Sand to Silt (the 9th Fountain): The Fountains, #9

By Robert Koyich

Sand to Silt is the 9th Fountain book, though stands on its own as a philosophical piece.  The chapter titles are all R-words stemmed from the PLU8R Philosophy and credo.  The book formed in 2018 and is the third part of the book Shards of My Soul.  100% of Sand to Silt's royalties go to Water dot org.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Robert Koyich
• Release date: Feb 11, 2021
• ISBN: 9781989180112

Robert Koyich

Robert is located in Chilliwack, B.C., Canada.  He began two charitable initiatives: Providing Point that supplies reloadable grocery cards, and Chilliwack Housing Providers aiming to house people by providing rent subsidies.  The Fountains are his primary project and are closely linked to both programs.  If you would like to sign up for the Introvesial newsletter, please visit https://mailchi.mp/robertkoyich/introversial.  By signing up for the newsletter, you gain access to the digital version of Rob's book Fragments of Intent, The First Three Fountains.  

Book preview

DEDICATION

I dedicate this to the process and endurance of our work. 

For the forces of life that allow us each that we like and love, I ask for faith, hope, truth, and light to ignite a spark of PLU8R.

Responsibility

Three weeks before I started writing this Fountain book, Zeus moved into my home.  Zeus doesn’t speak English, he wants me to play more than I do, and I feel sad that I’ve not been fantastic for him so much yet.  I remind us, Zeus is my cat. 

Commitments and promises are a strange twist.  We may make promises to do things, and when locked into commitments, we also have a responsibility.  The fear I have is I may not be there yet regarding previous obligations, yet here we are we’re here.  Bookwork has me alone sometimes, and though a semi-frequent occurrence, I’ve been focused on my work again. 

Each of us is not entirely set apart from reality.  Many of us bridge and bond metapsychically, and I wonder if it’s easier not to disappoint people and stay committed to tending at home?  Home is where we cannot only feel love, though also live with respect.  Although Zeus may expect more from me than I’ve yet provided, I hope he knows I’m working for a combined future; not just our own.

Our home is Earth, and my apartment is a place for us to reside.  Adventures out of the house help remove the feeling that home is just a comfortable prison, though with Zeus locked up here, he may feel like he’s a prisoner.  When Zeus first moved here, I thought he was trying to make me his prisoner. 

When I started this Fountain, chains of addiction were still haunting.  Up to the point of writing this, the shambled embers of cigarettes helped weave the loom.  It’s almost like Voldemort when I think about specific people, and even if I may wish to never interact with them, do they want me gone?  Is it a delusion or paranoia that calls my fear? 

Differently, Mom was to visit soon.  I hope Mom becomes more appreciated for the beautiful human she is.  It’s not comfortable being human, let alone being responsible as a parent, and though it’s not so comfortable being alone, having some love helps.  Like a cat, I can be solitary, yet I need love and contact too.

When I have so much to say and have no one to talk to, I wish I could converse with my cat.  If cats honestly can’t speak English, it may feel like no one understands when all we hear is ‘meow.’  Zeus helps me learn who I am and what we think, even if I wish he could talk.

I try to comprehend what it’s like to be another, sometimes.  When there’s no potential for understanding, some preach forgiveness and acceptance, yet there must be more we can do.  I may neglect or over focus, and working with these books, it can be helpful and worthwhile to take a break.

Zeus was crunching on his kibble when I wrote this.  We didn’t have much to eat at home at that point, yet we receive appreciated support.  I want to pick up my cat and squeeze and snuggle all the feelings of love and life into him, and though not a human child, our fur babies can help teach us to be parents.

Is it easier to leave some alone and give up?  It could be.  If another gives up on us, then they don’t have to live with or tend to us through the years.  We can’t always find ways to show how and with what we’re okay, and sometimes I’m not okay.  Are you alright?

I wasn’t in a comfortable place in July 2018, though at least I had a home.  On August 8th, 2018, this Fountain’s pages began, and I felt like I should be taken away from the world; curled up into isolation so I can write and work.  I didn’t have a girlfriend, and I indeed didn’t have so many beautiful things to say or share. 

I was in a poor me state for a few months, and my faith knows that’s not the right way to live.  I’ve sometimes been low and solemn, though when I’m writing, I look towards the future and hope to build a fantastic one.  I can’t imagine it all yet.

Even when I’ve been pissed off or depressed, I live a pretty good life.  Zeus and I shall hopefully be in the same home for a few years, and an understood autonomy comes through living alone.  I hadn’t lived with anyone for seven to eight years, and it was only in July 2018 that Zeus moved in.

Some people know how to live alone, though knowing love is out there can slow a mind to a stop.  Our life is for others, ourselves, and also for the world, though some of us may want to be alone.  We can be alone without lacking love, though, and a cat is a fortunate connection to have. 

Pets are someone to squiggle out all our positive feelings of affection and kindness, though the way some are about touch, physical contact isn’t always appreciated.  Two ways to show love is through gifts and also physical touch, though I need to learn how to convey heart and happiness in other ways too.

Some of our homes are places for people to gather, and when friends have visited, Zeus has hidden away.  He could be part of the interactions, and it seems I’m in real training grounds to prepare to raise a live human being.  When I don’t understand what Zeus is saying when he meows, I can still be loving and kind and communicate. 

We can pick up people’s spirits by giving a kind word, and some people appreciate it when we offer time or service; that’s a way of providing love also.  Making the time and effort to connect can be helpful to build relationships if another is sad or depressed, and some people just need a friend.  If we only connect because we have to, though, and not because we feel happy to do so, it may not always be right. 

Differently, when we do things only because we want to and not because the other wants it, it’s not always a win for either.  We need to find more ways to interact with people that are mutually beneficial and a shared desire.

Giving someone alone or focus time is a thing to be appreciated because some people value solitude.  I’m thankful to have the time to write these books and thank many for allowing me to communicate with Earth.  I also thank you for forgiving me for being a self-focused and obsessed human.

Just because I don’t want to interact with someone or love connecting with them, it doesn’t mean they’re an adversary.  I best be cautious, though, because I’ve been awful at showing correct attention and contact sometimes.  I know we’re not necessarily intended for everyone.  I’m not against some, though I hope to learn how to interact and tell people that I prefer less contact sometimes.

Social issues are quite pervasive; we’re on Earth, and there are a lot of humans on this planet.  Going through depression, some may feel useless and unappreciated, yet each of us is one of the most crucial pieces of our life.  Without living and being through our years, there would be no us.  I may need to work, think, and process what I’d like to do, and I also need to learn how to care and not just earn for the future. 

Some people need full attention when another is with them, and it’s a good thing to give.  Paying attention to people is a way to offer kindness, and though living alone teaches autonomy, I’m keenly aware I may need contact to be okay.  We can build an extraordinary life if we want it, and my mind seems to tell me we do that.  I mustn’t give away my entire being and attention to only one person, though. 

I hope people learn to accept you more.  I know we each may be flawed beings who need to get past our issues, yet the other part of being human is we can choose to shut out everyone and everything.  We may do what we think we need to do, yet the hope is we also may grant