How to stand for a Marriage: Words to strengthen the Stander while waiting for your prodigal spouse to come home

By Celena Oxley

This Handbook provides advice, Biblical scripture, and affirmations for Standers on how to
cope with the different situations, challenges, and emotions encountered with family members,
co-workers, the ‘prodigal’ spouse and the other man or woman. Topics include ‘How to Forgive
Yourself’; ‘How to de

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Nov 13, 2018
• ISBN: 9781640881082

Book preview

Part One

Words To Encourage The Stander

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.

Proverbs 19:21 NIV

Chapter 1

God is for Marriage!

God is for marriage, ___________. (Write your name wherever you see these lines.) Evidence of God’s love and commitment to the union between a man and woman under His guidance and support is present from the beginning of creation. In Genesis 2:18 NIV, God in His wisdom recognized that it is not good for a man to be alone. He decided I will make a helper suitable for him. God did not want Man, Adam, to be isolated, secluded, or alone, so Woman, Eve, was created to complement the male emotionally, sexually, socially, and spiritually. This was the first male/female union, partnership or ‘Marriage’ ever created in the History of the World. The Creator in His divine wisdom knew the needs and desires that would develop in the heart of Man and realized a partner was needed; God created Eve as a life companion for Adam as a result of that notion.

God is not only the creator of marriage, but He is its advocate and truly seeks the survival of that union. This is again evident when the first miracle of His son, Jesus was performed at a wedding. In John 2:1-12 at the end of a wedding in Cana, the wine jars were empty. Running out of wine at a wedding in Biblical times was an embarrassment to a family. It was considered to ‘blight’ the future survival of that marriage. It was also seen as a future indicator of ‘lack’ for that family either in the form of the husband’s capacity as a provider or the wife’s capacity as a child bearer. Jesus’ first miracle being at a wedding was no mere coincidence.

Jesus, as a result of His divine goodness and love, intervened to save the future of that marriage. He intervened so as to not allow His Father’s covenant union to be scarred with the ridicule or shame that would result because the couple ran out of wine. Jesus interceded to aid the host at the request of Mary, His earthly mother. By being asked to become involved, Jesus saved that married couple from a possible future of scorn, embarrassment, shame, and pain. Jesus can intercede for you too, ____________. He can and is fully able to perform a miracle for you that will restore your marriage. All you have to do is, like Mary, go to Him and ask.

Even though He knew that His hour had not yet come (John 2:4 NIV), the living Word and God Made Flesh, Jesus Christ, still intervened to the rescue of that newly-married couple. This act symbolized then and stands true even now, that God will do anything to restore and preserve the success of the covenant of marriage. The first item on God’s agenda after creating the world in the Old Testament was the creation of the covenant of Marriage; it is remarkable that Jesus chose to begin the New Testament by saving a marriage as well.

This fact — that God will do anything to restore and preserve the success of a marriage — is also apparent in the tactful way in which the Annunciation of Jesus’ birth to Mary was handled. In the New Testament, the angel Gabriel visited the Virgin Mary to inform her that she was chosen to conceive and become the mother of the Son of God. Joseph, her betrothed husband, was faithful to Mosaic Law, so after discovering the fact that his intended was already pregnant, he sat down and thought of divorcing her quietly. (Matthew 1:19 ESV) God, being able to read the secrets that lie in the hearts of Men, sent an angel to appear to Joseph in a dream saying, "Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit." (Matthew 1:20 NIV)

God knows that the first reaction of a man placed in a situation such as this would be that of anger, separation from the offender, unforgiveness, and finally self-preservation. Followers of Mosaic Law considered the Law of Moses as sufficient enough to cover all matters to govern a fair, just society. The concept of grace was unheard of; if a person showed others grace and compassion it was because it was in the person’s nature to do so, and not because the Law taught him or her those qualities. God, in His wisdom, understanding, and insight into the mind of Man, quashed Joseph’s original intent to divorce Mary. He immediately dispatched an angel to speak to Joseph in his dream, encouraging Joseph to show Mary compassion, love, and grace.

In the early stages of the union between Mary and Joseph, after the conception of Jesus by the Holy Spirit, God intervened. He softened Joseph’s hard heart and changed his legalistic way of thinking to save their marriage. Take note of this fact, ____________; God would not allow the salvation of all Mankind through His son to be fulfilled at the expense of even a single marriage — in this case, Joseph and Mary’s future nuptials.

These examples testify to God’s desire, haste, and ability to save marriages, no matter what the circumstances may be. God will intervene supernaturally to ensure the stability and preservation at the beginning or during the life of a marriage. If you just ask, ____________, Jesus will intercede on your behalf too. He can and will restore your broken or dead marriage.

Marriage is difficult, but with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit at the forefront; there is hope. Seek His help and He will supply the solution through the words of the Bible, the Holy Spirit, and His heavenly angels.

Chapter 2

Paradise Lost

In the beginning of creation, God never left His first couple, Adam and Eve, up to their own devices, ____________. It is written in Genesis 3:8 that God was in the habit of taking strolls with them in the Garden of Eden. In the cool of the day, God would walk with Adam and Eve and as the three of them walked together, it is understood that He would talk with them.

Though not specified in the Bible, it is believed that your loving, compassionate Almighty God would give Adam and Eve tips for living happily forever together on the Earth. He would strengthen, advise, and support them through words of wisdom, insight, and knowledge. He would give them guidelines on how to live a happy life together as man and wife. God stayed with Adam and Eve to help them manage living as a married union in peace and in joy in their little slice of Paradise; He was always close at hand. The Father was always around so that He could offer support and assistance whenever it was needed.

The omnipresent love and guidance of God in the midst of the male/female union was the Creator’s original intent for marriage. The eternal presence of God in the male/female union was to be the benchmark, standard, and template for all other marriages to follow. In Ecclesiastes 4:12 NIV, the wisest man who ever lived, King Solomon says, "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." God was to remain in the midst of your marriage as an advisor, counsellor, and source of support. When a husband and wife place Christ in the center of their marriage — the third strand of the marriage union — a spiritual dynamic is released. This makes the marriage bond far stronger, long-lasting, and more durable than just the two people struggling to sustain the marriage on their own strength and understanding. This was the hope that God had for you, ____________; you and your spouse were to live together with Him as your guide. He wanted you to depend on Him for support throughout the duration of your married life.

Just like He was in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve, God was always there for you too, ____________. God was close to you on the day of the wedding, at the birth of your children, in the birthday parties, at the outings, and on the trips to the park, beach, and overseas. He was always there for you during the good times.

But Paradise in Eden was lost when an external element corrupted God’s original plan for this union. In the Bible, a serpent tempted Adam and Eve and robbed them of an eternally happy life together. The serpent from Genesis 3 in the Bible is a symbol representing the outside forces, spirits, temptations, or persuasions that infiltrate and separate husbands from their wives and vice versa, causing the ‘prodigal scenario’ in a marriage.

In contemporary times, our serpent looks a lot different and is much harder to spot. Satan has ‘upgraded’ and our modern ‘serpentine trickster’ is a lot better disguised, ____________; this time, he may even look like your family or friends. He is capable of using your leisure time or technology to cause division and split you two apart. For example, the most common deceiver is pornography; unrealistic imagery showing how men and women should look and behave sexually, that men and women resent their spouses for. There may even be times when you or your spouse spend casual moments with friends that allow Satan, the great deceiver, the opportunity to unfold his nefarious plans of destruction for your marriage. He may allow the conversation to turn to talk of marriage complaints and ‘well-meaning’ friends may encourage your spouse to ‘leave the old ball and chain’ or speak words of lust into the ears that then proceeds to the eyes. Proverbs 16:27-29 TLB warns you that, "…idle hands are the devil’s workshop; idle lips are his mouthpiece. An evil man sows strife; gossip separates the best of friends. Wickedness loves company — and leads others into sin."

Your serpent may have infiltrated your marriage and came masked as work commitments, addictive technology, sexual or violent entertainment, and financial obligations. The serpent might have chosen to work through one of your sports buddies, a talkative co-worker, a gossiping neighbour, or a ‘concerned’ family member to tell you that your spouse is boring, the ‘single life’ is exciting and that you should reconsider your commitment to your spouse. The end result was that your marriage bond was insidiously penetrated and the house divided against itself could no longer stand. (Mark 3:25 NIV)

The serpent crowded your prodigal’s mind with self-defeating beliefs and crowded out the positive image and emotions you and your spouse had about each other, and your marriage. In turn, you two became quarrelsome, angry, resentful, and too busy for each other. You avoided uncomfortable conversations and instead chose to implement silent treatment or use reverse psychology tactics. You went to friends for advice as opposed to discussing problems with your husband or wife. Over time, the house became lonely and isolated despite the fact that your spouse was right there beside you. After time, a space was created in your heart and you filled it with stuff, things, and the busyness of daily life. The quarrels became more severe, your spouse became the ‘enemy’, and the distance between you and your husband or wife grew even further. Eventually silence filled the house and the love between you two subsided.

God’s plan for your marriage was always success, never failure. But fear not, God was there for those bad times, even when you didn’t know it. The amazing fact is that God is still watching over you today, ____________. He is patiently standing at the door of your heart waiting for you to turn to Him in your current hour of need. He is waiting for you to go to Him for advice, encouragement, guidance, and support, the same advice that Adam and Eve rejected when they chose to disobey God in the Garden of Eden.

However, God is a gentleman; He will not barge into your life. Instead, He will wait for you to call on Him. When you do, He will respond in a heartbeat, ____________. He will hold your hand till the end of this season of your life in which you have decided to Stand for the restoration of your marriage.

Find comfort in the fact that God’s Word has ordained marriage. The Word states what God has joined together, let no one separate. (Mark 10:9 NIV) Your marriage is recognized and blessed in God’s eyes. There is no earthly law, man, or circumstance that will stop God from acknowledging the union that exists between you and your one-flesh spouse. He desired and still desires that your marriage would bring glory to His kingdom. Since the togetherness is no longer there, perhaps it is your reconciliation that He will use to bring glory to His name. You, ____________, can ask that He allows your Paradise — your marriage — to be restored as a child in Christ and as an heir to the kingdom of God.

Chapter 3

God Restores!

Whatever the situation is currently, the Great Yahweh Rapha, ‘the Lord who heals, the Great Physician, the Restorer’ can restore your marriage. Whether it is you or your spouse who has cheated; whether the differences seem irreconcilable; whether your spouse has moved on and is in another relationship; whether he or she got married; whether your spouse has a child with the other person, or whether he or she is bitter, uncertain, unforgiving, and angry, God can perform miracles of restoration, ___________.

Joel 2:25-26 NIV says, "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten — the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm — my great army that I sent among you. You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you; never again will my people be shamed." In this analogy, the devil’s malevolent spirits such as external distractions, addictions, and temptations are portrayed by the locusts; the crops attempt to symbolize your marriage. The implication here is that God can restore all the years of goodness, holiness, joyfulness, and marital bliss that were stolen by the enemy from your marriage. God will send His army of angels, the blood of Jesus, and the Holy Spirit to take back your marriage from the clutches of the enemy and restore it to a state that was much better than it was before. The fact that God says He will ‘repay the years’ means that God can also redeem the time lost during the marriage restoration period making you forget that you spent years away from each other.

God can also restore the reputation of His chosen, ____________. God can not only restore to you your prodigal husband or wife, but if you were accused of wrong doing, made a bad decision, had an affair, were judged harshly or unfairly by family, friends or your prodigal spouse, God can vindicate you and restore your reputation and your self-esteem. An example of a restored reputation is in John 8; Jesus restored the reputation of a woman caught in the ‘act of adultery’ by convicting her accusers with their own conscience. (v. 9 KJV) The Lord restored time when He went back ten minutes into the past just to prove to Hezekiah that He could heal him of his terminal illness and add fifteen more years to his life. (Isaiah 38:8) God restores lost sources of provision: the property and assets of His faithful; He compensated Job by rewarding him with a ‘double portion’ for all his cruel and unusual loss, pain, and suffering at the testing of Satan. (Job 42:10)

God changed hearts and renewed minds and spirits of oppressors and accusers to bring about the restoration of His chosen. He did this for the very young, the extremely old, the most unlikely, the unqualified, the under-qualified, the most broken, and oftentimes the most unworthy. He did it for kings and servants, faithful prophets and unscrupulous tax-collectors, prostitutes and fishermen. God can restore your marriage to show His goodness and to show how much He loves you; He did it then and He can do it again in the future.

Believe in God; know that He does not recognize divorce, ___________. No matter how hopeless you think your circumstances are, God is the God of the Impossible, He is the God of Second Chances, He can restore your marriage. If He can defy the elements, fling stars into orbit, and create matter by His spoken word; ____________, Yahweh Rapha can heal and restore your once-happy marriage.

Chapter 4

Forgiveness for the Past

Ask God for forgiveness for the mistakes or Sins of Commission or Omission in your marriage. Take some time and examine your past and the contribution that you have made to the current state of your marriage, ____________.

Ask yourself whether you are sincerely repentant for the sins that you committed — Sins of Commission. Whether they were intentional, unintentional, careless, or just simply displayed a lack of better judgement, wisdom, and experience. This could be those hurtful things you did and said to your spouse that you are sorry for and have regrets about. It could be simple acts like throwing away a favorite T-shirt that had sentimental value to him, or not being more patient with your spouse when she went to the mall. It might have been words said in anger or out of spite. Whatever it was, you need to ask God for forgiveness for those things that you did to hurt, embarrass, belittle, ridicule, or reject your spouse, ____________.

Repent to God for the Sins of Omission — the things you failed to do. Ask God to forgive you, ____________, for the times you were indifferent, neglectful, uncaring, or selfish to the needs or afflictions of your spouse. Ask the Father to forgive you for not going to the aid of your spouse because you did not want the inconvenience or sacrifice of time, money, effort, or patience. These may include things like not ironing your husband’s shirt, not picking up an item at the grocery store for your wife, or not being more helpful with the kids. Ask forgiveness for those times you failed to help, reach out, comfort, encourage, or when you remained quiet at a time when you were supposed to speak. You may rationalize your transgression by saying to yourself that, ‘you never did anything wrong’! However, ____________, choosing not to do things for the spouse you chose ‘for better or for worse’ is exactly why it is called a Sin of Omission — you failed to act or help when you knew you could and should have.

You cannot turn back time, ____________, but through God’s grace you can correct the mistakes of the past from this day forward. Show the Lord your sincere and contrite heart for the past and ask for His forgiveness. Through the goodness of God and His love for His children, your desire to atone and your display of humility will compel God to want to restore your prodigal spouse to his or her home and family.

According to His word in Psalm 51:4 NKJV, He is the only one we sin against. The Psalmist says against You, You only, have I sinned, and done this evil in Your sight — that You may be found just when You speak, and blameless when You judge. ___________, your God is the ‘God of Second Chances’. He can and will forgive you for all wrongs you have committed in your marriage and those times you were not very loving towards your spouse. Firstly, ask for His forgiveness, then make a promise to God that you will do everything to restore your spiritual relationship with Him by pleasing Him in all that you do from this day forward.

When you ask God for forgiveness but you still don’t feel forgiven, rest assured, ____________. You are forgiven because this is what His Word says in First John 1:9 NIV; if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. By faith, accept this promise of the Bible; that God forgives you when you sincerely and honestly confess your sins to Him. God tells you this in the scripture and He wants you to believe that you are forgiven by faith. This is because our Father is a loving, forgiving God, who wants you to be close to Him so much that He sent his only son to die for your sins, (John 3:16) even though we all did not deserve it.

Chapter 5

Forgiven and Moving Forward with the fruits of the Holy Spirit

Second Corinthians 5:21 NIV says that, "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." As a result of the blood of God’s only son, Jesus Christ, you have right standing with God and you are an heir to His kingdom. (Romans 8:17) With this new cloak of righteousness given to you by the blood of Jesus, go out and live your life, ____________.

Believe in every moment of everyday that you have received His forgiveness through the blood of Christ. The Bible says in Ephesians 1:7 NIV that "…in him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins." Praise and thank the Lord, ____________, for the opportunity to walk freely in His righteousness because of the sacrifice that Jesus made to save us from eternal death. This forgiven, righteous state allows you to walk redeemed by the gift of God’s grace.

In moving forward, start by simply helping others even if you have to deny something to yourself. Try to be kind to everyone, including the people who hurt you, and even your prodigal spouse, ____________. Be your best; not just for the approval of your spouse, but because of your love for and your desire to maintain your relationship with God.

Now that you’re moving forward with your life, begin using and experiencing the fruits of the Holy Spirit. Be Joyful, knowing that your God moves mountains and will move Heaven and Earth to restore your marriage, ___________. He will turn your sorrow into joyful praise because of the loving, caring person that He is. Let Peace reign in your mind as you Let Go and Let God work supernaturally over your situation. Walk in the knowledge that God will rescue (you), just because He delights in (you) (Psalm 18:19 NIV), despite the sinful nature of Man. Psalm 145:9 NIV reminds you that the Lord is good to all; He has compassion on all He has made. He sees your tears and He hears your cries, ___________. Be at peace with His promise to be compassionate towards you. Be Patient as your Father says in Psalm 27:14 NKJV, "Wait on the Lord, ___________; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, ___________, on the Lord!" He will strengthen your heart and give you the patience to Stand during this season until your marriage is restored.

The Holy Spirit will endow you with the fruit of Faithfulness allowing you to walk in confident trust of His nature and His promises in the Word. Show faith in God because of His promises and works in the Bible. Let Humility allow you to still be kind and giving in the midst of your challenging circumstances. Give, ____________, not only to those who love and are kind to you, but to those who may not deserve it as well. Have faith that Father God sees your kindness towards others in spite of your circumstances and He will reward you for your selfless deeds.

The Holy Spirit will anoint you with Self-Control too. Have no fear about not being able to do what the Lord tells you to do or say, ____________ because the Father has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV) Simply welcome the Holy Spirit into your day, situation, and life, ___________. His fruits are enough to empower you to Stand while you allow Him to restore your marriage.

Lastly, but most importantly, ask the Holy Spirit for an anointing of the fruit of Love. Guard the love that you spent years investing in your spouse, ____________. Don’t let harsh words tied to old behaviors or the carnal beckoning of the flesh make you forget that this is your ‘other half’ and the father or mother of your children, ___________. Remember to always express love to your husband or wife in every interaction, despite the way they may treat you. Guard your words and thoughts concerning your prodigal spouse, ___________. This is to prepare that welcome mat for his or her return and to let him or her know that your old, negative ways no longer exist; you are a changed man or woman, and you have been renewed by the Holy Spirit. Psalm 37:4 NLT reminds you to take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart’s desires. This desire that you have is for your husband or your wife to return home, ___________. Pray that your prodigal sees the loving, forgiving nature of God and His son Jesus Christ through your words, behaviors, and actions.

Remember also to always be an example of love for your children. They will learn how to love and forgive others by observing the way you talk with and about your spouse. Let your children see that you have forgiven and truly still love their father or mother despite his or her past treatment, his or her absence, and his or her behavior towards you in the midst of this current situation, ___________. Remember to always extend this same love to others whether they are your family, friends, in-laws, or co-workers. Let love, ____________, govern your words, thoughts, and behaviors with everyone who may come into contact with.

Chapter 6

Hedges and the Precious Blood of Jesus

There is no protection greater than that offered by the heavenly resources of God. These resources include Hedges and the Blood of Jesus Christ. You can use your authority to deploy these defensive weapons to protect you, your prodigal spouse, your marriage, and your family. Depend on God’s protective armor to shield you in this Standing season.

You can ask God, ____________, to place a Hedge of Thorns around you and your prodigal spouse. Hosea 2:6 NIV says that just as He did with Israel, God can ‘block’ paths with ‘thorn bushes’ and He can ‘wall’ individuals in. This will combat every and all ways that you or your spouse are attacked by temptation, distractions, or influences that will take you outside of God’s will for your marriage.

This Hedge of Thorns can prevent access by your prodigal to temptations, strongholds, addictions, and vices. When asked, God dispatches His heavenly angels to erect walls that block access to and interference by distracting and divisive persons, places, or things. These include work demands, substances like alcohol and drugs, questionable companions, invasive technology, pornography, and secular distractions. These external influences can tend to set up strongholds in you and your prodigal’s hearts to become idols. So call forward these hedges and walls by the authority given to you