The Marriage Makeover: 10 Days to a Stronger More Intimate Relationship

By Philip Wagner

A 10-Day Plan to Turn Around Your Marriage

Does the idea that you could have a complete marriage makeover in ten days seem simplistic to you? Does it seem like an impossibility? Do you think I'm overpromising or trivializing what you are facing? You might be thinking, "Philip, do you really think people can solve any marriage problem in ten days? Give me a break!!"

Here is what I know: in ten days, you can radically change the environment of your marriage from hostile to trusting, from cold to warm, or from distant to embracing. In ten days you can drastically change the tone of your relationship and you can create the environment in which any problem can be worked on in a safe and promising atmosphere.

Whether you are here because you have run a few red lights in your relationship, or because it's a total wreck, I want to welcome you and offer you this simple encouragement: You can turn your marriage around! You don't have to do something terrible to mess up your marriage; you just have to do "nothing." Something as important as love, left to itself, can gravitate to the lowest level of passion. In The Marriage Makeover, I am going to give you ideas for refreshing ten different areas of your marriage relationship. I've structured the book with ten short chapters so that you can read one each day.

This works. It is simple, the chapters are not long, and the advice is not complicated. But that does not mean it is easy. Growth demands vulnerability and trust. You will experience uncomfortable emotions. You will face resistance. You may even question if you are getting anything out of this process, but if you give the biblically based truths in this book a chance, I guarantee you will see a change.

Put your heart and soul into this and you will not be disappointed.

FOREWORD: By Holly Wagner, bestselling author of GodChicks book series.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Authentic Publishers
• Release date: Mar 4, 2014
• ISBN: 9781780782256

Philip Wagner

Philip Wagner is the Lead Pastor of Oasis Church in Los Angeles. He and his wife, Holly, started the church in 1984 with ten people, in a home Bible study in Beverly Hills. In 2008 he founded Generosity Water, a non-profit organization committed to bringing solutions to the clean water crisis, and thus far they have funded over four hundred wells in eighteen different countries, bringing clean water and hope to over 250,000 people. Philip maintains a blog where he writes about leadership, ministry, relationships, marriage, social justice, and occasionally just living life. Visit at www.philipwagner.com. Philip speaks internationally on subjects like building healthy relationships, leadership lessons from a church in Hollywood, and social justice issues like the clean water crisis and helping widows and orphans. He is husband to one wife - Holly Wagner (the Godchick) - and father to two grown kids, Jordan and Paris.

Book preview

WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING ABOUT

The Marriage MAKEOVER

This is one of the best and most practical books on marriage I have ever read. I underlined on every page and it motivated me to put more energy into my marriage. Philip Wagner packs an incredible wealth of practical wisdom in this easy-to-read volume. If you want to rekindle your relationship and keep your marriage fresh then this book is for you. I devoured it and will pass it on to friends. Philip Wagner writes in such an authentic way. It’s like sitting down with a friend who inspires you to want to have a stronger marriage.

Jim Burns PhD

President, HomeWord

Author of Creating An Intimate Marriage and Closer

Many books make promises. The Marriage Makeover delivers. With powerful insights, personal transparency, and potent inspiration, Wagner delivers a message that will revive your marriage and enable you to enjoy your life to the fullest.

Chris Hodges

Pastor, Church of the Highlands, Birmingham, Alabama

Author of Fresh Air

In The Marriage Makeover, Philip Wagner has given something to the state of marriage it desperately needs: hope. So many have lost hope for their marriage because they have bought into the belief that they just don’t have what it takes to turn it around. This book dispels that lie. Exemplifying the phrase, simplicity is the other side of complexity, this book is as powerful a turnaround tool as I have ever seen. In the hands of those needing a fresh start, this book will breathe hope, life, and I believe, the miracle of a turnaround.

Dr. Robert Flores

Church Planter

Former President of Life Pacific College, San Dimas, California

I love to hear Philip teach on relationships. He and Holly are two of the most incredible people I’ve ever met, and I never cease to be amazed—or amused—in listening to them share their insight on the subject. Philip has done an amazing job in writing a book that is full of relationship gold, easy to read, engaging and extremely practical. This is a lifesaver for the person whose marriage is barely hanging on, but it’s also a great resource to take a good marriage to the next level or provide insight for those who may not yet be married.

John Siebeling

Lead Pastor, The Life Church, Memphis, Tennessee

Wagner’s teachings are filled with great, practical wisdom and truths in the area of marriage. As his friend, I know he practices what he preaches. As a married man, I know what he says works! I truly believe this book will help you and your spouse live out God’s heart for your marriage.

Robert Morris

Senior Pastor, Gateway Church

Bestselling author of The Blessed Life, From Dream to Destiny, and The God I Never Knew

I love being around Philip and Holly Wagner because their relationship is alive! Besides being amazing pastors, they have a lot to teach any couple about increasing the heart rate in their home. Whether your relationship needs CPR, or you are just looking for ways to improve it, Philip’s book is for you! It’s motivating … practical … and the material in it works without exception. This is what I want to tell every married couple: Get you some of this!

Rick Bezet

Lead Pastor, New Life Church, Little Rock, Arkansas

Married couples tend to think the challenges they face are unique to themselves and their situation. This book helps us realize that our problems are more common than we think. What Philip has written not only gives us hope in facing those problems, he also shows us very simple and practical steps to turn any marriage around. This is a must-read, not only for couples with marriage problems, but for everyone interested in building a better marriage. I highly recommend it!

Jeffrey Rachmat

Senior Pastor, Jakarta Praise Community Church, Jakarta, Indonesia

The Marriage MAKEOVER

The Marriage Makeover

Copyright © 2013

Philip Wagner

Cover design by Rob Williams, InsideOut Design

Edited by Stuart Warren

All scripture quotes, unless otherwise noted, are from HOLY BIBLE:

NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society.

Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are from Holy Bible, New Living Translation.

© 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189.

All rights reserved.

Scriptures marked Kjv are taken from The Holy Bible, King James Version.

Copyright © 1972 by Thomas Nelson Inc., Camden, New Jersey 08103.

Published by Authentic Publishers

188 Front Street, Suite 116-44

Franklin, TN 37064

Authentic Publishers is a division of Authentic Media, Inc.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Wagner, Philip

The Marriage Makeover: 10 days to a stronger, more intimate relationship / Philip Wagner

p. cm.

ISBN 978-1-78078-224-9

(e-book) 978-1-78078-225-6

Printed in the United States of America

21 20 19 18 17 16 15 14            10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

Foreword

Introduction: The Difference

  1. Day One: Priorities

  2. Day Two: Honor

  3. Day Three: Admiration

  4. Day Four: Trust

  5. Day Five: Forgiveness

  6. Day Six: Change

  7. Day Seven: Connection

  8. Day Eight: Play

  9. Day Nine: Needs

10. Day Ten: Dreams

11. Day Eleven: Repeat

Appendix A: The Marriage Makeover At-a-Glance

Appendix B: 10 Ways to Love Your Husband by Holly Wagner

Appendix C: What Do Men Want in a Relationship?

About the Author

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

This is the part where I’m supposed to thank everybody. Is there a rule about these acknowledgments? Does anyone read this part of the book anyway? Here’s my best effort.

I want to thank the one person who not only believes in me, but also endured me continually talking about my ideas, my whining and my lack of follow-through on my regular responsibilities. I’m talking, of course, about my wife, Holly, or as she’s known to a few thousand people, @HollyWagnerLA. You are the love of my life, my friend, my encourager, and an inspiration to me. Your passion is contagious and your energy is endless. You’re the reason I drink double cappuccinos late into the afternoon. You made this book possible.

Thank you, Holly, for sticking with me for the first 30 years of marriage, loving me, making changes in your heart and explaining things to me that should have been obvious in the first place. Thank you for staying dedicated to our marriage, which has brought me strength, healing, and given me plenty of stuff to write about. I’m proud to frequently hear, Oh—you’re Holly’s husband!

Thank you for making it clear to me that the irreconcilable differences are probably going to be there for a long time and that you are committed to me anyway, forever. (I still wish you’d let me finish my own sentences more often.)

Thanks also to my writing friends and partners, Steve Parolini, Ashley Abercrombie, and Lynette Weaver. This book would only be marginally readable if it weren’t for your contributions. I still think you were wrong about deleting the introduction, changing the POV, and re-writing the entire book in your voice. Just kidding. All your advice was brilliant. You deserve a raise, a vacation, and/or some therapy. I also want to thank anyone else I may have forgotten, who made some suggestions that I am still confident were my ideas.

Thank you to my kids Jordan and Paris, who are grown now and are busy doing their own stuff and probably didn’t even know I was working on this book.

How is this going so far? Are you still with me? Just a few more to go …

Thank you to everybody who wrote about marriage, which apparently is a lot of people. But the guys who impacted me the most are: Dr. Neil Clark Warren, Gary Smalley, Emerson Eggerichs, and Dr. Jim Burns (whom I knew before he was Dr. Jim—and knew nothing about marriage or relationships … or dating for that matter, because we were in high school).

Who else should I thank? I guess it’s a little random but I want to thank that overly energetic barista at Starbucks who kept bringing more cappuccinos to help me keep writing.

And lastly, I want to thank Rascal Flatts, Lady Antebellum, Billy Joel, and Paul McCartney, who did not help me with marriage tips, but they did write some pretty awesome love songs. I want to thank Michael Jordan for teaching me something about honor. (I’ll explain later.)

Above all, thanks to God; without His grace I would have messed up my marriage, as well as many other things in life.

Well, that should cover it. Hope you enjoy the book.

FOREWORD

I don’t think I actually fell in love with Philip.

It was more like growing in love.

I just remember my heart beating when I was with him.

I remember wanting to spend every moment with him.

I remember loving him as I put in a cassette of his newly recorded album (definitely album and cassette—not Mp3—as we are old).

I remember being inspired by his relationship with God. It just seemed so easy and so real.

I loved (and still do love) listening to him teach. He made (and still does make) the Bible seem practical and relevant.

I loved how compassionate, patient, and non-judgmental he was (and still is) with people.

I loved how he made (and still makes) me laugh. No one