I'm Married but I Feel Like I'm Single: 5 Steps to Successfully Navigating a Painful Divorce

By Pepper Bonay-Martin

This book gives a compelling account of how a young couple, both whom were ministers, had their lives ripped apart by infidelity, financial setbacks and emotional absence, leading to a lengthy separation and finally a devastating divorce.

The author also demonstrates how her faith successfully helped her rebound from extraordinary devastation to live a happy, fulfilling life enriched with new possibilities, including new love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jun 25, 2013
• ISBN: 9781927677353

Book preview

Copyright © 2013 Pepper Bonay-Martin

All rights reserved.

ISBN: 1927677076

ISBN-13: 978192767707

eISBN: 9781927677353

Cover Designed by: Craig Williams,

CEO of Craig’s Creations

[e-mail]

Edited by: Barbara King Phillips and Pat Burson

TESTIMONIALS

As a happily married man of more than 50 years to my lovely wife Juliet, I still found this book inspirational, transformational and marvelous. It was absolutely riveting! This dynamic preacher and true woman of God has opened her heart for all to see, and millions will benefit. Today’s church must embrace her and these issues that this anointed woman has had to overcome. She’s one of my precious daughters in the Gospel, and I pray that you are blessed by her transparency. The wisdom she provides is incredible, and I am thoroughly impressed by what God has done in her life.

Bishop Frank O. White,

General Board Member,

Church of God in Christ

Senior Pastor, Zion

Cathedral Church of God in Christ

Though I have been happily married for more than 50 years to the Bishop, as a woman, mother, former educator and church leader, I was touched by the tremendous amount of courage and strength she demonstrated by her willingness to be so transparent for the sake of ministry. She is gifted and a highly anointed vessel with a genuine spirit. Her transparency will help millions use this book as a guide to overcome their challenges whether they are preparing for marriage, are currently married or recovering from a painful divorce. Even single people can benefit from this book. It is well written and will provide hope for everyone who reads it.

Dr. Juliet White,

Elect Lady, Zion Cathedral

Church of God in Christ

Choices made in life define who you are and provide the framework to revisit and rewrite your narrative at any point in time.

I’m Married but I Feel Like I’m Single, is a must-read! It had me on the edge of my seat. I found it intriguing and profoundly insightful. I highly recommend it. I am certain you will find this book entertaining and helpful in making critical life decisions concerning your relationships. Get your copy today!

Dr. Renee Charles,

PhD, LCSW-R, CPC

TESTIMONIALS

From a young, single man’s perspective, this book is a must-read! It will heal your yesterday, straighten your today and guide your tomorrow. Pepper Bonay-Martin, thanks for sharing your pain. I pray that you receive God’s gain, to be rich with no sorrow.

Otis Jermaine Becoat (Odah Witness)

Poet/Spoken Word Artist

[e-mail]

Pepper gives a riveting and candid depiction of how loneliness can infiltrate a marriage.The book profoundly describes a firmly grounded Christian couple whose desire to love was simply not enough to endure the ills of marital diversions. It is a survival story of a great woman who refused to be immobilized by her pain. It is also a beautiful love story that took a wrong turn. An excellent read – an inspirational book recommended to all. The best is yet to come, Pep!

Denise Grant,

Inspirational Speaker/Writer/Community Organizer

[e-mail]

DEDICATION

First, I would like to thank God for giving me the grace and strength to complete this book. I dedicate this book to all those who have had to overcome the pain of a divorce and those who are still married but feel like they are single. I pray you find this book helpful.

Secondly, I dedicate this book to my current husband for his commitment to our life together. This year has been interesting, challenging and life-changing, and you have been wonderful throughout this whole process. I thank you for your support and love. I really appreciate your strength and loyalty. You are the epitome of velvet and steel, and I deeply value your ability to skillfully and appropriately apply both aspects of your intense character to any given situation - THANK YOU, MY DEAR!

I dedicate this book to my mother, and I thank you for teaching me how to pray and serve God. Thank you, Mommy, for raising me in the house of God. Thank you for the spiritual foundation you provided me with, and finally, thank you for your sacrifice. As a single mother, you struggled to educate me in private school throughout my whole life. You wore one green coat while I was in high school and made sure I graduated college. I pray that your investment pays off, and please know that I strive everyday to make you proud. I want God to endow me with His blessings so that I can minister effectively to others and give back to you in abundance everything that you have given. I love you and thank you for all you have done.

To my friend and sister Dr. Renee Charles: Girl, where would I be without you? You bring tears to my eyes and joy to my heart. Your walk with God is real, and your integrity is bar none. Renee, you have great character and a wonderful spirit. Thank you for all the counseling sessions and your friendship. You have truly been supportive, and I dedicate this book to you.

Denise, my baby, my darling: Thank you. Your love, admiration, and genuine support over the years have been so encouraging and rejuvenating that I do not know where I would be or what I would have done without you in my life. I dedicate this book to you as well.

FORWARD

From the very first paragraph of her book I’m Married but I Feel Like I’m Single, Pepper Bonay-Martin pulls her readers into her life. The narrative is a compelling account of a young couple’s happiness turned into a series of painful events leading to a lengthy separation and finally a devastating divorce. Though she faced challenges that would have discouraged most from moving toward fulfilling their goals, Pepper Bonay-Martin showed tremendous courage, grace and strength by choosing to regain her happiness and live the second half of her life to the fullest.

The book is a manageable length, structured simply and effectively into ten chapters. Each chapter explores challenges couples may face such as infidelity, financial setbacks, emotional absence, separation and even divorce. The chronology of events, described systematically, illustrates how this marriage unraveled and reveals the intense emotions experienced at each stage of its decline. However, Pepper Bonay-Martin demonstrates how her faith successfully helped her rebound from extraordinary devastation to live a happy, fulfilling life that is enriching and filled with new possibilities – including a new love.

There is also a brief quiz to help readers assess the status of their own intimate relationships, as well as a list of websites offering resources to help couples and families rekindle their love, maintain their love and use strategies to avoid the pitfalls that may challenge their love. If couples decide to divorce and move on, Pepper Bonay-Martin also provides clearly stated advice to help people succeed in future relationships. She gives great advice to those entering blended families.

I feel this book should be mandatory reading for couples looking to be married and for those who are already married and may be facing some difficult times. What makes this book so fascinating is that it gives in-depth, practical steps people can easily apply to their own lives if they are currently in bad relationships. Pepper’s advice is so honest and transparent that it causes her readers to intimately connect with her. Regardless of who you are, or what your relationship status is, everyone can relate to the content in I’m Married but I Feel Like I’m Single on some level. Therefore, I recommend it as a must read!

If you are married and feel like you are single, or if you are single and want to be married, this is the book for you. You may be shocked, get angry, cry and laugh. You will also learn what you can do when similar situations occur in your relationships and in your life. Pepper’s book contains strategies and techniques that will help you navigate successfully through a painful divorce. If you remain determined and consistent and follow her suggested steps, in this book, you will overcome any tragic event you experience and not waste the pain that accompanied it.

Raymond Aaron

New York Times Best-selling Author

www.UltimateAuthorBootcamp.com

CONTENTS

DEDICATION

FORWARD

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

INTRODUCTION

1 MARITAL BLISS

2 SUBTLE SLIPS ARE MAJOR HINTS

3 ROCKY ROAD

4 BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATERS

5 NO DEEDS, JUST PAPER

6 STOPPED FIGHTING, STILL HOPING

7 REDISCOVERED

8 RE-CREATED

9 LINE IN THE SAND

10 TAKE BACK YOUR POWER

MESSAGE OF FORGIVENESS

TRIBUTE TO MY HUSBAND

BONUS ASSESSMENT- the 5’s

BONUS RESOURCES

ABOUT PEPPER BONAY-MARTIN

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

To New York Times best-selling author Raymond Aaron: When I met you in Nevada, I knew we would connect in a special way that would be life-changing for both of us. I thank you for striving to fulfill your ultimate life’s goals against all odds. By doing so, you have helped so many people, and I am glad to be one of them. You are truly a special man and a rare gem. I admire your intelligence and outstanding talent. Thank you for helping me publish this book and for all you have done so far. I look forward to generating a series of successful, award-winning books under your leadership. Your staff is incredible and indeed a pleasure to work with. Without your leadership and guidance I would not be here, so thank you!

To Pastor Donnie McClurkin, Pastor Louis Mellini and the entire Perfecting Faith Church family: What would my life have been without you all, especially my ride-or-die buddies Terry and Lorrie. You all have a special place in my heart now and forever. Pastor McClurkin, thank you for the prayers, and for staying in tune with God. The anointing on your life is tremendous and unique, and I thank you for the impartation to me from you and your lovely grandmother. The experience I had at Perfecting Faith Church inspired the development of W.I.F.E. Ministries and the launching of a series of other initiatives that soon will be revealed. Thank you and Pastor Mellini for your friendship. Thank you, Terry and Lorrie, for standing by my side through it all. God bless you!

To my current pastor Bishop Frank