Dear Strong Friend, I Know Exactly How You Feel

By Natasha Washington

Are you tired of being the strong friend? I know I was...
A vast majority of people recall having the unfortunate position of being the strong friend. The one EVERYONE leans on for support yet they are also the ones NO ONE is there for when they need support.
Why is that? It's simple. Being the strong friend devalues you as a human and minimizes you to being nothing more than an ESP (emotional support person) to the non strong friend counterpart.
This book will show you how you ended up in the position of the strong friend in the first place, what you can do to restore the balance in your life and the seven types of non strong friends that I've identified over the years I was the strong friend.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Apr 25, 2022
• ISBN: 9781435771215

Book preview

Copyright

Copyright © Natasha Washington, 2022

Dear Strong Friend, I Know Exactly How You Feel

All rights reserved. No parts of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without permission in writing by the author.

ISBN: 978-1-4357-7121-5

Dedication

Aye yo shout out to my mom for teaching me to communicate via writing vs using my words. I may not be able to articulate myself very well verbally but I can definitely get my point across via correspondence so I guess this book is because of you.

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Table of Contents

Introduction

How this book was birthed

Part 1: The Strong Friend

I Know Exactly How You Feel

It Be Ya Own Damn Self

The Missing Piece

My Story: How I Became the Strong Friend

Should They Stay or Should They Go

Actions Speak Louder Than Words Until…

Part 2: The Non Strong Friend

Day One’s

Unrealistic Expectations

Drama Queen

The Projector

The Leech

The Right Hand Man

The Real MVP’s

Part 3: Open Letters

Open letter to the non strong friend

Open letter to the strong friend

Dear non strong friend,

Yes, I know you’re not me and that’s okay you’re not supposed to be but don’t let that keep you from being a good friend to me.

Signed,

The Strong Friend

Introduction

Excuse the rumors, let me introduce myself.

~ Iliketoquote.com

The Strong Friend is an epidemic that has been in existence for my entire life. It is always presented in a positive light but what I’ve come to learn is that it’s only the non strong friends who think it's positive. The people who hold the title are not enthusiastic about it at all. On the flip side the strong friends aren’t doing anything to dismantle the system either. It has been a lifetime of hinting  and venting.

To my knowledge no one has come forward saying this is an issue for me (us). However, posts and memes are floating around social media in droves with the amount of shares making it damn near viral. Yet these cries for help go unheard and unseen and I think it’s because no one wants to address the elephant in the room.

The elephant is that being the strong friend is actually a pretty dangerous and unfortunate position to hold. Most people praise the strong friend for being strong and a lot of the strong wear the title like a badge of honor but no one is talking about the most important part.

No one is talking about how being the strong friend devalues you. It dehumanizes you to being nothing more than an ESP (emotional support person) to whoever you are being strong for. You are no longer seen as a being that has the same full spectrum of emotions as your non strong counterpart. You’re not given that luxury.

When I say it devalues you it’s because you lose value when you take on that role. You go from someone seen as human to someone who is not worth the same effort you give to others. You literally are viewed as an avatar whose sole purpose is to take on and absorb others' pain so they can feel better about their lives. That’s it.

I know saying you lose your humanity may sound dramatic but it’s exactly what I mean. If you’re the strong friend, how many times have you reached your breaking point and everyone just kind of stood there awkwardly twiddling their thumbs or weren’t there at all because they claim they didn't know what to do for you or how to be there for you during that time? This is precisely what I’m talking about when I say you’re devalued and dehumanized because you’ve witnessed them time after time being fully present and supportive of someone else so why couldn’t or wouldn’t they do the same for you? The answer is because the expectation is for you to have superhuman strength. Seeing you as human is foreign to a non strong friend.

Honestly, I don’t think people consciously decide to be non strong friends, bad friends, neglectful friends, etc. What it boils down to is that your non strong friend(s) are typically self centered. That self centeredness stems from them needing someone to acknowledge them, to see them, to validate them. The issue is they most likely didn’t get that until you came around. The excitement of finally having someone to care about them and what they’re going through is through the roof and they are relishing in it. I would like to think that they have reached a point in their lives where they feel worthy of being in someone’s presence. You get and care about them and that is something they are not used to.

On the flip side their excitement puts them in a space of self centeredness because caring for their plight puts them in a position to neglect yours. Think of it like a crying baby. Once the need is met nothing else matters. No baby is thinking how can I be there for my mom/dad now that they’ve been there for me?

Again, I don’t think it’s intentional. I think they’ve received a gift from you that they’ve never had before and the excitement and comfort makes it real easy to forget that the benefit needs to be reciprocated.

This will not be a non strong friend bashing book and I am in no way encouraging anyone to run off and end all of their friendships. I hold both the strong and non strong friend accountable and discuss your options when it comes to dealing with the strong/non strong friend dynamic.

        I call them non strong friends as a means of differentiating them from the strong friend. That’s it. It’s not a jab at them or anything like that.

There isn’t a need to search for a deeper meaning or what I could have been saying or may have meant. This is me sharing my story in hopes it will help someone in a similar situation.  

        Also if you are the sentence structure or grammar police you may need to sit this one out.