The Prodigal Writes From His Heart

By Bob Steinkamp

Are you just beginning your journey toward marriage restoration or have you been on this journey for some time? You will be blessed and encouraged by the daily devotionals written through the years, by former prodigal, Bob Steinkamp. Bob will answer many of your questions. Bob writes devotionals from personal experience and shares from his heart the feelings and emotions of having a relationship with another woman, while his wife was praying for him to turn his heart to the Lord and then back to his family.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.
• Release date: Jul 27, 2012
• ISBN: 9781452428765

Book preview

THE PRODIGAL WRITES FROM HIS HEART

ISBN 1-892230-27-5

By Bob Steinkamp

Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.

Post Office Box 10548

Pompano Beach, FL 33061 USA

http://rejoiceministries.org/

All rights reserved under International Copyright Law. Contents may not be reproduced in whole or in part in any form without the express written consent of the publisher.

Scripture Quotations are from the King James Version or the Holy Bible, New International Version. Copyright 1984, International Bible Society. Used by permission.

Published by Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.

Smashwords Edition

Copyright © 2011 by Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.

This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

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Dedicated to our children and their families,

Tim, Patti, Allyson and Madison

Scott, Lori, Kayla, Kyle, Ryan and Ashley

Tom, Kathleen, Samantha and your unborn child

Bob’s desire was for our children and grandchildren to not live through the generational curse of divorce in their lifetime and future generations.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Acknowledgements

Introduction

I Hate Divorce

Choose To Believe

God, Change My Spouse

A Quick Start Guide To Standing

How Did We Get To This Point?

Deep Regrets

A Situation Like Mine

Overlooking The Obvious

Why Didn’t You Marry The Other Woman?

A Stander’s Makeover

Reminders

Situational Standers

The Dow Of Standing

Reporting On Standing

Be More Considerate

18 Signs That Something Is Happening!

There’s No Place Like Home

To Be Like Jesus

The Prodigal’s Guilt And Shame

You Shall Not Steal

The One - Minute Window

Monday Morning Quarterbacks

What Have You Done With Jesus?

The D Strain Virus Is Spreading

The Super Bowl Ticket Booth

Building Codes

What Do You Believe?

The Church Choice

A Line In The Sand

Standing Before The Mirror

Getting Over The Other Person

Blue

Avoiding Blowouts

We Need Help Now!

In Times Like These

Underground

False Starts

The Letter From A Prodigal Spouse

Go Home

Road Hazards

How Much Do You Trust God?

Powerful Shoves And Gentle Nudges

Together

Have You Diluted Your Stand?

The Lord’s Hospital

A Blooper Blessing

Satan’s Secret Weapon

Two Ways To Travel

The Prodigal’s Foremost Desire

Powerless

You And God Alone

Bookends

Stander Therapy

It Is Hard For A Prodigal When . . .

The Longest Mile

At Golden Pond

What Would Be Different?

Holiday Devotionals

A Valentine’s Gift Guide For Prodigals

They Saw And Believed (Easter)

An Open Letter To Dads (Father’s Day)

Testing The Waters-Something To Ponder (Christmas)

Christmas I Trouble (Christmas)

Walking On Eggshells (Christmas)

Make It Or Break It (Christmas)

Be Consistent (New Year’s Eve)

Meet The Steinkamps

The Greatest News

Ten Sources Of Help

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

How can anyone say Thank You to someone who picked up the baton and went running with it to the finish line? I am writing about our daughter, Lori who has been working for our ministry part-time for the past eleven years.

Every week we receive emails and letters saying how much Bob’s Tuesday’s Devotionals mean to them. One day I said to Lori, I believe we are to compile many of Dad’s devotionals in a book. Lori, who is so much like her father being so efficient and driven like her dad accepted the book project and compiled many of Bob’s devotionals that are not in other books. Lori has since learned all the steps to starting and finishing a manuscript.

Kim Abegglen is no stranger to the process of getting a manuscript from our minds to the printer, as she has helped with many of our books. This one is no exception. Kim worked tirelessly to help see that others would be able to be blessed by the many devotionals that Bob has penned through the years.

Julie Bell, a Rejoice Marriage Ministries Board member has also worked on many books for us over the years. Julie again offered her expertise to help proof and edit Bob’s manuscript this year. What a blessing to have Julie work with us on another one of Bob’s books.

Amy Allen has become a friend of our family as we have grown close to her husband, Steve, an Associate Pastor and friend to our daughter, Lori and her husband, Scott. Amy is more than qualified to edit and proof our books and she is always willing to jump in and help complete the task.

Kathleen Steinkamp and Renee Bush spent hours checking scriptures to make sure that no mistakes slipped through the cracks.

A special thanks to Kirk at Kingdom, Inc. who took Lori’s vision for the cover artwork and created a masterpiece.

May the Lord bless each of you for all your help; you were an answer to my prayers.

Charlyne Steinkamp

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INTRODUCTION

In 1985, after years of playing church and a turbulent marriage, my dad, Bob Steinkamp, finally left home for the last time. My mom, Charlyne, thought that a divorce would be the fix to the years of abuse and unfaithfulness.

It wasn’t long after their divorce that the Lord used a Christian singing group visiting our church to plant the seed of restoration in my mom’s heart. This couple told of their troubles and how the Lord changed them and restored their marriage.

At this time, my dad was involved with another woman and he had no intention of coming back home. That day, my mom invited him to go with her to the evening service and hear this couple speak. Of course, he declined, thinking she must have lost her mind.

That day started a journey of restoration for my mom, first with the Lord, then with her husband. She began to see Bob how the Lord saw him, not as the wretched sinner he was. She also began to get herself in a right relationship with the Savior, knowing that until Christ was the center of her life, her relationships couldn’t be pure.

As you can imagine, my dad was not thrilled to hear my mom was standing for their marriage to be restored. Frankly, my brothers and I were not either. In time, we saw the change the Lord was making in my mom’s life and we knew something bigger was at work.

Two and a half years after their divorce, my dad came home suddenly. It was so sudden that he had to call the other woman that night and explain he would not be over for dinner because he remarried his wife earlier in the day.

That day a journey of healing began that was later birthed into Rejoice Marriage Ministries. Rejoice Marriage Ministries exists to help others see that God does heal hurting marriages.

My dad always had a heart for the prodigals, because he was once right where they are. He knew the pulls that are felt toward sin and the pulls that are felt toward home.

Each week, we receive many emails that state what an encouragement the daily Charlyne Cares devotionals are to men and women who are standing for the healing of their broken marriage. Over the years, my dad has penned many devotionals. Many of these emails state that the Tuesday, Prodigal’s Perspective, written by Bob, is just what they needed to hear that day.

After my dad’s death in December 2010, it became apparent that the Lord was not done using my dad’s words to minister to others. We received numerous requests to continue the Prodigal’s Perspective devotionals. My mom felt the Lord was telling her that we should put together one more book of devotions written by a former prodigal.

From that conversation, A Prodigal Writes From His Heart, was birthed. I have had a wonderful time reading the hundreds of devotionals that my dad has written through the years as we chose a few for this book. My dad had a way of telling stories that draw you in, but he was also always transparent in regards to his former life in sin.

My prayer for you is that you will see through my dad’s life that we do serve a God of miracles. We serve a God who wants to change each of us into His likeness for His glory.

As you will see through this book, after my parents' remarriage, it didn’t mean the end of tests and trials for our family. The difference was that after their remarriage, we witnessed God’s faithfulness in a way that only He could provide.

Jesus Christ loves you, and He loves your prodigal. I hope as you read through the pages of this book, you will sense His overwhelming love for your family.

God does heal hurting and dead marriages!

Lori Steinkamp Lassen

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I HATE DIVORCE

"You must obey my laws and be careful to follow my decrees. I am the LORD your God. Keep my decrees and laws, for the man who obeys them will live by them. I am the LORD." Leviticus 18:4-5

It would be impossible for anyone to read the letters and email that Charlyne and I do each day and not have something change in one's heart. The devastation and destruction that the enemy wants to bring to families is beyond explanation. Every time I feel like we have heard every possible means of satanic attack, we hear of a new means of attack that is almost beyond belief.

What has changed in my heart? I hate divorce more than ever. Before you get offended that my words are too strong, please allow me to share the Word of God:

Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. I hate divorce, says the LORD God of Israel, and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith. Malachi 2:15-16

If the God I serve hates divorce, I will also. I also hate everything associated with divorce. Why would society embrace and accept with an approving wink what God clearly tells us that He hates?

I hate seeing men and women abandoned because a prodigal mate, blinded by sin, wanted to exchange responsibility for fun.

I hate hearing how the people we work with cannot pay their bills because their spouse has abandoned them.

I hate having to explain to a little guy or girl that they are not the reason their Daddy or Mama left them.

I hate seeing kids having their childhood stolen by an absent, selfish prodigal parent.

I hate seeing standers, driving old cars without even enough money to eat properly, much less to have an ounce of fun in life.

I hate hearing about a stander who does not even have a place to call home because of divorce and what some court had ordered.

I hate reading how older women have to go into the workforce for the first time. Instead of enjoying their golden years, they are struggling to get and maintain a minimal job, just to survive.

I hate learning that a stander who has serious medical problems, probably because of the stress of divorce, cannot even afford proper medical treatment or medication.

I hate knowing that male standers are prohibited from spending time with their kids as God intended, because some judge, about to go home to his own family, signed a petition without considering what it would do to the people involved.

I hate knowing that female standers have to do things God never intended for them to do such as home repairs, just to keep their dwelling intact.

I hate hearing how much fun a prodigal spouse thinks they are having after dumping their family for some young thing. (Sin is fun for a season, but there is always a great price to pay afterward, both in this life and in the eternity beyond).

I hate hearing of bad advice from counselors, family, pastors, and friends to Get on with your life, and that God has someone better.

I hate the mockery the legal system makes out of the covenant of marriage.

I hate seeing how much our people hurt.

I hate how prodigals cry when showing us photos of their beloved spouse for life who has become a prodigal.

I love prodigals to the bone and pray that God will open their eyes and send them home from synthetic make-believe worlds, such as I once lived in. I woke up today hating divorce more today than I did yesterday. It is just not right! Will you stand with me in hating divorce?

Ten Reasons to Go Home

1. You promised God on your wedding day that you would keep your husband or wife forever. Leaving them is breaking your promise to God. We need to be covenant keepers and not covenant breakers.

2. Your children are being placed at a disadvantage that will follow them all of their lives. Studies have shown they will have increased risk of everything from lower grades, to risk of going to jail, to failure of their own marriages if they are not raised by both mother and father together.

3. Divorce is a poor example to your extended family and to your circle of friends.

4. Statistically, you will live longer at home with your family with the absence of stress over divorce.

5. Divorce drastically drops the economic standard of living for both men and women. In short, you will probably have much more money at home than living apart.

6. You, your spouse, and any children will see God work in bringing you home, so that each of you can understand that no problem in the future is too big for God.

7. True happiness can be found only at home living with the person you married.

8. After individuals fall, families fall. After families fall, churches fall. After churches fall, a society falls. By doing your part in the restoration of your family, you are being a responsible member of society.

9. After you learn that God has the power to heal marriages, you and your spouse can look to Him together for any crisis your family will ever face.

10. It is what God desires, demands and expects. We gave up prayer in school and we accepted abortion. Are we going to now give up the family and accept four, five, six, (or more) marriages as normal? God have mercy!

Here’s the bottom line of your going home: Are you going to be obedient to God or are you going to continue to be disobedient? With obedience comes God’s blessing. With continued disobedience, your life will never be near all that God intended it to be.

If you fully obey the LORD your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God: You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country. Deuteronomy 28:1-3

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CHOOSE TO BELIEVE

One Monday night at Bible study, my wife used the above phrase several times in her teaching. At one point, she said something poetic by accident, You need to choose to believe. That's the only way you will be free. As often happens, she continued with part of her own testimony. It seemed almost as if she were giving each of the lines below in her teaching. The Lord started my wheels turning, and a few minutes later I shared these words with our group:

The thief came a - knocking at my front door,

So I told my spouse there would be no more.

You have the 'escape clause,’ many told me,

I expected after a divorce to be happy and free.

Something's wrong, I thought, alone each night,

But why do I hurt when divorce seemed so right?

There is something amiss here when I hurt so,

My spouse sinned, but my tears they do flow.

Over and over the Lord God attempted to talk to me,

All I could do was worry about my mate being free.

Lord, I tried and failed doing it the world's way,

What, dear God, to me can you promise, do and say?

"Dear child, you can choose to believe My way today,

Divorce is not the answer, no matter what others say.

All the prodigal spouses around - no problem for Me,

For them, My son, Jesus, bled and died upon the tree.

Today take a stand for your marriage to be made new,

With this being alone and hurting you can be through.

The path is not easy; I will lead all along the way,

After I, your God speaks to you, what can anyone say?"

So now I am a stander, with Jesus as my best Friend,

Yes, Lord, yes, I choose to believe You to the end.

I believe that my spouse is on the way home tonight,

Enemy Satan, evil one, you just lost another fight!

Friend, Charlyne and I pray that you will choose to believe as you make the spiritual journey toward a healed home. May your stand be strong, not because you have heard from the Steinkamps, but because you have heard from the Lord.

So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. Hebrews 10:35-36

I pray that today you will start the process, be it ever so slow, to develop a consistent life. That is what your prodigal wants. Remember, your beloved is not listening to how loud you shout about faith and change; the one you love is watching how straight you walk.

"I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them." John 13:15-17

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GOD, CHANGE MY SPOUSE

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. Philippians 3:7-9

Saturday morning I was reading overnight email when one grabbed my attention. The stander began her message, Today God opened my eyes. Those five words suddenly had my undivided attention. What had happened to this wife was exactly the experience Charlyne and I pray for each and every man and woman seeking marriage restoration. One more person had been touched to do things God’s way and not the world’s way.

After reading that brief message, I moved on to a number of other emails, but each one was distinctly different from that first message. The difference that made that email stand out was exactly what brought me home over 25 years ago. Please let me explain.

I was brought home, not by the changes God made in my life, because they came after the fact. I started looking toward home, first out of criticism, then out of curiosity, and finally out of conviction, because of sincere, heartfelt changes that I witnessed and heard about from our kids. These changes were taking place in my wife’s life and heart.

I know now, having read Charlyne’s journals from those days that she was praying and fasting for changes in my life. But even greater, my wife was allowing God to change her in every area.

Please do not think I am diminishing the importance of prayer in any way, but what is going to most effectively grab the attention of a sinful prodigal spouse and touch their heart: learning their sins have been laid bare on 28 online prayer lists, or witnessing real changes taking place in the heart of their one-flesh spouse?

Most of our email, especially prayer requests, deals with the change the stander is asking God to make in the life of a prodigal spouse. It is rare to receive a message where a man or woman is asking God to change them. The number of messages we receive in which someone is praising God for opening their eyes is not as common.

Apart from the first reference asking for prayer, many of the prayer requests we receive mention neither God nor the work of the Holy Spirit. Even when their mate’s faults are freely shared, any references to how the writer needs God to work in their own life are absent. What was the old saying about it taking two to tango?

What is the first step in marriage restoration? The stander must ask God to literally turn them inside out, revealing and exposing anything the Lord desires to change in every area of their being. Certainly, the stander prays and fasts for their prodigal spouse, but the focus, the main area of concern transfers from them to me. Allow God to work in your life and give Him the responsibility for your prodigal spouse.

Nothing, absolutely nothing, will attract the attention of your prodigal spouse like the Holy Spirit being allowed to work in your life. The starting point for that to happen is forgiveness. Once you have started the day to day process of forgiving your spouse, there is not much to put in an email prayer request because there is not much fault left.

Charlyne had a hundred and one reasons to hate me, starting with adultery and abuse and continuing right down through the alphabet. Nevertheless, she chose to forgive me for all the past as well as the future. The day she called me asking me to forgive her for her part in our marriage failure, was only the start of changes I would observe in the woman I had married nineteen years prior.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15

Before you attempt to run a play from my wife’s play book and fumble, be warned there is nothing we prodigals can spot faster than cries of forgiveness that are only skin deep or a relationship with Christ that is lived out in word, but not in deed. If you attempt to make minor adjustments to your life, intending that your prodigal will take them to be from the heart, the cause of your marriage restoration will be severely damaged.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:9-10

Why would anyone desire a superficial relationship with Christ or do less than forgiving from the heart and in all sincerity? Once you surrender your life to the Lord and He starts changing you, someone you love will do like I did with Charlyne and start to take notice.

Please