The Breakthrough

By Sanduni Nishaprabha

This is my truth...I wish to share my story with the world as I believe that opening up about our personal struggles would not only help us heal, but it would let somebody feel they are not alone. The struggles that we face could be unique and they are different in the gravity of burden it showers upon us. But nobody can face it alone. But most of the time, we have to face it alone. And I hope this story of mine, will inspire you to get stronger. I am imperfect, but I have faith in what I write.  

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sanduni Nishaprabha
• Release date: Oct 24, 2018
• ISBN: 9781540189929

Book preview

Introduction

We all have been stuck in a situation that hollows us out, at least once in our life. That seems like an exaggeration, cause let’s be honest, life has its way of bringing us down, one after the other. Some of us think that drowning in the pain lets us live through the predicament, some of us let time give the verdict and some of us seep into the depth of the problem and run through it, exploring every possible solution on the way. The problems we will be met with in life don’t come to everyone at the same time, and the gravity of those situations may vary from one to the other. We all have different kinds of problems, but something we have in common is; we have to survive through it. But we have a choice; either to survive or to conquer.

I am not a scholar; I am an ordinary girl who has the urge to encourage you to live your life in ways that can make you happy. This book is an expression of feelings, notions and premises that dwell in the deepest core of my heart and mind.

Years ago I would not even think of telling my personal stories to anybody, because I thought people would stigmatize the issues I talk about in here. But here I am, I’m no longer afraid to be open about things that I went through. I believe that I am not the only one. I believe that it is important to let the world know the struggles you face, because it can help at least one person in this world to know they are not alone. 

Don’t be afraid to walk alone, as long you trust in yourself.

Acknowledgment

Thanks to everyone who hurt me in my past.

Thank you for everyone who never left me in the darkest of times.

This is my Truth... And I respect the Truth...

A warrior knows where she is heading to, she is armed with her courage and confidence, nobody can stop her, nobody has to say the right thing she got to do, cause she knows it herself. She walks in her own path...

Contents

The Target

Love is Gorgeous yet Precarious

Don’t forget to Love yourself

Beauty

Coping

Be who You are

Do you feel Lonely?

Wild things

Freedom

You need a Friend

Mistakes

Role Models

Everybody Struggles

Letters

Be Grateful

Friendship

Little Things

Recovery

View Your life through Your lenses

A letter to all Teachers in life

A Letter for you

The Target

While I write this book I am thinking about a lot of things. I think about my past, my future and especially about the best chocolate in the world. I don’t really know where to start what I want to say, but I have this premise in my mind that I have already contrived. So I’ll make use of it.

When I was in Kindergarten, I was always the crying kid. I was not the Popular Kid ever. No matter what I was given to do, be it a collage or to name the letters of the alphabet, I was the first (most of the times the only) kid to cry out loud telling the teacher that I wanted to go home. I really can’t remember a day I smiled in a class group photo. I didn’t even smile at school ever. Judging by my disposition, I bet anybody can figure out my fate at school. I was the Target; the one isolated kid, the quiet kid, the one who never knew how to blend in to make friends. Life had its way of letting me down all the time. Back at Kindergarten, I was bullied by a few kids who lead me to hate them throughout my life. They used to take me behind a large bush so that nobody could see what they were doing, sometimes they took my lunchbox or interrupted while I was eating, and spent their time pinching, insinuating and disparaging me while I cried in fear. Fear ran in my blood since kindergarten. It was where it started. I was afraid to go to school, the bullies were so big and strong that it seemed they could take me by one hand and knock me down. In addition to that physical, superficial fear, another excruciating wound began to dig into my heart. The bullying didn’t solely affect the way I saw the school or the way I was getting treated, it built the cornerstone as to how I would view the world as well as how I would view myself. I watched my self-worth crashing down; shame rising above the fire of fear, a sense of loneliness crept in, pain and anger swelled up within me, but my attempts to hit the bullies never worked. They were too strong and big to surrender to my endeavors for escape. Weakness and powerlessness has a tremendous effect on our selves. When you are forced to look on and do nothing makes you sink beneath your deepest sufferings and lay down your guard. I was too powerless back then being a kid of just five years old.

Bullying takes place everywhere irrespective of age, gender, race or class. Most of the time the targets would be kids like me. There was a lion roaring inside me, trying to fight back the bullies and trying to defend myself, trying to protect every single part of me and trying to prove those kids wrong, but I also had this self filled with a tremendous sense of fear that also was a part of me. I, somehow, found this battle too cumbersome a prospect to handle and I let my lion sink beneath the powerless, vulnerable and petrified part of me and let the bullies tear away my confidence, my self-respect and induce a sense of enormous fear, a monstrous repugnance towards the world as well as towards myself. I let those strong parts of me lie beneath while I lead on the fragile part of me. I chose to surrender.

But did I have to surrender? Of course not. The only thing that forestalled me from defending myself was that I did not know a thing about how to make use of what I already had inside me that could have put those broken pieces of me back together and defend myself against those bullies. Let me tell you this, you don’t have to surrender. You can fight back, but it’s always a choice. We keep on vacillating from one end of the spectrum to the other, trying to think what we need to do get through the battles we face in life. In my opinion, you should Fight. Get on to the battlefield, let your fear fade away, weaponize yourself with the gifts of life: your strength, your confidence, your self-respect, know you are worthy enough to fight. Guard yourself. Usher yourself through the darkest of times, don’t ever let yourself go. One thing you should remember is don’t ever wait till somebody else comes to the battleground to help you fight. Honestly, nobody can win the battle for you. It is you who has to go ahead and fight. Don’t ever be afraid to defend yourself if you are right. Today, society names Defensiveness as Ignorance, Self-love  as Selfishness and Self-Respect as Conceit.  So it is crucial and it is your responsibility to discern the right from wrong. When you are met with unequivocally painful circumstances in life, you would be tempted to surrender. The excruciating situation would make you curl your roaring lion and hide it beneath the fragile self of yours. You run away from the problem. You become the victim. When society names you as the prey, you need to make sure that you defend and protect yourself, don’t ever let them engulf you and your roaring lion. Most of us, when society points at every single mistake we make and ignore all the best decisions and acts we made in life, we let them condescend every part of us. But the truth is, you don’t need to actually scream and roar in anger for what they tell, but move on, don’t let what they say affect you. You cannot change what people say, but you can change the way you react and feel about it.

You might sit next to a person who has hit her rock bottom and is broken deep within but you still may not know it, cause outward appearances are so deceptive that even a laugh could mean that you are completely happy and that you do not have a single part of a broken heart. It is the responsibility of every single one of us to be kind. I know how it feels to be so heartless and bestial when you are sinking beneath an ocean of pain, it’d be so hard to be good when you are broken. That is why we need to be concerned about loving ourselves even