A Beautiful Paradox

By Crazy Beautiful

A Beautiful Paradox is the continuation of the love story between the writer and her muse in Crazy Beautiful. Can the love between them forge the ties after betrayal? ¬ e writer soon begins to emerge into something more than just a writer. Her true story unfolds as she becomes one, but two, ultimately, revealing another layer of who she is.<

• Language: English
• Publisher: URLink Print & Media, LLC
• Release date: Sep 20, 2019
• ISBN: 9781643678245

Crazy Beautiful

My name is Tera Davis. I was married for 12 years and it was my divorce six years ago in 2013 that helped me find who it is that I really am, and the struggles I would overcome through my passion in writing. It was the love of thy self through self discovery that opened up a world in which she NEVER knew she would or could compose. Also during this time, the writer, I fell in love not just with a man, but her muse. A traditional life was one in which she wanted to hold on to, but as love and creativity merged, a writer was born into the universe to tell a story, even the one she didn't know, but would one day write. I left my cookie cutter life with four kids, no money and put myself through school, built an empire for myself, became an author, graduated for dental school, bought a new car off the lot, and have been independent for the last six years of my life working as a full-time RDA Registered Dental Assistant and writing EVERY day since I walked out and became my own person six years ago. My children at that time were 10, 7, 6, 3 Like all things in the universe nothing can last forever. ¬ e hardest lesson to learn was the one that gave me the greatest self growth but came with both phenomenal pain, and phenomenal happiness. I learned how to compose in front of thousands as I created blogs to inspire despite the pain coursing through my memories, my blood, and under my skin. I composed through my daily struggles with Dyslexia, ADHD, ADD, and Bipolar.

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A Beautiful Paradox

Copyright © 2019 by Tera Davis. All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any way by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording or otherwise without the prior permission of the author except as provided by USA copyright law.

The opinions expressed by the author are not necessarily those of URLink Print and Media.

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Published in the United States of America

ISBN 978-1-64367-825-2 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-64367-824-5 (Digital)

09.09.19

Contents

Prologue

Tera Davis

May 2014

June 2014

July 2014

August 2014

September 2014

October 2014

November 2014

December 2014

Epilogue

Prologue

The book is in two parts, closely linked to each other, almost as if they were one and the same thing.

Every day I write random thoughts and meaningful quotes. But readers who follow my write-up on social media soon realize that they’re not reading mere thoughts and varied quotes; instead, they discover a love story. Not the usual damsel-meets-prince kind of love but something consuming and wonderful, innocent and electrifying, beautiful and crazy.

Originally, the book was just My Beautiful Thoughts, but somewhere in the process of not knowing what was happening, the relationship between Anthony and Tera–those two, that story, the story of us. Well, they saw each other as crazy beautiful right from the beginning! There was nothing to describe crazy beautiful; it was just absolutely us.

So how did My Beautiful Thoughts originate? I can still remember the day, the moment, and everything in it. That was the beginning of something that was already there. It was all happening right before our very eyes.

Where one started alone, scared, and afraid to be seen, another saw something truly amazing. I think deep down we opened up parts that we never expected to feel in the way that was truly seen.

Tera Davis

Scared to love again? Absolutely! It felt like we were in a dream. Please tell me, how do two people who have been through the same thing, both married for the same length of time, divorced, and just rediscovering a part of themselves they’ve never known. How, why? It was truly amazing.

I’ve kept every writing! I hold each one close to my heart, something I just cannot explain. Even when I tried to give up the fight, I was compelled to write. To feel, to know, to try and understand every part of crazy beautiful, but I cannot.

Crazy beautiful will always be a part of my life. I cannot become crazy beautiful with another; that was only between two, and I cannot duplicate you! –-Tera Davis.

May 2014

The Beginning to Crazy Beautiful

To think that I was actually considering giving up my writing is such a devastating thought.

Oh how this is the worst unimaginable event in my life and how I am completely stricken with grief. How I beg and pray to dissipate from all that was, all that is.

What I cannot convey escapes through me, and I have no channel to pull back. The lingering of my words cause the division between. 

The hardest part to swallow is the love of her words and the curse that finds no peace. She will forever wonder if it’s her, or her words that touch.

She finds comfort in what can never forsake, how her love and her words bond as one.

I will never know the inseparable tie that most people have. It’s my writing that divides me from everlasting love. 

You foolish, foolish one, how easy it is for you to turn from.

You had the beauty in the palms of your hands and your ways, your pride, and your uncertainty dropped her from above.

The painful fall she endures is by her own doing, as you cannot be held responsible. She will take back the beauty one piece at a time and fly away broken.  I care symbolizes a profound emotion that is deeply embedded.

I care is a gentle approach to break a heart.

I care is used in ways to remain intact when in fact you are broken. I love you is a commitment between two hearts.

Love is a fleeting word that comes and goes when used inappropriately.

I love you today and will leave you tomorrow is only an illusion of what you think love really is. Love is happiness that’s shared as well as the sadness that rises.

Love is a multitude of endless emotions.

Both words are used interchangeably. They are used as a shield when needed to guard against pain and fear. The courage of love is knowing why you care.

The courage of love is opening yourself up to be real with another. Now the real question, what does this all mean to the writer?

I will be honest and say, if you know me and you hurt me in any way, you can combine your love/care and yep… go away. If you won’t, I will do what is necessary to be forgotten.

Care and or love me less. I don’t need you, and you don’t need me, that has always been my defense. I do not allow myself to get close, I know what to do to make it all vanish.

I will say that this has to be one of the most difficult pieces for me, as I have broken my rule, and I am not sure how to find the Tera before.

If you have ever loved or cared for me, and then turned around and hurt me, I have always walked away, left your life, disappeared without a trace to be found.

Well, I have left my beautiful thoughts on this page again. Care verses love, what does it mean to you? 

Bought whole grain white bread and I eat white wheat.

Every time I see those drinks, I have to pull myself away. I don’t like them and yet I do.

The memories, the presence that lingers around me causes a thin line between pain and comfort.

I am treading on new grounds and in every way I tilt comes so much more than I had expected. 

This is complete bullshit, I can hear my sister laughing as I type this out.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to grasp that this piece is in fact about me… yay! No hiding, just pure intensified raw… Ahhh

Am I sad? No shit, but I’m pissed off that I can’t find that push/pull girl. Where the hell did she go? Obviously this is not the time to write, this sucks. 

Her words can soothe an aching heart, intrigue the minds of many and provide warmth to a lost soul.

Her writing is attractive to eyes everywhere, you read and become addicted as if you need the longing when it’s lost in time.

She writes beautifully no matter how it’s expressed, as with each expression comes such energy.

The weight of her words do not affect you, as you cannot possibly feel the shuddering of each word as it pours from her heart.

The tears that fall is what keeps you needing more, as the words on the page just keep turning. What she wanted for herself has caused her more than she can bare.

As she tries to deny what her mind craves it’s only the constant struggle between what her heart needs.

To continue to write is to gracefully plummet. 

She has played the forbidden game once before as the consistency drives you to confusion.

Never again will she become entangled into a web of mysterious vibes.

Seek shelter in the arms of another, the fateful of what becomes never disappoints.

She will write with a bleeding heart as you will find comfort in what cannot.

To see, to feel, to be with her and never really see is the denial that eats into your heart.

To really see her and never know her is the shattered truth you created. 

The power behind simple phrases is that they are not hers, therefore she can attempt to control what vigorously spins into a combustion of earthly spirit.

She feels the need to restrict what gives her breath as the hold is at its greatest.

To write in depth on what didn’t give life is a sense of security that only she understands.

To be great at one is knowing the fear of another. 

I have never been deeply drawn into poetry, and yet I write it.

I never knew that I could write like I do, and yet the numbers multiply rapidly.

I never knew of such words, and yet my mind is effortlessly flowing as my heart is endlessly feeling.

I never knew that I could truly give of myself, and yet I gave all that I am.

I never believed that I could still love you through the pain, and yet I do.

I never believed that I could continue to write without you, and yet I write through every tear.

I never knew the heartbreak of something so beautiful could be so devastating.

I never… 

She hides among a locked key, and shares only what pleases.

She runs where no one is waiting, and walks into the crowd of many. She smiles during the day and cries in the night.

She befriends the untrustworthy and avoids the trusted.  I only want to write free from pain so let’s see if I can pull this off.

One, two, three, go… my thoughts get in the way of feelings that arise within me.

I am feeling and with that comes with whatever you see on the page in front of you.

Well that’s all you get as the realness is starting to come over me, now is the time to… 

She writes more and more and yet what is unleashed is hidden from sight.

She can’t make herself open up and embrace everything that comes and everything that stands still.

She fears to share her words and the lingering eyes that speak no more.

What comes over her cannot be described only felt and she has no words to express. 

Why hide, what’s the point? He has his own opinions of her and she should not fear what her words bring him.

She has been so scared because he still sees her, and that’s scary for someone like her.

He made his decision regarding his feelings for her, so why does she give a damn?

If only that simple question could be explained, but it cannot, so here she is with all her beautiful thoughts. 

She’s scared of him and her growing feelings, she knows nothing of what they provided each other.

It was beautiful and she was waiting for it to turn ugly, but it never did, and to this day, it cannot be.

How the sadness cannot turn into rage, it is a natural feeling that overrides, but with him, it only gets deeper.

She has tried to believe lies that she fed herself, but could not wholeheartedly accept the bitterness she attempted to create. 

I cannot torture myself with the endless locking you out of something in which you hold the key.

Once this insanely beautiful thought sinks in, the less confused I will become.

To hide my writings from you, which we created together, is a fleeting thought that apparently holds no weight in the future, as here I am bare before you.

My heart overrides my beautiful mind as the pain I still feel needs you.

I too still smile through the pain when I think of you.

Call me crazy, but I will not fight my love anymore. I have tried to do everything to make you go away, but in doing that, I was hurting my very own heart.

I am me, and that’s all you ever asked of me, you opened something that cannot be closed.

I am able to finish a beautiful thought and it’s you. We reached well over a thousand, and that’s more valuable than anything material. I just run a lot deeper than that. 

Patience is something that I have trouble understanding, therefore accepting.

I am the most impulsive girl you will ever know, or read about. At least I can write, and write well.

Being patient feels like the end to me, I hope to improve this, as I could learn a great deal from experiencing patience.

Yes, I did just say that out loud, but that does not mean I am dying to try it.

I am scared, confused, and angered by patience, maybe that’s why it rests on my doorsteps.

If I had any sense ‘my kind’, I would kick it down the stairs, but I’m trying to learn… so, yay!

I hope I have shed some brightness on what patience is to me. 

Sleeping eyes are all around and hers are wide awake with the desire to write.

Do not judge the writer, for she only gives over complete control to the beautiful thoughts that persist.

The lingering of thoughts that she should put away want to come out and play.

She closes her eyes and it’s all played in perfect rhythm, every moment that held her close.

The very words that pour from lips that feel what cannot be spoken here.

Her lingering thoughts can go on and on, and on and on… 

Should she? She’s too far to stop now, oh how these beautiful thoughts send her into what beautifully teases her without a doubt.

It’s like nothing you’ve ever known, to dive into the depths of the sweetest craving you never knew you needed.

Oh how the hold you have is strong, how resisting only brings more intensity.

She can do this, do that, there you are with every feeling, the thoughts becoming dangerously beautiful. 

We have entered into a danger zone as neither one of us can or want to escape the beauty.

She is intriguing, he is cautious but even they cannot deny what lingers through the distance.

From opposite ends walk in the same direction and hold the balance if you must.

Look into eyes that see so clearly and speak if you dare.

Gaze upon the lips of the one who draws you in and remain still if you can. 

There is so much controversy within herself over how the writer should reflect her words in the downpour of her feelings.

Shoulda, woulda, coulda has no place here, as you will find she is a stubborn one with a mind of endless beauty.

To walk away with harsh words, or no words at all always served her in the past.

To deeply cut all ties is a quick, sharp, intense release that severely kills the bond.

When a decision is made in regards to her, oh you better be prepared to honor it, whether good or bad.

The time for clarity is not when you move away from all you needed.

Her walls are rebuilt and she will push you so far into what you cannot even realize.

Where I have closed the door on others, with you the door remains…

I can, and have walked away with no more lingering thoughts but with you my beautiful twisted thoughts keep raining down.

She has let go of the ones who have cried, pleaded, and even made changes but the confusion, the rejection, and the pain has already started to mold within. Why is it that my heart feels differently with you?

Why can’t a writer with absolutely beautiful words push you beyond your breaking point?

Why can’t these beautiful words reverse into the most painful, most grotesque enslaving of pure torture?

More endless thoughts with no insight, no answers, just the silence.

She remains strong and indifferent to protect from what has hurt before, yet she hasn’t become that towards you.

Being hurt is an open wound that stings with every thought, every touch, it’s the longing to be, and yet, the trust that has been broken, pulls you back.

The hurt from others has pulled her from wanting or needing to know anything. She does not care, for she released all that was, or will ever be.

You read my open thoughts without the need to be here, what is confessed in the silence is unexplainable.

In one way or another she removes the thought of her ever knowing the one who hurt her, regardless if she has not left the mind of the one.

She has no need to expand as her writing speaks volumes.

Is it cruel? She does not know or care. She has played into the shallowness of the death. Where she was weak and fought for strength, she had none.

Where she has strength, she prays for weaknesses, not the shallowness of what could never be, no she longs for the wholeness that was felt in every sense, the opening of what had never been reached. 

She writes in the most troubling of times, how it’s in the quiet that she finds her words.

Not knowing if her words still affect you, somehow she writes through the doubt that weighs inside her.

If I am to move on without you, in time all I can do is promise to believe in what I have conveyed to you from the very beginning.

Are you really as strong as you appear to be? Does the longing to be near do nothing inside your inquisitive mind or the heart that beats so strong against the flesh that warms it so?

How can I write and write about you over and over, it’s you as the fluttering of emotions come spiraling into?

It has been you all this time, the thoughts have no need to rewrite a history that can be no more.

Every word that was torn from love and confusion resides within one, how you could assume that she would convey sadness with what is no more, is only the illusion she felt you needed to believe.

You are with me, even if I may not be with you. How you need me to let go is something I cannot.

If you are angry, sad, or unaffected as it so rightly seems, please know that you can all make it add fade from sight. 

A goodbye is definite, it’s not to be taken lightly.

When she looks into those eyes. You will forever know, oh it’s goodbye.

When she tries to hide from your view, she longs to express what’s deep within. When you taste the lips that do not part, then that’s when you know it’s goodbye. To have a lingering kiss is only the expression of what hides behind her lips.

When she watches you leave with someone else, that’s when it’s goodbye. To prolong a goodbye is the aching that remains behind silent lips.

When she doesn’t reach for your hand, that’s goodbye.

The need to touch you is the nervousness she fears to show.

It’s not goodbye until it is, but when it is, you will not only see it, you will feel it. 

I have often wondered, what it’s like to love someone like me? What’s it like to be captured by a beautiful mind that intrigues beyond what could have ever been imagined?

What do it feel like to be wrapped inside a love so forthcoming?

What does the combination of energies generate as the love and intelligence unite and explode into a sea of warmth?

Is the power so overwhelming, does it suck you dry, are you begging to be released?

What is it that sparks the unthinkable as it takes a hold of you and won’t let go?

How can something so beautiful be so dangerous and cause such fear? 

I am happy even if you believe that I deny what lingers still.

You are free to believe what you wish, as I am. I will not show what cannot be.

I cannot validate what may or may not be there, I’m just not that kind of girl.

I go to bed every night and get up every morning knowing what has become.

I sleep alone knowing that your arms are not there to hold this girl, yet they are there to comfort.

The pain that we have created in each other cannot be anything but real.

What we provide is only the aching to be understood, accepted, and loved as is.

I do not trust you, and you cannot trust me, the nagging truth that we want to deny.

I am hurt by you, and you by me. The constant confliction of what has to cease.

We will become dangerously attached if we cannot find a way to grow in our own ways.

I think of you often, but I do not understand why? My love is wrapped with anger, jealousy and pain.

You replaced what I wanted to believe could never measure, but you proved me wrong.

Here I am alone, trying to heal and you try and take me back to the very beginning.

I will not live in memories that seduce the mind and make the heart believe.

I cannot cry another tear when you have what you fought for. I am not her, and she damn sure will never be me.

I’m angry at you for hurting me so, and even more at myself for writing about two people who are no more.

You want me when you no longer have me, I feel complete rage when I think of the two of you. I hate her, and I hate how you get to me.

I believed that I was happy with the one who no longer needs a girl like me.

Maybe he will find sweet like you have.

I am me, and I am more than enough. I do not need another you in my life who claims to love me and then takes it back, like you.

I will not interfere in what you have created for yourself. I will let you be you. I will shove my tears down and never let you see what’s on the inside of me. 

I have cried many tears in which you don’t understand.

I have begged for your love in the only way I know how, and yet, I feel I have been shunned by yours.

I cry still for a love I never wanted to end. I am hurt that friends is all that shows.

I cannot get too close and feel the pain all over again.

I am not strong enough to survive the same death twice. I miss you so, I am angered with my feelings towards you.

You will never see the best part of me and that is a bittersweet taste, as I have longed for you to know so much.

My writing is me but you refused to see that.

I cannot lose myself in you. We will remain as so, that is just how the cards fell.

Please remember the love that we shared once upon ago. 

Take control, feel it all twist and turn inside. Oh the calling so loud like a vibration you can’t get away from.

The aching leaves you feeling utterly conflicted. Should I? Can I? Bringing you to your knees, oh what will you do?

The pain you pray that ends is everything you wish to have in your arms again. The memories beautiful and alarming send you to chase again.

Coming in here, feeling me there, seeing everything that leaves you wondering. Loving and hating what you finally understand. 

Feeling your hands gliding over, the thoughts swimming, oh how did I bring myself here??

The questions I ask, knowing that I am in too deep, pulling back, moving forward, oh the game that’s all too easy to get caught up in.

Feeling you take me down, the intensity playing like music, listening to beat after beat, moving as the rhythm plays over and over.

Praying that I can escape into the place where feelings rise. Trying to break away, oh lost inside what moves me gently.

Seeing you, let it all come down. Searching for thoughts that hinder, sinking more into you.

Fighting the breath I take, feeling it all move up and down, oh watch me fall into you tonight.  I cannot write about a past that can’t be shared.

I have done my best to breathe and write, I just will not relive there anymore.

Some things can’t be explained. I see that now, and I will no longer look for answers in which I do not know, or understand.

I will live my life as so, without expectations of any kind. My heart is to fragile too withstand this pain I feel.

I have loved and I have truly lost. 

All alone entangled in her thoughts that come to haunt her still.

The embrace of sweet memories holds her tight, as she fights within, to release.

Pride swallows the love that cannot be found, as it secures her from pain no more.

The toying of cat and mouse appear in theory, as reality shows none.

What has been said before, is said once again, she longs for none. 

I will never again feel like I am not good enough. I cannot take the pain that comes with such.

The beds are made, lie in them, and find peace as you force yourself to rest.

The sweet madness is all that awaits, stay and conclude what is. Lost in time is the temptation of a false reality.

The lingering of unspoken feelings is a sweetened lie that comes to torment.

What you believe you need, what you desire is a mirage that will destroy slowly and painfully, as we are both aware. 

Some people move through their pain in music. Every song that you hear can be reflected back on love, confusion, and pain. It can be very healing for the one that writes it.

She needs music as she needs to breathe, and it does influence her style of writing.

Music is a blessing and a curse, as it can and has unleashed suppressed emotions.

She tries to channel her thoughts in the real world but what she cannot convey in tongue, pours out in her writing.

She may not share with you directly, but it is released in a way that allows her to breathe once again. 

Trust me when I say, you don’t want me to write, because everything will come with a beautiful defined vengeance.

Staring the truth in the face, as it all rains angrily down into the light.

The denial that laid dormant has caused pain where none was needed.

Where fear arose, truth set in, and before you knew it, the domino effect took place.

The price you pay, when you parade with an open wound. 

As the harsh reality stares you in the face, you reach out, and find nothing.

The damage has been done, the truth has been set free, there is nowhere to hide as you try to piece back what is broken.

The coldness you feel all around is only denial that cannot be controlled.

The surrender of what remains painful is your only escape.

Her words cannot help you now, they will only cause you more pain and release her into another day.  What you may not want to face, she already has, oh how the truth brings bittersweet peace.

You are alone to wander in everything you were not strong enough to let be.

Choose to accept the truth before you, or live in the lie that will hurt again.

To accept and never fully give is the security that holds you too tight. 

You must breathe on your own, find your own way, search for the courage to trust when fear overcomes.

The light you let in was camouflaged by your own darkness, your own fears, and yet, you brought it all to her.

The beauty that came from such fear stands alone and brave in this hour.

Step back and see what is revealed, as you try to understand the hurt.

The longing for answers is no more, the closure has found a way to be.  This is her time, her book, and her energy to write the next chapter of her beautiful life.

The mystery comes from the choices, as she decides to keep the desire ripe.

As you go your own way, and she goes hers, the calmness is present, guiding her like before, the yearning is still the need that waits.

The hardest lessons are in fact the ones that keep her believing, oh how she feels like crumbling in the darkest of times, but never stays down.

Her heart is too strong to fear what she still wants. 

To be surrendered by love that caresses a tender open heart is the healing she needs.

The taste of fine wine, soothing music, and the peace to compose is ah, heavenly.

As everything fades, she finds meaning and purpose beneath all that has come.

To be here, on this night, drinking what is pure bliss for a girl like me is, 😊 

Seduce the mind to forget such things that bring oh so much.

Feel what soothes the ache as the unraveling of thoughts pour out all over.

Indulge into what guides smoothly into a place of complete, Fuck! Complete what? 

Finding peace among the chaos, nothing left, just something so far away, oh what do you want?

What shall I give you? The lie or the truth, take me out as you play the scenes all out in your head.

See the light crash in front of you, you got it, all of it, why hold on when you are free to roam?

The simple surprise that shakes you, cause I won’t be there, oh why do you care?

Always disappearing like the shadow that was never there, was it you, was it me, tell me, can you see? 

What’s this feeling that lingers between everything expressed and everything withheld?

How is it so that your words chill to the bone and warm the pieces that refuse?

The convincing of what is right in a time of need, the longing to reach is the beautiful divide that won’t release.

The words that protect nothing as it becomes useless to fight an unchangeable rising.

The fear that attacks at will is the continuous battle that’s lost within.

What’s so simple to convey is unleashed with the intent to burn.

Calming to feel none is the confusion behind what hides unspoken pain. 

My feelings are behind a cloud of rain, as the changing of climates begin to emerge within.

The colliding of the shifts change the force that causes such destruction.

The intensity felt beyond the forces is and uproar that fights to remain grounded. 

A sweetness absorbed inside the confusion that draws me further into you.

Haunting as I try to see myself and it’s your reflection that quickly emerges.

Feeling you crawl within me, the darkness I can’t resist, the unbelievable pain that consumes.

Sacrificing her to be like you, the hole that twists to control.

Suffocating me, oh let her out. Fighting just to make it through.

Loving her and hating you, it’s not me, it’s you. Leaving me broken and abused. All the lies she needs, here we go again.

You just have to drag me along, feeling it all around. Her sweetness is the pleasure that causes you the pain.

Searching to bring me home, to twist inside her, it’s alright girl, just come back.

I’m the sick one with a smile, but I’ll fight for you. Yes, you, the girl torn between love and hate. 

Do you ever feel like your dreams just aren’t enough?

Nobody wants to be alone, everyone needs to be loved.

It’s a one time shot to get it right, and yet, we fuck up over and over.

Gotta get brave, better fucking know what you want, or step the fuck down.

This isn’t a game that you can just play whenever you feel like it.

Just because you may not know what you want, I promise you another absolutely does.

Life is meant to be enjoyed, so let’s do it. Jump on and ride the hell out of it. 

I have an overwhelming desire to write, the one thing in my life, I just want to completely get lost in. 

I tried to write again, and it’s called, A Contradicting Mess.

As she sits all alone, lost in her thoughts, she tries so desperately to write about anything other than love.

Hmm… perhaps new recipe ideas, because God knows that her cookbook could use some work.

Yea, well that thought worked for all about thirty seconds, This doesn’t happen to me, she thinks oh wait, yes it does, you’re good at ignoring anything and everything that reflects real, raw emotion!

Ugh… shut up, she tells herself! 

When you close your eyes, you are taken to a place that is so fucking real.

Oh my God, the things I didn’t know, how eager I am to learn, so teach me. 

I want to get so lost within myself, of no hope of ever returning. Ever! Oh the rush, the emotion! 

She listens to this particular song, and she can’t hide, frantically searching for something, a meaning to hide behind, but there’s none.

She’s completely exposed with raw emotion swimming all over her body. 

She lives behind her pain and self-medicates in her own ways.

I want to be your drug, or will you be mine? Oh can we get out or will we hold each other down, and drown?

All she knows is she doesn’t want to escape. 

I am the uncertainty that runs through your veins, the chills you feel lingering on your skin, oh the pain you taste when I leave my kiss, and yet a smile escapes your mouth. 

I am the girl who loves short, choppy hair, with off the wall streaks.

Black fingernail polish, bold and eccentric colors, tattoos, piercings, twisted and complicated music that only I can understand, that’s just the beginning.

While you may adore the sunshine, I absolutely adore the rain. 

Writing is just writing. I write for one reason, and one reason only. I am not here for entertainment. I am not here to fall in love. I am here because I love myself.

This is me! All of me! The sweet, the broken, the humorous, and the twisted.

I can land myself in hot water, but I will not boil in it. I have been knocked down, but I get right back up, and I will continue to do so.

The life I think about, the one that is filled with happiness, that starts with me, and I am crazy happy.

The person I like is me in every way. Crazy awesome, independently stubborn, completely messed up, just insanely right.

You have to know crazy, to understand crazy in the most real, twisted of ways. Anyone can fake it, I know, because I have been there, and now I am here.

Never change who you are for someone else, do it for you. We all are who we are. The right person will love and accept your crazy ass for, YOUR CRAZY ASS, not kinda this, or kinda that.

And, if they can’t or won’t, MOVE THE FUCK ON, because the RIGHT one WILL.

Then it’s AHHH! FUCK! YAY! UGH! YES! NO! ABSOLUTELY CRAZY BEAUTIFUL. 

Such an evil smile, oh do you have a heart? Knowing nothing, and feeling everything, bleeding until I feel numb, fighting to die, what else must you take?

Will you shred a part until the love has been dissolved, shall I cry until nothing is left, take a body left lifeless in the hands scared to touch.

Drowning inside just leaves you smiling in the distance, can you hear me screaming alongside your company?

The pain I recreate, oh go away, oh stay, nothing matters because you refuse to fight what’s inside you.

You cut into me a little deeper, feeling the warmth cover you until I fill you with the pain that releases the feeling. 

If you find EVERYTHING in ONE person and you TRULY dig it all, consider yourself BLESSED to have found such a RARE gift.

That’s what IT’S all about, at least to me it is. I do not care about anything else.

Who cares if my quirky ways annoy people, my writing confuses, or that I sound like I have ten different personalities all at once. I’m crazy beautiful!

There is a crazy quirky fit out there that will dig all my awesomeness. 

Ahhh, feeling way too good. What is this? No! Make it stop… well okay!

Falling down, falling out of chairs, what’s happening? It all started like this…

There’s a blockage and I can’t get over it, ooh maybe I should try going under. Or I could run smack into another wall… that’s always awesome!

I’m sorry, but what the hell is this? Blah, Blah, Blah… nobody cares about your issues. We do! Yes, you do! And, it’s rather intriguing, wouldn’t you say?

It keeps us all on the go. We adore you, you sick twisted sweet girl. Watch out, one of us is coming for you! Yay!! Not that one sweetheart! Fuck! And don’t call me sweetheart, I’m not candy, I’m so much better! 

Ooh you wanna play? Bring it, you wanna tease, better never say please.

You think you have what it takes, then let it be known, if you dare.

Can you spin, twist and breathe as the turning of tables conclude into desirable little fables?

Oh I commend you, take the control, discipline as you like, lie inside a place that fills you so.

Fight the urge to relax in the state that induces the high you need to feel, oh can you break out?

Pushing, pulling, feeling the tension, biting more and more, the sting behind the ache that takes. 

Worked on some homework, good lord, this is going to drive me mad, so sad, I think it’s time to try a little bad.

I can only do so much, my mind swims as I crave too much, or do I just want to touch?

Spinning thoughts sure to get me into some trouble, that’s okay, just looking for the right ride that keeps us both caught up in the tide.

Waves pouring in, feeling the heat with every turn, now I’m ready to embark on this sin with you, oh let it burn. 

She writes to heal her broken heart, all unaware and not realizing the deeper meaning.

Broken and beaten down, somewhere amongst the tears that fall heavily, there it was, a smile not yet known.

Perhaps chance, time and the memories between two never lost is where a new chapter begins. 

I’m not afraid to be me, the crazy energetic, oh my god, can you just sit down.

The girl who is always sharing her beautiful thoughts, and hey, if you’re not interested, I can live with that.

I am a lot more than what you see and the point is, I’m only saying this once… I’m either a fuck yes, or a fuck no!

Hey we can’t all be a fuck yes, but somewhere you definitely are someone’s FUCK YES!! 

I would love to tell you where CRAZY Beautiful originated from. It’s a beautiful story, filled with pain and suffering, as well as self- awareness that led to growth.

I was married for ten years, I know right? What the hell happed? Well everything. When it was good, oh baby it was fucking outstanding, but when it was bad, I wanted to die, just begging to be released.

Self-expression caged from the world, from myself, it was the beginning of an emotional suicidal death.

My writing reflects my life, what has happened, what is happening, and everything in between.

One year ago this October will be the anniversary of my divorce, but also to finding and holding on to the REAL Tera.

What you see before you would never be here in public if it wasn’t for my muse.

He believed in me, encouraged me, and cared enough to accept me for me. Without him, CRAZY Beautiful would have been left in the dark forever! 

Here’s to a shitty day! I feel like crap, but somehow I manage to let a smile break through.

I see your face and I want to slap you, just my sweet way of saying I MISS YOUR STUBBORN ASS!

Here I am, writing like always, with all my rambling thoughts. Don’t worry, I know exactly what your hungry for.

I feed, you consume and the cycle continues. Oh so sweet, oh so intense, oh so good!

I mean, come on, don’t you want to do this 😊 😐 😉 😃 😛 and a whole lot more? No! Next!! 😃 

You are definitely a rare kind of breed. Oh you had it all, sweetly twisted around your finger. Always playing over and over in my head, ooh you still can’t get enough.

Behind the scenes you watch like a hawk, never too careful, and always on your game, you call the shots.

Big time, watch out now. Keeping me on edge, always observant to watch for the fall, oh such a gentleman you really are.

Can’t afford to catch you with your guard down, oh no, it’s the fun you seek, knock on the door if you can find it, and maybe I will open it, but maybe it’s just more amusing to watch, like you. 

You need it to hurt so bad, well baby, you got it, it fucking hurts, it just won’t stop.

How to make it all go away, go away like the rest, all your excuses, everything you had to leave behind, well here I am telling our story, CRAZY Beautiful.

Days come, and I do just fine, trying not to rearrange, fading into the nights that bring the ache I can’t get past.

Tired of the game, but believe me, I can play well, well enough to fight you. It’s been the most challenging, but rewarding, as you can already tell.

The princess that melts in your arms, can also be the bitch ready to take you in. Still like your sweetly twisted?

Are you man enough to bring me back in? Can we make it, or will we remain lost forever?

I can still feel the bite, will you bring the chill that warms? Heaven hear me, as hell drags me in.

Straight into the shadow I disappear, just a memory embedded, the sickness of your disease. 

Come on, let’s dance, we do it so well. The smile that lures me in, you like it, I can’t fight it.

What’s the point in playing if your intentions are nice, a little goes a long way, oh but where are you going?

Can’t play what you don’t know, and can’t play what you struggle to defeat.

Ooh the constant pulling, feels intense, feels like forever, such as CRAZY place to be. 

Yay! My post didn’t post on my wall! Ugh… well I’m early, like really early!!! My class doesn’t start until 10:30 today!!!

AHHHH… 😃

Let’s go, you and I, oh I can see it, it’s all too clear in your eyes, your face I know, behind the smile, I can feel.

You want to take me down, the fight that seduces the hurt, the longing waiting to play the next part of the game.

Behind your lingering thoughts I wait to pull you in as you push me beyond a recognizable sensation.

Nothing to say inside everything that speaks quietly. Lie to me today, embrace me tomorrow, forever you will be what lingers behind the thoughts that churn. 

Letting go, hanging on, oh please don’t go. So this is what it’s like to be tangled up inside such a magnetic force!

Better now that you see with blazing eyes, comforting in how you feel with intense passion.

As it all filters through, you understand the realness that speaks, oh do you see me again?

Can you contain what slips away, clear your mind, breathe in and out, for the path has been laid out.

The promise, the threat, the yearning, the beating, spinning into yet another intense beautiful moment. 

May 08, 2014 10:17am

I’m too HYPER to write!!!! 😊

You think you know me? Maybe, maybe not. Very few get the opportunity to really see the girl behind her creativity, but if you do, I promise you this, you will never forget my name.

ALWAYS misunderstood, you are very good at reading what I throw out there, but if you don’t know me, well all I can do is smile, because I’ll take you on many rides.

I am this, I am that, I am a whole lot wrapped up in one. I am the sea of endless emotions, and I take you through them all.

My writing can be a drug, careful not to consume all with such delight, or you will forever fight to feel just one more high.

We all have to take some risk one way or another, read and be full, or read and always wander. 

CRAZY Beautiful coming…… 😉

Keep up Tera! What’s your deal, can’t you do this, and that? The girl that spins and spins, oh come, have you had enough?

Why must you drive me into pure madness, can’t we just get along?

You thrive in chaos, I succumb to your needs as the pull releases.

Seeking the fulfillment in your temptations, oh I see it coming, as I can’t stop you from hitting hard.

Down the slope I ride, fast and furious as you collide into a troubling magnetic touch.

The colors that shift, oh the energy it brings, in so deep, the tightening you feel as I choke. 

I hate you! I love you! Every silent scream aches for the touch that chills me to the bone.

Why care so much for everything that I run from? Hitting hard, oh the knockdown has me in such a whirlwind.

The pressure consumes, the taste that lingers is so pronounced, and left in more places than just my lips.

Fighting to push you away, screaming to speak to you, and shielding the fear that cries.

Be mine for the night, share all your secrets, leave them in places unseen.

Calm me now, set me free, fight to live a CRAZY Beautiful life inside of me. 

I’m not sure what is expected of me, but I will tell you this, I am happy, life is life but it’s one amazing ride, and I’m right back where I need to be.

Life can be awesome if you can just let go and be a part of it. Get in and feel its pulse. It’s hard to run and turn from everything that pours beautifully down.

Times will be confusing, but so what. I just keep on smiling because what I see is everything I want. Everything that I need, and it’s you. 

You touch me in ways that are CRAZY, how you make everything alright. The way you get to me, how I feel so high, so right, so…

Your sweet smile drives me, moving me so fast, dancing with beautiful thoughts that are scattered everywhere.

Thinking of you as I live in a fast paced world, oh searching for your understanding. Staring into my eyes and watching everything inside my head just stop. As you silent my rushing thoughts with your calmness, I feel my heart speak quietly and all I can do is smile at you.

Upside down and turning right side up with you. The feelings that won’t go away, holding on, oh yes, everything is found.

We keep spinning and spinning, but I am found. So if you want, we can continue spinning, just please don’t go away.

I can’t write all that sweet right now, ooh I feel you scrambling through my thoughts, it’s awesome because umm yea, ahhhhh gotta go, but I dig it! 

A simple CRAZY love story begins like this…

She’s trying so hard not to think if just for a second, man that would really be something.

When the same song plays over and over, and over in her head, smiles like a girly girl, stubs her toe for being a klutz, and doesn’t get mad. Just smiles, laughs, and smiles again. 

Enjoy the free falling, nerve wrecking, heart pounding, earth shattering impulses that are taking over your mind, heart, and body. Something is definitely in sync bringing you closer. 

For all the lovers who grow closer as time marches on, well you my dear have found what most people only dream about. Your love is truly something to be cherished for all time. Your love surpasses all, and everything that is, or could be.

For all the broken hearted, ah you! Yes, you, love teaches us many things,