Poop Tales: The Perfect Reading Material for Any Bathroom a Compilation of Hilarious Stories

By Jeffrey Scott

Many people say, You cant judge a book by its cover. That saying definitely doesnt apply in this case, because the title and picture say it all. In this book the vulnerability of us all is humorously exposed as we typically find ourselves trying to hide the human condition, which has been passed down throughout mankind.

If you breathe, then you eat, if you eat then you poop. No one is exempt from this natural act of waste disposal. However, most people will sit in misery rather than admit the need to go. Whether you are rich or poor, man or woman, you know you have been stuck in some kind of compromising situation. Maybe you have experienced the helplessness of finishing your business, only to discover an empty toilet paper cylinder at your side as you contemplate your options before heading back in to the office. Possibly it was the embarrassment of trying to expel a little gas to relieve an uncomfortable pressure, only to find a science experiment gone wrong in your drawers when the gas changed to a liquid. Or perhaps the awkwardness of a first date has been multiplied by a thousand, as you begin to feel the grumbles in your stomach set in after dinner.

Each hilarious tale tells of the experiences of the authors from many different stages in their lives. They share experiences ranging from their own childhood, through the college years, into young adulthood and finally reach full circle with funny tales about their own children. These stories have been written with every intention of making you smile if you must be stuck on the throne for any length of time. Can you honestly think of a better topic for the most notorious and infamous reading room in history?

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Jan 24, 2009
• ISBN: 9781477276693

Jeffrey Scott

Jeffrey Scott and Jeffery James both grew up in small towns in Central Illinois.  They met at Illinois College in Jacksonville IL where they were roommates and good friends for all 4 years.  Jeffrey Scott remained in Illinois and pursued a career in Social Work and Jeffery James moved to Indiana to pursue a career in IT.  Fortunately (or possibly unfortunately for those who have read the book) they remain close friends and share a demented sense of humor, which has resulted in this book.  Neither have a degree in English or Journalism!

Book preview

Chapter 1

Why?

What on earth would possess someone, anyone, to actually write a book completely devoted to stories about crap? Sure, we’ve all read some crappy books, but few have been devoted to such a topic. The idea came to me following a trip back to my college town for a wedding of an old buddy. Ten years had passed since graduation, and I had maintained contact with about 10 of these guys. These are truly special friends since these are the people whom I first experienced life away from home with. During those four years of pseudo adulthood, we learned more about each other than our parents actually knew about us. In most cases, we learned much more than we really cared to.

I remember the drive to the wedding when my wife says to me, you’re not going to get drunk and embarrass me, are you? Although I’m excited to see my old buddies, I do sympathize with her, knowing full well what happens every time alcohol and these old friends are mixed. A successful night out is a night of dancing without dropping my trousers to show off my boxers. She also anticipated the dreaded monotony of listening to the same old stupid stories that are only funny to those of us who were actually present at the time the stupidity occurred. It seems to be at these type of reunions, and only at these reunions, that you can hear a prominent attorney or an accomplished doctor say (while gleaming with pride) remember when I got locked out of my dorm room and I was naked? The laughter from the old buddies roars out as the wives take turns mustering up a smile as a courtesy to their idiotic husbands.

On this particular evening the storytellers started loosening up, as we all got liquored up. By 11:00 p.m. the stories start to become a little racier, and of course 11:00 to a married couple with children is equivalent to 2:30 a.m. in the old days. By this time even the wives began to find humor in some of the stories. The laughter attracted a few of the other guests who were able to identify with our memories from their own college days. The crowd accumulated to about 15 people including the bride and groom. The groom was one of our buddies from the old days, but he was cautious, not sure whether his new bride would approve of such humor, especially on her wedding night.

The topics ranged from hilarious pranks pulled on each other to foolish behavior that occurred after one of us had had too much to drink. These acts of stupidity were usually posted in the living room of our old apartment onto a giant poster board known as the Wall of Shame. Suddenly the conversation traveled from R-Rated topics to a sharp turn passed the gutter, straight to the sewer. That was when my buddy known as Wilky began telling one of his Poop stories. He has shared these stories many times over, but never had I heard one among mixed company. Even with a strong beer buzz, I remember looking over at the bride and wondering if we were about to cross the line. It must have been the alcohol causing everyone at the table to be sick and demented like us, because everyone was laughing hysterically. One story spawned another until everyone was getting in on the action. Hell, my wife who had ordered me not to embarrass her even chimed in and said oh Honey, you’ve gotta tell them what happened to you the other night! The poop (stories) was flying and the crowd of listeners grew from table to table. The relatives of the bride were even listening to the contagious subject, and all kinds of people were sharing their most embarrassing moments.

On the ride home the following day, my wife and I were revisiting those tales and we continued to laugh all the way home. This dark humor may be disgusting to some, but the truth be told, we have all been there. From the sexiest, most beautiful woman in any glamour magazine, (who most believe has only used a bathroom for its mirror); to that big, fat, uncle guy who I suspect actually pooped his pants while laughing. This is to all of those wives who emphatically state, You’re disgusting, I would never call someone in to see that! Yet, they knew full well what they were about to see, the minute they’re husband called out Hey, come in here and look at this! So sit back, relax, flush and enjoy this compilation of stories, one sitting at a time as you read, no doubt,