century! the idealistic young bride says. So a young woman knows nothing about the importance of exercising diplomacy in married life; about treating her husband in a way that means she will get to keep him for as long as she wants – not just for as long as he wants.

When I was 20 years old, I was a very strong feminist. My father used to say that if I didn’t change my way of thinking I would be an old spinster. Still, I kept up my fight against the hypocrisy and submission of women everywhere. I was upset with my mum when I saw that she expressed agreement with my dad, while inside she thought totally differently. Behind his back she discreetly and patiently did what she thought was right. My mother-in-law told me once, To have a happy relationship, a woman has to be a good diplomat.

We married women know that in a relationship we play a few roles simultaneously - roles we had no idea about before we were married. A husband expects a lot from a young wife. She must be a supportive partner. She will be a nurturing, unconditionally loving mother - not only to her husband’s children but to him as well. She must be an excellent lover - sometimes promiscuous and lascivious – a debauched lover in the bedroom, other times a modest and shy girl. Often she is expected to be an expert chef and immaculate cleaner as well. In short you might say, A lady in the boardroom and a whore in the bedroom. But even when we try to do all the right things, according to this complex recipe, it won’t guarantee us a successful marriage.

After reading this book, ladies, you may end up thinking that in married life we women are not on the winning side. And as a matter of fact, no we are not! I don’t know a single married man who would like to change places with his wife.

Writing this book took me a few years. I travelled a lot, lived in different countries, and made lots and lots and lots of notes. I interviewed many married women – some of them had been cheated on and they knew it, then there were those who preferred not to know. I talked to and taped the girls from several escort agencies. I met many gay and bi married guys. I met many wives who had been left by their husbands, in their very unhappy new lives, who still couldn’t figure out what had happened. They always repeated the word, Why?

I can’t hide the fact that I myself have had a few experiences as a wife that I would rather forget. Over time we all collect many experiences. Looking around I realise there are only a few couples who really live ‘happily ever after’, and only few truly doting husbands. Even those couples who keep up the outward appearance that they are happy and things are wonderful have been through their crises… but both partners have forgiven each other and agreed to forget.

Writing this book I wanted you, ladies, to find out a little more about your husbands, about their ways of thinking (totally strange to us), about their priorities, about their concerns and anxieties. Most of you will probably agree with my observations and smile and nod in agreement.

And one last warning: If you have a loving husband and you are totally sure of him, if he doesn’t care that you go to bed in a flannel nightgown with socks on, rollers on your head and such a thick layer of cream on your face that you look like you have come from a different planet, put away this book for later and don’t read it. Why should you? Be happy and wait. If you are an independent woman, don’t read it either. It will only make you mad, and you will straightaway write a letter to reproach me. But if you are an average woman, like me, with lots of different doubts - like why men become unfaithful – I recommend that you read it.

Happy reading!

Evita de Gor

The Most Common Types Of Men

1. The Childish Man

This is a very common type of husband. Often he is up to his second or third wife and might be well into his forties; but he still behaves like a child. The spoilt child-man is demanding and ruthless. He always prefers to go to the gym, play rugby or play games on a computer rather than being helpful and carrying out the duties of a mature person. You’ll see him on the train or on the bus sitting down, and gazing up with puppydog eyes at a woman who looks tired just standing next to him.

He gets upset easily when his wife comes home a little late from work - although he comes home whenever he wants - because he hates to be home by himself. He becomes bored very easily. He has to have someone within reach of his hand to make him a tea or a sandwich. He growls when his wife is busy and can’t look after him. He messes things up, leaving everything lying around, then complains when he can’t find his keys, demanding that his wife find and deliver them straightaway. He often blames her for his own upset mind and moods.

He doesn’t help out at home, and on rubbish night he hides in the darkest corner. He never knows anything, is always asking questions - often the same ones over and over - and needs help finding his underwear every morning. He is scared that one day his wife might get sick, because he wouldn’t know what to do.

The find the best way for life is to praise him a lot, for anything - such as hammering a nail into the wall so straight, for cleaning his shoes so nicely, for polishing his car… And of course you must praise him after each sexual encounter, even the laziest ones!

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2. The Nervous Man

He and only he can get upset at home, nobody else! Why? Because he is like that, that is why. When angry, he can tear you apart. When in good mood, he will sew you back together. But after each tear there are some stitches left. It is very difficult to smooth out too many stitches, even harder to remove the scars, even if he soothes them with balsam every day. You may have peace for a while but you never know when he will strike again. You may use one word too many, look at him differently, dinner may be too cold or too hot or you may make a remark about his family and that’s it - he stops talking for a week. What’s more, when he is upset with you he gets upset with the children, too. When you ask him, a few days later, Why?, he simply doesn’t know and doesn’t want to talk about it, saying, Don’t upset me again!

3. The Excellent, Wonderful Man

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An excellent husband is the ideal man, you could say, and we know there is no such type - but we have heard of him in stories from our girlfriends. Let’s just say that he is ‘somebody else’s husband’. The excellent husband is, first of all, an excellent lover – all the time. His sexual passion remains forever as fervent as when he was first struck by cupid’s arrow and fell in love. He is not only a great lover, but an eternal admirer of his own wife.

He buys her flowers for no special reason, and always notices when she was at the hairdresser, or wears something new. He never asks about the price of a new Chanel handbag, or Dolce&Gabbana dress. He looks after his wife’s image: if she puts her foot in her mouth at a party, he in a flash changes her gaffe into a joke, and, kissing his wife’s hand, says she is very witty. He looks after himself, is always either shaven or has a soft, three-day growth. He smells of good aftershave, and always has clean nails, hair and shoes. He doesn’t sulk, he eats with pleasure whatever his wife serves, and admires her cooking skills. He is the caring, affectionate and sensitive father of his own children. And he cares for his wife’s children from a past marriage, as though they were his own.

3. The Cautious Man

He is blessed with the constant ability to foresee any danger or disaster that may occur in any situation. He is insured everywhere possible. He doesn’t want to marry because he is afraid that his fiancée, who is an angel, might change into a witch. He doesn’t want to marry because that way he will be free to make love to any girl he wants without feeling guilty. As close as he comes to being a husband is to live with a woman without tying the knot. But here, he insists on being in charge of their shared finances, just in case! And he makes her pay rent instead of letting her in on his mortgage. Before leaving home, the cautious man always goes to the toilet, just in case. During sex he always uses condoms for the same reason – he won’t let a woman trap him with fatherhood.

4. The Changeable Man

His main problem is that he is not able to make even a very simple decision. Before he marries, he changes the date many times - often at the last moment - or even better, he stands her up at the altar. Or instead of his bride being running late, he is! When at last he becomes a husband, he worries that perhaps it would have been wiser to remain a bachelor until he died. When he finds out his wife is pregnant, he can’t believe that she is; he doesn’t know how to react, and he gets upset easily.

If he is getting dressed up, choosing the right tie and socks becomes the problem of a lifetime. If he belongs to the category of not-very-hygienic-people, he hesitates for a long time, wondering: should he have a shower today or next Saturday? To wash his hair or not? He can’t decide where to sit in a movie theatre, changing places from the middle, to the side, to the front. He can’t make a decision in a restaurant; the table he is first led to is never good enough as it’s either too close to the toilet or to the entrance or too tight.

The changeable man asks his wife for her opinion on everything, but decides that all the advice she gives him is wrong. Most of the time he is very pleasant to his friends, he agrees with them, even when they have a totally different point of view. In the presence of two people who disagree, he keeps quiet, not knowing which one to side with. But he hasn’t the courage to speak his own mind. Often he has to avoid doing something he promised, or to lie when he can’t deliver. He is particularly slow in decision-making around women he doesn’t know. Most of them take him for a bit of a duffer. However, although rarely sure of what he wants, the changeable man hates it when things don’t go his way. Then he becomes mad, and who does he blame…? His wife, of course!

5. The Good Colleague

He is very familiar with any woman he meets, as though he had known her for ages. He tries to be very funny with his jokes, which most of the time are about sex. He makes it clear that he is attracted to her, then attempts to prove that he is trying to control his sex drive. What he really wants is to take her to bed, but as a friend, with ‘no strings attached’.

6. The Sex Maniac

This is a guy with an unusually high sex drive. He is mad about sex. Any conversation he starts, ends up being about sex. Everything reminds him of sex. He loves to talk with his male friends about his sexual conquests and accomplishments. He remembers every detail of any sophisticated lovemaking and foreplay techniques he might have used – both real and imagined. He tries to show off in front of his