All the Feelings That We Hide

By Theresa Mariz

All the Feelings That We Hide is a collection of prose and short stories that tries to convey the many ways we deal with our feelings and emotionsfrom unrequited love to letting go of a lover to rediscovering ones self-worth.

I have adorned my life with beautiful things because I believed that was what I needed to do to fill this internal void. I felt that validating what people thought of me made me who I am. But the emptiness grew instead, and what am I without the embellishments?

I am a carnival of broken dreams. I am a festival of almost lovers.

Because when the walls fall through and all thats left is the ruin, I find comfort in turning my life into a metaphor. But here is my truth: I am still trying to figure out which part of me is the real me and which part of me is their idea of me.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Aug 10, 2018
• ISBN: 9781984545930

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Copyright © 2018 by Theresa Mariz.

ISBN:                  Softcover                  978-1-9845-4592-3

                             eBook                       978-1-9845-4593-0

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 08/09/2018

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Contents

Author’s Notes

Letter Of Apology (From My Writing Muses) To The Boy Who Did Not Fall In Love With Me

Three Sides To A Circle

Deux

Trois

Only Fools Fall

Of Blazing Stars And Unrequited Love

Empty Swimming Pools

How The End Begins

Sand Clock

A Love Faux Pas

Architecture 101

Once Upon A Snowfall

Finding Ground

Homecoming

Boomerang

To The Boy With Bleeding Hands

Acknowledgements

About The Author

For my 23-year old self.

See, everything did get better.

"All stories have been written,

but you haven’t written every story."

Author’s Notes

I have never considered myself an amazing writer but, in this age of promoting self-love, I want to claim that I’m pretty good for my own standards. The thought of writing for an audience is terrifying and anxiety-inducing. All of these pieces are a form of self-indulgent writing. Something I wanted to read but cannot find anywhere so I wrote it for myself instead.

Some pieces took weeks or months to finish, and some gets done in a matter of hours. Some needed some alcohol or caffeine in my veins before I can even write one sentence. While others wrote itself making me a mere vessel of communication. But all these stories are born out of my hunger for a poetic way to express myself.

Are these fictitious? Yes. But in each of these stories is a part of me. An experience or a dream that I wanted to share in the only way I know how.

So hello, have a peek at my soul.

Be gentle.

this love that i cannot have

but i cannot throw away

i don’t know, i really hate love

Letter Of Apology (From My Writing Muses) To The Boy Who Did Not Fall In Love With Me

It was a year ago today that I have finally convinced myself that I am over you. I packed up our memories and hid them at the back of my closet where they will never once again see the light of day. I erased the imprints you’ve left in your wake so that in the distant future, when you eventually feel the need to look back, you won’t find any evidence of my treacherous heart.

A year ago today, I decided that I wanted freedom from the chains of loving someone who will never know my feelings.

I did not realize how hard it will be then. Not until I found myself standing in a room full of strangers with my heart beating i miss you i miss you i miss you while my eyes scan the crowd hoping to see you. Not until I found myself comparing every person I meet to you. Every heart break song I hear is about you and they’ve made your name taste like acid in my tongue.

So I built myself a wall so high and sturdy that any stray recollections of you won’t hurt me. And you see, by doing so, I have paralyzed my writing muses. Holding back my emotions from spilling was euthanasia. I feel the words begging to come out and pleading to be heard. I am now forced to make a choice. But let’s face it, between you and my love for words, there never was a competition.

So here is my apology to you.

I didn’t want to fall in love with you. I knew the risk and understood the consequences. All the warning signs had been in bright blinking neon lights. Telling me to run before I