Losing Religion, Gaining a Friend

Every week, The Friendship Files features a conversation between The Atlantic’s Julie Beck and two or more friends, exploring the history and significance of their relationship.

This week she talks with two women who became roommates at the University of Utah, at a time when they were both questioning the Mormon faith they grew up with. After spending their young lives in tight-knit Mormon communities, they both decided to leave the Church as adults, and supported each other through the difficult transition to what they call a more “mainstream” life. They discuss their instant connection in college, the challenge of leaving behind the Church’s built-in social circle, and what it means to have a friend who has borne witness to a major evolution in your life.

The Friends

Stephanie Hatzenbuehler, 41, a therapist and social worker who lives in Hailey, Idaho
Ariane Le Chevallier, 41, a marketing director who lives in Portland, Oregon

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

Julie Beck: You were both raised in the Mormon Church—could you give me a bit of your background with the faith, and what your experience was growing up?

Ariane Le Chevallier: I was raised in Utah. I was a third-generation Mormon. Most of my friends were Mormon, my entire family is Mormon, and I was active in the Church my entire childhood. Everyone in my life was Mormon, with the exception of one friend who was Catholic. It was really all I knew growing up.

There were varying degrees of involvement in the Church, and I would