I'm Married But I Feel Like I'm Single: 5 Steps to Successfully Navigate a Painful Divorce

By Pepper Bonay-Martin

I‘m Married but I Feel Like I’m Single is a riveting story describing how a once firmly grounded Christian couple’s
deep desire to love was simply not enough to fight off the deception and intense loneliness that infiltrated their marriage.This left their relationship vulnerable to an array of pitfalls including infidelit

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Oct 17, 2017
• ISBN: 9781640880405

Book preview

I’m Married

but I feel like I’m

Single

5 Steps to Successfully Navigate a Painful Divorce

Pepper Bonay-Martin

Contents

Testimonials

Dedication

Foreword

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Message of Forgiveness

Tribute to My Husband

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Testimonials

"As a happily married man of more than 50 years to my lovely wife Juliet, I still found I’m Married But I Feel Like I’m Single inspirational, transformational and absolutely riveting! This dynamic preacher and true woman of God has opened her heart for all to see. Millions will benefit. Today’s church must embrace the issues that Pepper has had to overcome. She’s one of my precious daughters in the Gospel, and I pray that you are blessed by her transparency and wisdom."

—Bishop Frank O. White General Board Member,

Church of God in Christ Senior Pastor,

Zion Cathedral Church of God in Christ

"Though I have been happily married for more than 50 years to the Bishop, as a woman, mother, former educator and church leader, I was touched by the tremendous amount of courage and strength Pepper demonstrated by her willingness to be so transparent for the sake of ministry. Her transparency will help millions use this book as a guide to overcome their challenges whether they are preparing for marriage, are currently married or recovering from a painful divorce. Even single people can benefit from I’m Married But I Feel Like I’m Single. It will provide hope for everyone who reads it."

—Dr. Juliet White, Elect Lady,

Zion Cathedral Church of God in Christ

"Choices made in life define who you are and provide the framework to revisit and rewrite your narrative at any point in time. I’m Married But I Feel Like I’m Single is a must-read! It had me on the edge of my seat. I found it intriguing and profoundly insightful. I highly recommend it. I am certain you will find this book entertaining and helpful in making critical life decisions concerning your relationships. Get your copy today!"

—Dr. Renee Charles

PhD, LCSW-R, CPC

"From a young single man’s perspective, I’m Married But I Feel Like I’m Single is a must-read! It will heal your yesterday, straighten your today and guide your tomorrow. Pepper Bonay-Martin, thanks for sharing your pain. I pray that you receive God’s gain, to be rich with no sorrow."

—Otis Jermaine Becoat (Odah Witness)

Poet/Spoken Word Artist

[e-mail]

"Pepper gives a riveting and candid depiction of how loneliness can infiltrate a marriage. I’m Married But I Feel Like I’m Single profoundly describes a firmly grounded Christian couple whose desire to love was simply not enough to endure the ills of marital diversions. It is a survival story of a great woman who refused to be immobilized by her pain. It is also a beautiful love story that took a wrong turn. An excellent read – an inspirational book recommended to all. The best is yet to come, Pep!"

—Denise Grant,

Inspirational Speaker/Writer/Community Organizer

[e-mail]

Dedication

First, I would like to thank God for giving me the grace and strength to complete this book. I dedicate this book to all those who have had to overcome the pain of a divorce, and to those who are still married but feel as if they are single. I pray this book gives you help.

Secondly, I dedicate this book to my current husband, Sydney K. Martin, for his commitment to our life together. This year has been interesting, challenging and life-changing. You have been wonderful throughout this entire process. I thank you for your support and love. I really appreciate your strength and loyalty. You are the combination of velvet and steel. I deeply value your ability to skillfully and appropriately apply both elements of your intense character to any given situation – THANK YOU, MY DEAR!

I dedicate this book to my mother, Sha-Sha Asencio. I thank you for teaching me to pray and serve God. Thank you, Mommy, for raising me in the house of God. Thank you for the spiritual foundation that you provided me with, and finally, thank you for your sacrifice. As a single mother, you struggled to give me a private school education throughout my entire academic life. You wore the same green coat during my high school years and made sure that I graduated from college. I pray that your investment in me pays off. Please know that I strive every day to make you proud of my accomplishments. I want God to endow me with His blessings, enabling me to minister effectively to others, and give back to you in abundance everything that you have given to me. I love you and thank you for all you have done.

To my friend, Dr. Renee Charles, where would I be without you? You bring tears to my eyes and joy to my heart. Your walk with God is real. Your integrity is bar none. Renee, you have great character and a wonderful spirit. Thank you for all of the counseling sessions and your friendship. You have truly been supportive. I dedicate this book to you.

Denise, thank you. Your love, admiration and genuine support over the years have been so encouraging and rejuvenating that I do not know where I would be or what I would have done without you in my life. I dedicate this book to you as well.

Foreword

From the very first paragraph of her book I’m Married But I Feel Like I’m Single , Pepper Bonay-Martin pulls readers into her life. This narrative is a compelling account of a young couple’s initial happiness, evolving into a series of painful events. The events lead to a lengthy separation, which ends in a devastating divorce. Though she faced challenges that would have discouraged most from moving toward fulfilling their goals, Pepper Bonay-Martin showed tremendous courage, grace and strength by choosing to regain her happiness and live the next chapter of her life to the fullest.

The book is a manageable length, structured simply and effectively into ten chapters. Each chapter explores challenges couples may face such as infidelity, financial setbacks, emotional absence, separation and even divorce. The chronology of events, described systematically, illustrates how this marriage unraveled and reveals the intense emotions experienced at each stage of its decline. However, Pepper Bonay-Martin demonstrates how her faith successfully helped her rebound from extraordinary devastation to live a happy, fulfilling life that is enriching and filled with new possibilities – including new love.

There is also a brief quiz to help readers assess the status of their own intimate relationships, as well as a list of websites offering resources to help couples and families rekindle their love while retaining it, and use strategies to avoid the pitfalls that may challenge their love. If couples decide to divorce and go their separate ways, Pepper Bonay-Martin also provides well-heeled advice to help people have successful future relationships. She also has enriching advice to those entering blended families.

I feel this book should be mandatory reading for couples planning to get married, for those who are already married, as well as for duos facing some difficult times. What makes this book so fascinating is that it gives in-depth, practical steps that people can easily apply to their own lives if they are currently in bad relationships. Pepper’s advice is so honest and transparent that it causes her readers to intimately connect with her. Regardless of who you are or what your relationship status is, everyone can relate to the content in I’m Married But I Feel Like I’m Single on some level. Therefore, I recommend it as a must-read!

If you are married and feel like you are single, or if you are single and want to be married, this is the book for you. You may be shocked, get angry, cry and laugh. You will also learn what you can do when similar situations occur in your relationships and in your life. Pepper’s book contains strategies and techniques that will help you navigate successfully through a painful divorce. If you remain determined and consistent and follow her suggested steps in this book, you will overcome any tragic event you experience and not waste the pain that accompanied it.

—Raymond Aaron New York Times Best-Selling Author www.UltimateAuthorBootcamp.com

Acknowledgments

To New York Times best-selling author Raymond Aaron,

When I met you in Nevada, I knew we would connect in a special way that would be life-changing for both of us. I thank you for striving to fulfill your ultimate life’s goals against all odds. By doing so, you have helped so many people, and I am glad to be one of them. You are truly a special man and a rare gem. I admire your intelligence and outstanding talent. Thank you for helping me publish this book and for all you have done so far. I look forward to generating a series of successful, award-winning books under your leadership. Your staff is incredible and indeed a pleasure to work with. Without your leadership and guidance I would not be here, so thank you!

To Pastor Donnie McClurkin and the entire Perfecting Faith Church family,

What would my life have been without you all, especially my ride-or-die buddies Terry and Lorrie? You all have a special place in my heart now and forever. Pastor McClurkin, thank you for the prayers, and for staying in tune with God. The anointing on your life is tremendous and unique, and I thank you for the impartation to me from you and your lovely grandmother. The experience I had at Perfecting Faith Church inspired the development of W.I.F.E. Ministries and the launching of a series of other initiatives that soon will be revealed. Thank you all for your friendship. God bless you!

To Bishop Frank Otis White, Dr. Juliet White and my Zion Cathedral family,

You all have been GREAT! Bishop, your leadership is outstanding! You and your wife serve as excellent role models as church leaders and a loving couple. You and Dr. White are the epitome of class and grace, and I thank you both for receiving my husband and me into your ministry. The Zion Experience is life-changing and rejuvenating. Your sense of humor, poise, power and love are so inspirational, that when you are not around, church just isn’t the same! Thank you for supporting my ministry and for your wise counsel. You all are so precious to me, and I truly value the connection we have.

To my cousin Rochelle,

I love you so much. Thank you for the discussions about our future as successful God-fearing women. You are a wonderful person with a beautiful spirit. I thank you.

To Barbara King Phillips and your darling husband, Julian,

You guys are the best! You are so much fun and just a great, wholesome couple. Barbara, thank you for editing my book, and Julian,