By His Grace: Delivered from Jezebel

By Sandy Rivers

Trapped in a game of cat and mouse, Sandy Rivers existed as a battered wife emotionally, physically and psychologically for over 25 years. Prayer, adherence to the word of God, and a strong loving bond between she and her sons, kept her alive through the violence that nearly took her life. Sandys story brings her through devastating personal sufferings that include, bouts of depression, 3 strokes, 2 pacemaker surgeries, experimental brain surgery, raising a special needs son who survived 18 life threatening surgeries, the death of another son in a tragic accident, along with caring for a sickly husband oppressed by the spirit of Jezebel. Sandy weaves supportive scripture with prayers around a story so intriguing and heartbreaking that she manages to touch the hearts of abused women everywhere. The book contains practical insights in how to remain in a challenging marriage while encouraging those who choose to leave their abuser.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Mar 14, 2013
• ISBN: 9781477288962

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© 2013 by Sandy Rivers. All rights reserved.

The author guarantees all contents are original and do not infringe upon legal rights of any other person or work. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without the permission of the author. The views in this book are not necessarily those of the publisher.

Published by AuthorHouse 01/25/2013

ISBN: 978-1-4772-8898-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4772-8897-9 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4772-8896-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012921252

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All scripture The American Standard Version of 1901

This work is not copyrighted. It is in the Public Domain. You may copy, publish, print, perform, memorize, recite, distribute, give away, sell, and use it freely. You may not claim that it is your own copyrighted work or in any way infringe on the rights of others to use this work.

The information contained in this book is in no way to be considered a prescription for any ailment. The prescription of any medication should be made by a duly licensed physician.

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Foreword      A Prayer to My Heavenly Father

Chapter One      Prayer

Chapter Two      Jezebel’s Tongue

Chapter Three      Prayers Avail Success

Chapter Four      The Power of the Tongue

Chapter Five      Jezebel—Both Male and Female And Stockholm Syndrome

Chapter Six      Breaking Generational Sins and Curses

Chapter Seven      The Secret Revealed

Chapter Eight      The Power of Prayer and The Wilderness

Chapter Nine      YHVH’s Promises

Chapter Ten      Sexual Abuse

Chapter Eleven      The Toilet and The Mind

Chapter Twelve      Bad Fruit Good Fruit

Chapter Thirteen      Never Give Up Never Surrender

Chapter Fourteen      Unconditional Love

Chapter Fifteen      Pride Comes Before The Fall

Chapter Sixteen      Jealousy: A Destroyer of Families and Souls

Chapter Seventeen      Evil Loves Information

Chapter Eighteen      Who Will You Call?

Chapter Nineteen      Love Yourself

Chapter Twenty      A Prelude to Our Body Temple

Chapter Twenty-One      My Heart Belongs to YHVH

Epilogue      By His Grace

Appendix A      Prayer List

Appendix B      The Name of God

Faith is allowing your soul to

go beyond what your

eyes can see.

For we walk by faith, not by sight.

2 Corinthians 5: 7

Dedication

I dedicate this book to my sons, Daniel and Phillip, who endured and overcame such harsh and brutal behavior inflicted by their dad. It is a miracle they are as well adjusted as they are. I praise YHVH for helping them remain steadfast in their beliefs and faith. I thank them for praying with me, for me and encouraging me throughout this tumultuous time in our lives.

Acknowledgments

I thank YHVH for my childhood friend and sister in Y’shua, Belinda, for being in my life all these years. We shared our joys, our pain, the birth of our children and nursing husbands with extreme health challenges. I like to thank Carmen, Sherry, Becky, Shirley and Lynn for being a part of the intercessory prayer group and for their prayers. I praise YHVH for Nancy, Nona, Kathleen, Reyyna and Elizabeth all who entered into my life after the death of my husband. Thank you for opening your hearts and making me a part of your lives. Thank you for your labor in prayers to YHVH on me and my son’s behalf. I would also like to thank my twin sister, Julie and her heart of being a servant for YHVH. I thank YHVH for reuniting me with my cousins Lynn, Karen and Carol after many years apart. Their prayers have kept me in the arms of Y’shua and have served to continually bathe me in His presence and place me before Him in His throne room.

I want to thank Carrie Stiles executive director of Stringer Literary Services and a 25 year veteran of the writing and business world. She is an avid researcher, writer, editor, and works on contract for aspiring writers in most genres. Carrie provides ghostwriting services for book outlines and full-length books, editing services, develops Continuing Education courses for industry, and more. You can contact her through http://www.stringerliteraryservices.com/ for a free consultation.

Special heartfelt thanks goes out to my baby sister Rosemary having gone through the devastation in New Jersey stepping in and assisting me at the last minute putting her business aside [e-mail] and helping me in finalizing this unique book of love to women and men of abuse everywhere.

Finally, with much love and gratitude I wish to thank a special husband and wife team, who have asked me not to mention their names, for their unconditional love, service and spiritual guidance.

Introduction

YHVH is so great that His love for us is unconditional. There isn’t anything He would not do for us. I came to realize at a very early age that He loves us and that He wants nothing but the best for us, as well as divine health. He wants us to love ourselves and take care of our bodies since the Ruach Hakodesh (Hebrew for Holy Spirit) dwells within us.

All the years I was married I knew that no matter what, I had to take care of my family, what food they were to eat, what they watched on TV, their friends etc. As caring nurturing women, it is in our DNA to care for our loved ones, but how true are we when it comes to taking care of our health? This is an honest yet serious question and I want each and every woman reading this book to really think about it. When was the last time you took action to care for your own body, your mental outlook, and to be good to yourself?

I thought I was taking care of myself while I lived with Ben, my husband. However, these last four years have been life changing for me, because I am left with the job of caring for myself while in personal recovery. There is an old saying: doctors make terrible patients. I am not a medical doctor, but I do accept the gift of Healing that YHVH has given me.

Although I started writing a book several years ago entitled Our Body Temple, after having taught on it since 1996 while living in Nashville, TN and on my Radio show entitled Our Body Temple I thought YHVH would say publish Our Body Temple." But His ways are not our ways. Under the direction of the Ruach Hakodesh (Holy Spirit) I started writing this book just seven weeks after my husband’s death as therapy. Little did I know it would turn into the book you are reading. I believe YHVH has allowed these illnesses so I could understand and have empathy for people who are ill at the mind, body, spiritual and soul level. The best teacher is one who has lived what they teach.

I have been trapped in a game of cat and mouse for 33 ½ years of violence and battery compounded by severe mental and physical challenges that nearly took my life. With long hours of laboring prayer and supplication to YHVH, adherence to the Word of YHVH, and a strong loving bond between me and my sons, I know we survived through the violence. While reading this book you will be taken on an emotional rollercoaster for if not for the grace of YHVH I would not be here with you today to share my deepest and darkest secrets of my life. By His Grace my story will bring you through devastating personal sufferings that include, bouts of depression, 3 strokes, 2 pacemaker surgeries, 33 ½ years as an abused wife, experimental brain surgery, six visits to the emergency room, raising a special needs son who survived 18 life threatening surgeries, the death of another son in a tragic accident, along with caring for a sickly husband oppressed by the spirit of Jezebel which lead us down a dark ally of madness.

In the book I will share with you prayers given to me during the past 33½ years in my darkest hours which I wrote and prayed back to YHVH many, many times as the Spirit lead me. In addition, I have weaved supportive scriptures given to me by the Ruach Hakodesh around a story so intriguing and heartbreaking but true. I pray my life experience will touch the hearts of abused women everywhere. The book contains practical insights in how to remain in a challenging marriage while encouraging those who choose to leave their abuser.

There is hope in Y’shua. Today, I am free from the control, criticism, servitude, and emotional stress, psychological and physical abuse. I am happy and free to worship YHVH and rise to the calling He has always had on my life. While living under such oppression I could not realize His destiny for me. I look forward to many new possibilities and to the creation of new and exciting memories. I pray and thank YHVH that I can choose to remember the good memories and that, in time, the bad memories will fade. I can now hold on to my dreams and trust that YHVH will bring them into fruition. So please join me on this journey By His Grace.A

A   You will encounter throughout this book the use of the Father’s Sacred Name. I have chosen to use the English letters YHVH as representative of the Hebrew tetragrammaton yod, hey, vav, hey, spelled right to left in Hebrew הוהי. Additionally, I have employed the use of Y’shua used for the Messiah, and our Saviour Jesus. An apostrophe is used after the Y to allow the reader to conclude for themselves the exact pronunciation of the Messiah’s name in Hebrew (Yahshua or Yeshua are the most common renderings). I also used the Ruach Hakodesh the Hebrew name for Holy Spirit. As warranted I used YHVH and Elohim (known as Master) in place of Lord. Appendix B of this book will provide further details of the journey the Father has revealed to me through research on this subject. As a personal preference throughout this book you will see I used Elohim in place of Lord, the Lord (dropping the). I pray no one will be offended for it is not my intention. This is how I personally transpose the Word in my mind when reading, praying and speaking. I would like for all of you to remember the purpose of this book is dealing with spiritual warfare and spousal abuse and its’ various forms.

Foreword

A Prayer to My Heavenly Father

Blessed be Your Holy Name

(1) I will praise you YHVH at all times; Your praise is always on my lips. I dedicate this time of prayer to you YHVH, and I ask that You bless this book. May the anointing of the Ruach Hakodesh (Holy Spirit) fall upon the readers of this book and that they will be able to pray and pour out their hearts to You. (2) You have called me by name and know me personally; so as I humble myself, pray and seek your face, heal my circumstances. Thank you Father, that You have blessed me in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Y’shua the Messiah. You chose me before creation to be holy and blameless in Your sight, in love, and predestined me to be adopted as Your daughter. (3) As the deer pants for streams of water, so I thirst for You, YHVH. (4) You let me rest in your green pastures. When I am weary You lead me to calm refreshing water. (5) You give me new strength and lead me onto righteous paths for Your name’s sake. (6) You plant me like a tree by streams of living water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither, but whatever I do prospers as I follow You. (7) Father YHVH I draw near to you; please draw near to me. (8) Thank You, YHVH that You hear my prayers as I pray in Your will.

(9) Father YHVH You tell me to ask and I will receive, seek and I will find, knock and the door will be opened to me. (10) As I delight myself in You, I believe that You will give me the desires of my heart. But, Father, if what I desire is not in your will, cancel my request and change my heart to thy will. (11) Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, YHVH. (12) I dress myself today in your armor that I might be able to stand strong in You, with the belt of truth tied around my waist and I put on the breastplate of righteousness to protect my heart. On my feet, I wear the Good News of peace to help me stand strong and ready. I use the shield of faith with which I can stop all the burning arrows of the evil one. I accept YHVH’s salvation as my helmet, and take up the sword of the spirit, which is the Word of YHVH. I will pray in the spirit with all kinds of prayers, asking for everything I need.

(13) Father YHVH I will not worry because You are with me and You will help me and make me strong. You will support me and save me with your mighty right hand (14) Thank you, YHVH that You have assigned angels to watch over my loved ones; and me to protect, guard and rescue us wherever we go. (15) I stand in faith on Your promise that as I diligently seek you, I will find you.

(16) Father, my Father YHVH, fill me with complete understanding of your will for my life and bless me with spiritual wisdom and understanding so I may always please you. Help me to continually doing good and kind things for others. Strengthened with Your glorious power so that I will have all the patience and endurance I need. May I be filled with joy and thankfulness that you have enabled me to share the inheritance that belongs to YHVH’s holy people, who live in the light. May Your forgiveness, compassion, grace and mercy cover me today YHVH, as we walk together.¹ I love you in Y’shua’s name Amen!

My husband, Ben, and I met at church when we were just 16. He had such kind and beautiful eyes. He was very shy but loved to laugh. I remember how he brightened my day. My mother invited him to my Sweet Sixteen birthday party. Ben sat all by himself in the living room on my mother’s plastic covered couch. A girlfriend of mine, Melinda, said, Sandy you better get in there and speak to Ben or else YHVH will punish you and you’ll wind up marrying him one day. I could not have known then how prophetic her words would turn out to be, just 5 1/2 years later we were married.

Its’ strange how Melinda’s then innocent words seemed to predict a series of events that so affected my life, that it would eventually become completely unrecognizable from the hopes I had for myself as a young woman. Like most young girls, I always dreamed of my knight in shining armor coming along, sweeping me off my feet and rescuing me from my drab, dull existence. Little did I know that the type of rescuing Ben had in mind would drag me down a cruel path of physical, emotional and verbal abuse. Throughout the 33 ½ years of our marriage I fought to find deep truth and meaning in Y’shua while living in this confused mess. This was a marriage where I literally and symbolically walked on glass for decades, but all the while YHVH was there teaching me, protecting me and suddenly lifting up my spirit when I thought I was in the darkest pit of despair.

I pray all women and even men who read this book, and who are living in a relationship with an abuser as I did, will gather the strength to rise above and seek the Father’s direction on what to do. My choice was to stay; your choice may be different. But whatever you choose, please know that YHVH never intended for any of us to live in torment or to have the lives He destined for us to live, be altered and abused by the Jezebel spirit or any other spirit. Try to remember that whatever you decide, it will affect both you and your children. If your environment is unsafe, you owe it to them and to yourself to get help.

You will learn how I worked to overcome the pain and affliction wrought by this evil spirit, Jezebel. So join me as we discover together how I survived and how YHVH delivered me BY HIS GRACE.

Chapter One

Prayer

I remember my wedding day as if it were yesterday. My cousin, Shirley, opened up her home to me and my bridesmaids to prepare for the big day. We were all standing in front of the mirror putting on our make-up and laughing. Excitement was in the air and my mother presented me with something new, something borrowed and something blue. Then she pulled me aside for that mother-daughter talk. As I braced myself for those words of wisdom, I thought, Oh no, not the-pleasing-your-husband-that-night talk. But instead of that, she said, Those who pray together stay together. Remember don’t ask the Father to change Ben if something is not right—for change must first begin with you. YHVH sees things we don’t. I love you and I want nothing but the best for you.

I received her words quite literally. Self-examination had always been part of my habit. The calling on my life as an Intercessor began when I was just 5 years old; even then I took great pleasure praying quietly on my bed—just talking to YHVH about things that happened in my daily life, asking Him questions with discernible answers and asking Him to help me with things. I noticed even then that YHVH answered my simple child-like prayers so different from the deep and complicated prayers of my adult life. But even then He showed me His awesome power. I loved being with my Elohim and spent a lot of time talking to Him.

I remember there were many times when my Aunt Mamie, who was my guardian and step-mother, would say Sandy what are you doing in your room—you need to go outside and get some air.

Sometimes, I would hear her say to my step-dad, It’s just not natural, Sterling. She should be outside playing. Instead she is in her room; only God knows what she’s doing. But my dad would always say, Mamie, leave her alone, it’s alright. She’s happy. I was baptized at 10 years old with my cousin Karen.

Years later, in 1980, after learning more truths I was born again, and received the indwelling of the Holy Spirit and evidence of speaking in tongues. I became interested again in the torch of intercessory prayer and began learning what I call the Ultimate Love Language. I didn’t know at the time that learning my ultimate love language would literally take me years to mature. This is because I had to first learn to die to self. It was painful, but as I began to let go of me, the richness of my prayer language began to develop. I also learned that I had to humble myself before my Father, YHVH, before any miracles could take place.

For me to achieve this I had to first learn to let go of the past and all the pain associated with it. As different challenges arose in my marriage, raising and rearing three sons, and serving an unpredictable, abusive, yet occasionally loving husband, I found something wonderful happened to my heart when I stood in the gap with prayer and supplication for my marriage and my sons. It was during these times that the ultimate love language kicked in and the bitterness and frustration in my heart would melt.

By being faithful to YHVH, I was able to put aside all the hurts and pains I endured in my marriage. I learned the more I prayed for my husband, I found an amazing ability to love him through the hurts he inflicted upon me and our children; for I was finally able to love him as YHVH loved him. This can happen because when we pray we enter into YHVH’s presence and throne room where he fills us with His spirit of love. Therefore, when I prayed for my husband, the love of YHVH was able to grow more robust within my spirit. Prayer really is the ultimate love language.

I found that speaking to YHVH as I did in childhood, was more like simply carrying on a person to person conversation, served to change my heart over time. Talking to YHVH about Ben in this way became an act of love that melted the walls I had placed around my own heart to protect myself from being abused. In this long trial, which I call my wilderness; YHVH taught me how to love the unlovable. It was a change I needed.

In a normal marriage, it is important for a husband and wife to stay united. When we are not united, everything falls apart. According to the scriptures, women need love, and men are commanded to love us, but men need respect. The unity is strengthened when both the man and the woman get that great need met through the actions and obedience of one another.

Early in my marriage, I didn’t quite realize Ben was abusing me. I was actually blaming myself for his actions towards me. I thought I was somehow inciting him to abuse me, probably because Ben always blamed me for how he treated me and our children. What women have to realize is that there is a difference between living with someone with normal faults (we all have them) and making normal adjustments, and living with an abuser. But if you make the decision to stay in such an environment, as I did, you still need to follow the path of Y’shua and learn to love the person as YHVH loves them. Not loving or condoning their actions, mind you, but loving the person inside, the one YHVH intended.

At the time, I had nothing but prayer to get me through. Here is a prayer that I received from the Ruach Hakodesh (Holy Spirit) during the early days of my marriage. It taught me how to love Ben for the person YHVH created him to be, not the person he chose to become. In order to do this, I had to learn to love YHVH’s creation. This prayer is about the self-development we all need, regardless of circumstances, in order to be the person the Father intended us to be.

Change My Heart YHVH!

September, 1980

Father, YHVH, I praise your holy name. I thank you and ask you to help me be a good wife. Please remove selfishness, impatience, and irritability and turn them into kindness, long-suffering, and the willingness to bear all things. Father I release the hardness of my heart and take my old emotional habits, mindsets, automatic reactions, rude assumptions and self-protective stance, and make me patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle and self-controlled.

Father, YHVH, take the hardness of my heart and break down the walls with the blood of Y’shua. Father give me a new heart and work in me your love, peace, and joy. Galatians 5: 22-23 "²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ meekness, self-control; against such there is no law."

Please show me where there is sin in my heart with regard to my husband. I confess the times I’ve been critical, angry, disrespectful, or unforgiving toward him. Help me to put aside any hurt, anger, or disappointment I feel and help me to forgive him the way You do—totally and completely, with no looking back. Make me a tool of reconciliation and heal my marriage. Teach me how to pray for my husband and make my prayers your true ultimate love language for where love has died, create new love between us. Show us what unconditional love really is and how to communicate it to each other in a way that we can clearly understand.

Make me a new person, YHVH. Give me a fresh and positive outlook and a renewed relationship with my husband; my true love. Help me see him with new eyes, new appreciation, new love, new compassion and new acceptance reaching and achieving the ultimate love language in Y’shua’s name. AMEN!

This prayer was given to me in 1980 shortly after I was born again. I recall it was just after this that the harsh reality of verbal abuse reared its ugly head in the form of the Jezebel spirit.

I know you have read books about how the Jezebel spirit has great strongholds in many churches, most prominently in the religious sector. While that is true, you need to know the Jezebel spirit can and does exist in men. Men who were psychologically and emotionally injured at an early age through generational sin combined with physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse passed down from generation to generation. It is also in women, who have gone through similar deep traumatic events in their lives, as well as through witchcraft, SRA (satanic ritualistic abuse) and other abuses that result in a lack of control; all of which opens the door for this demonic spirit to enter.

Jezebel and other negative spirits can also find their way into human beings through psychic readings, tarot cards, Harry Potter books that depict fantasy, witches and warlocks etc., Ouija boards and other doorways. But control and manipulation in a person, not the kind that comes as a result of over-loving and spoiling, but the kind that results in clinical diagnoses such as borderline personality disorder, for example, is the direct result of severe abuse in childhood.

When a child loses control over his own body as the result of rape, incest, severe beatings (not hand to butt spankings), or torture in some form, the child draws inward to avoid becoming vulnerable and will lash out later on at the intimate partner. This is because psychologically, the child’s abuser was intimately involved with the child and in adulthood the abused child has learned to hate all intimate partners. Why, because the child has learned that intimate partners cannot be trusted and they mean them severe harm. This is one reason for spousal abuse. Understanding this may help you understand your abuser and help you pray for them. It may also help you leave the environment if you are looking for the strength to do that because there are only two ways an abuser will change—years of psychological counseling or a miracle of YHVH. They cannot do it on their own.

We, as believers, must guard our hearts, spirits, souls and minds thus keeping them focused on YHVH. We must choose wisely what we allow to enter into our spirits and those of our children. The power of the tongue (words) speaks life or death and we must use it wisely. Our actions towards ourselves and others can have lasting spiritual effects. This is why abuse is so destructive.

I did not abandon my marriage despite the abuse. I held steadfast to my vows, even to the point of nearly dying three times. I have few regrets about my decision, today, and I am glad to say that I am at peace with the outcome of my life as I write this book. I realize my journey will help others, for it shaped me in spiritual ways that I don’t’ believe could have happened without my choice. I paid dearly for that choice, but if one person is helped by reading this book, then for me it was worth it.

You see, YHVH did deliver me, but not as I thought and prayed He would. I wanted Ben and me to ride off happily into the sunset together, growing old together, enjoying our grandchildren and other wonderful things that were not to be. Isn’t that what we all want? But YHVH’s way is always perfect and I couldn’t be the only one desiring these things Ben had to want them too. I always wanted to believe that he wanted that with me underneath it all, but as I found out later, he did not.

YHVH allows free will and will not bring that miracle of healing and change in your husband unless your husband wants to be changed. He can only change you. I am grateful for the life He gave me because it was one with Him at the core and my dying daily to my flesh. As much as I hated the psychological, emotional and physical abuse, without Ben, I might not have gotten as close to YHVH as I am today.

Ben passed away in 2012. I have not questioned why YHVH called my husband home to be with Him. Instead, I have accepted His will in the matter. I know my husband is with Him because when one is facing the end of their lives, the experience can be soothed by clinging to these few words: Love YHVH with all thine heart and with all thine understanding. If you have done that