Our Emotional Life: The Neuroscience of Our Emotions

By Louis Scotti

While many books talk about understanding and controlling one's emotions very few are honest about how difficult it is to accomplish. Lou acknowledges the struggle we all have with our emotions and offers knowledge and insights gained through science research and his own personal experiences.

In order for us to control our emo

• Language: English
• Publisher: our emotional life
• Release date: Nov 25, 2020
• ISBN: 9781735764429

Louis Scotti

Lou is the founder of Our Emotional Life and author of Our Emotional life, The neuroscience of Our Emotions. Lou has always been a teacher able to motivate others through supportive instruction. Lou believes that to live a good life, a person should learn to do something of value very well then serve others with that knowledge. As an Emotions Advisor, Educator, Speaker, Author, and founder of Our Emotional Life Lou dedicated his life to the service and well-being of others. Lou explains that like most of us, he grew up without understanding where emotions come from. Learning how to regulate and control emotions and stress was limited to what he observed in the home. Nothing was really explained. He received the standard responses in regards to his negative emotions like, it will pass, don't worry about it, it will be ok, or his favorite, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Well, he learned that what doesn't kill you doesn't always make you stronger. Sometimes the pain didn't pass. Sometimes painful emotions create lasting emotional consequences. Like the rest of us, he tucked away his feelings because that's what he thought he was supposed to do. No one told him otherwise. Emotions weren't discussed. As he grew older and went through the normal challenges that life presents and noticed how many people lacked knowledge of their emotions, how they develop, and how to control and improve them. Learning that our emotions can guide us and help us make good decisions, or our emotions can rule us and make our lives miserable he became frustrated with the lack of real programs or courses that could help people deal with their emotions and stress. Lou spent years researching and developing the program and writing the book Our Emotional Life so we can learn how our brain builds itself in early childhood and influences our emotional temperament and personality. In his spare time, Lou is an artist, athlete, and an avid martial artist. He loves to eat fresh food and cooks daily. Lou is passionate about teaching, driven to learn, excited about other people's success, and eager to support people committed to improving their emotional life. For more information go to ouremotionallife.com

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The information provided in this book regarding exercise, nutrition, relationships, business/career, choices, mental or physical health, or any other aspect of your life is not intended to be a substitute for the professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by your own Medical or Mental Health Provider.

Copyright © 2020 by Louis Scotti

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form without the prior written permission of Louis Scotti.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2020917501

First printing edition 2020. United States of America

Published by M & J Press

Deerfield Beach, Florida

www.ouremotionallife.com

em [e-mail]

ISBN: 978-1-7357644-0-5

ISBN: 978-1-7357644-2-9 (e-book)

Dedicated to my father, who in his death still inspires and teaches me.

Table of Contents

Introduction

Section I: Let’s Begin

Welcome

Establish a Baseline of Knowledge

Section II: Emotions

Types of Emotions

Anxiety and Depression

Section III: Perspectives

The Lens Through Which We View Ourselves

Additional Ways of Looking at Our Emotional Life

Section IV: Change

What’s Your Problem?

Process

Section V: Method

Gaining Emotional Balance

Forms

References

Introduction

Every person we meet is struggling. No matter our lifestyle, level of success, or background, we all struggle with our emotional life as we search for purpose and meaning in our life. In our efforts to succeed, we fail regularly. This is the state of the human condition. Just because someone presents an exterior of strength and confidence doesn’t mean they don’t struggle with their emotions—we all struggle. Our emotional life is a consequence of genetics and our perceptions about our experiences, especially in early childhood and youth. If we change our experience and our perception, we improve the consequence.

But consequence requires process. If we want a positive emotional life, we must understand the importance of process. Sometimes we want the fruit but don’t want to take the time to nurture and grow the tree. Our emotional life is the same way: we can get lost in wanting the positive consequence or goal (positive emotions) without understanding that it’s the process that teaches. If we skip steps or skip the process, we learn very little. Many of us have skipped steps in this process, and we suffer the consequences accordingly. In order for us to improve the positive consequence of our emotions we need to settle down and become a student of process.

We need to stop looking on the outside for the answers that lie within.

Our emotional life is about how we deal with what others say about us and to us. It’s about how we handle disagreement, opposing opinions, and judgment; how we deal with what our inner voice says about us; confusion within ourselves; mistakes and failure; how we cope with our inner critic; how hard we work and how open we are to learning concepts that oppose our ego and beliefs. Our emotional life comprises multiple contributing factors whose functions are interdependent. On the positive side, this means that when we improve one area of our emotional life, we subsequently improve and strengthen other areas. Improving awareness, and communication, understanding our emotional triggers, learning to express our feelings, and understanding how stress affects our emotional life all lend to, and affect each other.

This book is for those who can see that we are all struggling, and know that we need to improve our emotional life. The fact is that we are all dysfunctional to some extent—this is part of being human. We all have a personal obligation to acknowledge our dysfunctionality and learn to understand and improve ourselves. This book is for those of us who choose to not to hide in plain sight; who choose not to hide in the mist of denied dysfunction and disavow any conscious awareness of our need for improving our emotional life. This book is for you.

A primary obstacle to our self-improvement is our own lack of questioning. We are not taught to question or evaluate our emotions or our thoughts. As a result, we often assume that our feelings and thoughts are as they’re supposed to be. This is not true. It is this lack of self-questioning that can lead to, or keep us in, a pattern of negative emotions and thinking. We need to stop pretending that we are completely functional or that what irks us can wait until some distant future to resolve.

The only person who can improve your emotional life is you. We may need some help, but the choice and commitment is ours. We need to put in the time to understanding our emotions—where they come from, and what triggers them. A new relationship, new house, new car, new job, or distractions like TV or the internet will not change our emotional state. These things may momentarily distract us from our feelings, but no other person, no material possession, no distracting activity can remove, release, or change how we feel. It’s up to us to improve our emotional life.

Our emotional lives vary due to our own unique experiences and our perception of those experiences. Some of us grew up in a positive supporting environment. Some of us had a tough childhood, had unskilled parents, or lived in a difficult environment. Yet even those of us from positive upbringings struggle with emotional issues. We all need to improve our emotional life, but the world is not going to send us an emotional care package. Only we can improve ourselves. It’s up to us. Yes, it’s difficult, but the alternative is not improving now and having regret when we are older. Our emotional life is not the world's responsibility; it is our responsibility.

There is a story about a grandfather who was teaching his grandchildren about life. The elder said to his grandchildren, I have a fight going on inside me between two wolves. One wolf breeds fear, anger, and sorrow, greed, arrogance, lies, control, and superiority. The other wolf elicits joy, peace, love, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, and compassion. This same fight between two wolves is going on inside you, and every other person. The grandchildren thought about this for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, Which wolf will win? The grandfather replied, The one you feed. Sometimes we can’t always recognize that we are feeding our negative wolf. We all have this battle inside of us. In this book we will learn how we unintentionally facilitate negative emotions in our life.

It is important to understand that we all struggle and act dysfunctional at different times in our life. We experience stress and emotional upheaval. Born with a temperament and shaped by our environment and experiences, we develop our emotional life and personality. Learning to become aware of ourselves and creating different ways of responding to emotional stimuli is crucial for a positive emotional life.

Our emotional life is the most important part of our life. No one’s life is perfect joy; we all struggle, but along with that struggle we all deserve joy and laughter. The knowledge provided here will lead us to a deeper understanding of the student in all of us and the process required to improve the consequences of our emotional life. Keep learning!

Everybody wants change, but nobody wants to commit to change. To change the world, we must first change our world.

If we cannot face the worst of ourselves, we will never be the best of ourselves.

How to Use this Booklet

1.First, acknowledge to yourself that you have the prudence and courage to want to improve your life. I suggest that you watch the video course Our Emotional Life at ouremotionallife.com before you continue. I base some of the information in this book on that course.

2.Make a personal commitment to go through the entire process without skipping or underemphasizing any part of the process.

3.Notice irritation about any part of the process as a message of avoidance.

4.Acquire a notebook to use with this book.

5.When you see questions, answer them.

6.Improving our emotions can be difficult. Be patient and kind to yourself.

7.This book will cover various topics and discuss many different ways to view our emotions and personality. The goal is to offer several different perspectives of how we can look at ourselves.

8.At the end of the book we will present a way to review your emotional goals daily.

9.Take the time to understand each section. If you need to stay with one concept or exercise for a period of time, do it.

10.It will take at least six to eight months of practice before you begin to see significant results. If at any time you need assistance with the book, please contact me at ouremotionallife.com.

Chapter

Welcome

By picking up this book, you’ve demonstrated your willingness to improve your emotional life. I’m impressed. Not too many people consider improving their emotions.

Our emotional life defines the quality of our life. How we deal with our emotions says a lot about us. This workbook, Our Emotional Life, is all about your agenda, your goals, and why you want to improve your emotions. With Our Emotional Life, we focus on emotions more than what we’re thinking. Trying to make positive changes with our minds alone is impossible. We need to understand why we feel the way we do, and the effect on the choices we make. Our Emotional Life’s focus is on learning to become aware of and understand our emotions in an effort to control our emotions, advance our thinking, and balance our behavior.

Why Suffer Change

Why should we improve our emotional life? What is the rationale behind going through the rigorous process of change and improvement? The fact is, if we keep our negative emotions repressed, our brain and body will manifest negative side effects. Our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual selves will suffer the consequences from our buried or unresolved negative feelings.

Only at the surface can our negative emotions be changed by using knowledge to increase awareness and learning and practicing new ways of thinking about and expressing our emotions.

Emotional healing can be a painful process. I designed this book to offer a process for improvement of our emotional life. The alternative to change is to continue to live in a state of heightened stress, anger, fear, sadness, anxiety, or depression. If we deny our need to improve our emotional life, we will live with regret, both now and when we are older. Let’s not do that.

First Things First

This course is for people who:

• Want to learn, not be entertained—who don’t need gimmicks, hype, and Hollywood.

• Have a desire to learn more than the minimum.

• Enjoy a challenge, and have a genuine desire to learn and grow.

• Want to understand the big picture of how genetics, environment, and experiences create our brain and our emotional life.

• Are ready to commit to months of work, including daily and weekly homework assignments.

• Believe in the ability to change.

• Understand that improvement takes time. In this case, that means giving yourself a year to make use of what you learn.

This course is designed to initiate a path towards emotional understanding and control. If you are not willing to put the time in, get a little frustrated, and feel some pain, then stop right here. There will be no excuses. This is not the normal quick-fix, instant-rewards course that seems to be the norm in today’s society. If you are not willing to put six to eight months into your own well-being, what can I say? If you don't think you’re worth it (you are worth it), what can I do? It’s up to you.

If you are you willing to work hard and take a deep look at yourself, this book is a good start.

Reasons for Improving Our Emotions

• Improve our emotional control

• Decrease stress, anxiety or depression, impulsive behaviors, obsessive thinking

• Increase positive self-image, confidence, and positive self-talk

• Improve relationships

• Increase focus

• Increase health and well-being

Emotional Problems Derive From:

• Lack of belief in self, poor self-image

• Lack of self-confidence

• Lack of realization for the need to improve our emotions through formal, intentional learning

• Self-limiting beliefs

• Lack of knowledge, skills, and methods for practicing skill development

• Lack of proper support

• Inflexibility because of ego, pride, denial, stubbornness, can’t-be-wrong mindset

Consequences of a Lack of Emotional Control

• Difficulty setting and reaching goals (emotional, diet, school, exercise, work, relationships, projects, etc.)

• Inability to recognize our weaknesses and improve them

• Emotional immaturity—difficulty understanding emotions and how to use them properly

• Difficulty or failure to move forward, grow, and succeed

• Worry, stress, confusion, frustration, anxiety, depression, personality disorders

Purpose of This Book

This book is meant to help us become more aware of our emotions and their effect on all aspects of our life. To help us understand how stress can lead to choices based on an over-emotional perspective and irrational thinking. To teach how negative emotions lead to worry, anxiety, depression, impulsive behavior, loss of focus, fatigue, frustration, anger, fear, and a loss of quality of life.

It’s imperative to learn to use our emotions as tools to regulate our emotions. To become more aware of our emotions so we can recognize our self-defeating thoughts and behaviors and change them. We will learn to understand our resistance to change through acceptance, awareness, and practicing alternative ways of understanding and expressing our emotions. We will learn to use our emotions to make choices with us, not for us. Keep learning!

Write it down (everything you write is important.)

• What do you want to accomplish with this course?

Goals

Goals are expressions of the things we want to accomplish. Goals can be in different categories such as physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, relationships, gaining knowledge, or improving a skill. For our purposes here, we will focus on establishing our emotional goals.

We should not set goals for the approval of others, but for the approval of our self. We can always work on other goals